Negative experience at the gym...

[Dogmonkey]

Hi,

I went to the gym yesterday as I do 3 or 4 times a week. Normally the guys who work there just leave you alone to do your workout and don't bother you, which is why I like going to this particular gym...

Recently though, a new bloke has started there who seems to enjoy talking to everyone. I've managed to avoid him up until now, but yesterday he zeroed in on me and wanted a conversation. I was in the middle of doing some sit-ups, so I wasn't looking my best or particulary in any desire of talking to anyone. He squatted down next to me and started with the inaneties of forced conversation...

I tried to be polite, but by giving short answers I hopefully made it clear that I'd rather be left alone, thank you very much...

So anyway, I didn't do any sit-ups whilst he was there, and after 20 seconds of silence with him squatting next to me, staring at me, I got up, saying "Well, I'll be moving then...". He said, "Have you finished?", I said I hadn't, but that I like doing my own thing, on my own... He offered to move, but by then it was too much of a... thing... and people were looking, so I said it was OK and went off to a different area... I lasted another 10 minutes and it got too much and I left... I passed him on the way out and offered up a nod of the head but he blanked me...

Since then I've replayed the whole thing and I've come to the conclusion that I was a but rude... He was only doing his job I suppose, but I just didn't want anyone talking to me, especially in the middle of a workout...

I guess what I want to know is whether anyone else ever worries that their SA related problems sometimes come across as rudeness? Also, I'm not sure how to handle it the next time I see the guy at the gym...

[AlienHeat]

Just tell him it was really great to meet him (the next time you see him). Ask how he's doing/settling in. Finish up by saying you like to really focus on the training, smile and then do your workout. ("Aw well -- must get on -- catch you later...")

This puts you in control of the interaction, gives him the feeling that you recognised him, and lets you get on with what you want to do.

[crimson~raven]

I feel rude all the time when things like that happen I try and interact as best I can but like you I really do just wish to be left alone alot of the time. I can make small talk but end up feeling like a fool so I hate it as I will spend hours obsessing over a 2 minute interaction.

Try the advice given above maybe if you feel more in control that will help and then you can show the guy that you weren't being rude. What I don't like is this forced idea that we must all interact all the time seems odd to me.

[hardy]

No . he probably doesnt think you were rude. He got the message that you didnt want to be disturbed .( which is true!)
He's probably not thinking anything bad of you but keeping in "social contact " needs constant gentle acknowledgement of people . A typical SAer imagines that once this contact is lost , its lost for ever but generally most people will be happy to restart communication at any time if you make the first move . Often it requires several moves before channels open again.

[scarlet_diva]

No I don't think you were particularly rude; if you ask me, I just think this guy was a bit slow on the uptake that you wanted to have time on your own? It's not like you kept huffing and puffing and telling him to get lost or whatever. If anything I thought you were quite calm about it, and even giving him a nod when leaving proved that you were trying your best not to be rude.

Personally I don't think you should even worry one single moment about this, it's not exactly written in the gym rules that you have to interact with staff. !! I mean, if you wanted to make this guy your friend then it would be different but it you don't, then that's OK isn't it. Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if this kind of thing happens to him all the time, by the way he really didn't get the hint that you wanted to be left alone.

There are loads & loads of people who go to the gym and don't want to speak or chat at all, & just want to get on with their own thing. Personally if I go to a gym or go running, the last thing I want to do is be social whilst I'm all sweaty and trying to get my breathing just right.
Don't let it bother you too much. If he ignores you next time, then whatever. Depends on how much you want to be friends with this guy; if you don't, then it's cool. Just view him as an employee nothing more. Without wanting to sound b*tchy towards this gym instructor, IMO it's not worth us SAers getting our heads all twisted around any more than they already are-- we worry about people enough as it is!!

[lea]

You did nothing wrong dogmonkey! in fact, i think you handled the situation expertly! this person clearly didnt read the signs that his attention was not wanted, not all awkward encounters are your fault !
Personally, i think he was an utter wally lol

[Daydreamer]

Hi Dogmonkey

You'd think this guy could take a hint. I never want to talk to anyone at the gym I don't think many people do, I just want to go, do my thing, and leave. I hate when people invade your space like this but some people are so thick skinned they just don't understand subtle hints

Not very professional of him to blank you either, he is getting paid to be there and hopefully to respect what the members want and should respect their space if they want to work out in peace You were nice enough to acknowledge him on leaving and if he can't do the same, its his problem

I don't think you were rude at all the next time you go just play it by ear, he blanked you not the other way round he should be the one worrying, he might not even be there and please don't let it stop you going, he's not worth it

[lea]

P.S.
How do you get those little things with hammers and all that on you posts ?
Think mine need some sort of visual aids ! lol

[sooz]

I think probably alot of people with SA come across as rude, I know I must.

I remember when I was out shopping on my own, and I saw someone I used to know and she stopped dead and smiled at me obviously wanting to stop and chat, but I was feeling really insecure at the time, so I just smiled quickly and rushed past her.

Originally Posted by lea

P.S.
How do you get those little things with hammers and all that on you posts ?
Think mine need some sort of visual aids ! lol

They are called smilies or emoticons and are to the right of the box when you are composing a post. Just click on the one you want.
If you click on the word 'more' below the smilies, it will download lots more of them.