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  #1  
Old 13th April 2005, 11:05
UncleSilas
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Default (No Subject)

[2 edits; Last edit by UncleSilas at 10:09:00 Fri May 13 2005]
  #2  
Old 13th April 2005, 14:30
woodbutcher
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

Wow Uncle Silas,that was one hell of a first post.I too am in your age bracket(45)and can relate to so much you have said.Although i have done a lot of the things you crave:had a long term relationship,got a decent job and house,have friends and a supportive family,i can empathise with a lot of what you say.When i was in my late twenties all the things you have said were true of me apart from the few friends i had from childhood.Blushing was a major problem for me too but with a lot of will and determination i overcame it to a certain degree and made some sort of life for myself.Interaction brought with it so much embarrassment but also some level of achievement and proud feelings.Slowly(very slowly)things started to improve and i realised that life wasn't quite as scary as i had imagined.We see all these people around us that are living supposed free and easy lives and to an extent that is true.But dig deeper and you will find that most,if not all people,have insecurities of their own.They are just able to hide them and not worry as much about them as someone sensitive like you or i would.Meeting my future wife was a turning point for me.She gave me the confidence and self belief that i could and should get more out of life than i was.I know you say that even getting out and interacting with people is beyond you but there really is no other way i'm afraid.I see from your post that you are an intelligent,sensitive,deep thinking person and there are people out there that will like you for those qualities.Every thought you put down has gone, or still is going,through my mind.My wife left me last year and it has had a devastating effect on my life.That and other problems i have encountered recently have combined to knock my confidence to an all time low but i know that having got out of the life trap that i was once in,i can and will,do it again.A big step for you is admitting that you want to get some advice in your quest to start living.I think the second step is to bite the bullet and go to your doctors.He/she will understand more than you think as social anxiety and it's related conditions are far more prevalent than you may imagine.That may all sound a bit patronising as you are clearly an intelligent man and probably know all this for yourself.The only practical advice i can offer you is to stick around and keep posting.You may feel that in time you can feel more at ease with the good people on this forum and maybe one day trying to get to a meeting.I am going to go to some meets myself and as scary as that is to me i know i will be in understanding company.I really wish i could offer more in the way of practical advice but the only way is to start interacting more in my view.Your post is so long and full of points to consider that i will read it a couple of more times to see if there is anything else i can find to say to you.This reply is a bit off the cuff and went on longer than i intended but it was more to let you know that there are people who understand what you are going through.Fell free to pm me if you would like to talk about anything.
  #3  
Old 13th April 2005, 14:43
incommunicado
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

1. Never answering the phone, ever. Letting the ansafone pick up (or using fax).

monitor calls with answer-phone and sometimes answer

2. Hardly ever answering the door. (I disconnected the doorbell long since.)

usually answer as i can see them come up the drive

3. Deeply resenting being called a ‘loner’ when by natural inclination that’s the last thing I am. But what can I do about it?

yeah

4. Last had friends and a social life in 1981.

apart from sa meets can’t remember

5. Going red over the slightest little complication (especially in shops) or if someone tries to strike up a conversation. I end up being brusque just to get rid of people, then feel bad about it. Or I ignore people as if they were thin air.

not so bad now

6. Being considered gay by neighbours etc., just because they never see me with any women. I mean, for God’s sake, they never see me with any men either - so why gay? (People just love to say unkind things about other people.)

make it obvious that I’m a raving hetro

7. Being unable even to think about using communal changing rooms of any kind.

nah, just whip me kit off and stand around starkers, less conspicuous

8. Spending most of my life unemployed, in spite of (in theory) having a lot to offer.

spent most of it employed but have been out for a while now

9. When in work, dreading staff meetings / training sessions / any context where one is singled out or expected to speak up. (Then being thought ill of for not ‘contributing’.)

