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  #1  
Old 6th September 2018, 19:59
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Loneliness

I know this can be a problem for some. I am quite happy with my own company most of the time. It is good to see family but I donít make a great effort,or really any effort at all,to meet other people. I am quite asocial.

I think some of my asociality is a defensive response to finding social interaction difficult.
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  #2  
Old 6th September 2018, 22:19
Vasco Da Gama Vasco Da Gama is offline
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Default Re: Loneliness

^
yip, could have written that myself,
It's a sad situation,
to be so affected by the social side of things that we tend to prefer isolation as it feels easier to bear,

I do feel though, that given the right company, you can socialize and still be at ease and nourished by the experience,

I think, that whilst solitude can feel like a freedom (from the stress of interaction )
the long term accumulative emotions involved in solitude can be a cause of breakdown and an erosion of mental health,
Kind of like a creeping, unseen danger,.....something that feels like pleasure initially but that becomes a trap, a slow erosion of who we are and who we could be.
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  #3  
Old 15th September 2018, 01:26
Raven. Raven. is offline
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Default Re: Loneliness

I, too, am happy with my own company. But, as Vasco said, is the comfort we feel in our solitude paid for at the expense of our erosion of our mental health? I'm currently at the stage where meaningful social interaction with others is a non-starter, so asociality is my default position.
Because it's comfortable for me to be like this, I feel like I don't want to break out of this situation, but I know that I must at some point in order to progress in terms of being able to cope with others. It's taking the steps to getting to that point that scares me.
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  #4  
Old 11th October 2018, 17:23
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Loneliness

Quote:
Originally Posted by firemonkey
It is good to see family but I donít make a great effort,or really any effort at all,to meet other people. I am quite asocial.

.
I suspect this is more common than you realize Ė especially among the over 40s. One of the problems with mental illness is that we assume everyone else is 'normal,' which is bullshit. Lots of people find socializing difficult or unpleasant. I remember my dad saying that he when he went away to a sales conference, all the men would dump their bags and rush to the bar. But they weren't doing that because they loved alcohol, they were just trying to numb their social discomfort and give themselves a confidence boost.

And it isn't only shyness. People get their self-esteem from how they feel they compare to others. When they meet someone funnier, taller, cleverer, richer, more successful, better looking, etc, it crushes their self-esteem. That's why so much human interaction is tense and uneasy. Often, the tension can barely be concealed and flashes out in spiteful remarks or even violence. The vast majority of people couldn't get through a party, or a family gathering at xmas, without a drink, or drug, or both.

Plus, of course, at least a third of people are so repulsive or so ****ing dull that they aren't worth meeting. Others are simply not on your wavelength and so you end up feeling lonely and empty when you try to communicate with them.

I would love a close circle of good friends Ė kind, funny, self-mocking people who don't take life or themselves seriously. But if it came to a choice between being on my own and socializing with someone I don't much like, I'd choose isolation.
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  #5  
Old 11th October 2018, 18:15
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Loneliness

Good post

Do you think societies have become too big and people too mobile?

I wonder if loneliness was such a problem in smaller communities with shared values or when families continued to live close by to one another.
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  #6  
Old 11th October 2018, 23:00
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: Loneliness

Quote:
Originally Posted by jinny

I wonder if loneliness was such a problem in smaller communities with shared values or when families continued to live close by to one another.
I do often wonder this.

But at the same time, the past seems a far less forgiving place - I can imagine living somewhere like a British village in the 1950s (or before), if you were the slightest bit 'different', you'd probably feel completely ostracized. I get the impression everyone had to act the same in those days.
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  #7  
Old 12th October 2018, 16:22
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Loneliness

Quote:
Originally Posted by jinny

Do you think societies have become too big and people too mobile?

I wonder if loneliness was such a problem in smaller communities with shared values or when families continued to live close by to one another.
Loneliness is definitely a bigger problem today. But those small communities weren't all lovely and snuggly. I grew up in a village and can remember very old country people – people born before the war. I can even remember one old woman born around 1900! And, almost without exception, they were vile: nosy, intrusive, gossipy, spiteful, and small-minded. Life in an English village 100 years ago was awful. Everyone watched everyone else, knew their business, spread rumours and resented those who dared to be different or tried to escape their social rank.
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