Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[choirgirl]

^^^Did you ever see a Yo Samdy Sam video where she talks about living in the Netherlands and how it was good as an autistic person because people would assume any quirks were due to her being a foreigner?

[Jen.]

Why Captain Tom was allowed to have three family members by his side when he died. For the last year we've heard about how most of the 100,000 who've died with the virus so far had to die alone, and how horrible it must have been for them and their families. I'm not sure why he was any different. I thought the NHS was supposed to treat everyone equally.

[Tonkin]

Originally Posted by Jen.

Why Captain Tom was allowed to have three family members by his side when he died. For the last year we've heard about how most of the 100,000 who've died with the virus so far had to die alone, and how horrible it must have been for them and their families. I'm not sure why he was any different. I thought the NHS was supposed to treat everyone equally.

It's bullsh!t isn't it. Just because he's some big celebrity the rules don't apply.

When you think of all the people who died alone or had to spend time in hospital alone after a big operation or whatever, you'd think the NHS would be more humane but I guess bureaucrats are all the same...

Not to put my covid skeptic tin foil hat on too tightly, but it does make you wonder why they can be so relaxed with the rules for certain people, and for everyone else its the equivalent of a boot stamping on a human face - for ever.

It's not just visiting people in hospital, it's all the other things that have been going on during the pandemic eg money being transferred to the already wealthy via dodgy public contracts, not enough support for the poor, etc.

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by Tonkin

Not to put my covid skeptic tin foil hat on too tightly, but it does make you wonder why they can be so relaxed with the rules for certain people, and for everyone else its the equivalent of a boot stamping on a human face - for ever.

It is strange how some public figures are exempt from criticism. I'm not fan of Piers Morgan obviously, but people wanted to see him hanging after going to Antigua in December. Captain Tom went to Barbados at the same time and it's all "Aww I hope he enjoyed his trip xxx". I know it was wasn't illegal in either case, but people were being encouraged not to travel unless absolutely necessary, and you'd think a 100 year old man might be a bit more careful during a pandemic. Weird double standards.

[choirgirl]

Once again, I am back with my moans and wails.

Why did I not ever live on my own, when I always had that as the plan, as in, I was supposed to be doing that plan quite early on? I really needed that time to know who I was. I still don't know who I am and it would be useful to know that early in life. I mean, I know you find out from interacting with the world too, one can imagine oneself capable of all sorts from one's bedroom, but I needed both. It's so annoying, that often, my first ideas have been right.

The social anxiety was the bottleneck to it all. I did get to a stage where I just wanted to hide from the world, and the next best thing was to stay at home. And in those years the world changed very quickly. (Drat you New Labour, I'm glad I didn't vote for them after the first term, even though that makes me a bad gay.) I suppose if what you really want is to hide from the world, it's not surprising that workplace social anxiety is going to be high. And the only way I could even rent was to be able to cope with ongoing full time work, and get something better than the rubbish I've had all my life, and I just didn't. But perhaps I could have managed it. It would have been an easier time to do it.

It's bizarre to have spent years believing both contradictory things about myself, and contradictory things about my future: that I'm doomed, just live in the moment and grab what little pleasure from life you can) and that I'm not doomed and things will work out eventually if I don't give up. No wonder I've made such a hash of things. First doing one thing, then the other.

[Veni Vidi Vado]

Screw my stupid brain, My sleep hygiene tonight was flipping impeccable I made my bed a temple to sleep , I pre warmed my bedroom to the goldilocks temperature, no food two hours before ,a cup of camolie in the evening only got into bed when I felt ready. no caffine for a week e,t,c.
Dropped off instantly. and then two hours later ... bang I shoot bolt upright sweaty and wired AF.
Ive been giving up my last and probably my hardest of my vices that Ive given up over the years - Cannabis , after twenty-years of daily use ) and I have not had more than three hours of consecutive Sleep since

[Seagull]

Lfc 0 bha 1

[Veni Vidi Vado]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

^

When did you start giving up? It's probably going to take a while to adjust.
I have stopped drinking alcohol (for the most part, I tried a drink on Christmas day, it didn't end well)

I had to stop drinking because I got ill and can't tolerate it anymore, but apart from when I was pregnant and my kids were very little, I'd been drinking probably almost daily for 20 years too. It took months before my body and mind adjusted. Now I've lost that connection between feeling anxious/stressed and wanting a drink to feel relaxed.