I don’t do meetings

10. Being entirely incapable of talking about anything ‘personal’ to anyone, including doctors.

not incapable, it has to be prized out of me

11. Longing to be elderly, so that people wouldn’t think I was weird for being unattached and wouldn’t think I was a nutter for being content to (for instance) sit alone on a seafront bench watching the waves come in. (If you do that when you’re of working age, people think you’re off your head.)

I’m off me head then because I do it all summer

12. Dropped out of two universities because I couldn’t face tutorials, dining rooms etc.

never been to uni, spent year at college and never went in the canteen

13. Suffering from chronic peptic ulcers and agonising haemorrhoids, plus other stress-related digestive problems.

no, I get plenty of exercise

14. Desperately wary of conversations, for fear of where they might lead subject-wise.

mine dry up after a couple of minutes

15. Sick to death of lying to other people for years, purely as a defence mechanism to protect myself and to try to conceal the utter uselessness of my life from view. I still lie all the time and hate myself for doing it. I suppose it’s because I want people to perceive me as the person I am inside, not the useless dummy that SA has made me. So I claim to have achieved things that I wish I’d achieved but never have.

put on a brave face and have achieved some things to fall back on

16. Planning my suicide in very careful detail - but finding that pulling it off is hard, because like most of us what I actually want is to have a long and happy life, not die. Trouble is, I have no life at all and only the prospect of year after year of misery to look forward to, which leaves me contemplating suicide not so much as a desperate act but as a constructive step. The issue won’t go away, but how long the faint optimism will preserve me is unclear.

yeah, although I don’t plan it as I have attempted it before

17. Worrying that because I go red in almost every situation, people will think I’m guilty of anything and everything I might be suspected of.

used to but got a bit of attitude now

18. Being utterly penniless and trapped in really bad housing in a terrible area. People say How can you go on living there? Why don’t you move out? They don’t comprehend that there’s nothing I can do, because taking life by the horns means taking people by the horns, and SA leaves me feeling hopeless and beaten to a pulp.

trapped in a good house in a good area, would love to move though

19. Trembling sometimes, out of a feeling of total desperation.

get angered and frustrated

20. Filling in hundreds of job application forms because I know I should be working, but deliberately sabotaging them in various ways so that I won’t get offered an interview.

no, focussed on recovery before returning to employment

21. Wishing I could spontaneously contract leukaemia and be dead inside two months.

had cancer and survived unfortunately

22. Being devastated by seeing girls and women in the street and not being able to do anything about it. It’s like being a ghost. To rub salt in the wound, I see really unattractive men with nice-looking women and I’m left dazed by my own situation: a reasonable-looking, intelligent, kindly, humorous, sensitive man who’s never had a relationship ever. What the hell is the matter with me? Sometimes just seeing a pretty girl hurts so much, it leaves me wanting to blow my brains out on the spot.

yeah, life’s just one long tease, not bothered by the ugly guy scenario

23. Constantly telling myself that I don’t really have SA and that my life’s simply how it is because I’m an idiot, a coward, a weakling, a fantasist, a creep or whatever else.

sometimes dismissive of sa, it’s hard not to be negative

24. Knowing that I’d be totally freaked out if I knew that someone fancied me. I’d probably want to run and hide, in spite of the fact that part of me would love to have a partner.

it’s a 50/50 thing arousal/anxiety with the latter winning

25. Being haunted by memories of past humiliations from teens onwards - and expecting more of the same at any moment, like the world’s about to collapse on my head.

yeah, good at remembering the bad

26. Blaming myself for being too sensitive. Perhaps you only get on in life by being insensitive - and the most insensitive people are the most successful. They just go at life like a pig with its head in a trough, with no finer feelings to hamper them.

yeah, but I can’t change that

27. Steering well clear of my neighbours (and fearing them as an explosive commodity).

yeah, on one side but the other is a nice pensioner so alright

28. Losing what few shreds of mindless irrational optimism I might ever have had, now that I’m 44. After all, if I never had a relationship when I was younger, what chance do I stand now that I’ve begun to deteriorate physically? I must be a complete write-off now.

