When exposure therapy does'nt work and you just give up.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Im 32 now and I just flat out gave up at the age on 25.

I think that some people here are probably pissed off with reading my posts tbh becuse they think that I've never tried to tackle this shit.

I feel sorry for one user here 'ABC' because he seems like he's going through exactly what I went through.

Where you get to the point where you feel like you just cannot deal with people anymore.

This happened to me at 25 and since then I've almost completely lived in isolation.

At one point I never went out for 2 yeasr straight, so I also feel sorry for ther user here Jimmy who is going trough some extreme isoaltion like this now.

During those 2 years I must have emptied the bins in the back yard no more than 5 yimes. I never left the grounds

Im still suffering from extreme isolation right now and thats why I feel so frozen.

Anyway, My SA, depression AvPD blah blah blah first kicked in badly just before I hit 21.

I had problems before then, I've had problems my whole life and I know I was born avoidant, due to having memories of being avoidant as far back as 4-5 years old.

At 21 though it hit me really bad and Ive never been right since.

From the age of 21 up until 25 I did all the exposure without even knowing wtf was going on.

I had no interent access so I knew nothing of the hell that I was going through.

I just felt that I had to keep trying to make myself feel better.

I wnet out to pubs, clubs, parks, shopping malls, city and town centres, hung out on the streets, friends houses, even went on holiday abroad but I just got worse and worse.

I got to the point where I gave up and started living in my head tbh.

At 25 I hit a wall, spent two years in isoaltion and I just dont know how to get myself back out there all these years latter.

I'm not going to say that I'm completely broken but at times I feel pretty close to it.

I just dont know what to do.

All I can do is look back at how I tried to fight this shit and live with the constant hypervigilance, anxiety, blah blah blah and how I could'nt cope.

I can't see how I can ever cope.

Like the user ABC its not like I hav'nt tried.

You get to a point where you hate being outside and just can't do it, so you either count on family, REAL friends or you get sectioned.

Im such a fecking mess, been like it for so long now bit can't see anything better than what I have now.

It's like I've completely lost the will to live and Im just surving.

I dont even know why I created this thread because the truth is it's just going to put more people off me.

I am stuck, totally stuck.

My mental and physical health issues keep me stuck.

There seems to be something broken in me that means I can't seek help, I can't move on.

I'm frozen.

It feels like I have no free will and I'm completely powerless.

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Frustration!

From the age of 21 up until 25 I did all the exposure without even knowing wtf was going on.

Then that's not strictly exposure therapy.

You sound really really frustrated. I didn't realised you'd been in isolation for so long, no wonder.

I'd recommend you go see a doctor to kick this mofo SA and isolation up it's arse. Is there anyone you know who would go with you to make it easier on you?

[karl-32]

i tried exposure for 5 years . went to a gig wioth 14,000 people there , went to pubs cinema and today as i sit i'm worse than ever..........

[Blumoon]

sound like you really could be doing with talking to someone about it all, thats a lotta info you wrote on that post, should tell someone irl, maybe your gp, then maybe they could get ya a counsellor if youd be prepard to talk to them like/what you say on here.

you do sound as if you need help don't isolate yourself further, and certainly don't isolate yourself further on here. i've done it and felt crap.

xx

[Blumoon]

Originally Posted by karl-31

i tried exposure for 5 years . went to a gig wioth 14,000 people there , went to pubs cinema and today as i sit i'm worse than ever..........

i don't like gig environments, i mean the music is ok just the people.
i just end up feeling dizzy, claustrophiobic, and i get the anxious feeling but also very jealous of everyone having a good time etc, hugging their pals..stuff that really upsets me. Not the best thing to jump straight into to help you. be best to just take daily trips out then in time go further, and then you can try the gig as the biggest challenge.

[Paladin]

Originally Posted by lilly

thanks for writing that frustration and sorry you are feeling so stuck in the mud, i doubt it will put anyone off you

from reading what you put i think the main problem is by just repeatedly exposing yourself to situations, this alone will rarely help to overcome sa, infact i think this very thing has been mentioned in the dr richards handouts, i can send you the info if you like? because by just exposing yourself repeatedly and not actually looking or challening what is going on with your perceptions nothing is likely to shift internally. also have you had any support any therapy at all?