Well done for binning it

Thanks , it's been about three weeks now , I also stopped nicotine at the same time even though I made the switch to a vape pen a year ago, it was time to lose that too. I used to drink heavily too, I have predisposition to addiction and I should have done this years ago... probably when I got sober.
I feel kinda good about it. Even though I have pretty strong anxiety right now , Im aware it's just a normal consequence of not getting enough sleep , so it doesn't hold the power over me, it once did.

For me , diet an exercise has been so beneficial to my mental health I want to take a holistic approach and get my mind body and spirit in good order ()

[Professor Willow]

Why couldn't I have just been normal

[Tubbs]

Sorry, I've only just seen the replies to my post where I was talking down Great Britain

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

^^ How long did you live there for, Tubbs?

I lived in NL for about three years, I moved in with my partner who had a place in Enschede.

@Nanuq I have been back for almost four years, when my partner relocated to the UK with me.

Yea you are spot on, I found things like shopping, answering the door etc, easier than I do back home, because any awkwardness could be put down to me being an obvious foreigner and not being entirely fluent in the language.

Originally Posted by choirgirl

^^^Did you ever see a Yo Samdy Sam video where she talks about living in the Netherlands and how it was good as an autistic person because people would assume any quirks were due to her being a foreigner?

No but I'll check that out right away! Thanks

[Professor Willow]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

^ what kind of normals?

Mostly to have had a normal youth - made friends, shared experiences, been to college, had nights out, got laid, travelled.
Instead of being a reclusive weirdo who now has a huge amount of regrets and hasn't really matured beyond the age of 15.

[choirgirl]

Nanuq, I know my regrets are pointless. It's a process. I mean, when I have a good idea, why don't I go with it? Why do I go with someone else's idea? It's so bloody annoying. Obviously, many of my ideas are rubbish, so there is that. I just needed to potter around and work out who the **** I was/am without people being around all the damn time.
^Part of me is definitely still 15.
^^Yeah, it made me think, dammit, knew I should have gone to live abroad when I had the chance!
Veni - I'm really impressed with your progress, because I checked out last time you posted (I was being nosy) and you were struggling. What's your secret? (You don't have to say.)

[Veni Vidi Vado]

Originally Posted by choirgirl

Veni - I'm really impressed with your progress, because I checked out last time you posted (I was being nosy) and you were struggling. What's your secret? (You don't have to say.)

Thank-you.... wow that was quite hard to read back, ...firstly I had made some progress up until that point and the beginning of lockdown 1.0 made me have a bit of a crash. I'm sure my life there will still contain some crashes in the future.
But I have made a lot of progress.... the secret ... well its a bit of a massive bloody cliché - Diet ,Exercise and Meditation, which is a little irritating as I remember wanting to jump over the desk and cave my gp's skull in when he suggested I should just "get out and get a little more fresh air and exercise" (It was still said in a really patronising and dismissive manner but it does help) the more you start to look after yourself the easier it becomes . Meditation for me was a life changer it's basically the same as mindfulness , CBT, or ACT or whatever (all of which I tried and failed) it just taught me to be able to mostly separate from my thoughts and not always follow them head first down a rabbit hole, now saying that teaching yourself to choose how to think is unimaginably flipping hard, but it does get easier the more you are able to do it, and these days most of the time I can catch those really negative ones before they snowball into a huge destructive blowout like you read in an earlier post.

In short Eat well - no processed food. Run/Walk/Cycle/Lift/Jazzercise - whatever works for you just do it regularly .Meditate - every mother flipping today , before you check your phone or emails . Get off Facebook -it is poison for the soul.

[Tonkin]

are you sure they're not just getting up in the morning and because it's still dark at 7 am they are putting their indoor lights on?

[choirgirl]

Thanks Veni - I think the meditation/mindfulness stuff would be by far the hardest for me, and I say that as someone who is inconsistent with diet and exercise.