had some relationships but no optimism

29. Worrying that if (hypothetically) I ever did commence a relationship, the years of solitude will have rendered me incapable of living in the same unit of accommodation as another person, let alone sharing a bathroom. And as for having to fulfil someone else’s expectations of what a partner should be like........

yeah, solitude does have an effect regarding sharing and expectations equals pressure

30. Still wasting time wishing I were an actor, even though I’m utterly psychologically incapable of it. (Auditions? I’d sooner die.)

no, never wanted to act

31. Thinking I’m stupid for wanting a relationship. I mean, I’m a complete nothingness, just a worthless waste of space and a sad failure - so who with any self-respect would ever want me? They’d have to be either insane or be a person with very, very low standards and low self-esteem - and it’d be idiotic to involve myself with someone like that purely to be able to say I was in a relationship. The person I’d be compatible with probably doesn’t exist.

it’s only natural to want a relationship regardless of circumstances

32. Terrified of having to introduce myself in any context or ask a question in front of other people. (My heart hammers, I turn crimson, my whole body shakes, I have difficulty breathing, etc.)

yeah

33. Having nobody who can act as a character reference (for jobs or any other context), because I don’t know anyone, let alone any respectable members of society. God help me if I ever get into trouble and need someone to speak up for me.

sounds familiar

34. Never seeing a doctor about my SA, because I don’t want to discuss personal stuff or be perceived as someone weak. I know this is crazy, but I can’t help it.

I’ve always seen them but they never told me about my condition

35. Distrusting everyone. People are volatile, mean, moody, closed-minded and primitive. Trust them and you throw yourself wide open. The damage could be irreparable.

yeah, mistrust everyone and myself

36. I’ve applied to go back to University in the hope of changing my life - but I’m told that students these days have to do ‘presentations’ in front of other students etc. and the concept petrifies me. I’m scared I’ll quit the course because of it, digging myself into an even deeper hole.

haven’t done one since school and would never do a presentation now for whatever reason

37. SA support groups seem to meet up in pubs. I could never attend such a meeting (not least because my insides are so ulcerated that I can’t drink alcohol, tea, coffee, fruit juice etc.). I’d like to meet other sufferers, but I fear that no context exists that I could handle. If we met in a restaurant or cafe, I wouldn’t want to be watched eating.

been to meets, pubs are very difficult for me but eating in public is no problem

38. The thought that there’s another day to live through tomorrow makes me wish I didn’t exist. And everything in life seems like pointless, worthless garbage.

yeah
  #4  
Old 13th April 2005, 16:58
Jeff66
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

Quote:
Quote: UncleSilas at 10***58;05***58;29 Wed Apr 13 2005
I’ve never met anyone else with SA;
I bet you have, you just haven't realised!
They might not even know themselves, I've had SA all my life but only found out there was a name for it last year.


Quote:
Quote: UncleSilas at 10***58;05***58;29 Wed Apr 13 2005

1. Never answering the phone, ever. Letting the ansafone pick up (or using fax).
I never answer my landline phone, I use 1471 to find out who it was, and if it's someone I feel comfortable phoning (just my family), I'll ring them back, if not I'll ignore it.

I only answer my mobile if I know who's calling and I don't mind talking to them. If it's someone I have to talk to I'd rather answer when they ring, which I find easier than having to ring someone myself.



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2. Hardly ever answering the door. (I disconnected the doorbell long since.)
I live in a flat, and I rarely get anyone knocking on my door. I have a remote entry phone thing, but I have that permanently set to private mode.

If anyone does come to my door I don't answer it unless I really have to. The only time I've opened my door to anyone in the last 7 years was the painter sent by the housing association, a few weeks ago. I've not had anyone else inside my flat in that time. In the next few months they're sending people round to install satellite TV points and new windows, so I'll have to let someone in then. I'm dreading it.
They were supposed to be installing a new water tank a couple of years ago, but every time I came round I didn't answer the door. A couple of times they tried the master key, but the door was bolted from the inside. The thought of having someone come into my flat when I'm not here scares me more than if I was here, so that makes me scared to go out during the day just in case someone with a master key wants to come in.


