Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[Amara 94]

Wondering if I have borderline personality disorder. I haven’t looked at much about the disorder.

[choirgirl]

^^^Thanks.

^^It's going to take a lot of work, consistent work. At the moment I'm just at the oh **** stage. And I still need to complete my game 1 levels (it's psychological stuff, people!)

[anxiouslondoner]

My neighbours are having a no doubt illegal party. This is why lockdown isn't working and why we'll be stuck with it for a very long time... asshats, basically.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Laurel

that's interesting you say about ADHD, a know another SAer who got himself diagnosed with ADHD, I believe I have it as well.
Good resource site by the way- https://www.additudemag.com/

I also have an adhd diagnosis.

[Mike.Kzov]

^^ dob the gits in. The funny thing is places like Taiwan, where compliance is better and people are more public spirited, are pretty much back to normal now because the numbers are so well controlled.

[Amara 94]

At first I thought therapist was kind of rude or not understanding but now I think she is bluntly honest to the point she is actually really effective at helping people. It makes me wonder if I would do good with such therapist. One that respects and wants the best for me. But also one that is completely honest with me, doesn't gaslight me but also questions my experiences or confronts my perspective. Idk how that would make me feel. Short term probably shitty or uncomfortable, but good in the long term.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVJnXTFnkM0

[Mellie]

Side affects from stopping meds suck but going to ride it out

[hellotiger]

I’m getting bored of having conversations with myself. I never thought I’d say it but I miss being around people, talking and listening to them.

[Rocket Spud]

^ He could be talking about a footballer perhaps... ?

[Dougella]

^^ Why are older people even using that word, I don't think they know what it means! I got accused of being "woke" a while ago I was quite proud

[Dougella]

^ I'm quite liking the Tesco ones where they say no-one's on the naughty list this year and we can all enjoy treats! Atleast it's positive. The Sainsbury's one doesn't actually seem to contain any products that Sainsbury's are selling, which is odd.

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

I can always tell when Papa Kooks has had his head in the Daily Fail. 'Wokes this and wokes that'

My mum is the same. She messages me screenshots of articles

I have tried to speak to her about it but she wants to know why I'm biased against her newspaper and then states she is old-fashioned and that's why she reads it.

[newbs16]

Hopefully that I sleep better tonight.

[Amara 94]

It feels like the major thing stopping me from achieving my potential is social anxiety and the fear of being true to myself.

[Amara 94]

Emailing my course leader about my consideration to leaving my course. I think I have procrastinated over it.

I also realised I've never gotten a job, apart from a temp job, over just an interview. Also all my jobs have been bottom of the barrel where I work with people that are still learning English and usually immigrants. Not that that is bad but it's like there is a barrier to communication and even those jobs aren't the best fit for me but are basic enough that any able bodied person can at least do the job although it's hard on the body.

[Dougella]

^ What's making you consider leaving your course? Would you think about finishing the year?

[Amara 94]

I actually applied to it out of fear of being made redundant, going back on benefits and then not just wanting another dead end job.

I enjoy parts of the course, find other parts boring and also don’t see myself doing it as a career.

I think with me I have to sort out my confidence to actually get what I want.

[Dougella]

^ It's ok if you don't think you want to go into that subject as a job, it just means you've got a higher qualification so a chance of getting a better job afterwards in general. Probably a good idea to talk to your course leader. You might want to finish the year even if you decide you do want to leave so you have that first years credits or however it works and you didn't waste the money. Or you could transfer to do a different subject for next year if you wanted to.

[Rocket Spud]

Originally Posted by Deer

All you can do really at the moment ain't it? Go for a walk. I'm fed up of walks haha

I'm alright. Bored alot and been looking at countries to visit next year in Europe.

Have you been growing a bush on your head too during lockdown?

Keep up the walking, it's good for you! I find it easier to have a set local walk (of 30-45 mins) where you don't have to think about where you're going because you've done it so often, and you can just pop your earphone in, walk out your front door, and go.

Where you looking at adventuring? I've only really been (in Europe) to Romania

Aye, the hairs on top of my head are lengthening. I really need to cut it!

[Amara 94]

Maybe I have to move out.

I moved out for about a week. It didn't make me happier, in fact I felt I got more dirty looks from strangers and felt there was a lack of privacy in the area I moved too. I think the anxiety also got to me. However I also felt more independent and did more.

My mum called everyday and I think she acted ill in a way so I went back to her house a lot, especially since my job was near to my mums.

