Difficulty with banter and informal conversation

[Neil]

I struggle immensely with fast paced witty and humorous conversation. My mind seems to blank out in these situations but can perform in other more formal circumstances. Given the above I have little confidence in my ability to form friendships and generally keep to myself. I frequently make an effort to partake in awkward social exchanges but am growing increasingly disheartened as I do not recognise myself as a social animal.

[Alex652]

I've managed to become fairly confident with small talk and basic conversation. Thats about as far as it goes with the vast majority of people. I struggle to talk about something interesting or to have any 'banter' with anyone.

Its really annoying, as I know (or at least I think) that I can sometimes be witty when i'm alone, or with my two close friends. My mind gets overtaken by anxiety and I just can't think of anything interesting or funny to say.

[borg1210]

I can't banter that well but I'm not really into taking the mickey out of people anyway. Some people are into all that winding people up.

But if you stop and think about it, most people just talk about the same thing really.

Always thought social people must have all these interesting conversations with new people they meet and I'm stuck with boring subjects like what do you do, where do you live etc.

But even social people have to start on these subjects...

[magpie]

I'm terrible at conversation and small talk.

It's odd because sometimes I get so lonely and I wish I could talk normally and have lots of friends that I can chat to comfortably, and other times I find conversation really boring and find that my mind wanders and I disappear into a little fantasy world of my own. I don't find 'normal' conversation interesting which is part of the reason I don't feel like I can join in... I just can't be bothered. The other reason of course is the anxiety.

I think deep down I'm a very anti-social person who really wishes she wasn't

[BusterBluth]

It's not easy for us SA folk, the old banter and informal conversation game. I struggle with it, but it's to be expected really, practice makes perfect and I haven't had much practice...

[socialanxietyjohn]

Originally Posted by Neil

fast paced witty and humorous conversation

You would be unlikely to come across this where I work lol

[Ben1981]

Im pretty shoddy at Banter. Whenever someone throws a one liner in my direction that requires a likewise response I usually clam up and appear very slow witted. Pretty embarrassing when Im in the sort of working environment where its the norm.

[Neil]

Originally Posted by Ben24

Im pretty shoddy at Banter. Whenever someone throws a one liner in my direction that requires a likewise response I usually clam up and appear very slow witted. Pretty embarrassing when Im in the sort of working environment where its the norm.

Let me guess.... You work in a maintenance/labourer squad? I'm in the same position. My workmates aren't academically clever, but they are the sharpest people I have ever met, far, far sharper and mentally quicker than people I met at university.

I especially relate to this,

Originally Posted by Ben

Whenever someone throws a one liner in my direction that requires a likewise response I usually clam up and appear very slow witted.

[Twoflower]

Originally Posted by BusterBluth

It's not easy for us SA folk, the old banter and informal conversation game. I struggle with it, but it's to be expected really, practice makes perfect and I haven't had much practice...

Yeah this is it really, I struggle with knowing what to say, being quick and stuff when talking to people but when I've had times when I've forced myself to be social for a while I've got better at it. Since I now haven't socialised for a while I find it hard to do the whole informal chit chat thing. It gets easier with practice though... which is what most SA people don't get

[Johnny Rook]

I can respond to questions 'what did you do yesterday?' I can then reply 'oh I did... blah blah and blah' what I can't do very well is ask other people questions, whenever I try it always feels to me like I'm reading it from a script. I'm fine if the other person is chatty and can keep me responding, but I dread those moments of silence when I feel I'm supposed to say something but can never think of anything.

[Admiral Fool]

Originally Posted by silver-lining

I don't think most banter is about being witty or clever - I think it's just about being prepared to laugh at yourself and other people (in a nice way obviously!). .

I think this is true, I have rubbish banter for the most part but my workmates always seem to appreciate me insulting them, they really do, I guess it's just part of belonging.

[Ben1981]

Originally Posted by Neil

Let me guess.... You work in a maintenance/labourer squad? I'm in the same position. My workmates aren't academically clever, but they are the sharpest people I have ever met, far, far sharper and mentally quicker than people I met at university.

I especially relate to this,

Yes Im in the same situation. And a lot of the time the banter does tend to cross the line and go too far which is why I tend to take a step back from it. Its probably the same for all these types of workplaces.

[Memory]

Originally Posted by Johnny Rook

I can respond to questions 'what did you do yesterday?' I can then reply 'oh I did... blah blah and blah' what I can't do very well is ask other people questions, whenever I try it always feels to me like I'm reading it from a script. I'm fine if the other person is chatty and can keep me responding, but I dread those moments of silence when I feel I'm supposed to say something but can never think of anything.

Yeah, same here.

I'm terrible with making conversation and small talk because I'm too worried about initiating anything. So it's always up to the other person and I end up making very non-committal replies because I panic and just want my turn to speak to be over with.

[Thomas]

I think banter is very important in determining the social hierarchy that we all know exists, especially amongst groups of males.

Normally amongst good friends banter is friendly and shared out fairly and proportionately. But I have often found that in larger groups and especially when alcohol is involved, the individuals at the bottom of the hierarchy get a disproportionate amount of stick which verges on bullying. I have often found myself in this situation, maybe down to just not being quick enough to deliver quick comebacks but I suspect the real reason is that I think 'who am I to be insulting someone who clearly has a lot more going for them than me?'. And often the most popular ones will be the best at banter and if someone from the lower ranks dares embarrass them with an occasional witty line they will make an example of them with some very snide and personal remarks which they know will put the quiet one back in their place.

[custom_fusion-lqx]

my banter ehhh

well a woman came to my door handing out raffle tickets for this village do

and i said once she was leaving 'nice dog'

it was a weird moment and not so good

[bluemaus]

I struggle with banter... sometimes it makes me uncomfortable because it just triggers thoughts of inferiority. Especially when most of the time jibes come my way when I really haven't had a good day. I probably come across as stuck-up or completely humourless.

I often can't think of responses quickly enough in informal settings and must come across as a bit of an idiot. I suppose a recurring theme in any type of interaction for me is the difficulty in deciding what an appropriate response will be.

[Mr Ploppy]

It bothers me a little that banter is usually against yourself or someone else.
I indulge in it myself, but it feels negative.

[Ceega]

I struggle a lot with this.

I've always found myself incapable of joining in with male banter over the years. I'm so pathetically sensitive that any remark made to me - even in an overtly joking manner - will continue to eat me away slowly inside.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy

It bothers me a little that banter is usually against yourself or someone else.
I indulge in it myself, but it feels negative.

That's the disadvantage with banter. Usually it may take the form of some sort of friendly insult however the trouble is trying to get a sense of how the person will take it i.e as banter or be offended by it. I guess that's another thing to learn, not only how to do it but when it is appropiate by knowing the person well enough to think they will take it as banter and even then it's still hard to fathom sometimes.

[Mr Ploppy]

It can also be difficult for guys to be positive or complimentary to each other. Again I can do this but not as often as I would like.
There's also a sense that almost no one compliments me on anything, i'm always the compliment giver.

[W!llow]

I occasionally surprise myself that I manage to come back with something fast enough but generally I'm not good at banter. I've also found that sometimes when I've tried to do the same sort of thing back to people they don't seem to get it and take it seriously. So I'm probably best leaving it to those that can/or don't care about other's feelings. I actually don't mind taking the pee out of myself to a certain extent, I will do that myself, if it becomes a constant bombardment I start feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable it's like I have a time limit on how much I can handle.