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3. Deeply resenting being called a ‘loner’ when by natural inclination that’s the last thing I am. But what can I do about it?
I've spent years convincing myself I'm happier by myself. But I know in reality I'd love to have lots of friends, a girlfriend, maybe even kids. But I know that's not going to happen because I avoid doing stuff that's required if you want those kinds of relationships.

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4. Last had friends and a social life in 1981.
I go to football matches, and know plenty of poeple I can say hello to at the matches (people I've met online). But I'm not sure I'd call them friends, I only ever see tham at football and although I may want to see them in non football situations I lack the ability to turn these acquaintances into friendships. And if they really want to be friends with me I'm sure they'd have done something about it themselves.

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5. Going red over the slightest little complication (especially in shops) or if someone tries to strike up a conversation. I end up being brusque just to get rid of people, then feel bad about it. Or I ignore people as if they were thin air.
Definitely!

I was in a shop a couple of weeks ago, and I saw one of my football acquaintances. Most people would have just said hello and exchanged a little small talk. But as he hadn't noticed me I quickly turned and went the other way, to avoid having to speak to him.

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6. Being considered gay by neighbours etc., just because they never see me with any women. I mean, for God’s sake, they never see me with any men either - so why gay?
I'm sure my dad thinks I'm gay. Recently he's started saying things about how he doesn't care about people's sexuality, as long as they're happy, it's as though he's trying to encourage me to 'come out'. Maybe I should tell him I'd rather be gay and happy, than straight and unhappy, which is what I am now.


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7. Being unable even to think about using communal changing rooms of any kind.
I live opposite a health club. I'm really unfit and I'd love to be able to go there and do something about it. Even walking through the door to ask about membership is too much for me, I don't think I'd ever get s far as changing rooms.


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8. Spending most of my life unemployed, in spite of (in theory) having a lot to offer.
I was fortunate in that I was able to stay at the same company for 16 years. I hated it, but I also hated the thought of having to go for interviews, get to know new people, and at the end of it still have to do the things I hated.
When I eventually was made redundant I had the skills I needed to start up a business that earns enough for me to live on, and also means I can work without having any contact with other people.

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9. When in work, dreading staff meetings / training sessions / any context where one is singled out or expected to speak up. (Then being thought ill of for not ‘contributing’.)
Towards the end of my time when I had a 'proper' job everyone in the company went on a training course where we had to stand up in front of a group of people and give a short presentation. Not only that but they videoed it, and played the tape back for everyone to analyse, then got everyone to write comments about it. It was probebly the scariest thing I've ever had to do.
But it's not just work situations, I was the same at school, I would never put my hand up to answer questions, although I usually knew the answers. I would never volunteer for anything, even if it was something I really wanted to do.

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10. Being entirely incapable of talking about anything ‘personal’ to anyone, including doctors.

I find it easy to talk about personal stuff to strangers online, but not with my own family. The only people I've ever spoken to in person about my problems are people who have been suffering from problems of their own, and have been very open with me, so I've felt confident enough to be open with them.

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11. Longing to be elderly, so that people wouldn’t think I was weird for being unattached and wouldn’t think I was a nutter for being content to (for instance) sit alone on a seafront bench watching the waves come in.
I've never thought of that!

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12. Dropped out of two universities because I couldn’t face tutorials, dining rooms etc.

Dropped out of A levels because I couldn't coast through it like I could with O levels, it required interaction with teachers/class mates, which I couldn't do.

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13. Suffering from chronic peptic ulcers and agonising haemorrhoids, plus other stress-related digestive problems.

I've got loads of health problems but I've not been to see a doctor for over 15 years, I'll probably end up dying of something that's easily cured.

