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  #1  
Old 2nd February 2019, 02:22
kp1991 kp1991 is offline
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
Default Nothing changed

I first found this site at 16 and since then 11 years ago nothing has changed except a few jobs and relying on other people. People are giving up on me, and even I am starting to think I'm just lazy....i turned to alcohol and benefits as a refusal to face up to severe anxiety. It's a mess. I am always perceived as lazy, even by the gp...i think I come across as capable when I'm honestly shit scared.
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  #2  
Old 2nd February 2019, 18:43
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 524
Default Re: Nothing changed

Hey,

Just know that there will be people on here that can relate. People often presume I am too lazy to meet them or that I have another excuse like finances why I can't/won't meet them at certain places. Other people just can't wrap the head around how they can be in my presence and I seem so full of life or at the very least capable of so much more, yet they can't convince me to break out of my little eggshell and go and actually explore the real world with them. It's very hard for humans to understand the mental functioning of another human. Even hardcore depressives and anxiety sufferers aren't always capable of walking in our shoes. We all have different levels even though we relate to certain aspects on paper (a bit like horoscopes) and different coping strategies. It does seem to be becoming more and more of an ambitious world though and being content with less is often frowned upon. To me this is quite sad but each to their own. You know you're trying to get there and will in your own way, in your own time, even if others don't quite yet believe in you. As hard as it is, try to remain focused on how your actions are making you feel, what improvements you're making for yourself rather than them. As for GPS, I think unfortunately, with so many con people in this world, they often over scrutinise and mistakenly crucify the wrong people, the ones that may often disguise or underplay their genuine issues because it's harder for us to be honest about just how difficult things can be. We make excellent blenders and the frauds tend to over play everything.
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  #3  
Old 9th February 2019, 02:26
Austere_Lemur Austere_Lemur is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: London
Posts: 155

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Default Re: Nothing changed

OP, you sound EXACTLY like me! I wasn't diagnosed with SA until I went to Uni aged 18 (because I went to private school and everyone was expected to go to Uni). Don't get me wrong; I'm a lazy sod when it comes to cleaning and tidying my room. But I've always had people looking out for me - even now I'm getting my 37th chance, and I don't even know why... Humour aside; I know what it's like. I failed at uni because of my anxiety (it prevented me from taking full advantage of Uni - lectures, seminars and trips). I'm so bad that I can't do things like going to the local shops or taking public transport unless I've been there beforehand with support (like friends or family coming with me - a bit like an orientation). Even now I'm a really crappy example for you; I'm 27 (will be 28 in June) and I neither have a job or a place of my own to live. I've always relied on my family - and I hate it. Don't get me wrong; my parents are awesome (after they got to grips with the whole 'mental health issue' that was anxiety and depression when I was at secondary school). I did once have a job (due in large part because of my Mum, so she got me a job with her employers). It was great for a year; then I went and screwed it up (because that's just what I do). Sorry; I realise that nothing I've said is particularly awe-inspiring. It really isn't. You just have to be strong and push yourself a bit each day. I have no doubt that you're highly capable of doing anything and everything you set your mind to! But it won't be easy. It's much better if you have people around you to support you. If you don't have that, then at least you've got people here on this site - including me! I'm rooting for you!
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  #4  
Old 25th March 2019, 05:21
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 1,292
Default Re: Nothing changed

Welcome...
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  #5  
Old 10th April 2019, 10:51
Formershyguy Formershyguy is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 227
Default Re: Nothing changed

Hey my friend I used to be really terrified of little things that other people take for granted. Simple things like taking public transport, eating alone in restaurants, speaking up when my food order got mixed up or if i got short changed. I couldn't even ask a total stranger for directions or the time!

I remember I quitting many jobs because of my anxiety and also being fired because of something I had got wrong. This does not mean I'm stupid or lazy and nor are you! People are just ignorant of this and even the people who call themselves intelligent with many degrees and diplomas don't fully understand this. It really annoys me when people with Social anxiety or Shyness are mislabelled by other people as weird or just quiet! But I guess if you can't explain behaviour foreign to your own its easier to use the weird card! But we all know we are not weird, just different and I would go further to say special!

I decided to try and improve my confidence reading books on the subject and to some degree it helped but a situation I was in when i was 21 with my female friends in a pub actually made me decide to see a therapist.

We were all chatting and laughin in the pub sat at a table when one of my mouthy friends accidentally knocked over some oldish guy's jacket on the floor. He must have been in his late 50s or early 60s. My friend like a ****ing idiot started to laugh thinking he would also find it funny but he said "don't laugh at me" in a very serious tone. Ashamed to say I was really scared. I just sat there cowering and said nothing. I just froze and even this girl afterward was annoyed at me for not doing anything. The guy was quite agressive but luckily in the end he went! So then I decided to call a few therapists to see if I could arrange to meet them. One of them I thought really should have have been a therapist as he seemed a bit pompous when I asked him if I could come to see him on the saturday "Oh no thats totally out of the question" And when I did meet him he had to ask me if I felt nervous! He clearly had no understanding.

Luckily I found the perfect Therapist who was Hypnotherapist/Pyschotherapist and I wwent every week for 5 years! He was considerate and would let me pay less if I was short of money as I didn;t have a permanent job. First few weeks involved NLP then me basically talking, him actively listening which helped a lot!

I know it might be hard but you could ask your GP to refer you to a therapist. Before I saw a therapist I used to read books on hypnosis and self help. Now we have Youtube you can also find videos too but I think a Therapist would be worth considering or even a support group.

You don't have to live like this, there are people who can help. Trust me!
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