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  #1  
Old 5th October 2017, 01:23
jay1234 jay1234 is offline
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Default Hi

36 year old guy from Kent.
Got dumped about 4 months ago by my gf of 17 years.
I've suddenly noticed how ****ed up I am. I guess I was able to ignore things while in a relationship.
I only have 1 friend who I see once a week(my own choice) and feeling really lonely atm.
My world is falling apart around me and is set to get even worse in the coming months.

I don't know if I will just lurk or if I'll post but just wanted to say hello.
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  #2  
Old 5th October 2017, 01:36
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Hello jay

That all sounds kind of crappy, I hope the coming months aren't actually set to be worse for you

Welcome to the forum anyhow
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  #3  
Old 5th October 2017, 08:56
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Hi Jay,

Sorry things are going so badly right now, it sounds horrible. I hope things turn around for you soon and life becomes more positive.
Welcome to the forum
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  #4  
Old 5th October 2017, 09:29
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Hi Jay, welcome

It sounds like you've been having a really rough time, I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit of a mess, I hope being here can help
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  #5  
Old 5th October 2017, 14:36
jay1234 jay1234 is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Thanks for the warm welcome.

It was a big step for me to admit I had a problem and sign up here. I hope I can build from that.
I'm scared of what I've become.

Anyway I'll hopefully see you all around the forum.
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  #6  
Old 5th October 2017, 21:31
Laracroft1 Laracroft1 is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Hi Jay, welcom you can vent as much as you want on here. Dont be scared, things will get better.x
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  #7  
Old 5th October 2017, 21:54
jay1234 jay1234 is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Hi and thanks!
I'm hoping things will get better, they can't get too much worse at least.
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  #8  
Old 6th October 2017, 10:05
Carbon(cycle)Fodder Carbon(cycle)Fodder is offline
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Default Re: Hi

welcome to the forum jay,..

your story sounds all too familiar,.
but don't worry dude,. things definitely can get better
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  #9  
Old 6th October 2017, 10:53
LoubyLou LoubyLou is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Hi, same thing happened to me 3 months ago. Partner of 17 years left me , I know how bad that hurts after so long. Except I found myself with no friends at all. So lonely and isolated I found this place. It won't make it hurt any less, but you will find you aren't alone and you will find snippets of good advise in what other people say and may even be able to impart some of your own wisdom to others.
I lurked for a while but it's better posting you'll make friends who are willing to listen.
Good Luck
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  #10  
Old 6th October 2017, 13:46
jay1234 jay1234 is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Hi!
I guess the end of a relationship is a common trigger for these kind of feelings and thoughts or at least amplifies them.
Looking back I think I've always had my problems since a young age but I didn't know. I recall always being called shy which always used to piss me off because I didn't feel shy - I just either didn't want to or had nothing to say a lot of the time.
Now I know that I'm an introvert with SA and maybe some other things. I'm not officially diagnosed.
When I was young I remember throwing tantrums because I didn't want to go out to places. Since then things have gradually got worse.
My ex was an extrovert which I think was really good for me as she did succeed in getting me to do things and go places.
Since she dumped me I can barely leave the house, everything has got bad and I've got so much to deal with.

Wow that was a rant, I only meant to say hi back! Hi
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  #11  
Old 6th October 2017, 18:29
LoubyLou LoubyLou is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Sometimes a bloody good rant is what we need. I have always been the " SHY ONE" all my life, it wasn't until about 7 years ago(I'm 44 now) that I realised that it was anxiety I was suffering and mainly SA..
My ex too was an extrovert, so I hid behind that and still got to do things, now they are gone I just feel lost and lonely.
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  #12  
Old 6th October 2017, 20:36
jay1234 jay1234 is offline
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Default Re: Hi

Your situation sounds so similar to mine LoubyLou, did you try and stay friends with him or was it a bad split? (ignore the question if your not comfortable with it)

Ironically I think it was the extrovert in her that caused my split.
I'm actually OK with small social things if I'm in control. I'm still hard work to be friends with though, I consistently reject like 99% of social invitations.

Even though I'm not ready for it yet I've been thinking about future dating prospects and if an introvert or extrovert is best for me.
I can't decide, the extrovert is great for for SA and my introversion but might well end the same way....the introvert is not so good for the SA and introversion but I think might stand more chance of lasting.
I've always wanted to have kids and had planned to with my ex. Now I'm single and old I'm in panic mode as I always want everything to be perfect before I commit and there isn't enough time now to get a perfect scenario to have kids.

I have far too much time on my hands to think about this stuff ATM.

Oh yeah and I'm torturing myself by trying to stay friends with her. Lets just say that has been a complete disaster. She says how hard it is for her yet she out there doing everything she wants to do, bought a new sports car and been on several holidays. I'm an idiot and too nice for my own good at times.

Really sucks to go from basically having everything you wanted to rock bottom in such a short space of time.

Seems like there is no reason to exist anymore, that's the big problem. I can't see my situation improving. I hope it does but I don't see it happening.

That is scary, the realization that I am the only person that can improve my situation.

I feel guilty being depressive here because I don't want to bring others down. I've had a lot of really dark thoughts and stuff lately but I don't dare talk about those here!

I never thought this would happen to me.

Almost forgot, so I look quite tough on the outside but inside apparently I'm a big softy. OMG how much do I miss hugs!!! This is one of the worst things. I totally understand why people hire cuddle buddies! Wow I miss hugs.
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