other forums, group therapy and other stuff

[Bluebear]

Has anyone tried group therapy? How did it go?

I was on another forum for a while, it was a forum for mental health issues, but not specifically for SA. There was a list for 'friends' for each person, if they wanted to participate in that, like on here, on their profile page. There also was a list for 'enemies'..

I wonder how people feel about that? I guess using 'ignore' usually means you aren't a fan or friend of someone, but 'enemies'? Most people don't even know each other..

There was also a 'conflict resolution' section. It got quite heated. I was very quiet and didn't post much..

I don't have many family members or friends irl. If I did I might feel better than I do.. Of course, not having many friends irl often goes with SA (obvious statement)

I told a therapist once about plans I had for taking up different things. I was quite enthusiastic. He poured crop spray all over me

[3stacks]

I done group therapy while I was in hospital. It was hard for me because of how socially anxious I am, so I didn't really talk much because I was too anxious and when I did my voice would shake so I felt embarrassed. I can't say I found it helpful really. It was mostly CBT which I've done at least 4 times now. Also the whole "enemies" thing on that site sounds toxic.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by 3stacks

I done group therapy while I was in hospital. It was hard for me because of how socially anxious I am, so I didn't really talk much because I was too anxious and when I did my voice would shake so I felt embarrassed. I can't say I found it helpful really. It was mostly CBT which I've done at least 4 times now. Also the whole "enemies" thing on that site sounds toxic.

I did sort of group therapy but it was more of a support group. I often blush.. it was in someone's house though and it wasn't brightly lit which helped a bit..
I haven't found CBT helpful either.
I agree, the 'enemies' thing was toxic (I didn't have any 'friends' or 'enemies' there, that I was aware of anyway)

[Mr. Nobody]

Group therapy was quite helpful for me,
It's odd, but sometimes, it's even just the fact that I'm getting out and meeting different people that helps, never mind the fact that it's in a group therapy environment,
Just getting out the house and doing something that's vaguely helpful or positive will usually do some good,
I mean, sometimes it's not even the core thing (like therapy) that helps or changes you,
Sometimes it's just getting used to getting out and doing stuff, that in itself can be an achievement,

The group I was in was a very diverse bunch, which was quite an eye-opening thing, as I'd somehow imagined I knew what type of person has anxiety and depression issues (wrong)

A few of us kept in touch after the group finished and went out for coffee every other week for a chat etc.
That went on for the best part of a year afterwards

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

Group therapy was quite helpful for me,
It's odd, but sometimes, it's even just the fact that I'm getting out and meeting different people that helps, never mind the fact that it's in a group therapy environment,
Just getting out the house and doing something that's vaguely helpful or positive will usually do some good,
I mean, sometimes it's not even the core thing (like therapy) that helps or changes you,
Sometimes it's just getting used to getting out and doing stuff, that in itself can be an achievement,

The group I was in was a very diverse bunch, which was quite an eye-opening thing, as I'd somehow imagined I knew what type of person has anxiety and depression issues (wrong)

A few of us kept in touch after the group finished and went out for coffee every other week for a chat etc.
That went on for the best part of a year afterwards

That sounds positive, thanks for sharing
I agree, I've found that people who have anxiety and depression issues are a very diverse bunch (which makes a group like that interesting often)
The support group I participated in had quite a diverse bunch of people also which was quite helpful.

[Jen.]

Another forum I'm on has a "like" system in the bottom corner of posts, the same Facebook or Instagram. I sometimes find myself looking for the button on here I think it's good for when you enjoyed or agree with a post but don't necessarily have anything to say in response to it.

[Mr. Nobody]

^

wow!,.. those were some seriously bad therapists you were subjected to Mel
that sounds pretty bad,

I did have one or two less than helpful counsellors but I did find a few really good ones, which kind of made all the awful ones fade into the background,

I suppose at the end of the day, it is a bit of a lottery as these people are unfortunately often just flawed human beings like us at the end of the day,

I used to have a female counsellor who used to always change clothes in front of me during the session,
"erm,. okay, so I'll just keep talking shall I?" (whilst you pull your jumper over your head and pull your boots on

[Sunrise]

Had some sessions a year ago and was open minded about it at first but I didn't enjoy it. I felt like an outsider. I was the only man in the group and didn't really have much in common with the others. It was very clique to be honest. There would be a group of them gossiping about various things but I didn't really feel like I could join in as I couldn't relate to a lot of what was being talked about. I felt like I had different type of issues and lived very different lives to these people. Not that I had it any worse, just different, and I felt uncomfortable talking about my issues or the sort of lifestyle I live. It didn't really feel like a safe, non-judgemental, inclusive environment.

