SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > Other Mental Health Issues
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #151  
Old 2nd October 2017, 22:44
wd40mk17.4 wd40mk17.4 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Bournemouth
Posts: 1,561

Mood
Chatty

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

All I can say, is that I experience the same. I hope it gets better for you.
Reply With Quote
  #152  
Old 4th November 2017, 02:21
Ryjo Ryjo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Dystopia
Posts: 2,431

Mood
Alienated

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I have a working diagnosis of F61X (mixed and other personality disorders), which has been described as dissociative and emotionally unstable (borderline).

1.) How does your BPD affect you?

It could be depression, or it could be the chronic loneliness associated with my social anxiety, but I do feel severely empty and lost a lot of the time, like I don’t know who I am or what I want. Strangely, the closest I’ve ever got to feeling real is when I was drinking all day, every day, sacrificing everything for the sake of booze. Being a pissed-up waste of space felt better than being absolutely nothing. I felt like a confirmed nobody and that made me feel like a somebody and, strangely, I appreciated it. I'm prone to angry outbursts, self-harm, binge drinking, and self-destructive impulsivity in general. A few examples: I took an overdose of co-codamol while arguing with a girlfriend over the phone, I had to be physically disarmed by the police after causing several hundred pounds worth of damage to my uncle's bungalow, and I once handed a shard from a broken mirror to an angry girlfriend and told her to stab me in the throat. It's safe to say that I'm very easily upset by other people, especially when I feel that they've rejected or criticised me. I have an unhealthy habit of thinking in extremes, something which I try to challenge but often to no avail. I'm an escapist, I struggle to maintain healthy relationships, become infatuated quickly, I'm holding grudges that are older than my adult teeth, and I ended the most serious relationship I've ever had because I was scared I was going to be betrayed and hurt.

2.) How was the process of getting diagnosed?

After a bit of counselling, numerous crises and a couple of hospitalisations, it was suggested that I was suffering from a personality disorder. At one point, they considered ASPD, but now they tend to lean toward EUPD (or BPD). In fact, personality disorder was hinted at when I was as young as 15 or 16 - they're just not keen on slapping such a title on someone so young. Now that I'm a bit older and as, evidentially, I don't seem to have grown out of these incredibly dysfunctional thought patterns and behaviours, they seem more certain that I have a PD.

3.) Have you told people IRL about it? How did they react?

To be honest, the only non-professional I've extensively spoken to about it is my mum. I'm not particularly open about my mental health IRL, and even if I was, I don't have many people to talk to about it.

4.) Have you found any useful ways of coping and managing symptoms?

I'm currently receiving DBT, and I've tried a bit of mindfulness. Recently, I feel like I'm coping slightly better. Keyword: slightly
Reply With Quote
  #153  
Old 27th January 2018, 10:25
Clementine Clementine is offline
Banned at own request
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam
Posts: 2,769
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I could really do with someone to save me from myself.
Reply With Quote
  #154  
Old 27th January 2018, 16:10
Shy1987 Shy1987 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: North west
Posts: 35

Mood
Alienated

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I hate how judgmental people are about bpd. Thinking you must be dangerous if you have it I'm certainly not.
Reply With Quote
  #155  
Old 5th February 2018, 18:46
Dead Wife Dead Wife is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 702
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Fear of abandonment is such a self fulfilling prophecy, it's almost funny.
Reply With Quote
  #156  
Old 6th June 2018, 20:09
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 6
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Has anyone here with BPD managed to improve and live something at least resembling a normal life after years of instability? Be warned this may not be an easy read for some people.

I am 31 now and have only recently been diagnosed with BPD after years of being fobbed off and misdiagnosed but have displayed the symptoms since my teens. I wonít bore you with the details but my life has been a mess for a very long time. Iíve ruined so many things through my unstable and unpredictable behaviour, alienated so many different people, ruined my career prospects, ruined friendships and potential relationships etc etc. I donít want this to look like a sob story as itís my own stupid fault but Iím at a stage now where Iím close to losing everything.

Does anything actually work? They were supposed to be offering me DBT but I think they are reluctant due to my reputation as a difficult patient. Iím also male and think maybe that makes a difference as it is a diagnosis that is mostly given to women.

