Was you encouraged to try harder when you was a child?

[disarm1234]

I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly 3 month now and have got to know her parents quite well. I have noticed that her parents always encourage her to do well in all that she does and they take an active role in many aspects of her life. My girlfriend has many many qualifications including a honours degree in I.T.

My parents really could careless what I do with my life and what dicissions (spelling?) I make. While I have enjoyed the freedom to a certain extent, I can't help but wonder if my life would have been so much better if my parents made an effort with me.

Does anybody else on this site share the same veiws?

[MichaelAlone]

My parents were completely useless in every possible regard.

I'm in no doubt that my life would have being completely different had i had decent parentage.

There are quite a few on this site who share the same views from what i've observed.

[Kitri]

I think it comes down to individual needs really, maybe you would have done better with more parental encouragement who knows. I on the other hand would have wished my mum hadn't always pushed me as much but left me more space and time to develop in certain fields at my own pace. Also it's kinda burnt into my flesh and brain now for good that whatever I do and no matter how good I do, it's never enough and it's never good enough either. A therapist told me once I should try to aim for average in what I do and be happy with it. Clearly we had different views on which side of average I was standing.

[TheOneWhoKnocks]

My parents have very rarely ever encouraged me to do anything, but they've always been more than happy to discourage me from most of the things I've wanted to do

It led me to believe that I'm not capable of thinking for myself and I ended thinking that I wasn't capable of anything so I just gave up. Its only recently that I've realised that almost everything they've taught me is wrong.

Originally Posted by MichaelAlone

I'm in no doubt that my life would have being completely different had i had decent parentage.

Me too

[no0ne]

my parents(mum) pushed me with everything so much that i lost sight of who i was and what it was that i wanted, i still have no idea now and i haven't spoken to her for about six months, took me a long time to realise how much of my problems have come from her. my dads just extrememly judgmental and negative about anything i ever try his usual words when i was younger were "dunno why you want to do that it's a waste of time and money and i'll have to finish it when you **** it up" these words were based on no previous experience with me but i always took them in and believed him. now i realise he was talking out of his arse and he's actually not as clever as me in a lot of things so i try to ignore his opinions. but the their voices are still there loud and strong i just tend to acknowledge them these days and try to accept they aren't relevent.

[no0ne]

apparently this is quite good - http://www.waterstones.com/waterston...ou+up/5252314/

not had a chance to read it yet.

[marki]

My parents didn't push me at all. I had two older sisters who were very difficult to handle (one behaviour wise and the other had learning difficulties and was considered "slow") and i think it suited everyone for me to sit quietly in the corner. To be fair it suited me too at the time and i never grew out of that really and still sit quietly in the corner to this day at 38. I dont want to lay any blame on my parents because in most other ways they were very loving parents and from years 16-38 it has been up to me to get my finger out my arse.

Right i'm off back to my corner now.

[AxelFendersson]

Originally Posted by halfemptyglass

I had a great upbringing, my parents pushed me to work hard, but let me make my own choices and never made me feel under pressure.

Same here. Whatever went wrong, it definitely wasn't my parents' fault.

[Effervescing Elephant]

Originally Posted by young_al_capone

My parents have very rarely ever encouraged me to do anything, but they've always been more than happy to discourage me from most of the things I've wanted to do

Pretty much exactly the same for me. I was constantly told "you won't like that" or "you won't be any good at that" or "people will laugh at you if you do that". I was expected to do well at school but was never pushed. I was never encouraged to try new activites and doing anything creative was laughed at.

I think if I'd just laid in bed all day dad would have been quite happy - I wouldn't have been making any demands on him or costing him anything. He would grumble sometimes about the things I liked and praise people who had left school at 16 to join the army or go straight into a job. It was Inverted snobbery, basically and I don't think he ever wanted to be a father.

[black_mamba]

My parents never taught me anything as a child. In fact, they hardly ever spoke to me. So they didn't encourage anything, but they also didn't imply any boundaries. Fail.

[LittleMissMouse]

Nah, my folks got it just about perfect. They didn't push me or expect greatness but they did expect me to do the best that I could, and they were pretty good at guaging that.

[bornthisway]

I wasn't encouraged, but there were certain expectations placed on me which resulted in criticism if they weren't reached.

[karl-32]

My dad was very very encouraging , though to th epoint of bullying. If i got a bad report he would lecture me for an hour , saying things like "there is this thing called the dole , that all the no hopers go on and there is not much money and you wont have nice things . Do you want to be like that"

He would try to get me to join clubs and after school activitys , took to me to a college open day at a very young age , but i wasnt having any of it.

He was TO pushy.

My parents were awful , but my mum at least trys to make up for it now and we get on.

My dad is a scumbag and i want to knock him out

[Phool]

Was pushed beyond by limits. This was my childhood:

As my parents were migrants I was taught two languages from the start...including reading and writing. Now I can't read and write my mother tongue but am fluent in it. I was reading whole books by age 3. When I used to come home from nursery I was made to watch the news over lunch. After my nap my grandfather would teach me maths. I knew multiplication and long division by age 5. When my dad came home from work he would feed me and question what I had watched on the news. Then he would watch the news at 6 to test how much I got right. I knew lots about politics and current affairs.

Sadly my father died when I was 7 but by this time I was pushing myself, I didn't know how else to be. As an only child I spent my spare time with a nose in a book and my schooldays being called a nerd and a swot...and I just couldn't relate to my peers. Hence the SA.

I can't say I regret having the knowledge I do but I wished I'd had more play. Even now I find it hard to have fun and my relaxation is reading. Our childhoods shape us and neither extreme is a good thing.

[yuffie]

I was pushed as a child which was always followed by total apathy. I was pushed into ballet, gym and piano lessons. As soon as I was chucked into something they would then start making excuses why I couldn't go anymore. I felt like a push me pull me.

[firemonkey]

My parents neither gave praise when i did well or criticism when i did badly. They were basically blasé about every report card i got.

[Mr Ploppy]

No, my perents had depression, it was difficult for them to do much. I have no blame for them at all.

[Rubik]

My parents pushed me until my A levels, and then they left me to my own choices, which i struggled to cope with as I had little direction or didnt know what I wanted to become. They refrain from criticising me know, apart from now and again when they say theyre disappointed, theyre just apathetic which is the reverse of what they used to be when i was in school