I think that's true, self-awareness is the most important thing

[karl-32]

Originally Posted by Shawty

i don't like gig environments, i mean the music is ok just the people.
i just end up feeling dizzy, claustrophiobic, and i get the anxious feeling but also very jealous of everyone having a good time etc, hugging their pals..stuff that really upsets me. Not the best thing to jump straight into to help you. be best to just take daily trips out then in time go further, and then you can try the gig as the biggest challenge.

i had to hav a seat i wouldnt stand and i just went wit me mum

i still got impression everyone was staring at me . it was green day too so ya know there was better stuff to look at lol

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by lilly

from reading what you put i think the main problem is by just repeatedly exposing yourself to situations, this alone will rarely help to overcome sa, infact i think this very thing has been mentioned in the dr richards handouts, i can send you the info if you like? because by just exposing yourself repeatedly and not actually looking or challening what is going on with your perceptions nothing is likely to shift internally. also have you had any support any therapy at all?

Exactly. Simply forcing yourself into new situations without the right mindset and post processing can be damaging.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

Then that's not strictly exposure therapy.

You sound really really frustrated. I didn't realised you'd been in isolation for so long, no wonder.

I'd recommend you go see a doctor to kick this mofo SA and isolation up it's arse. Is there anyone you know who would go with you to make it easier on you?

I can't do it.

I can't face the world and keep going at it everyday, day in day out.

I've tried before, and you are right it was'nt really exposure therapy, but I know I'll feel the same.

It was just a constant fecking war with myself and my surroundings.

I can go to the doctors but then what?

I went to the doctors before, tired medication and just kept trying to fight this shit by exposing myself but only got worse.

Im terrified of making another first step tbh because If I just take one step back then I've failed.

I know that this shit is for life and I must deal with it everyday because Ive been their before.

Originally Posted by karl-31

i tried exposure for 5 years . went to a gig wioth 14,000 people there , went to pubs cinema and today as i sit i'm worse than ever..........

It sucks Karl.

Feck knows what to do.

Right, I'm off to watch the boxing to give myself a little break.

[artist23]

what your going through frustration is a state of mind which can be changed, maybe medication can help you or councelling, you need to break free from you mind depression, i know its easier said than done but their is a way out.

[Blumoon]

Originally Posted by Frustration!

but I know I'll feel the same.
It was just a constant fecking war with myself and my surroundings.
I can go to the doctors but then what?
I went to the doctors before, tired medication and just kept trying to fight this shit by exposing myself but only got worse.
Im terrified of making another first step tbh because If I just take one step back then I've failed.
I know that this shit is for life and I must deal with it everyday because Ive been their before.

no you don't, how do you know that?

what you need is people to support you probably, friends. x[ or even a social worker or careers adviser keyworker like i have. cos they would get you into social things which might give you a chance to make friends, or at least get out and socialise and try and make friends.

ye the meds would only help so much, so i duno what more you can do unfortunately, just keep trying like us all...basically if you give up something so good could happen for you, and you'd not be able to experience it plz think about gteting help.x

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Originally Posted by lilly

thanks for writing that frustration and sorry you are feeling so stuck in the mud, i doubt it will put anyone off you

from reading what you put i think the main problem is by just repeatedly exposing yourself to situations, this alone will rarely help to overcome sa, infact i think this very thing has been mentioned in the dr richards handouts, i can send you the info if you like? because by just exposing yourself repeatedly and not actually looking or challening what is going on with your perceptions nothing is likely to shift internally. also have you had any support any therapy at all?

My mom supports me.

I've had no therapy.

Can you send me this Dr. Richards info?

One of the things that's stopping me is that I have a physical health condition too that affects mobility.

I developed this at 27 so it was like another kick in the teeth.

I made this thread mentioning problems with my mind but now its probably the physcial condition that gets me down the most tbh.

Its such a bitch trying to get my head around dealing with both these issues.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Thanks for the replies people.

I can't lie though and tell you that I'll follow all the advice given.

I'll try, its all I can say.

I dont want to make excuses but my mood is all over the place.

One minute I'm fine being like this, the next I feel god awful.

Its so hard to think straight and focus on what I should be doing when my mind wont let me.

For years, it's been like being on a rollercoaster that I need to get off and just walk a straight line, but can't because the roller coaster won't stop.

