#1
|
|||
|
|||
Jokes please
Oi Oi....Allo people!
Can you's all help lil ole Katie?? I need GOOD jokes please. I need to post my *ahem* best joke on my mates wall on fb an if I win I get....... |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I can***8217;t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they***8217;re dead.
|
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I***8217;m thinking, okay, here***8217;s a gal who***8217;s capable of making a decision she***8217;ll regret in the future.
(you might want to change it to guy lol) |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn***8217;t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
|
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
|
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.
|
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now."
|
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you***8217;ve got it made.
|
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
|
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
There was a elephant who hid in a cherry bush and painted his balls red ....................... Well what***8217;s the loudest noise in a jungle????? A giraffe eating cherries
|
#11
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I picked up a hitch-hiker. You've got to when you hit them."
|
#12
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names."
|
#13
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ???......
A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face |
#14
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust. |
#15
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
Q: What do you do when your husband's staggering?
A: Shoot him again. |
#16
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him. |
#17
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
|
#18
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I could have saved my boyfriend from drowning last night, but i didn***8217;t want to take my foot off his head
|
#19
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
|
#20
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
|
#21
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
My girlfriend once told me, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list".
|
#22
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
|
#23
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
|
#24
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
|
#25
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
^^ All very good thus far!!!
Keep em comin ppl!! |
#26
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
|
#27
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
|
#28
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
|
#29
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
I always take life with a grain of salt or a slice of lemon ***8230; and of course a shot of tequila.
|
#30
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Jokes please
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
|