Interpersonal Problems

[bscott]

Hello All,

I was wondering if anyone has experienced or can offer advice on the following issues, or where they could be coming from:

Background
For most of my life, I have had difficulty connecting with others on the basis of feeling substandard. I was previously diagnosed with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, but believe my difficulties stem from something more or something else entirely.

Issues
- Being hypersensitive to social cues, e.g., facial expression, body language, etc., and prone to automatically interpret them as judgemental/negative
- Generally avoiding social gatherings due to feeling unable to meet their expectations and standards
- Feeling disgusted by aspects of your physical appearance, and envious of others who meet the so-called norms of society in this regard
- Feeling more concerned about the needs of others rather than your own
- Experiencing anxiety to the point where you zone out
- Generally avoiding eating in public
- Feeling insecure in most relationships
- Feeling empathy, affection and love but not being able to express it freely
- Feeling seriously uncomfortable when physically touched, except in certain situations or when instigated by a close family member
- Always feeling like an outsider
- Feeling paranoid when out in public, e.g., being watched and laughed at by others.

[Aelwyn]

There is an overlap between autistic symptoms and social anxiety symptoms. And you could have both.

I am not autistic but do have a lot of those problems you mention. The one about not liking to be touched sounds more like an autistic type symptom, but I might be wrong.

You could always ask for a second medical opinion.

[bscott]

Thank you for the responses. Biscuits, I too seem to use avoidance as a coping strategy, and I agree, doing so just seems to mask rather than treat the underlying issue. I am also determined to overcome whatever it is that is going on. But it's knowing where to start that's the problem.

Aelwyn, I believe a second medical opinion would definitely be worth exploring in my circumstances. Every self-assessment I have undertaken relating to Autistic Spectrum Disorders has indicated that I do not meet the criteria for diagnosis. Obviously, I can only take these results at face value, and would benefit from seeking advice and formal assessment from a consultant. But it leaves me wondering if anyone else with an initial diagnosis of ASD has later been re-diagnosed with social anxiety or a similar condition.

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by bscott

Issues
- Being hypersensitive to social cues, e.g., facial expression, body language, etc., and prone to automatically interpret them as judgemental/negative

I can totally relate to this. I'm constantly interpreting other people's facial expressions and body language as being judgemental/negative of me. Realistically, the majority of people are totally indifferent about me and when I think someone is being a bit 'off' it's most likely because of issues in their own lives and nothing to do with me at all.

Originally Posted by bscott

- Generally avoiding social gatherings due to feeling unable to meet their expectations and standards

Yes, I will try to avoid social gatherings at all costs through the fear of showing myself up and letting others down. Fortunately, my social circle is almost non existent so social gatherings are few and far between.

Originally Posted by bscott

- Feeling disgusted by aspects of your physical appearance, and envious of others who meet the so-called norms of society in this regard

Yes, I can 100% relate. I've always felt disgusted with my appearance and even on the odd occasion that I was complimented I never believed it. Now I'm middle aged I am more accepting of my appearance and actually like the fact that I'm an invisible blob. However, I've piled on the weight this past year due to being over sedentary which is depressing me greatly.

Originally Posted by bscott

- Feeling more concerned about the needs of others rather than your own

Yes I always put the needs of others before my own. I will agree to do things that I really don't want to do simply to please someone. If I ever attempted to put my needs first I would only end up feeling incredibly guilty and would beat myself up for being totally selfish.

Originally Posted by bscott

- Experiencing anxiety to the point where you zone out

No, this doesn't happen to me although sometimes I wish it did!

Originally Posted by bscott

- Generally avoiding eating in public

Yes, this used to be a HUGE problem for me.
In my late teens/early 20's I dreaded eating in front of people especially as my hands would shake terribly. At it's very worse I couldn't even eat at the same table as my parents
Somehow I managed to overcome this, and many years on I can eat in Restaurants quite easily. Perhaps I just became more greedy and food is more important than what anyone around me might be thinking

Originally Posted by bscot

- Feeling insecure in most relationships

Yes, I'm very insecure in relationships.
Having an ex who used to see his ex behind my back and would lie through his teeth didn't help.
Even now, I'm frequently seeking reassurance from my husband and asking him why he would want to be married to someone like me. Fortunately he is very kind and understanding. Nevertheless, I always half expect to be rejected by everyone in the end

Originally Posted by bscot

- Feeling empathy, affection and love but not being able to express it freely

Yep, I feel all those things (if anything I'm too empathetic) and can express it sometimes, depending on the person and situation. I find it hardest to be affectionate with family members who have known me since childhood because they weren't forthcoming when it came to showing me affection.

Originally Posted by bscott

- Feeling seriously uncomfortable when physically touched, except in certain situations or when instigated by a close family member

Being physically touched is fine if it's within a romantic relationship (my husband) I can be very huggy and affectionate with those I love (husband and son) and am very happy to receive it in return. However, I feel very uncomfortable when my in-laws hug or touch me as it's not something that occurred within my own family.