Personally I don't think it should be seen as a place to make friends. It's a professional environment. The fact that people did seem to form their own little friendship groups is probably what I found disappointing. I didn't find it diverse at all, I found it very insular. I felt like I was being judged a lot. I stuck out like a sore thumb in that group, I felt like the scary man sitting in the corner on my own.

The therapy itself was very "one size fits all", and again I felt like it was aimed at a different sort of person and a lot of the time struggled to see the relevance to my own particular issues.

I feel like I should beat myself up again because it wasn't helpful. Obviously it was just my bad attitude at fault again.

I turned down the opportunity of another group thing recently. I can see how it helps some people but I don't find talking about these things with a groups of peers helpful. I'd rather talk to a professional who is trained to deal with people like me and hopefully respect patient confidentiality.

On the topic of bad advice from therapists I think I can pinpoint the exact moment I completely lost faith in mental health services as the time a cbt therapist recommended I join plentyoffish.com.

[snoo]

Where does one find these groups? Are they recommended by the GP or something?

I did find one in the past and went to a couple of meetings, and I found it a mixed experience. The people that ran it obviously had great intentions and are there to help.
There are exercises which involve much one-on-one talking with other people, which is a great help, as I guess that many people lack this.

On the other hand it was a bit cliquey. Some people I felt were using the group as a surrogate way of making friends, people that had been a long time gained some kind of social status in a group which otherwise would be hard to attain in real life.

I must say I struggled with conflicting thoughts about this. What exactly is wrong with doing that, every person is entitled to make the best of their situation. Maybe it's just me that is jealous. So I felt quite bad for thinking that. Another thing is that there is a vast spectrum of people there, some people obviously have massive difficulties in expressing themselves in public, others appear fairly normal and articulate with perhaps deeper issues.

On the whole it is worth a go, there is little to lose. Action beats inaction.

[anewyear]

Having an "enemies" list on a mental health forum sounds downright irresponsible

[limey123]

Originally Posted by snoo

Action beats inaction.

Yes!

Originally Posted by anewyear

Having an "enemies" list on a mental health forum sounds downright irresponsible

Agreed.

[Utopia]

Originally Posted by Jen.

Another forum I'm on has a "like" system in the bottom corner of posts, the same Facebook or Instagram. I sometimes find myself looking for the button on here I think it's good for when you enjoyed or agree with a post but don't necessarily have anything to say in response to it.

Well, tbh, some people struggle to get 'likes' on social media and it can negatively effect the self esteem of someone unpopular or unattractive. I can confirm that I'm shunned on social media, when it's really nothing too bad or repulsive other than I'm a bit isolated. I think this can effect some peoples self esteem. I don't find social media the slightest bit supportive at all and I've heard that from someone else from this forum. This is one of the reasons my attitude is so bad -- although you seemed quite nice as far as I could see -- even if I did disagree with you on some points.

As for whether I've tried group therapy -- nope -- although I did ask to join a group session with my uni and local community nhs services, but was fobbed off in both instances. Typical.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by snoo

Where does one find these groups? Are they recommended by the GP or something?

quite often an internet search for local drop-in groups or local mental health groups will bring something up
I was lucky that I live quite near a major city, so there's sometimes local NHS self-help groups on the go,

I've never gone down the road of paying privately for help as I've never really had that amount of disposable income, .. I've always had really badly paid jobs and meagre savings so it's never been an option really.

Asking your GP is worth a go too,
One of the best things I had was about 20 free counselling sessions on SA, that was recommended by an NHS counsellor once.

[Bluebear]

I've had a couple of therapists that were VERY unhelpful too. One was probably the most flawed human being I've crossed paths with..

Where did you find the good counsellors? (aside from asking the GP, tried that route, not impressed)

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

^

wow!,.. those were some seriously bad therapists you were subjected to Mel
that sounds pretty bad,

I did have one or two less than helpful counsellors but I did find a few really good ones, which kind of made all the awful ones fade into the background,

I suppose at the end of the day, it is a bit of a lottery as these people are unfortunately often just flawed human beings like us at the end of the day,

I used to have a female counsellor who used to always change clothes in front of me during the session,
"erm,. okay, so I'll just keep talking shall I?" (whilst you pull your jumper over your head and pull your boots on

[Sunrise]

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

A few of us kept in touch after the group finished and went out for coffee every other week for a chat etc.
That went on for the best part of a year afterwards

This is exactly what I didn't find helpful about group therapy. Everyone else there seemed so friendly and chatty with each other, whilst I was the weird bloke sitting on my own in the corner. It almost felt quite cliquey actually after a few sessions. It didn't help that I was the only man there, whilst the others were mostly very similar "yummy mummy" types. I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb and felt more and more self conscious about it as the sessions went on.

