Feeling like an imposter for new job

[Wings]

I'm kind of having an internal meltdown at the moment, so was hoping someone had some advice or I'll just use this space to get it off my chest.

Since I discovered beta blockers I've been taking them for any situation where I could get nervous. Recently I've had several rounds of interviews at a big "prestigious" company where I took the pills and aced them. I was incredibly confident and the recruiter tells me as soon as they saw me I was a shoe in.

Problem is, I'm NOT that confident person. I'm trying to reassure myself that I'm the same person with the same knowledge, just an added layer of nerves that they didn't see. I'd be ok if this was some random small company but this is a place I never even dreamed of getting into. Just thinking about my first day makes me have a mini heart attack.

I can just imagine the first day, someone asks me about my previous work experience and I have a panic attack I'm supposed to be best of the best and the one they picked out of all those people but actually I feel like a bumbling idiot who makes silly mistakes all the time and got the boot from her past 2 jobs (redundancy, rather than fired).

sorry for rant

edit: to make things worse I went to my doctor to get more pills as I'm running out, and she won't let me have them anymore! she says my dosage was too high and I can't be taking it everyday. I've become so reliant on them I don't feel like I can function without them.

[black_mamba]

There's two things behind this for me.

One is that I feel you are probably more confident than you give yourself credit for. Your silly mistakes are, I bet, mostly born out of anxiety rather than genuine thoughtlessness. Plus everyone makes silly mistakes. No one is perfect. I know a lot of people in prestigious businesses like to think they're perfect, but they all started from having little experience, and probably still have plenty to learn. It sounds as if you're discrediting yourself before even giving yourself the chance to excel.

The other thing is the impostor syndrome, which is surprisingly common:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewa...stor-syndrome/

To me these two things are the ways in which your thoughts (controlled by anxiety) are making you feel rubbish. Maybe you feel that a capable person wouldn't have any doubts, but I think most people do. Of course with an anxiety disorder we do it to an extreme, but it is not unusual.

I suppose one way of helping yourself is to recognise these negative thoughts as your brain's way of sabotaging your mood, rather than seeing them as a definite accurate description of actual events.

Beta blockers are great aren't they? They take away many physical symptoms of anxiety and so help to clear your mind. There are other ways to do this, although they involve a little effort on your part. My favourite is a quick dose of guided meditation. Nothing spiritual or new-agey mind, just some relaxation exercises that you are guided along with a voice over. I recommend this but you can also find lots of free ones on YouTube (although some are a bit too "spiritual" for my tastes).

Well done for acing the interview by the way.

[AnathemA]

I think this is common. Impostor syndrome is a recognised phenomenon and I've definitely felt that way before (quite recently). Similar situation, with a very large company that is a household name.

Not sure what to say, except it turned out not to be so scary and I could do the work.

[andrex]

I feel for you Ding.

You could ask your doctor for Half Beta-Prograne 80mg sustained release capsules (Propanalol Hydrochloride). These tablets give a slow release of beta blockers over a 24 hour period and you take them every day. It is possible to go up to 160 mg.

I personally do not get on with tablets but I used these for a period, they do not affect your mind just slow down metabolism, heart rate etc. It is impossible to have a panic attack on them.

You have to have your blood pressure taken every so often and some people put on weight.

I'm not a doc obviously so take what I say with a pinch of salt, but you could ask your doc what he/she thinks and if you are that desperate go private. They can't kill you. You will find that you only need them for a shortish period I hope until you can find a non-medical alternative.

If further down the line you find the job that stressful then maybe it is not right for you.

Good luck and the above is only an opinion

[Wings]

Thank you for the helpful replies everyone

Regarding imposter syndrome.. actually I really am not that competent compared to some of my old colleagues, I can think of several people who deserve the job more than me. But I guess even the prestigious companies must have a few sub-par people about, I still can't believe I got through the interviews.

Congrats on the new job AnathemA! Hoping I will find it the same as you, not so scary

I thought I would feel amazing if I got the job but all I feel at the moment is anxiety and like I've conned them somehow. I keep thinking first day, they'll remember the confident person in the interviews and be like "who the f- is this nervous wreck?" funny thing is, I can be confident if I just know I won't have a panic attack, which ends up being a catch 22 situation

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Ding

... actually I really am not that competent compared to some of my old colleagues, I can think of several people who deserve the job more than me. But I guess even the prestigious companies must have a few sub-par people about, I still can't believe I got through the interviews...

Even if you feel there are better candidates, there was something in you that the recruiters saw that they liked better, so you have to trust their judgement.

And also you have to remember that a lot of people are reasonable enough to understand first day/week/month nerves on a new job.

I had impostor syndrome when I got my first big, well paid "professional" job and I was forever asking my manager whether I was doing well or not. He seemed surprised, saying that I was good at my job, although yes I was more quiet than my colleagues, I still got the work done well. He even said that if I was lacking in confidence he could send me on some courses to help - that's the big plus of working for a massive business, the money and support is there to help you develop.

But hey even if it turns out the job or company doesn't support you, then so be it. It really isn't the end of the world, although your anxiety might tell you otherwise.

PS. Was it you who said on another thread you wanted to work outdoors? You should come and manage the place I work for, it's a bit of a disaster management wise (hope my colleagues never see this, lol).

[Phool]

Hi ding

Just wanted to say when we have met, at meets or on the Northern Line you always came across as incredibly competent and capable and intelligent.

I can relate to the imposter feeling. I certainly felt that in my last contract which was above and beyond anything I have done. All I can say is they wouldn't hire you if they didn't think you couldn't do the job, and the meds can't help you answer the interview questions, that's you and your experience.

As for redundancy, its so common now people are used to it and don't hold it against you.

Can't really advise on the meds but just wanted to say good luck. Hang in there, you are a smart cookie and am sure you will get past the initial nerves.

All the best.
P

[Wings]

^hello!


thanks for the support you guys, really helpful to read that you've been through similar feelings.

I've always worked at small companies in the past and looked up to people at the big places, thinking they were amazing.

I'm actually going to a toastmasters group tonight for the first time. I want to get used to being on the spot and having to talk.

I'm hoping there's a strict hierarchy at work, so I only talk to people my level and slightly above, and no need to talk with the bigwigs

[Azalea]

Good luck tonight.