How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Utopia]

I'm trying to get my head around why people feel so terrible at this time of year.

I'm feeling really stressed and distracted by stupid emotions because I really have been so isolated and rejected by literally everyone I've come across in my life up to this point and the things people are saying here make a lot of sense to me, but it always made sense to me and I didn't wish loneliness on anyone, yet it was my family that was very loving family and some great Christmases with lots of people inclusive of others who were alone, but I'm now on track to spending my nye and 30th birthday completely and utterly alone unless I make a bit more effort with people and they stop ignoring and rejecting me when I do for some kind of tiny power kick. I don't deserve this at all, I have very little understanding for it, I mean I can understand getting back at someone, or having the last laugh, as it were.

[Marie8]

I’m feeling really angry with myself for worrying so much about what others think of me, why I have allowed this to affect me so much most of my life. Why I am such a negative person and hardly ever remember the positives. I just feel like such an awful person. I am angry at the people who first made me feel this way all those years ago and angry that I let it hold me back so much from being my real self. I just want to know myself but I don’t really feel that I do. I want desperately to be a happy positive person but I don’t know how.

[Dougella]

^ You're not an awful person. It's good if you've realised that you often think negatively (a lot of us with SA do that) and it can take time and work but you can change your thought patterns if you become more aware of them.

[Marie8]

Thanks Dougella, I am having cbt and I am trying to think more positively but it really is hard. I know I cant expect things to change overnight, but I worry I’ll never be able to stop all the negative thoughts. I’m not going to give up hope though, I really want to change so know that’s a positive thing.

[Schmosby]

Cold! Is it extra cold today or is the heating not on? It sounds on. I want to go to Asda, but it's too cold to get out of bed today.

[Jen.]

Gradually worse and worse this week and I don't really know the cause, there's definitely nothing specific I can think of. I've been coping okay with the darker season so far through using a light alarm and vitamin D, but maybe it is related to the time of year, I don't know. It doesn't feel like it is though.

[Avalon]

Feel like the most hateful person on the planet

[Utopia]

Originally Posted by jigglypuff

Better than i thought i would be.
The bereavement counsellor i saw a few weeks ago told me i wasnt right for group therapy and i would have to give a "donation" to have individual counselling as i dont live in that part of manchester. She only informed me of this after i had told her a lot of personal information. She attends the only sobs meeting i can get to so to walk back in there is gonna take a lot of stones, i felt more relaxed when i had anonymity.

After waiting over a year to see a psychologist hes not sure cbt or psychotherapy would be beneficial for me and wants to refer me to a mindfulness course. Hearing that felt like rockbottom as i'd put a lot of hope and emphasis on one of these services having the knowledge to help me improve my life. I felt really let down by the system but also silly for thinking one person might have the answers when thats unrealistic. Feeling that down and out of options made me start making an effort into going to things myself as avoiding them constantly before only made me feel worse.
When i first took time off work i had the nerve to do things but had lost the motivation. Where as now i have the motivation but i need to gain back my nerve and keep hold of it.
Inquiring about volunteering in an hour or so and off to blackpool aquarium tomorrow which im really looking forward to
Stay strong guys x

I was told I wasn't right for group therapy either, on many occasions and yet I was told I had a personality disorder and that working in groups can help. Yet my group work at uni for my masters degree has gone way better than expected and I feel more laid back and confident than I have in a very long time, although no-one is really pressuring me to be too open. 5 years ago this would have felt impossible but I'm really pleased with my progress, even though it has been very slow. I'm sure I have some form of autism, but in that context, I feel I come across surprisingly well despite my differences.

I'm having CBT atm but the therapist isn't great, but she is trying her best. She just suggests meetup when I say I want to do the group session but she is seeing me more regularly and for onger than any other NHS therapy I've had before.

[newbs16]

Feeling very tired and looking forward to the start of the weekend, things will feel better when today is over.

Also, how quickly has this year flown by its nearly Christmas.

[newbs16]

Avalon I hope you start to feel a bit brighter soon, take care and try not too be swim hard on yourself, you're doing fab job and it can't be easy when you feel unwell.

[Avalon]

^ Thank you as always for your kind words newbs x

@ Biscuits, I think you may well have gotten the wrong person because I'm certainly not loving or kind but thank you for the sweet words anyway x

[Schmosby]

Not bad thanks.

[Counterpoint]

Broken up with girlfriend. Feeling lost. An awful week.

[Utopia]

^^ I've been there, this triggered a worse depression in me this year, but I've been tracking my mood daily, and I can honestly say that I've managed to boost my mood to beyond what it was this time last year when I was speaking to her daily, I was suicidal for about 2 months before having rTMS treatment which has had a lasting effect it seems. For many years I didn't really have 'good' days at all really, but since then its been easier, along with a few external things improving also.

[newbs16]

Originally Posted by Amatus

I'm pretty happy. I just got the keys to my first home, a little 1 bed flat. Will take a while to get it furnished and looking how I want but I don't mind that because it's all mine. I'm finally growing up!!

That's great news, well done.

