Feeling invisible

[Noddy]

I've been walking up the same hill every couple of weeks (it's a sporting thing) and seeing the same faces at the top for about four years. There are a few cliques and I generally avoid everyone but at the same time do speak to some on friendly terms and would recognise all the other regulars in a line up.

One of the cliques has actually introduced himself to me twice in the last few months but just the other day asked me if I was local as he'd never seen me around before. Others just walk by me even though we've in the past shared car journeys together and have spoken, sometimes at length.

Others who used to speak to me now don't as they are in with the cliques.

I'm a quiet person and not horrible to anyone but feel really shocked that people can think they've never seen me before or ignore me now. Good if I wanted to commit a crime I suppose.

Does anyone else feel invisible?

[Clayman]

I struggle with being ignored. It really cuts me up bad and my thoughts normally always turn to hatred toward those who ignore me. I know it's irrational thinking and there are a multitude of complexities going on that cause me to think that way which I won't elaborate on.

does it trouble you that you feel invisible? Or is it simply an observation you have noticed?

[Noddy]

I'm glad I don't stand out in a crowd but to spend time in someone's company regularly and then not be recognised - it hurts. Hey ho.

[rudster]

Originally Posted by Badger

Yes, i feel much the same on this forum tbh

That's interesting, I get that feeling from this forum. Especially when you have put a lot of effort into a post/response and nobody responds. I guess that the pitfall of this forum.

[[Martin]]

I agree with you Badger and Rudster. I think forums can be strangely alienating.

[rudster]

Yeah, the problem (I think) is that it takes an element of courage to join and post in a public forum of this nature, and when you're posts are not responded to then it feels like rejection. The dreaded 'R' word!

[Silent Ninja]

Originally Posted by Badger

Yes, i feel much the same on this forum tbh

Originally Posted by rudster

That's interesting, I get that feeling from this forum. Especially when you have put a lot of effort into a post/response and nobody responds. I guess that the pitfall of this forum.

Originally Posted by Wraith of Coffeeville

I agree with you Badger and Rudster. I think forums can be strangely alienating.

Originally Posted by rudster

Yeah, the problem (I think) is that it takes an element of courage to join and post in a public forum of this nature, and when you're posts are not responded to then it feels like rejection. The dreaded 'R' word!

Yes to all of this, it's remarkably crushing when you get ignored on a forum full of other SA people, it makes you feel even more isolated and alone than you did before.

[Olly.]

Originally Posted by rudster

That's interesting, I get that feeling from this forum. Especially when you have put a lot of effort into a post/response and nobody responds. I guess that the pitfall of this forum.

Well yes, unfortunately its a relatively small community, so there's not always going to be someone there to reply to your posts and I'm sure just about every person who has used this forum has been in that situation at some point in their time on here and I've had horrible feelings of 'well if I'm ignored on a forum for people with SA, then what hope do I have in the real world '.

But I think you've got to remember its nothing personal, people will have read your post, don't worry about that, they just may not have known what to reply or what to say for advice. People on here do try to ensure the site is inclusive as possible, whether it be welcoming people in the welcomes forum or replying to new users' threads and I try myself sometimes too, but its difficult, very often I'm left trying to think of something helpful to say, but I simply can't and my own difficulties often get in the way of supporting others on here and I'm sure its the same for many others too.

A saying on here that is often used is that you get back what you put into the site. People are of course welcome to seek support on here as often as they like, though I feel some only do that and perhaps don't really try to do the same for others, if everyone tried to help others in the best way they can, even if its just a simple 'I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I hope you feel better', cause often any reply can mean something to someone, then I think the community would be a better and more inclusive place

[rudster]

Some good points Olly.

To be honest whenever I have started a post I always receive amazing support. I think it's more when you post help and there is no response. It's unreasonable to expect a response for every post, but that doesn't stop my monkey brain from making it's crazy assumptions!

The truth is if everybody received a reply then none of the posts would ever close!

[Olly.]

Originally Posted by rudster

Some good points Olly.

To be honest whenever I have started a post I always receive amazing support. I think it's more when you post help and there is no response. It's unreasonable to expect a response for every post, but that doesn't stop my monkey brain from making it's crazy assumptions!

The truth is if everybody received a reply then none of the posts would ever close!

Oh right, yes I know that feeling well, of course you just want to help, but at the same time, it can be a bit frustrating if there's no acknowledgement from whoever you tried to help or evidence that they took on board your points, no-one wants to write several paragraphs and then just be ignored. But I'm sure people have appreciated your efforts in the past, even if they haven't shown it

[Silent Ninja]

Of course there's also when you make a post and kill a thread instantly, with your name displayed forever as the last poster (thread killer).

[Olly.]

Yep, I'm a serial thread killer

[Silent Ninja]

Originally Posted by Olly.

Yep, I'm a serial thread killer

It's alright, I'll try to take the hit this time

[Sunshine Recorder]

Just because a post doesn't get replied to, doesn't necessarily mean it's not being seen. At one point, I made a post here explaining how I felt useless, and someone else replies with things I mentioned in posts that didn't get responded to. I was quite surprised by this.

[Olly.]

^ So does just about every other forum online (certainly every forum I've been on), people understandably make friends and its a small community with a small group of regular posters, so it isn't surprising that sometimes it can appear that its the same people replying to each other all the time.

[Olly.]

^ I agree that seeing others having personal conversations like you see in the Lounge can be off-putting and slightly intimidating to new users and I know I was for a while when I came onto this site too. But that's generally restricted to the Lounge and I think there certainly are parts of the site where newcomers can talk to others and associate with others like you say without interruptions of regular users' conversations. There's the welcomes room where I've seen newcomers chat to each other before, the SA Room where I don't think you see a lot of personal chat going on between regular users and then there's some of the community sections like the Penpals section where you see newcomers posting threads to hopefully talk to others and it makes no difference whether you're a regular or a new user there.

And of course, while the Lounge does seem intimidating at first, I think most will find after they've posted a bit in there that it isn't really that intimidating and often people are more than happy to chat to anyone whether they be old or new and get to know new people. Again, no-one is ever ignored, even if it feels like they are.

[Silent Ninja]

But if there was a section just for new users to communicate with each other without the feeling of being outsiders brought on by older regular postsers familiarity with each other, wouldn't that section just create a new clique of posters who joined around the same time and after a while that section would become daunting to join in on for newer people (unless there was a limit on how long after joining you could use that section).