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14. Desperately wary of conversations, for fear of where they might lead subject-wise.

I've never been one to say much, so I don't think people expect to have conversations with me, I just listen and nod!

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15. Sick to death of lying to other people for years, purely as a defence mechanism to protect myself and to try to conceal the utter uselessness of my life from view. I still lie all the time and hate myself for doing it. I suppose it’s because I want people to perceive me as the person I am inside, not the useless dummy that SA has made me. So I claim to have achieved things that I wish I’d achieved but never have.

I don't lie about stuff, and never claim I've done stuff I haven't done. But I do regularly avoid answering questions (or give vague answers), to stop people finding out how sad I am.

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16. Planning my suicide in very careful detail

I know it's easier said than done, (and I can't say I'd be able to do it in your situation), but you should direct all your efforts into getting help for this. I'm sure there are people here who've had the same feelings as you and come through it, I'm sure there are lots of people here who would help you. You're not alone.

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26. Blaming myself for being too sensitive. Perhaps you only get on in life by being insensitive - and the most insensitive people are the most successful. They just go at life like a pig with its head in a trough, with no finer feelings to hamper them.

I've 'hardened up' a bit since I was younger. Until my mid teens the slightest thing would start me crying, getting told off by my parents, problems at school etc. I still take criticism badly, but I bottle my feelings up inside so people can't see how hurt I am.


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27. Steering well clear of my neighbours (and fearing them as an explosive commodity).

I rarely see my neighbours, one of the advantages of living in a flat. But I do try to avoid them too, if I hear one of their doors, or someone in the corridor, when I'm about to leave my flat I'll delay leaving for a few minutes so I don't bump into anyone.



Skipped a load because I'm running out of time (agree with most of the missing bits though!)


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Does any of this stuff strike a chord or ring a bell?
I think I scored 29/38!

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If so, any ideas about how to tackle it? (Emote: smile)

Hopefully the responses you've had will make you realise you're not alone with your problems. Not sure if there's any real cure, but I fnd that knowing there are people who understand me makes it a bit easier.
  #5  
Old 15th April 2005, 15:16
madhat
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

I can relate to a lot of the above and going to the meets helps. You get to interact and talk to like minded people in similar situations and who knows maybe you'll meet someone who wants to get to know you better.
  #6  
Old 15th April 2005, 22:55
legin
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

1. Never answering the phone, ever. Letting the ansafone pick up (or using fax).
Yes I do this
2. Hardly ever answering the door. (I disconnected the doorbell long since.)
Yes use spy hole and stay quiet and wait for them to go.
3. Deeply resenting being called a ‘loner’ when by natural inclination that’s the last thing I am. But what can I do about it?
Don’t know I’m so insignificant that people don’t notice me to talk about me
4. Last had friends and a social life in 1981.
Yep lost contact with the few school mates I had.
I have associates at work but wouldn’t class them as friends, as nice as they are.