^^My neighbours also have annoying security lights. It made me a bit paranoid at first. They're probably not deliberately doing anything to annoy you.

[Tubbs]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

Trying to make my cats Instagram famous is harder work than I had envisioned. I thought their cuteness would be enough to bring all the followers to the yard but it turns out there are other cute cats on there

What's their Instagram, Kooky? I will follow any and all cat Instagrams.

[Veni Vidi Vado]

^^^^^ I think you should give it try CG, a lot of people including myself are put off initially because they think meditation is all about clearing your mind totally, but I think hardly anyone is actually able to that, a constant stream of thoughts will pop into your head , the trick is to just notice them and return your attention back to your breathing, or the voice of your guide, or the even the muscle in your abdomen contracting as you breathe.
So ill sit down and pretty soon my mind will pop up and say something like " Oi...numbnuts.. this isn't going to work" ... I don't try and fight it , I just notice it, allow it and then return my attention to my breathing.....pretty soon my mind will pop up again and say something like "this is really stupid" and again I don't fight it I just notice it and slowly return my attention to my breathing....so maybe a minute goes past and I find myself thinking about whether I have enough food in the fridge.... I notice this and back to concentrating on my breathing .another 30 secs and I think "has it been 10mins yet?" notice, return to my breath. e.tc e.t.c you get the point because 10 mins can be a long time.
Now its fairly straight forward to just redirect your mind back to your breath for 10 mins when you are sat with your eyes closed on a comfy cushion with some ambient background music playing, but the point of the exercise is that slowly you can train yourself to do this during the day as well, My mind is still an absolute cock , and I haven't rid myself of a single neurosis I just subscribe to those negative beliefs far less often.

I don't mean to be so evangelical about it, but I do firmly believe anyone , and particularly those who are prone to anxiety can benefit from regular practice.

[Tubbs]

^^ Beautiful kitties, how many do you have altogether? 😺

[Percy]

How's geoff?

[Tubbs]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

^ Thank you

Five, but only the tuxies live with me now. Saffy, the grey one, has taken up residence at my dad's. She gets to live the quiet life there.

Five! You're living the dream I'm not allowed any more cats

[Percy]

I'm just looking at that sweet innocent face

[Percy]

Aw, i don't believe you. That face says it all.

[choirgirl]

Thanks Veni for talking me through it. I'm addicted to my thoughts, I think.

[Tubbs]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

^ How many do you have, Tubbs? I'll be honest, I wouldn't give this lot back for the world but life was simpler when I just had Saffy and her 'dad'.

I have two Fluffernutters (one of my many, many nicknames for them) called Syd and Nancy, but I'd have ten cats if I could! Syd and Nancy would probably leave home though.

[Veni Vidi Vado]

Originally Posted by Tubbs

I have two Fluffernutters (one of my many, many nicknames for them) called Syd and Nancy, but I'd have ten cats if I could! Syd and Nancy would probably leave home though.

Hey...I know that reference .....Neeeeerrrrrdd!

[Mr. Nobody]

I always thought a fluffernutter was a stimulation device,
Or a person who worked on adult movie sets 'helping things along'

Oh well,,, the perils of a mis-spent youth.

[Dougella]

^^

[choirgirl]

I'm such an ineffectual person and my life is a cluster****. I've been given some polite hints to stop moaning on here, which is understandable. I am looking forward to paying someone to hear me moan when that is possible. I really did get stuck in some kind of freeze state for so long that I've never been able to feel in control of my life, like it's slippery.

[Toxic]

I wish I knew where people seemed to be getting all this inside information on which crypto coins are about to shoot through the roof. You read people making 1000% returns on some random coin no ones heard of..how did they know to stick a few hundred quid into said coin in the first place while it was currently worth 0.01p

I'd only know to carpet bomb a load of coins and hope for the best, that seems a bit too close to gambling for my liking

[anxiouslondoner]

^ they didn't... some people have been lucky, that's all. Don't mistake it for skill. The ones who lost out aren't posting about their failures or aren't getting the attention.