[Avalon]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

^I really hope you start feeling a little bit better soon

Thank you very much for your kind words. I hope I start to feel a little better soon too

[Avalon]

Originally Posted by Counterpoint

Broken up with girlfriend. Feeling lost. An awful week.

So sorry to hear of your break up
It's never a good time when a relationship sadly comes to an end but I think it's especially hard when it's at Christmas time when everyone is supposedly meant to be feeling merry and bright. I hope you have some supportive friends around you.

[Avalon]

Originally Posted by Amatus

I'm pretty happy. I just got the keys to my first home, a little 1 bed flat. Will take a while to get it furnished and looking how I want but I don't mind that because it's all mine. I'm finally growing up!!

Congratulations!

Never forget when I got the keys to my first home many moons ago.

[Mo34]

Really quite down. Maybe it's cause of xmas etc, I don't know

Saw Pathfinder/CPN on Thursday and I can see it's a pointless exercise. She said so you like CBT? Errr no. I despise CBT. She then waffled on about how it's evidence based etc.. She tried to challenge me on counselling (why does the NHS hate counselling so much? ) and said well you've had a lot of counselling where has it got you? errr well I wouldn't be where I am without counselling thank you very much infact I wouldn't be here at all. Ffs.

I'm, seeing her again in January. She wants me to think about what I would like my life to be like. Well I would like a home, a family, employment and to be normal. So we won't be achieving any of that will we.... Absolute waste of ****ing time.

As awful as it sounds I sometimes wish I had bipolar or schizophrenia cause at least your a valid mental health problem, you have sa you might as well not exist. I'm just waiting for the obligatory library book on prescription, incorporating the obligatory patronising CBT exercises.

I can see at some point I'm going to have to go private to get a proper diagnosis. There seems to be no other way forward.

[Dougella]

^ Why are they so obsessed with CBT! Ofcourse other forms of therapy and counselling are appropriate for people in different circumstances, sorry she was so rubbish. (Also the evidence of CBT for me was that it didn't move me forward at all either )

[Bambos]

∆∆ my other half is a therapist and from our conversations it seems like CBT is a bit reductive for a lot of people, It can be useful in some circumstances but doesn't really get to the root of anything.

[Mo34]

^^ I know! I suspect it's cause it's cheap and can be delivered by non qualified ppl. That and NICE is obsessed with evidence, CBT is easy to measure.

^ Yes, it seems to be. I had a lovely chat with a locum GP some time ago and he at least had the honesty to admit that CBT wasn't going to help someone like me as the problem is too deep rooted.

[Mo34]

I found a new crime doc on netflix so have cheered up a bit.

[Mountainstream]

Hello. I’m feeling depressed. Is this the correct thread to post this in?

[anewyear]

^ what's up mountainstream? Bad day or more to it than that?

[Mountainstream]

I've been reminded again how worthless I am.

[Mountainstream]

Originally Posted by Mo34

Really quite down. Maybe it's cause of xmas etc, I don't know

Saw Pathfinder/CPN on Thursday and I can see it's a pointless exercise. She said so you like CBT? Errr no. I despise CBT. She then waffled on about how it's evidence based etc.. She tried to challenge me on counselling ..and said well you've had a lot of counselling where has it got you? errr well I wouldn't be where I am without counselling thank you very much infact I wouldn't be here at all. Ffs.

I'm, seeing her again in January. She wants me to think about what I would like my life to be like. Well I would like a home, a family, employment and to be normal. So we won't be achieving any of that will we.... Absolute waste of ****ing time.

As awful as it sounds I sometimes wish I had bipolar or schizophrenia cause at least your a valid mental health problem, you have sa you might as well not exist. I'm just waiting for the obligatory library book on prescription, incorporating the obligatory patronising CBT exercises.

I can see at some point I'm going to have to go private to get a proper diagnosis. There seems to be no other way forward.

I too have found CBT to be a complete waste of time. I've found it patronising and useless. Some counsellors at least listen which is more than that CPN seems to be able to do. I wish you luck consulting someone privately.

[newbs16]

@Mo34 Do you feel that you need to have more sessions with a counsellor then as some of the other treatment you've received hasn't helped.

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Mountainstream

I too have found CBT to be a complete waste of time. I've found it patronising and useless. Some counsellors at least listen which is more than that CPN seems to be able to do. I wish you luck consulting someone privately.

Thanks Yes, I don't do well with CBT. I need a relationship with a counsellor/therapist and for me that does take time. CBT is more about addressing symptoms of anxiety (or whatever) rather than addressing the actual problem. Plus like you I find it patronising.

Originally Posted by newbs16

@Mo34 Do you feel that you need to have more sessions with a counsellor then as some of the other treatment you've received hasn't helped.

Oh I'm still seeing a counsellor, I'm a long termer. I pay privately so currently only have sessions once a fortnight. My old counsellor died so it's taken a fair old while for me to build up a relationship up with the new one.

I also don't view counselling just as something for when there is something acutely wrong, I think it's just as beneficial when your ok. I have stopped counselling for long periods but I find keeping 'maintenance' counselling going helpful.

[3stacks]

Tired of being used and manipulated. Can't believe how genuinely crazy some of these people I've met are. Makes me feel like crap and always second best.