5. Going red over the slightest little complication (especially in shops) or if someone tries to strike up a conversation. I end up being brusque just to get rid of people, then feel bad about it. Or I ignore people as if they were thin air.
No
6. Being considered gay by neighbours etc., just because they never see me with any women. I mean, for God’s sake, they never see me with any men either - so why gay? (People just love to say unkind things about other people.)
Don’t know I’m so insignificant that people don’t notice me to talk about me
7. Being unable even to think about using communal changing rooms of any kind.
No problems - I could run around completely nude so long as I didn’t have to talk to anyone
8. Spending most of my life unemployed, in spite of (in theory) having a lot to offer.
No have always worked, but stayed with same employer for years and years
9. When in work, dreading staff meetings / training sessions / any context where one is singled out or expected to speak up. (Then being thought ill of for not ‘contributing’.)
No can blag my way trough like any other BullSh**er
10. Being entirely incapable of talking about anything ‘personal’ to anyone, including doctors.
Definitely I put of going to the doctor for anything
11. Longing to be elderly, so that people wouldn’t think I was weird for being unattached and wouldn’t think I was a nutter for being content to (for instance) sit alone on a seafront bench watching the waves come in. (If you do that when you’re of working age, people think you’re off your head.)
Yep before I married I have always had a dog, good companion - and gave me a purpose to go on.
12. Dropped out of two universities because I couldn’t face tutorials, dining rooms etc.
No universities are full of BullSh**er
13. Suffering from chronic peptic ulcers and agonising haemorrhoids, plus other stress-related digestive problems.
Did do for years until I did a stress management course at work
14. Desperately wary of conversations, for fear of where they might lead subject-wise.
No I’m so insignificant that people don’t notice me
15. Sick to death of lying to other people for years, purely as a defence mechanism to protect myself and to try to conceal the utter uselessness of my life from view. I still lie all the time and hate myself for doing it. I suppose it’s because I want people to perceive me as the person I am inside, not the useless dummy that SA has made me. So I claim to have achieved things that I wish I’d achieved but never have.
No but I will talk of events from yeas back as though they happened recently, - not lying just let people make their own assumptions.
16. Planning my suicide in very careful detail - but finding that pulling it off is hard, because like most of us what I actually want is to have a long and happy life, not die. Trouble is, I have no life at all and only the prospect of year after year of misery to look forward to, which leaves me contemplating suicide not so much as a desperate act but as a constructive step. The issue won’t go away, but how long the faint optimism will preserve me is unclear.
Yes But I think of my wife, son and Mum & Dad and the stigma that they would have to live with.
17. Worrying that because I go red in almost every situation, people will think I’m guilty of anything and everything I might be suspected of.
No I’m so insignificant that people don’t notice me
18. Being utterly penniless and trapped in really bad housing in a terrible area. People say How can you go on living there? Why don’t you move out? They don’t comprehend that there’s nothing I can do, because taking life by the horns means taking people by the horns, and SA leaves me feeling hopeless and beaten to a pulp.
No after years of living in crappy rented flats and not going out or spending a lot I actually got a mortgage after I got married
19. Trembling sometimes, out of a feeling of total desperation.
Yes defiantly, feels like I could have a heart attack.
20. Filling in hundreds of job application forms because I know I should be working, but deliberately sabotaging them in various ways so that I won’t get offered an interview.
No
21. Wishing I could spontaneously contract leukaemia and be dead inside two months.
Oh yes my elder brother died at 33 with leukaemia. I would have and still would willing swap places, he had a life cut short- I merely exist.
22. Being devastated by seeing girls and women in the street and not being able to do anything about it. It’s like being a ghost. To rub salt in the wound, I see really unattractive men with nice-looking women and I’m left dazed by my own situation: a reasonable-looking, intelligent, kindly, humorous, sensitive man who’s never had a relationship ever. What the hell is the matter with me? Sometimes just seeing a pretty girl hurts so much, it leaves me wanting to blow my brains out on the spot.
I am married, but yes seeing anyone out with friends or a friend, I feel a sense of emptiness inside
23. Constantly telling myself that I don’t really have SA and that my life’s simply how it is because I’m an idiot, a coward, a weakling, a fantasist, a creep or whatever else.
I Used to until I discovered this site.
24. Knowing that I’d be totally freaked out if I knew that someone fancied me. I’d probably want to run and hide, in spite of the fact that part of me would love to have a partner.
No
25. Being haunted by memories of past humiliations from teens onwards - and expecting more of the same at any moment, like the world’s about to collapse on my head.
Not humiliations, but feel that the outside world will crush my world
26. Blaming myself for being too sensitive. Perhaps you only get on in life by being insensitive - and the most insensitive people are the most successful. They just go at life like a pig with its head in a trough, with no finer feelings to hamper them.
Despite all of this I think I’m quite a nice guy, I would never deliberately set out to hurt someone else.
27. Steering well clear of my neighbours (and fearing them as an explosive commodity).
No I will chat to my neighbours on a superficial level
28. Losing what few shreds of mindless irrational optimism I might ever have had, now that I’m 44. After all, if I never had a relationship when I was younger, what chance do I stand now that I’ve begun to deteriorate physically? I must be a complete write-off now.
Yep - I’m in my 40s.
29. Worrying that if (hypothetically) I ever did commence a relationship, the years of solitude will have rendered me incapable of living in the same unit of accommodation as another person, let alone sharing a bathroom. And as for having to fulfil someone else’s expectations of what a partner should be like........
Believe me life is hard on a partner of sa sufferers - I am often nagged at for leaving my wife watching tv on her own.
30. Still wasting time wishing I were an actor, even though I’m utterly psychologically incapable of it. (Auditions? I’d sooner die.)
No
31. Thinking I’m stupid for wanting a relationship. I mean, I’m a complete nothingness, just a worthless waste of space and a sad failure - so who with any self-respect would ever want me? They’d have to be either insane or be a person with very, very low standards and low self-esteem - and it’d be idiotic to involve myself with someone like that purely to be able to say I was in a relationship. The person I’d be compatible with probably doesn’t exist.
No I did once pray really pray, in my head for a friend just one friend,
I got that - and married her and now have a son - that was my barging - I don’t ask for anything more for me.

