#91
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
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https://www.newyorker.com/culture/pe...not-being-born |
#92
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Since I hit my mid-thirties it has started to bother me, but I've not even been intimate with anyone nor worked a proper regular job, two things which are kinda required.
I have in the past been looking over dating sites and found myself skipping profiles of women who have "Does not want children", so I guess it's been in the back of my mind for quite a while. |
#93
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
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#94
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ Yeah, it's definitely not what I want to do and with my mental health situation it wouldn't be the right thing to do anyway. I know some people really love having children, or atleast the majority of what's involved, but the thought of the whole thing doesn't appeal to me.
I have had people comment on me not having children, particularly my Mum who is really excited to have grandchildren but I've assured her she won't be getting any from me! |
#95
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
My mum is accepting that she won't be having any grandkids from me. Her older sisters eldest daughter is in her late 40s and never wanted kids and thus never had kids. So my mum sees that when I say I'm not having them I mean I'm not having them.
My sisters seem to think I will though. Every time I get a new boyfriend my sister's husband asks me when I'm having them. I tell him the 5th of never. He's a simple man, it confuses him. |
#96
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ I'm the only girl in my family so for some reason there seems to be more expectation that I'll want to have kids. Also my Mum thinks she must have somehow messed me up in my childhood if I don't want to, which while there are some things from my upbringing that I wouldn"'t want to repeat I don't see why it can't just be a legitimate choice that I'm making lol.
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#97
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
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I feel exactly like you. People with kids always look stressed and miserable to me. I value my peace and quiet way too much for all that nonsense. I'm jelous you had your tubes clipped. I want to be sterilised, contraception is such a pain. |
#98
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Amazing woman. |
#99
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^
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#100
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ You're not a womb? I'm not a womb either.
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#101
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
I've seen the direction humanity is taking and I think it would be cruel and vindictive to bring a child into what looks to be a very dark future. Not that someone can't live a fulfilling and happy life, but probably only at the expense of someone else, taking from the rapidly shrinking pool of resources that humans need for an existence beyond desperate constant scrabbling for food and water. Besides my genes are not much of a guarantee of happiness anyway, I'm predisposed to a miserable outlook and it's plausible that my offspring would inherit that tendency.
Besides its a moot point as nobody wishes to have children with me. I can't manage a relationship never mind the shared responsibility of guiding a newborn to a state of adulthood I've never really achieved myself. |
#102
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Nope, not in the slightest. I don't even have the money to fully support myself, let alone a dependant. Plus I find kids annoying, so that's two strikes. And I'm too self-centred to be a father - I like my peace and quiet too much.
Not to mention that in my view bringing a child into our future world could be considered almost an abuse. As someone else in the thread mentioned, we have 8 billion people on the planet and that number increases by 200,000 every day (from memory). We're already fighting for precious resources and wrecking our world; I don't want to be responsible for exposing some poor blighter to that ominous future. (With apologies to parents on this forum). |
#103
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ Oh I agree it is a miracle to create a totally new human being and I understand why some people want to do it,it's just not for me
Someone in a video I was watching today described having to drag her two wailing children out of a park because they'd been warned that if they threw sand they would have to go home, and they still threw the sand. I'm not sure people think of those moments when they're deciding to have a baby. |
#104
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
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#105
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
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I do think that actual childbirth is a cruel trick nature plays on us, it does not sound like a beautiful miracle lol. |
#106
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
I wish I could be as passionately anti-children as some of you, as it would make it easier. I think it's worse when you're not 100% sure either way. I always thought I didn't want kids and, on the whole, I can't see me having kids, but I'm 34 and fertility declines rapidly after 35, apparently, so it's on my mind, because what if I regret not having a family?
Ultimately, I don't like the thought of carrying a child, though, and I think I'd be okay with the baby phase (apart from sleep deprivation), but it's what they turn into that puts me off. Once they start having their own opinions and questioning me, I don't know how I'd cope. I was a horrible teenager (aren't most teenagers?!) Plus, maybe it would be cruel to inflict myself on a sprog. Mind you, I'm single and live at home with no prospect of that changing any time soon, so it's pointless thinking about it really! |
#107
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
I got into a right debate at work yesterday, someone was ranting about their kid being a pain, she turned to me..god don't ever have kids!
To which I respond, don't worry I won't..never ever, not a chance "What? Your never having kids?!, how can you do that, I couldn't imagine my life without having my children!" ..and on it went for 15 minutes. Like, christ on a bike..I felt like I was getting a bollocking at school, and I'm male..if I was female I can only imagine the ranting I would have received, I have to sympathize with you women not wanting kids, you must get a right earful from certain people |
#108
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ It's odd how people confuse the idea of them not being able to imagine their life without their children (which you'd hope they couldn't because otherwise they'd be wishing their children hadn't been born and that would be a major problem!) with the idea that everyone should have kids, when actually some of us are quite happy as we are.
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#109
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
I don't like the idea of having kids at all. But every so often I do think, later on in life, about adopting. Might just be my weakness for wanting to rescue things, but yeah a pair of siblings that had never had any love, to give them a home would be pretty nice. I wouldn't be increasing the amount of people on this planet but i'd be saving and helping some kids that need it. As long as they were over 5/6! But then I think ''nah god help me no way''
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#110
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Like most people, my answer is "yes and no". I'm 41 and always kind of assumed I'd end up with kids, but it seems unlikely now. Plus, my sister has decided not to have them, so I won't even have a niece or nephew.
