Does your reputation proceed you?

[mwake]

Does anyone feel like a "Lepper" in their town. I suffer from mental illness I try to keep a low profile but everywhere I go I can read the people and know that they are judging me either by their words or their body language.

For this reason it's hard to make friends because I get the I know you're the "local crazy guy" look even when people are being polite to me.

I get on the bus or to a restaurant and people mutter angrily or laugh about me. All this impedes on my recovery efforts, it makes me not want to go out and be around people, things that many people take for granted.

I know some may think that I'm paranoid and that's why I'm crazy, this is what my wife and friends say. They don't believe that someones reputation as a mental health sufferer can travel around a community and create a barrier to wellbeing especilally when strangers gossip or make cutting remarks about that person. Has anybody else experienced what I'm trying to express not is it just me?

[limey123]

Originally Posted by mwake

, this is what my wife and friends say

This might suggest matters aren't so bad as you think?

Anyway sorry to read of your troubles and I hope things improve.

[gregarious_introvert]

I don't know how large your town is, or what the community is like, but it may be that you're imagining most of what you're feeling, or that people are reacting to your demeanour rather than your reputation. When we suffer with anxiety, we do have a tendency to believe that everyone is noticing us, or has been warned about us, when the reality is more likely to be that people are too wrapped up in themselves to realise that we're there.

Another thing I don't know is the nature of your mental illness; if it is something which is noticeable to others (eg. if you have a tic of some kind), it may be that, on occasion, those who don't understand will react to that. It may also be that your anxiety causes you to have negative body language and people can react to that too. It is surprising, however, how many people can be understanding: on my local bus route between Glapwell and Chesterfield, there is a passenger who travels fairly regularly who suffers with Tourette's - nobody minds his outbursts, occasionally a passenger who has not encountered him previously may glance his way but usually one of the more regular passengers will explain that he is harmless.

Until a couple of years ago, I lived in a small village and the street in which I lived was one in which most people had been born in the village; my next-door-neighbour had his parents and two brothers also living in the same street, nobody moved too far from home, so there was definitely a neighbourhood network. When I moved in, I was agoraphobic so I did have a reputation within the street as something of a weirdo; however, when I recovered a little and started venturing out (including to the village pub), I discovered that my reputation had not spread beyond that small area and I felt quite at home and welcomed by the rest of the village.

People do mutter angrily and laugh at things; I know from personal experience how easy it is to believe that they are talking about me behind my back, that their laughter is directed at me (many of us will have experienced walking past a group of people just as they burst out laughing and we are convinced that we're the cause of that laughter), or that their angry mutterings are the result of my presence, but it is rarely the case. I can't say for sure that your reputation doesn't precede you, but it will only be a very small circle of people who would judge you in that way and it is more likely, when it comes to strangers, that you imagining the reaction.

[mwake]

Originally Posted by limey123

This might suggest matters aren't so bad as you think?

Anyway sorry to read of your troubles and I hope things improve.

I try to lean on this as a way of being more objective but I sometimes tell myself that of course my wife and friends will day this about me they know me and aren't threatened by my behavior, but strangers don't have that affectionate knowledge of me judge me harshly....I guess I gotta learn not to care...

[mwake]

Originally Posted by healingsoul

Yeah, I get what you mean. I feel the same way at times and it isn't imagined. It is probably in your body language though. When I am calm, which is rarely, people are calmer around me in general or are easier to read. When I am anxious or depressed, people also seem a bit more on edge or defensive around me. I don't have an answer but know part of the solution is to become comfortable with yourself.

I can relate to this contact buzz feeling too. If I am relaxed it helps others to relax and visa versa. I need to learn to be comfortable in my own body.

[mwake]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

I don't know how large your town is, or what the community is like, but it may be that you're imagining most of what you're feeling, or that people are reacting to your demeanour rather than your reputation. When we suffer with anxiety, we do have a tendency to believe that everyone is noticing us, or has been warned about us, when the reality is more likely to be that people are too wrapped up in themselves to realise that we're there.

Another thing I don't know is the nature of your mental illness; if it is something which is noticeable to others (eg. if you have a tic of some kind), it may be that, on occasion, those who don't understand will react to that. It may also be that your anxiety causes you to have negative body language and people can react to that too. It is surprising, however, how many people can be understanding: on my local bus route between Glapwell and Chesterfield, there is a passenger who travels fairly regularly who suffers with Tourette's - nobody minds his outbursts, occasionally a passenger who has not encountered him previously may glance his way but usually one of the more regular passengers will explain that he is harmless.

Until a couple of years ago, I lived in a small village and the street in which I lived was one in which most people had been born in the village; my next-door-neighbour had his parents and two brothers also living in the same street, nobody moved too far from home, so there was definitely a neighbourhood network. When I moved in, I was agoraphobic so I did have a reputation within the street as something of a weirdo; however, when I recovered a little and started venturing out (including to the village pub), I discovered that my reputation had not spread beyond that small area and I felt quite at home and welcomed by the rest of the village.

People do mutter angrily and laugh at things; I know from personal experience how easy it is to believe that they are talking about me behind my back, that their laughter is directed at me (many of us will have experienced walking past a group of people just as they burst out laughing and we are convinced that we're the cause of that laughter), or that their angry mutterings are the result of my presence, but it is rarely the case. I can't say for sure that your reputation doesn't precede you, but it will only be a very small circle of people who would judge you in that way and it is more likely, when it comes to strangers, that you imagining the reaction.

Well thanks for that considered reply.... Yes I feel that I don't understand others and assume the worst of others and what they think.... I was bullied in my younger years and so when I see two or more people taking angrily or laughing it triggers PTSD and flashbacks when I was made to feel like an hated outcast.

Of courses people are allowed to be angry and be happy...I just got to love and accept myself even if I think someone doesn't like me. My partner tells me I'm a kind person that when I let myself go I can be endearing to others.... But I feel as soon as I cross the threshold of my four m front door I instantly tense up and my body language becomes defensive from the top of my head to my toes....I am going to try some meditation, yoga and try to learn to laugh at myself and others.... It's hard to change programming but I belive it can be done...