32. Terrified of having to introduce myself in any context or ask a question in front of other people. (My heart hammers, I turn crimson, my whole body shakes, I have difficulty breathing, etc.)
No
33. Having nobody who can act as a character reference (for jobs or any other context), because I don’t know anyone, let alone any respectable members of society. God help me if I ever get into trouble and need someone to speak up for me.
Have employers... but no one else as a character reference
34. Never seeing a doctor about my SA, because I don’t want to discuss personal stuff or be perceived as someone weak. I know this is crazy, but I can’t help it.
Yes been treated once for depression but never discussed SA.. treated the symptoms, not the cause.
35. Distrusting everyone. People are volatile, mean, moody, closed-minded and primitive. Trust them and you throw yourself wide open. The damage could be irreparable.
Yep I have never trusted others - no man is an island….. but I’m giving it a bloody good try.
36. I’ve applied to go back to University in the hope of changing my life - but I’m told that students these days have to do ‘presentations’ in front of other students etc. and the concept petrifies me. I’m scared I’ll quit the course because of it, digging myself into an even deeper hole.
No
37. SA support groups seem to meet up in pubs. I could never attend such a meeting (not least because my insides are so ulcerated that I can’t drink alcohol, tea, coffee, fruit juice etc.). I’d like to meet other sufferers, but I fear that no context exists that I could handle. If we met in a restaurant or cafe, I wouldn’t want to be watched eating.
I Don’t do pubs… restaurants are ok
38. The thought that there’s another day to live through tomorrow makes me wish I didn’t exist. And everything in life seems like pointless, worthless garbage.
Yes each day is another day towards the end of my life. Oh I don’t want a long life.
  #7  
Old 16th April 2005, 03:07
marmite_lover
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

Good post.

35. Distrusting everyone. People are volatile, mean, moody, closed-minded and primitive. Trust them and you throw yourself wide open. The damage could be irreparable.

I'm buying that one.
  #8  
Old 16th April 2005, 15:21
Lanie
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

Hi Uncle Silas, I am 49 now (oh my God!) and have spent most of my life battling with SA. I am lucky enough to be married though which helps such a lot. The man I married also turned out to suffer from SA, although to a lesser degree. We met at work and I had to do all the running in getting our relationship off the ground.
I relate to many of the points you made:


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Quote: Uncle Silas
1. Never answering the phone, ever. Letting the ansafone pick up (or using fax).
I've never had much problem answering the phone, the problem for me has always been making calls, especially at work. If I ever had to make a complicated call at work or even at home I waited until there was no-one around or out of earshot. I have got better over the years which is a good thing because I work as a receptionist in a busy doctors' surgery!