Now I feel some kind of resentment cause it was in a co-dependent way she was acting. She went back to acting her usual way when I moved back in. Although she did say if she can rent the house I moved out of, the houseshare, to which I have said no, also cause they don't accept benefits. I actually find the question dismissive of my situation being in uni on mostly student finance. My part time job is only 9 hours a week and we are on lockdown.

I have been watching a show called Fix my Life, which has made me realise it's okay to be honest with how I feel about family. I think me and my mum definitely have relationship issues. If I were to move again and she called a lot I would confront her that she has an issue that she has to take accountability for. I recently asked my granny about how she left my mum, with people my mum didn't like, to grow up. In today's world that would be seen as abuse. I think the problems my mum has comes from my granny who had her own problems. I found out she had my mum whilst in college in England so ended up having to go back to Nigeria because she had my mum. Maybe she resents my mum for that but I don't really know.

I find it uncomfortable to be close to my mum, just being honest. I think we aren't close, we use to be when I was under 7 years old but I also think she never accepted me the way I was. Also didn't know how to help with certain things I needed help with.

What triggered me to write this post was that she just came home and no hello, nothing. She just says, can I rent the place you moved out of? If she calls me it's always to help with something. But yeah, my feelings towards her aren't exactly healthy and it's my problem as well. Also if someone is in the house all of a sudden acts different, tries to be more dominant, acts favourably to my sister when she comes home from university.

I have lots of internalised anger.

[Pine]

I don't know, I'm trying to "scooch", as in move a small amount. One of my CBT instructor people says I should do it in certain ways but some of them are difficult. I must accept the negatives though, always a mixed bag.

[Mo34]

How do I have so much bloody stuff

[Amara 94]

I’m so codependent

[Percy]

Originally Posted by hellotiger

Don’t buy the bongos. You don’t need the bongos. There’s nowhere to put the bongos. You’ll play them for a half an hour and then realise you can’t play. You’ll watch a YouTube video about it, realise it’s way harder than you thought and give up. You won’t be a naturally gifted bongo wizard. People will not flock to the sound of your drumming. Don’t buy the bongos.

Replace bongos with whatever instrument/ tool/ hobby I’ve just seen, and the amount of times I’ve had this conversation with myself is silly.

I've had this same convetsation with myself.

[choirgirl]

^^^I nearly bought a ukelele during lockdown.

[Pine]

I do not like how in some of the zoom things if there's too many people I can't say anything and sometimes that's the very thing that we're talking about lol… That is awkward but getting past that threshold feels like it may always be more difficult, if there is more than three people or something.

[Amara 94]

I watched some footage in an Amazon warehouse. It didn't seem too bad but would depress me. You know why? I saw people my age that I think I might find it hard to get on with due to being shy, interaction difficulties. I would probably be an easy target, maybe my mindset is wrong. Also I might be bad at it as it focuses more on speed than quality of work.

This type of job, similar jobs seem to be the most accessible option if I were to quit university. This type of job suits someone who is better at fitting in with others.

[Deer]

Originally Posted by Rocket Spud

Keep up the walking, it's good for you! I find it easier to have a set local walk (of 30-45 mins) where you don't have to think about where you're going because you've done it so often, and you can just pop your earphone in, walk out your front door, and go.

Where you looking at adventuring? I've only really been (in Europe) to Romania

Aye, the hairs on top of my head are lengthening. I really need to cut it!

Yes. I'm pretty inconsistent with walking the dog. Some days I just feel too out of sorts, the idea of someone stopping to talk to me fills me with dread. I don't like the idea of becoming familiar with people in my area either. I just imagine I'll be highlighted for being abit odd and always on my own.

Earphones works wonders when I go outside like. Can't seem to buy any that don't breakdown though.

Just let it grow, man. I let mine grow and it's down to the lower end of my neck now. Think I'll keep it this way until I go grey

I haven't ventured outside of UK since I was 19 so this will be a first for me too.
I was looking at the Euro rail. I was going to travel to the Scandinavian countries but decided against that for a simpler option. I think I'm going to go to Spain and Portugal to do adventure stuff. Cliff diving, horse trekking, hire a scooter, hiking, surfing etc. And finish off at Amsterdam for the last few days of my travels.

I haven't quite got the wheels in motion yet so I'm already doubting if I'll get to do it. I know what I'm like. I'm so unreliable lol determined to do it though.

[Mo34]

I'm an idiot.

[Dougella]

^ Why do you say that?