This thread was more of a rant than anything too tbh.

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Frustration!

I'll try, its all I can say.

Good for you. As long as you're trying, then there is always hope and you should feel better about yourself.

If going to a docs is scary, find a coping mechanism, get someone to go with you or write a letter or ask for advice on here.

If you don't want to do that then I'd start questioning why you don't want to get better? Is it depression as well?

Anyway good luck and I hope you take it easier on yourself. You're NOT a failure if you take a few steps back.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

Good for you. As long as you're trying, then there is always hope and you should feel better about yourself.

If going to a docs is scary, find a coping mechanism, get someone to go with you or write a letter or ask for advice on here.

If you don't want to do that then I'd start questioning why you don't want to get better? Is it depression as well?

Anyway good luck and I hope you take it easier on yourself. You're NOT a failure if you take a few steps back.

Yep, depression as well.

I dont know which is worse tbh.

I think I just look at how I live as the lesser of two evils tbh so thats why I find it so hard to change.

I know the sheer amout of effort involved is tremendous too.

I mean this is a war, no doubt about it.

I did actually get some meds off my docs a couple of months back but in the end they actually made me feel too numb and I already have enough problems with that at times.

I think they added to my morning depression tbh.

I managed to make the phone call and have a chat with him and arrange the meds, but I was so nervous I put me off meeting him in person.

I was shocked at how nervous I was actually because the phone is not something I have a big problems with.

I guess it was becuse it was a much more personal call than I'm used to though.

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Frustration!

I know the sheer amout of effort involved is tremendous too.

But don't dwell on that. One tiny step at a time, and all that.

Lots of us on here have depression on top of SA, as well as some physical health problems too, as do I, so it can be distracting to have so many different issues to deal with.

For me I prioritised. I tackled my depression first as that was reducing my willingness to complete my CBT therapy, then SA, and after that I'll tackle my physical problems.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

But don't dwell on that. One tiny step at a time, and all that.

Lots of us on here have depression on top of SA, as well as some physical health problems too, as do I, so it can be distracting to have so many different issues to deal with.

For me I prioritised. I tackled my depression first as that was reducing my willingness to complete my CBT therapy, then SA, and after that I'll tackle my physical problems.

Thats one of my biggest problems.

Looking too far ahead.

When I do that, well I just can't and should'nt do that because I'll never get anywhere if I do.

I'm such a mess tbh there are actually things I could work on in regards to my depression before I step outside.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Originally Posted by lilly

i'll pm you about the Dr richards info

like others have said i really feel you could benefit from some outside support cos it can feel near on impossible trying to deal with these issues alone and when you give in and do nothing then in some ways it has won, dont allow it to keep you down anymore.

Thanks.

For the past 7 years I have given up.

Ive become too comfortable in a lot of way's so it was too easy to give up.

[helenjane]

Yea it's really easy to give up and then really hard to get sorted.
I gave into it and gave up as well and i wish i hadn't but i didn't really feel it was my fault and it's going to be hard now and sometimes i just don't know what to do but i'll have to do something as life is passing me by nowadays.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Originally Posted by hidingaway

Yea it's really easy to give up and then really hard to get sorted.
I gave into it and gave up as well and i wish i hadn't but i didn't really feel it was my fault and it's going to be hard now and sometimes i just don't know what to do but i'll have to do something as life is passing me by nowadays.

It's hard to just say that you just 'gave up' because it's not like we just gave up something simple is it?

More like it just got the better of us, for now.

I say 'for now' because I'm not completely hopeless even though it sounds like it if your read the OP in this thread.

I've still got things to look forward to even living like this.

I'm not completey miserable all the time either.

[helenjane]

Originally Posted by Frustration!

It's hard to just say that you just 'gave up' because it's not like we just gave up something simple is it?

More like it just got the better of us, for now.

I say 'for now' because I'm not completely hopeless even though it sounds like it if your read the OP in this thread.

I've still got things to look forward to even living like this.

I'm not completey miserable all the time either.

You put it better there actually, no you don't just give up maybe you just let it get the better of you like you said and give in to it all.
You're not hopeless, no one is completely hopeless, people can have major problems in life and find a way out somehow.
You're a right laugh actually frust i mean to laugh with, eek hope that didn't come out sounding wrong.