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Quote: Uncle Silas
5. Going red over the slightest little complication (especially in shops) or if someone tries to strike up a conversation. I end up being brusque just to get rid of people, then feel bad about it. Or I ignore people as if they were thin air.
Blushing has been (and still is) the bane of my life!!(Emote: embarrassed) Some 'kindly person' at my first job once told me I was the best blusher he had ever seen. You can imagine how that made me feel! It started when I was about 10 or 11 and has never left. I have managed to control it to a certain extent and certainly I find that if I initiate conversations I have more control and therefore don't blush as much. But I find the fear of blushing is just as bad as the deed and it has stopped me from doing and saying so many things throughout my life.


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Quote: Uncle Silas
13. Suffering from chronic peptic ulcers and agonising haemorrhoids, plus other stress-related digestive problems.
Yes. I suffer from IBS but so does a large percentage of the population judging from the patients' notes I've seen.


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Quote: Uncle Silas
25. Being haunted by memories of past humiliations from teens onwards - and expecting more of the same at any moment, like the world’s about to collapse on my head.
Most definitely! How much baggage do we carry about with us in our heads? All the injusticies from school are still stacked up in mine. I do try to do something I once read somewhere and that is mentally pile them all into a room in my brain, shut the door and turn the key, but it is easier said than done. Just last week I had a brush with someone at work and all last weekend I went over and over the conversation in my head; even dreaming about it.


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Quote: Uncle Silas
9. When in work, dreading staff meetings / training sessions / any context where one is singled out or expected to speak up. (Then being thought ill of for not ‘contributing’.)
One of the worst experiences of my life was on a civil service training course when I was about 20. It was up in Edinburgh miles from my home in Bradford West Yorkshire so I had to stay over for he whole 3 days. There were about 15 of us trainees and 2 trainers and on the first morning, after introductions, we sat in a large circle with the trainers at one end and nobody said a word. After a time some people began to speak, generally asking what was going on and why we were there. Obviously this was to flush out the natural leaders of the group. I sat there and said nothing, knowing that if I did I would certainly draw attention to myself and turn peuce. The longer I sat there the worse it became to speak out. We were split into groups at times and that was much easier and I actually managed to say a word or two, but once back in the large goup I clammed up straight away. Every day was the same and it was pure torture. I cried myself to sleep every night in frustration. On the final night the whole group went out for a bar meal and relaxed by the flow of alcohol I joined in the conversations normally. This was remarked on by the trainers and I had to explain just how uncomfortable and humiliated I'd felt sat there in total silence. I think if I had to do that again I would definitely make myself be one of the first people to speak up as this would take off the pressure.



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11. Longing to be elderly, so that people wouldn’t think I was weird for being unattached and wouldn’t think I was a nutter for being content to (for instance) sit alone on a seafront bench watching the waves come in. (If you do that when you’re of working age, people think you’re off your head.)
I also live by the sea and have to say that people of all ages sit 'watching the waves come in' here and nobody thinks anything of the sort. Go for it, It's so soothing.


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34. Never seeing a doctor about my SA, because I don’t want to discuss personal stuff or be perceived as someone weak. I know this is crazy, but I can’t help it.
Please please do go see your GP. If you can't bring yourself to explain things to him/her face to face why not write a letter, either to hand in at your appointment or send it beforehand. GPs are so much more enlightened these days. My eldest daughter also has SA (it is hereditary unfortunately), and was referred to a wonderful counsellor by her GP. She went to her third session yesterday and has felt the benefits already.
The best of luck Uncle Silas and remember that everyone at SAUK is your friend.(Emote: smile)






  #9  
Old 17th April 2005, 00:30
Peasie
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Default Re: How Weird Am I By Your Own SA Standards? How Much of This Rings a Bell?

That's one helluva post - I don't have time to even read it - let alone reply to it just now. Christ, that'll take a couple of hours to fill in the replies. Something to look forward to tomorrow afternoon.
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