Although SA is, or rather was, a small part of my difficulties, thereís a lot more to it that that and I donít really fit the typical SA meek and timid stereotype. Objectively Iím not a very nice person at all and it took me a long time to admit that Iím a demanding, argumentative, histrionic attention seeker who can immediately go from being needy and insecure to vain and pompous with no apparent trigger. I can be incredibly paranoid and are convinced people either hate me or are jealous of me. I donít misinterpret situations through a lack of social skills, itís like I deliberately do it because I want to either be loved or hated Ė there is no middle ground.

I hate what I am and this is a horrible way to live, but another part of me seems resistant to change because this is the only way I know how to live. I have identity issues and donít feel like I have a set personality, instead I play a serious of different characters. I know I need help but Iím not sure where to start. Iíve been treated for anxiety in the past but it was no help whatsoever and I used to run rings around the IAPT CBT therapists they sent me too and leave them speechless.

I NEED to change, but after 15+ years of chronic instability and erratic behaviour Iím not sure what I need to do or how to do it. I donít know what anything normal feels like. Has anyone here been in this situation and made any sort of progress? Whether I want to change or not is irrelevant, I need to as Iím at the last chance saloon now.
Reply With Quote
  #157  
Old 7th June 2018, 14:22
Caboose Caboose is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: blue base, in the middle of a box canyon
Posts: 14
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ I probably don't have any useful info apart from perhaps suggesting a book i got a while back that's helped a bit: https://smile.amazon.co.uk/gp/produc...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

How did you finally get an official diagnoses for BPD? I'm pretty sure I have BPD and a couple of people i saw last year did agree that i have at least some of the symptoms. I feel like i just don't explain myself very well so they dont get how bad i can get.
Reply With Quote
  #158  
Old 10th June 2018, 07:08
Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 187
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I am devastated and broken. Over the last couple of weeks a therapist I started seeing assessed me in 2 separate days and she strongly suspects BPD, I knew nothing about it, I argued I have no aggression whatsoever or impulsiveness, emotional outbursts and other acting out behaviour, no history of self harm, I don't ever remember raising my voice at anyone, she said there is a "quiet" type of BPD. I kept asking about AvPD and she said that I have adapted some avoidant behaviours, but in essence it is all about my self worth and fear of abandonment. I haven't slept much last night, I just cried and cried and I am so lost now I don't know how to move on or if I ever can.
In a way I feel positive that I have the name for it, sometimes it's half the battle to get an accurate assessment. I am generally very optimistic, but feel like I've just received the most devastating news ever.
Reply With Quote
  #159  
Old 10th June 2018, 18:40
silenus silenus is offline
Banned at own request
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 965
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Sorry your diagnosis has made you feel so bad. Please don't lose hope. I don't really know anything about BPD but I always feel as though these sorts of psychological models are only useful as tools to help us get better, or to learn how to cope. I think it's really easy to trap ourselves into identifying with labels and to start inventing new problems for ourselves. You're the same person you were before you got this diagnosis, only now you have some idea of how to start tackling your problems.

