Nasty mother at work has ruined work for me

[ConverseCody]

Hi there, I've not been using this site for a while mainly due to the fact that I feel as if I have been doing better in both my social anxiety and my general mental health issues.

I have started a new job with a childcare company working three days a week. Anyway I had been doing better at the job than I thought I would. I made friends with the staff well, was interacting with the children pretty well, even the challenging ones. Since doing well at this job I had been seriously considering primary teaching as a career.

However, a new girl started and the mother is very overbearing. When she arrived at the reception for her daughters induction I asked her if she wanted me to take her daughters to the playroom when she went over the paperwork with my boss. She shot me a dirty and look and said 'no my daughters are better with me'. I then sat through the meeting with her and my boss. Her two daughters were making a lot of noise and kept running around the table and disrupting the meeting so I took them to the play room. I showed them the box of toys we have and all the musical instruments which we own and I supervised and interacted with them while they played.

After about fifteen minutes I took the girls back through to see their mother and my boss as I thought that the meeting would be ending. When I took them back the mother asked where I had taken them to which I told them the playroom. She then asked my boss if we had CCTV in that room to which she replied no. She then got very angry and said 'how can I be sure that they are safe with him?' She then said that she will not allow any male support workers to look after her daughters.

This has got me very anxious. Is this a normal attitude for people to hold towards males who work with children? This was actually a job I was enjoying and felt I was good at but I don't think I want to do it if it puts me in a position that I will get a lot of abuse or could get false accusations or assumptions made towards me.

I'm now very aware of how I interact with the children, I no longer allow them to sit on my knee when they ask and I always make sure someone is in the room with me when I am supervising them. What that child's mother said has got me really anxious and I no longer know if this is a field I want to go into if such a strong stigma still exists.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed it off my chest. I've never felt as though I have fitted in at any jobs or were good at any of them other than this so I just feel very upset that I can no longer enjoy it either.

[newbs16]

^ She is just a horrible person. I would edit this and remove where you work because it might come up in a Google search.

[Schmosby]

Sadly sexism towards men is all too common and seen as acceptable by many.

Hopefully your boss has pointed out to them that their behaviour is unacceptable and that they are more then welcome to take theur children elsewhere.

[Quicksand]

I would edit this too as newbs says also based on my current experience of the internet being accessible to everyone. Dont let people like that put you off a job you enjoy. Speak to your manager about you feeling safer again working with the children becos u sound v good at it. Women like that are all over the place in life - its almost our duty to show them u know what I'm a good person. Its so upsetting to see this sort of stuff still happening to people in working life.

[Dougella]

That particular mother does sound very overbearing and quite rude. I wonder if maybe some parents of children with conditions like autism are even more worried about potential abuse as their children might not be able to communicate to them if something happened?

You sound like you're doing a really good job so it would be a shame for you to leave because of this incident. Could you talk to your manager or whoever's in charge and see what they think about it?

[Mr. Nobody]

this woman clearly fails to understand that you have already been vetted and have been though disclosure to work with children or vulnerable people,
this should have been explained to her at her child's induction,

could be that she has already experienced some form of abuse in her family and is now on alert.

[ConverseCody]

Thanks for everyone's kind words. I suppose I have to understand that the mother is just trying to look out for her daughter and @Carbon(cycle)Fodder is right; she may have experienced abuse in the past. She is also from abroad so it could be a cultural thing I guess?

I will talk to my boss about it tomorrow and tell her how it has shaken my confidence. Thanks again for the replies

[BorrowedMum]

I agree with everything jinny ^ has said.
I too work professionally with children as does my (male) partner. We are foster carers so we have the children in our home 24/7. In this field you can never have enough training surrounding safeguarding and as a matter of course, in my line of work, we have to record everything the child does/says on a daily basis, even if that day consisted of nothing much at all! My partner has no choice but to be alone with the children in our care and vise versa. There is a lot of trust in childcare professions and its your duty to safeguard yourself against any possible allegations of misconduct.
When it comes to parents you just have to tread carefully and diplomatically. Some will happily work along with you others will not be happy no matter what you do.
The mother of the boy we are fostering at the moment has been very difficult to work with and has called upon every diplomatic bone in my body to deal with her. At the end of the day we have to remember and respect that this person is the childs parent/s even if we dont approve of their parenting style or attitude.
Try to move away from taking this womans actions too personally and carry on enjoying your job.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

I'd try not to take this too personally, CC. Maybe talking through with your supervisor for clarification on how to deal with similar situations in future is an idea. Have they given you any safeguarding training yet? This helps clarify how not only to protect the children in your care but protect yourself also.

To be honest, there are still some sexist generalisations made about males in the caring professions by a small amount of people. I felt it as a male carer working with the vulnerable in the community and also as a male counsellor working with young people. We just have to rise above it though, and do our jobs well and correctly while making sure we cover our backs with correct procedure.

Parents will always be protective. That's their job. I think we just have to understand that and work with it rather than against it. It's not personal. I'm sure you are doing a great job and I'm sure it's rewarding, but working with people in a very people-centred setting will always throw up a few challenges along the way. Par for the he course, I'd say. What matters is what we learn from it and how we react to it and move forward. That's good reflective practice. Try not to let this discourage you. It's a good learning opportunity and experience builder. Stick in there, CC.