I haven't had any sort of therapy since then and it put me right off it. I felt like the others in the group didn't want some creepy bloke disturbing them and my presence was making them feel uncomfortable. I think those sessions confirmed my fears that I'm a scary oddball. I felt like the others were avoiding me.

It felt more like a coffee morning at times than therapy. Maybe it was supposed to be relaxed and informal, but that's not appropriate for someone like me. I can't function in environments like that. Each to their own though, I'm sure a lot of people find it immensely helpful.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Bluebear

Where did you find the good counsellors? (aside from asking the GP, tried that route, not impressed)

Unfortunately, or fortunately it was a bit accidental in how I came across a really good counsellor,

I'm from Glasgow, so it probably isn't too relevant to many on this site?

I was initially given an NHS counselor after being referred for counselling by my GP,
It did take quite a while to get this treatment, which was a bit daunting,
I even thought at one point that the first counsellor I met was the first session of many, and really opened up to her,..only to realise later that this was simply an initial consultation type meeting to assess whether I actually needed therapy,...... 6 months later,...I got my first counselling session.

It was this first real Counsellor who handed me a leaflet in our 3rd or 4th session,
The leaflet was looking for volunteers for a trial of person-centred counselling specifically for Social Anxiety,
It was for a minimum of 20 free counselling sessions,
Although these would be recorded for training.

The counsellor I got was the main guy who had initially created this whole study/trial programme and got it off the ground, so, I was really lucky getting that.
The whole course was affiliated with a local university.

I did manage to speak with other people on the same programme and they didn't always quite gel with their particular counsellor they were assigned.

I did have other experiences of counselling and group therapy was the most helpful out of that, as I mentioned in previous posts, (didn't quite realise this thread went back to 2019)

As Sunrise and Nanuq wrote above,..it's unfortunately not always going to go well,..and it can often just come down to seemingly innocuous random things that can tip the scales towards a negative experience for us unfortunately,

I can definitely recall that early on in my group therapy experience,..possibly even the first session,..I felt that this really wasn't for me, and that the therapist seemed dreadfully insensitive and loud,..
I felt that I just wanted to escape the session and was ready to write it all off,

It can get like that, and it's easy for us to want to escape and give up at times,.
Anxiety and depression can take away your usual strength and resilience and make this whole process seem almost insurmountable,
But I persisted with it and began to realise how perceptive and helpful the therapist in fact was,
And as I kept pushing myself through it, I began to relate more and more to the people around me.

I think that we can often be at the stage of wanting to give up and throw the towel in,..
But those reactions are probably just part and parcel of what having SA has done to us over the years,

Doing things to try and reverse that is always going to feel very difficult initially, and you have to be prepared for that.

[Sunrise]

Well I'm certainly not going to blame my own disappointing experience on a lack of persistence as I went to every single session and engaged with it to the best of my abilities, even though towards the end I really, really didn't want to go and used to dread turning up.

The whole "if it's not working it's your own fault for not trying hard enough" attitude is something else I really resented about therapy. I remember being accused of that by another therapist years ago, and it felt like I was the naughty kid being sent to the headmasters office. Maybe it would be more beneficial for them to explore why it's not working for their client rather than ranting and raving about them not making enough effort?

I think my biggest criticism of therapy is that they just don't listen. They talk at you and expect you to just nod and say yes. There's no opportunity to discuss anything in depth, you're not allowed to deviate from their very rigid session plan. I can think of several instances where I've questioned something and they didn't know what to say or just didn't want to discuss it full stop. I always thought it would be a chance to discuss my worries and fears but it wasn't, it was more like being at school where they give you an exercise and you're supposed to just do it.

[Percy]

I did group therapy back in the early nougats. It was helpful for me at the time plus we had an extremely tasty therapist running it.

[Bluebear]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I'm writing this in a rush, I apologize. I've not been here all day and supper is ready.

I just wanted to say, that exercise nanuq mentioned sounds ghastly for someone with social anxiety in a mixed group. I'm often very quiet in large groups, and that's an unkind thing that woman said, and then frowning

Thanks Mr Nobody, something affiliated with a university does sound helpful. Person centred counselling for SA definitely sounds more promising than....CBT imo.

Sunrise, I know what you mean about cliques in groups, it doesn't feel good being the odd person out (I've been there)

[Bluebear]

Writing our first impression down about the person next to you and the qualities you liked about them. That reminds me a lot of some exercise we had at school (only 5) It didn't go well for me. I had a mean girl next to me.

[biscuits]

I've been to group therapy for confidence and assertiveness. It was excellent. I found it really useful.