Maybe I shouldn't be commenting here because I don't really know what I'm talking about so sorry if I've inadvertently said something stupid.
Reply With Quote
  #160  
Old 11th June 2018, 12:55
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 6
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caboose
How did you finally get an official diagnoses for BPD? I'm pretty sure I have BPD and a couple of people i saw last year did agree that i have at least some of the symptoms. I feel like i just don't explain myself very well so they dont get how bad i can get.
A lot of perseverance and being brutally honest about certain unpleasant aspects of myself that I was always too ashamed to talk about. Luck probably played a part too bearing in mind I had been seeing various mental health types since I was 16 with mixed results and didn't get diagnosed till I was 30. It had been suggested a few years before but they seemed reluctant to label me with it, which is apparantly not uncommon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thousandmiles
I am devastated and broken. Over the last couple of weeks a therapist I started seeing assessed me in 2 separate days and she strongly suspects BPD, I knew nothing about it, I argued I have no aggression whatsoever or impulsiveness, emotional outbursts and other acting out behaviour, no history of self harm, I don't ever remember raising my voice at anyone, she said there is a "quiet" type of BPD. I kept asking about AvPD and she said that I have adapted some avoidant behaviours, but in essence it is all about my self worth and fear of abandonment. I haven't slept much last night, I just cried and cried and I am so lost now I don't know how to move on or if I ever can.
In a way I feel positive that I have the name for it, sometimes it's half the battle to get an accurate assessment. I am generally very optimistic, but feel like I've just received the most devastating news ever.
I'm sorry you feel so upset. I was devastated when I was first diagnosed as I always thought it was such a horrible label. It's a heavily stigmatised and often misunderstood condition, even by some mental health experts. It felt like a death sentance at first, but it's not. At the end of the day it's just a label. I don't let it define who I am, and whilst it is definitely a part of who I am there is more to me than my mental illness. Obviously I can't comment on whether it's something you have or not but whatever it is, stay strong. You sound like a very optimistic and positive person and with that sort of attitude you can get through this. Take care.
Reply With Quote
  #161  
Old 12th June 2018, 18:51
Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 187
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

@ Sunrise
I thought I'll write a little bit more and partially it is also in reply to your own question about what helps.
Well, things with me are not bad at all, it's just that I got a shock of a lifetime when I read some basics about BPD and especially prognosis of it. In my case I have a distorted self image, no stable sense of self, and very low self esteem that has led to complete and extreme avoidance of relationships. Another thing she pointed out was my appalling language. She read back things from the first session and I just couldn't believe how bad I talked about myself, but I remembered saying them word by word. In fact, I even genuinely don't think some of those things, but say them anyway. If that's also something you do, you might want to look into negative language (in your first post you use it several times!)
Another very important thing she said is a structured day, but after I told her about my daily activities, work and extra studies and all the sports, she said there's no need to go there.
With regards to what helps, when I asked her what does she think is wrong with me after she didn't want to label it, she said she will be treating it as a personality disorder, most likely BPD and she will apply DBT, CBT and mentalisation along with whatever else she knows. She is an integrative therapist. And I believe she can help me because already now I am more aware of my thinking processes, I think in black and white and catastrophise, so hopefully that can change. I am 100% dedicated (as for now) and if getting better means I have to carry that label, so be it. It's not the end of the world and my primary reason joining this forum was to find out what IS wrong with me and now I know. No denying that that's largely thanks to you guys, who post here about such a variety of topics, which led me from one thing to another.

@ Silenus, thank you so much for the supportive message, you are absolutely right, I am the same person as I was, and this person might not be all bad after all.
Reply With Quote
  #162  
Old 12th June 2018, 19:18
Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 187
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

@ Sunrise, I don't know what else to suggest other than talk to a professional, is there any chance you can see a therapist privately? Even for a few sessions? You've been treated for anxiety, but not BPD? I would be happy to share the new things I learn, but our problems are very different and I wouldn't want to cause more harm, you say you NEED to change, maybe you can find the strength in you to become less of a "difficult patient" by having as open mind as you can and collaborate? Wish you all the best
Reply With Quote
  #163  
Old 13th June 2018, 20:40
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 381

Mood
Happy

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

is this a thing, read the wiki to see what bpd was and it seemed to match me. It just seemed like normal behaviour?
Reply With Quote
  #164  
Old 13th June 2018, 21:23
Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 187
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ To each their own, Vaxjo, but if I have rejected every single intimate relationship in my life, (sometimes being quite cruel in how I've done it) purely because of fear that they will leave me anyway, it is not normal.
As a child I grew up abandoned and left to my own devices, I had no explanation about life and it's circumstances, so my own child's mind filled all the gaps, which means I am somewhat not mature enough for adult relationships. That is not normal. Emotional immaturity is one of the the basic signs of this disorder. When you read about it, it seems it's a rather explosive, dramatic personality, but, I, for example, am completely the opposite, you won't find a calmer and more chilled person than me, but nevertheless, my emotions are the same - unregulated. It is correctable, though.
Wheather it's normal or not, I guess, depends on how it sits with you, if you're unhappy because of something, then probably it's not normal.
Reply With Quote
  #165  
Old 13th June 2018, 22:58
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 381

Mood
Happy

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

unless its normal to be unhappy and the happy ones are the weirdos?

