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  #121  
Old 3rd July 2012, 22:51
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Theo
It's true that the attractive of whatever gender tend to go for their own type, equally as attractive. That certainly isn't always the case. Those that go purely for looks are shallow. As for allowing comments made years ago to undermine the rest of your life, is effectively allowing vicious morons to win. You are better than that, I'm sure. I realize that it must be harder for men as they have to, usually, make the first move, but life, says she who feels bruised and battered by it today, is all about taking chances. Avoidance techniques make you totally unapproachable and ensure that you miss out.

It's so easy to be an agony aunt. Now for my own life... Umm!

All the best,

Theo
I think my problem is I dont know who to believe anymore

People say you should just ignore bullies/they talk crap etc....but what if they are actually telling the truth?

I get very confused on looks/appearance when it comes to who decides what is and what isnt "ugly" and if theres differing levels or does it depend on certain peoples own preference..or are there standards! a list of what is universally classed as unattractive

(Yes i overthink this a lot) from what ive discovered from being around certain people i do seem to tick a lot of boxes on personality (and even looks in some cases, god knows how!)

But the constant putting myself down/thinking im undesirable and unable to see what potential women might see in me isnt gonna do me any favours

now im rambling..

but thanks
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  #122  
Old 3rd July 2012, 23:23
STRING3R STRING3R is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

I haven't tried at all. I see no reason at all why a women would want to have a relationship with a freak like me.
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  #123  
Old 3rd July 2012, 23:27
diplodocus diplodocus is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Progress
I've definitely made some improvements there, but maybe still could do better. Tough things to work on though.
Good to hear. Yeah they are tough and they do take time but worth it in the end.
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  #124  
Old 4th July 2012, 14:06
Defiance Defiance is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

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Originally Posted by diplodocus
But he must be good with the bitches ladies right?





not sure lol.

I vaguely remember something about him having a girlfriend a while back but i think people were just joking.
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  #125  
Old 4th July 2012, 20:30
few screws loose few screws loose is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
These "manboys" you speak of invariablly have plenty of hard lads or friends in high places (especially in the workplace) as backup. Otherwise the women would laugh them off.
It's true that for some people, especially the younger they are, they choose partners based upon really superficial things such as whether their partners hang out with a "cool" gang or an "in-crowd". But to think that this applies to all people would be skewered in honesty. I'm female but I do not chose a partner based on who he hangs out with, nor do any of my female friends!
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  #126  
Old 4th July 2012, 20:52
hibatchi hibatchi is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

Never have much chance if I avoid anyone that looks at me, or whimper when i talk to them while being bright red and ugly looking.
On the odd times when i am feeling less anxious, still dont get the chance as I need to have known them for a while to talk, and by then they probably just see me as a strange character. Its totally understandible though, if someone went all embarrassed and tried to avoid me when I said hello, then i would think they were odd too.
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  #127  
Old 4th July 2012, 21:15
diplodocus diplodocus is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
These "manboys" you speak of invariablly have plenty of hard lads or friends in high places (especially in the workplace) as backup. Otherwise the women would laugh them off.
No they didn't! I knew these guys. They didn't have hard friends or backup. If they got set upon their friends would most probably stand there and watch with an expression of concern, that's if they didn't run away. If they got attacked they'd curl up into the foetal position and pray their attacker would eventually get tired of kicking their lifeless body.

Obviously they weren't the type to go looking for trouble and avoided places and people that might give them hassle. None of this mattered when it came to getting attractive girlfriends because the girls in question couldn't give two hoots about 'hard' men!
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  #128  
Old 5th July 2012, 12:49
Sleepless Sleepless is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

whats a manboy?
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  #129  
Old 5th July 2012, 21:30
few screws loose few screws loose is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
The evidence I've seen points overwhelmingly to the contrary and if any of the in-crowd take a dislike to you, then everyone else will too, in order to stay in with the right people.


I've heard plenty of women say that only to find that their partner (and all their ex's) were part of an in-crowd. Go figure.
Perhaps it's the circles you've been around but this has not been my experience nor the experience of friends that I know (we're talking later life here and not teenage years in which admittedly it does happen). In fact one of my female friends doesn't even like her partner's friends, and a couple of other female friends have partners that don't have very many friends and seldom see them. Myself personally, I like someone for who they are and I don't care a fig about his friends (in fact from a purely selfish SA point of view the less social he is the better lol).
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  #130  
Old 5th July 2012, 21:31
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

Quote:
Originally Posted by few screws loose
Myself personally, I like someone for who they are and I don't care a fig about his friends (in fact from a purely selfish SA point of view the less social he is the better lol).
Aw, this made me chuckle
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  #131  
Old 5th July 2012, 21:46
few screws loose few screws loose is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

^ Lol, well tis true sadly hehe .
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  #132  
Old 6th July 2012, 21:24
Belinda Belinda is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

I think quite a few women, even non-s.a. ones, would quite like a partner with no friends- when I had a boyfriend who had friends (this was back in the mists of time in about 1986) I hated it as they thought I was too quiet n shy and I thought they were too annoying and loud. The last 15 years with a friend-free partner have been great and I have no desire to join the 'in-crowd' thanks very much. Cynic, I see what you mean about a large percentage of women demanding a popular boyfriend but there are loads of women who just want someone they have a lot in common with and who understands them well. Something tells me you are going to find fault with this argument...
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  #133  
Old 6th July 2012, 22:22
diplodocus diplodocus is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

^ Same is true for guys. I am SA though mostly recovered and an introvert by nature. It just wouldn't suit me to have an incredibly sociable partner with hordes of friends to have to deal with. An old female friend of mine was very sociable and I know it did her partners head in. He wasn't SA in the slightest and fairly outgoing but when she'd have friends round which was quite often he'd make his excuses and leave.
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  #134  
Old 6th July 2012, 22:27
A89 A89 is offline
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Default Re: Relationships - how hard have you looked/tried?

I believe, when in comes to relationships, itll happen at the right time when its meant to. I know it can seem crappy when you want to be with someone and share things with someone and be in love, but if you just concentrate on whats now, and also with SA keeping positive to help overcome it, things will happen, you will meet someone. Im not very good at explaining myself but i hope that makes sense!
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