Successes over the last year

[tryinghard]

Hello all, haven't been here for a while, but I was just cycling home and counting my successes over the last year, which made me feel good, so I kind of wanted to write them down and share them with others.

So this time last year, i was still struggling to look people in the eye, hated initiating conversation, felt awkward in basically all social situations, would get a facial twitch when talking to people, and really didn't enjoy being in company all that much at all.

In the last 12 months, I have:
- Made about four of five new friends
- Organised trips for me and others to go on together
- Went to a party full of strangers in order to find a new flatmate and found one
- Been assertive at work to the point of disagreeing (politely) with the head honcho, and having in one project to 'manage' people who are technically a lot more senior to me because they made mistakes (so I had to put my foot down with them - politely, of course)
- Hired actors, hired directors, filmed sketches, project managed people and now I'm taking a show to Edinburgh, which puts me at significant risk of my most-feared event - 'failure'
- Been on holiday by myself twice
- Been assertive with my family
- And tonight I went to a kind-of review meeting at the BBC for lots of writers and 1) initiated conversation with several people, 2) proposed that next time we have a meeting we all organise to meet more frequently in order to 'talk shop' over some drinks (people were interested in this), 3) Spoken up several times in front of the group, 4) Made conversation with the person in charge and asked her to read some of my work. 5) Noticed when I was becoming preoccupied with myself/my behaviour and shifted my attention outwards towards them to make sure I was listening properly and to notice their behaviour more (this is a key goal for me)

The reason I was thinking about this is because as I left tonight I was struggling not to beat myself up. I thought about how when I spoke to the person chairing the meeting (a Beeb employee who it would be in my interests to impress) I struggled not to speak as if she was in charge and doing me a favour, and I felt I occasionally blurted out the wrong thing or came off as generally awkward, I felt I did not seem relaxed and friendly and 'normal'. But actually, I didn't really do anything wrong at all, it was fine, and I was also aware of this. I basically beat myself up for all of....maybe 90 seconds....before a voice inside me that has been getting stronger and stronger over the years said: "Well I didn't think it was that bad, and besides, you were nervous, this is really important to you, so that's understandable. People get nervous, it's really difficult to seem relaxed when you feel like that. It's not a bad thing'. And then I suddenly realised I didn't really care what they think and that I really didn't think they thought anything bad of me anyway.

And that's what made me count my success

Sometimes it's easy to get down on yourself and get perfectionistic about it because you've forgotten how far you've come. This is the moral of the story ;-)

[flumpsy]

Wow, those are huge,and well done for remembering them ,it is really important to remember all the wins. When I think back I always remember the negatives far more than positives.

"- Went to a party full of strangers in order to find a new flatmate and found one"

Without lubrication I just cannot imagine doing that. Did you feel natural or just doing a good job at trying to fit in ?

Last year for me was employing a couple of new staff, interviews, induction types stuff. Very hard for me but rewarding. Then I had unfortunately to re-arrange some things to cut me out of a few work areas because I wasnt sure I could handle it long term.

In a way that is a positive, realising when something was starting to get too much and change it so I could manage.

[tryinghard]

Thanks both :-) And Trumpsy, I think that is positive that you were able to look after yourself and assert what you needed

[flumpsy]

Thanks, when you are pushing and pushing it is really important to check that your not actually pushing so hard you are going to fail and undo all the work.

Any tips on the holiday ? Every time I book holiday time I end up failing to actually go anywhere and just rotting in my house for a week, often depressed because I failed to arrange anything.

[tryinghard]

Originally Posted by trumpsy

Thanks, when you are pushing and pushing it is really important to check that your not actually pushing so hard you are going to fail and undo all the work.

Any tips on the holiday ? Every time I book holiday time I end up failing to actually go anywhere and just rotting in my house for a week, often depressed because I failed to arrange anything.

Yes! My big tip is www.Skyscanner.net. Get yourself a cheap flight, a hostel and a city break