If emotional immaturity is a sign then i have bpd big time! Is that a disorder though?I mean I was shy and so didnt interact and never became mature enough for relationships but I wouldnt see tha as a disorder just never learnt the skills most take for granted.

Persinally Ive rejected anyone who even got vaguely close for fear they will find out what a boring conservative person I am!
Reply With Quote
  #166  
Old 13th June 2018, 23:21
Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 187
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ I honestly don't know, my understanding of this disorder is in it's very early days, but with the label or without, I just want the therapy and I want for it to work. Surely my therapist knows more than I do, and if this is what she's picked on, then I'll go with it, I'm scared what else might pop up along the way, because I don't hold back at all, I just lay it out there.

And I'm sure you are not boring, nobody really is.
Reply With Quote
  #167  
Old 14th June 2018, 22:53
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 381

Mood
Happy

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thousandmiles
^ I honestly don't know, my understanding of this disorder is in it's very early days, but with the label or without, I just want the therapy and I want for it to work. Surely my therapist knows more than I do, and if this is what she's picked on, then I'll go with it, I'm scared what else might pop up along the way, because I don't hold back at all, I just lay it out there.

And I'm sure you are not boring, nobody really is.
I am , I really really am . I literally do not have any original thoughts. Outwardly no-one would describe me as boring, but its a real source of stress and anxiety keeping up the appearance of not being boring !!!!
Reply With Quote
  #168  
Old Yesterday, 21:37
Quicksand Quicksand is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 458
Blog Entries: 1

Mood
Mellow

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Always thought have something more than the condition diagnosed with - bpd does seem to fit some of the traits. gp just poo-poos idea every time it's mentioned in a better spell. definitely do not find it easy engaging w people but beg to show more trust in the ones know now and hope more thoughtful of others-thats requiring harder work but it's beg to reap rewards into hopefully a more relaxed summer. Deep breathing...
Reply With Quote
  #169  
Old Yesterday, 22:46
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 6
Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thousandmiles
@ Sunrise, I don't know what else to suggest other than talk to a professional, is there any chance you can see a therapist privately? Even for a few sessions? You've been treated for anxiety, but not BPD? I would be happy to share the new things I learn, but our problems are very different and I wouldn't want to cause more harm, you say you NEED to change, maybe you can find the strength in you to become less of a "difficult patient" by having as open mind as you can and collaborate? Wish you all the best
Thanks for your response. I have an appointment with a psychologist in July where I am going to attempt to explain everything. I think the problem I've had in the past is that I am so unstable I don't think anyone has ever worked me out. I'm full of contradictions and confliction. I'm neither one thing nor the other. I'm a mess.

Quote:
In my case I have a distorted self image, no stable sense of self, and very low self esteem that has led to complete and extreme avoidance of relationships.
You say we're very different but we definitely have this in common, very much so. I have serious issues getting close to people and completely avoid romantic relationships. I completely blank out any interest shown in me, and then get upset because I'm convinced nobody is interested because I'm so ugly and such a horrible person. I have a massive fear or rejection, but it's almost like I want to be rejected. I look for rejection that isn't there, and I get upset that people have rejected me when in reality they haven't, and I have subconsciously rejected them. This probably is different to you but I definitely have major issues getting close to people and avoid romantic relationships.

I go through phases of acting out and acting in. For a long time it was mostly inward, hence my previous sa issues. I'm not very sa anymore which is a positive in a way, but I was probably a nicer person to be around when all my neurosis and complexes were directed inward rather than outward. I've behaved terribly recently. It almost got me sacked, I've lost friends and I've lost the respect of friends and colleagues. Some days I don't want to leave the house as I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm not sure it's irrational or not as I must come across as a very sorry individual at times. That's why I need to change. I can't keep destroying everything as one day there will be nothing left.
Reply With Quote
  #170  
Old Today, 00:04
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 381

Mood
Happy

Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I think I maybe f60.30 but that looks like the good one unlike f60.31.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:47.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.