Originally Posted by bscott

- Always feeling like an outsider

Yes I feel exactly the same. I've never felt like I fit in anywhere. I've never belonged

Originally Posted by bscott

- Feeling paranoid when out in public, e.g., being watched and laughed at by others.

Yes, I used to suffer with this terribly but, as I said previously, since becoming middle aged and invisible my paranoia has lessened slightly although I still have my bad days where I think people in passing cars are laughing at me


I've taken online tests for Autism and Aspergers but my scores always tell me that this is extremely unlikely and I have no reason to feel that this isn't right.

However, if I were you I would definitely seek out a second diagnosis if you have doubts about your Doctors previous diagnosis, bscott.

From what I can gather (I may be wrong) it seems quite unusual for people to only be suffering with SA and frequently there will be various other mental health issues and even personality disorders that overlap making it all very complicated and unfortunately impossible to fit into one neat box

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by HermannHesse

I'd like one day that I could explain it, some of it being quite personal, but I'm bored of my own thoughts and no one else is interested.

You'd be surprised about how many people would be interested

[bscott]

Thanks again for the responses and advice.

Apologies, I'm not sure how to direct quote.

It's great but unfortunate that others can relate to my experiences.
It's interesting because I was never like this as a child, perhaps a little introverted or shy, but these difficulties seem to be of a different nature. I can't tell if it's anxiety, something about my personality, or a combination of both. I'll make a point of revisiting and discussing this with my doctor.`

Just wondering, did anyone find anything particularly helpful re: dealing with and overcoming these difficulties, e.g., medication, therapy, etc.?

[bscott]

Biscuits, I've only just noticed that!

[bscott]

Originally Posted by biscuits

is there one thing you'd like to work on? Trying to take on everything at once is a massive mission!

Really just finding a way to connect with others without difficulty. That's the main goal.

[bscott]

Originally Posted by biscuits

I guess having something shared with people helps - like shared interests/disinterests.

Do you have any hobbies/passions/interests? Perhaps they might lead to something voluntary, or a course/class where you can meet people who have a shared interest.

The thing that helps me is to see people regularly because it takes me a while to not feel blank. Going to one off meets/meetups would be detrimental to me because I know I'd see it as a fail because I wouldn't be able to be myself in that one off situation.

Yes, having similar interests has helped for sure. I was able to connect with people on the same course at uni, and have carried through those connections, so do meet up with them occasionally. However, even with these connections, I have always been more of a 'listener' - being engaged more with conversations about themselves and the happenings in their lives, rather than speaking about me or my own.

[bscott]

Originally Posted by mutedsoul

Your issues seem like a result of finding interaction confusing.

Idk if I'm right but I say so cause I'm similar. I'm hypersensitive to people's body language and expressions due to finding certain communication confusing. Being bullied in the past, frequently being misunderstood and exciting passive aggressive behaviour.

I suspect I probably have undiagnosed autism though at the same time it may be something else as lack of positive interactions has also made me closed in and hesitant to just open up.

It's possible, though I'm not sure that I find interaction/communication confusing as such. I do feel 'closed in', and I guess that is also due to bullying in the past and having little in the way of positive interactions with others.

[Tom Morello]

I have a lot of the same problems. I'm currently going through counselling and trying to get a better understanding of what my biggest problems are. At the moment I'm at a crossroads.

[Aelwyn]

Originally Posted by bscott

Just wondering, did anyone find anything particularly helpful re: dealing with and overcoming these difficulties, e.g., medication, therapy, etc.?

Well my biggest problem was shaking in social situations, so propranolol (slow release) has been a godsend for me. I don't use it every day as it can interfere with sleep. There are some health problems which would rule it out, you could google that. Otherwise meditation helps in a general sort of way.

I did once try psychotherapy but it didn't help me (that doesn't mean it wouldn't help you, we're all different). Also went along for one session of hypnotherapy, I just couldn't relax enough and didn't like sitting with my eyes shut in front of the therapist.

You could talk to your GP about options like counselling or CBT, and of course there are other medications, but I don't have any personal knowledge of those. I hope you get some good help.

[bscott]

Originally Posted by Tom Morello

I have a lot of the same problems. I'm currently going through counselling and trying to get a better understanding of what my biggest problems are. At the moment I'm at a crossroads.

It's definitely not easy. I hope it works out for you.

[bscott]

Originally Posted by Aelwyn

Well my biggest problem was shaking in social situations, so propranolol (slow release) has been a godsend for me. I don't use it every day as it can interfere with sleep. There are some health problems which would rule it out, you could google that. Otherwise meditation helps in a general sort of way.

I did once try psychotherapy but it didn't help me (that doesn't mean it wouldn't help you, we're all different). Also went along for one session of hypnotherapy, I just couldn't relax enough and didn't like sitting with my eyes shut in front of the therapist.

You could talk to your GP about options like counselling or CBT, and of course there are other medications, but I don't have any personal knowledge of those. I hope you get some good help.

Going to the GP tomorrow . Hopefully, I can go from there.