Reasons it Bothers Me 1) Having kids gives your life meaning and purpose. It gets you out of bed in the morning. And it's something you can share with others. Not having them makes me feel a bit odd and outcast (nothing new there). 2) You'll never be alone. No matter what happens, you'll always have your kids. Even if they emigrate, there is still someone in the world connected to you, someone who cares whether you live or die. 3) Wonderful to be part of a loving family. The happiest people I know have young children. It must be wonderful to be at the heart of a loving family. 4) Someone who will be there for you when you are old, ill, vulnerable and frightened. This is the probably the main reason people have kids. The thought of being 82, frail and battling cancer alone is scary. Children hold your hand, take you to the hospital, visit you, keep you company, etc. Up Side to Not Having Kids 1) Life has its good moments but it's mostly pain and struggle, especially if you are sensitive, prone to depression, introverted, etc. As someone once joked "life is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy". Bringing a child into the world is a selfish thing; no matter what you do they are going to suffer ***8211; a lot. At the bare minimum they will have to watch people they love die and then face old age, cancer and death themselves. On top of that they will have to go through puberty, first day at school, bad relationships, loneliness, sh*t jobs working with assh*les for a mediocre wage, ageing, illness, and so on. And there are so many ****ing horrible, evil people in this world. I always wanted a daughter, but the thought of then watching her leave for university/ go travelling, etc, knowing what the world is like, terrifies me. I've known at least six women who were raped or sexually abused, and I've known of several who were drugged at parties or clubs, etc, and woke up in a park or backstreet with no memory of what happened. I once had a girlfriend who was raped when she was 20. I'll never forget her saying "the worst part was seeing what it did to my family ***8211; it destroyed them." 2) They would inherit some of my awful personality: melancholic, introverted, anxious, avoidant, sensitive. This world isn't for the sensitive dreamers. The people who succeed are shallow, hard, insensitive, mouthy, assertive, arrogant and confident. 3) The noise, the bad smells, the mess, the money. 4) Children are never what you think they will be. People dream of these nice, polite, mini-adults they can chat to about books and films etc. But children may not share any of your interests. You might not even like them! All teenagers want is for you to leave them alone. 5) It's a hell of a risk. What if the child is autistic, schizophrenic, has Downs Syndrome or is brain damaged at birth? What if they become addicts? What if they marry someone you hate? Someone who beats them up? Someone who cheats on them? What if they get hit by a car and end up in a wheelchair? Or kill themselves? Or are badly bullied? Or get cancer? Or are blinded in an accident at school? The list of s**t that could happen is endless. In the past, people had children in their 20s, then tried to make it to 70ish so the kids would look after them in their final years. But the world is a different place now. We live in the information age and have more control over our health than ever before. Any reasonably intelligent person can now find out endless information on anything that goes wrong with their body. Also, there may be breakthroughs in regenerative medicine that massively extend the lifespan. There are already pills that slow down the ageing process. I take obsessive care of my body because I know there will be no one there for me if I get ill. If I can make it to 83, that will be 2060. By 2060, we should have far better medicine than we do now. In fact, by 2060 the lifespan may be pushed to 130, 150 or even higher. Also, not having kids does give you lots of freedom. You can practise yoga, meditate, experiment with psychedelics, pursue some kind of artistic outlet, enjoy your sex life etc. I don't really need to be part of the local 'community' (kid's birthday parties, the school run, taking them to football club, ballet etc). My happiness comes from art galleries, museums and books. Not having kids enables you to be more choosy about who you socialize with. Plus, of course, you can work on your relationship. Any therapist will tell you that kids ruin countless marriages. |
#111
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
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Also, it never ends. People make out that "oh well, it's tough until they go to school then everything is hunky dory". Maybe. But maybe the teenage years will be even worse. Maybe they'll get into drugs, get pregnant, self-harm, or just become surly, lazy and rude. |
#112
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ I think that very often the expectations of having children don't match up to the reality and the more honest about this everyone is the better things will be.
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#113
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
A lot of parents say it's a blessing because they just don't want to admit how hard it is and also cos in today's world it's very un-pc to say that having kids has ruined your life , or that you especially women, regret having them.
I saw the Victoria Derbyshire program a while back and she showed a film of women that said they regretted having their kids, they were anonymous. I say good on them for being honest , but did feel a bit sorry for them. |
#114
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Even in some child free groups , you still get people who call you the devil when you rant about how annoying kids are . Christ, get out and and go on mumsnet instead!
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#115
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
I would only have 1 kid if it became a possibility but even that would be a lot down to my odd goal of keeping my family's name alive.
My brother hasn't even had a lay in for 5 years since he had his 1st kid. Seems like a nightmare dealing with screaming every single evening when the kids get tired. Sure, you get moments of joy when they achieve those little goals but **** me it's a lot of work. I only see my niece and nephew once a month or so but a few hours is usually enough. |
#116
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
My own problem is that in the last few years I***8217;ve finally managed to get myself financially stable to the point where I can carve out a pretty decent social life. I regularly attend meetups with several different groups, have weekends away with friends going to Sports events, Festivals etc and at least 2 holidays abroad every year. After years of struggling to get into this position I would be very loathe writing off the next 20 years of my life by having kids. Plus I like people telling me I look younger than I actually am and I bet the stress of parenthood would put paid to that. Not much incentive to go down that route really.
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#117
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^^^ crotch goblins
That made me laugh |
#118
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
No it doesn't bother me, but it seems to bother the media.
Almost every week there seems to be an article on freezing your eggs and how everyone should rush to have a baby before they're 40. To which I say: 1. I thought that the birth rate had gone up for the last 10 years or so and there was no space for the people we have in this country, let alone any more. 2. I don't think that we're about to run out of people if I don't have a baby. |
#119
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
I***8217;m a very hateful person and I feel I wouldve hated any kids I might have had so I guess its a good job I will never have kids!
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#120
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Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Not having kids is probably one of the smartest decisions I've made. I can barely take care of myself, so I have no desire to inflict misery on an innocent child.
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