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  #1  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:12
Wheelie Bin Bird Wheelie Bin Bird is offline
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Default Jokes please

Oi Oi....Allo people!


Can you's all help lil ole Katie??


I need GOOD jokes please.

I need to post my *ahem* best joke on my mates wall on fb an if I win I get.......




  #2  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:26
Geminus Geminus is offline
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I can***8217;t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they***8217;re dead.
  #3  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:28
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I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I***8217;m thinking, okay, here***8217;s a gal who***8217;s capable of making a decision she***8217;ll regret in the future.

(you might want to change it to guy lol)
  #4  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:28
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I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn***8217;t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
  #5  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:29
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I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
  #6  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:29
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I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.
  #7  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:30
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now."
  #8  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:30
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Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you***8217;ve got it made.
  #9  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:31
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
  #10  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:31
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There was a elephant who hid in a cherry bush and painted his balls red ....................... Well what***8217;s the loudest noise in a jungle????? A giraffe eating cherries
  #11  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:33
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I picked up a hitch-hiker. You've got to when you hit them."
  #12  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:33
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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names."
  #13  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:34
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What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ???......
A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face
  #14  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:34
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The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
  #15  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:35
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Q: What do you do when your husband's staggering?
A: Shoot him again.
  #16  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:35
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What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
  #17  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:35
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I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
  #18  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:36
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I could have saved my boyfriend from drowning last night, but i didn***8217;t want to take my foot off his head
  #19  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:36
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  #20  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:37
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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  #21  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:38
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My girlfriend once told me, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list".
  #22  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:39
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  #23  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:39
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  #24  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:40
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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  #25  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:40
Wheelie Bin Bird Wheelie Bin Bird is offline
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Default Re: Jokes please

^^ All very good thus far!!!

Keep em comin ppl!!
  #26  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:40
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The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  #27  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:41
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
  #28  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:41
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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  #29  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:42
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I always take life with a grain of salt or a slice of lemon ***8230; and of course a shot of tequila.
  #30  
Old 25th May 2011, 01:43
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Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
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