Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[choirgirl]

I've finally started taking my vitamin D that I've had hanging around for months.

[Tembo]

Originally Posted by choirgirl

I've finally started taking my vitamin D that I've had hanging around for months.

I've also started taking some in recent days. I hope it helps you!

[Rocket Spud]

Anyone want to trade chocs.. ?? I've got a fistful of eclairs

[Rocket Spud]

Those be the one's! Swaps!

Yeah, teeth before chewy sweets, no doubt - especially as i've not been to a dentist for a few years now!

[Rocket Spud]

Done deal! Enjoy!

[Mo34]

Dear God what has Katie Price done to her face.
She's gonna end up looking like that lion face woman or the living ken doll guy. :/

[choirgirl]

Still pointlessly wishing I'd got my act together early in life. Stripped it all down to my own personal bare essentials with only passing regard to societal norms blah blah. (That does not mean one needs to abandon morality, that is a separate issue.)

Since the social anxiety was probably the most glaring problem in the whole failure to get my act together, and since I still have it, what to do about it?

I have been reading about C-PTSD, not so I can label myself with it, but more with the intention of finding useful ways in to improve longstanding problems. I have been reading about emotional flashbacks. Is this what is going on? Emotional flashbacks causing extreme fear of humiliation/rejection in the moment? And how to overwrite them? Because reason works too slowly a lot of the time and uses up willpower. It's better than nothing, of course. And the emotional flashbacks are presumably a drip, drip effect of many, many interactions early in life. I'm not certain this is what is going on.

[Amara 94]

How do you be yourself if yourself doesn't fit in.

[Tubbs]

Wondering if I'll ever see my big bro again He lives in Japan with his partner. They had a visit planned for last March, flights booked and everything - bad timing or what!

[choirgirl]

^^^That's the age old question, isn't it? Well, it's one of my age old questions, along with, what do we owe to others compared to ourselves, and which others?

[Oddity]

^^ Of course you will

I'd booked up to go abroad for the first time ever, I remember when we booked the flights in January saying I thought the virus was going to blow up but assumed it would be over by July

[Oddity]

Romania, we were going to stay with friends and see the country

[AireleeBray]

I've really enjoyed having salad for lunch past 3days. I've decided not to cut anything out that I eat but up more healthy stuffs

[Professor Willow]

How do you explain to a person that despises their own parents that you are terrified of losing your own?

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by indignant misanthrope

god cenk from tyt is insufferable. I think jimmy dore nailed it, guy is just a puppet to his financial backers.

Jimmy Dore is so great.

[choirgirl]

Slightly worried about getting the virus. If this had happened years ago I would have had Guilt about not doing my bit for the country blah blah, especially seeing how hard NHS staff are working etc but now it's very, very slight guilt.

[Oddity]

Originally Posted by indignant misanthrope

god cenk from tyt is insufferable. I think jimmy dore nailed it, guy is just a puppet to his financial backers.

I had to unsub from them, if I heard Cenk say "of course!" one more time I think my head would've imploded. Not too keen on Ana either.

[choirgirl]

Ramblings (just skip this post if you're tired of these!)

I am fairly sure I have ADHD AND trauma. But I have been a little thrown by finding out trauma seems to do some similar things to the brain as ADHD. Well, we'll see I suppose. I mean, I was called weird at school by some, but I was (thankfully, God I was lucky) never accused of being a lesbian. The slight weirdness was tolerated, that would not have been.

Getting over most of the internalised lesbophobia was easy; it melted away in a matter of months. I suppose it is because I am so damn old, and it was 2020. (Where, exactly, did those two decades go?) The couple of weeks of 'right, I'm going to hyperfocus on sorting this out once and for all, let's get this dusty old box out and open it' was NOT easy, it was heavy going! It seemed so irrelevant to the reality of my life, that I surprised myself by doing it. And clearly, I was wrong. So wrong. Unbelievably wrong. Because I think the trauma (which probably doesn't all come from this, but this has got to be the biggie) is where a lot of my problems lie. It must be the main culprit for the social anxiety. And the social anxiety has affected everything. And maybe I've felt even more ashamed of other things than I otherwise would?

I feel weird about younger me, because I felt like more like a person back then, and I participated in life as if I meant it, rather than just dragging myself through, but I suppose a lot of it was me trying to be more normal. I don't feel like I'm me now. I liked younger me a bit, or maybe I just liked younger me later on because I ended up being so sad and beaten down?? I started to feel past it and like I had barely got started at the same time at quite a young age.

[Percy]

^Have you not been diagnosed with ADHD?

[choirgirl]

^No, I've self diagnosed. I am pretty sure about it. It does make a lot of sense.

[Tembo]

Originally Posted by Oddity

Romania, we were going to stay with friends and see the country

Sounds great, I hope you manage to get out there eventually. I’ve been to the capital Bucharest in the winter with thick snow and it was superb. We also managed to go to a posh restaurant with live classical music and clowns (yes, clowns) for a three course meal and it cost roughly the same as a McDonalds in the UK.
I would love to go back, and see the countryside - it looks fantastic.

[choirgirl]

Wondering where my government gateway ID and password are.

[Mo34]

at the cat. He's turning into a dog.
I'm sitting typing, so scrunched a bit of paper up for him to bat about, threw it, to which he ran off, got it and brought it back. So we are now playing fetch, weirdo cat

[Dougella]

^ Clever cat how is the new flat? Do you finally have gas connected?

[Mo34]

Yeah not bad. Can sometimes hear downstairs Tv/music but no where near my old neighbours level! My own tv drowns it out mostly. I also still have my bluetooth headphones still which I've come to like regardless of if I need them or not! Will have to see what summer with windows open will be like. The trains don't really bother me much. I kind of like them
Yeah the gas has been connected. And the lock seems to be ok again for now. Just wifi to still sort. Oh and parking, found downstairs have my space plus there own. That'll be fun :/

[Dougella]

^ That sounds pretty positive I can hear trains going by where we live and it's not a problem really.
Maybe someone official can have a word with the neighbours about the parking space so you don't have to get into it with them?

[Mo34]

Yeah. My flat actually overlooks the rail line so they are really close, but I've kind of just got used to it.
Yeah I hope so. I was supposed to have a 6 wk settling in visit from someone last Friday but between the manager leaving and lockdown that didn't happen. I'm definitely going to go through official channels though. Cant see it going down well - their car port has a semi stripped car in it and it seems the boyfriend parks his BMW in mine, they also have a washing machine, fridge and bags and bags of stuff stored at the back of both.

[Rocket Spud]

^ Ugh, people!

Are these people aware that you've moved in? Maybe leave a note under the wiper blade - give them a few days notice so they can arrange their shit, but make it clear that you require that space.

[Mo34]

tell me about it!

Yeah they must be aware. She lives below me and I pass her front door all the time. It was one of the other neighbours who said to me do you know which is your parking space yet and told me. I had a friend with me and she said he seemed to be trying to draw your attention to the BMW like it might be an issue. I have to admit I was busy lugging stuff so i didn't notice if he was trying infer anything or not.

Yeah I could do I guess. I did want to double check with the landlord that it is my space just in case! Though the other neighbour seemed on the level and had no reason to lie. He doesn't drive and has given his space to one of the other neighbours.

[Rocket Spud]

Was that an allusion to BMW drivers being knobs? Or probably the fact it's been sat there, in a semi state of repair for months (if not years)

Yeah, probably best to check it is actually your space.