Embarrassed By My Family

[Dandelion10]

Came down this morning and my dad was saying 'she's got big problems' to my mum who was trying to defend me by saying 'she's just fragile, don't you like her?' he replied 'I don't dislikeher I just think she needs to sort herself out'

I was stood in the kitchen doorway, my mum said 'Hi' brightly, I want the truth at all costs so when I asked her what they'd said later, she said 'Oh, nothing'.

But it didn't bother me one bit even though I was pissed off that my family sometimes talk about me as if I'm a total stranger, like my brother has this new habit of just staring at me perplexed, literally just looking at me baffled but i believe in family loyalty, if it was the other way around I'd say 'Matthew, how are you kid?'.

Now what has got to me is that my family do nothing with this house, the TV is big and bulky over 10 years old, there's mist clouding the front room and two of the bedroom windows obscuring much of the view.

The curtains are all frayed so that when you pull them together you notice your holding piece of a hole and my dad has a habit of putting all the 4 TV remotes in diagonal lines on top of the set. *cringe*

The carpet can only be described as 'Asian' weave big gold and pink mandala patterns from the previous owners, all the kitchen cupboards have 80's style grey lines on and not one of the doesn't creak loudly when opened.

The police were outside my house earlier today and before my mum left she'd tied the curtains back with the holes visible, the TV was like a big grey block on the right and there was a huge white oblong patch above the fire place where my mum recently took down a large silver mirror revealing how discoloured the rest of the walls are.

Suffice to say I want to move out, to distance myself from this time-warp because they can afford it, they have thousands from my granddads will to add to their existing savings.

I want to find a man and just get out of here into my own place, besides I'm getting beyond sick of living here it feels immature climbing up the wooden step ladder to my attic room.

[pinkwafer]

I know the feeling of really wanting to leave home, but not really being able to.

I think you get to a certain age, and your parents, your siblings, just seem to annoy the hell out of you.

[tituscrow]

I empathise, I used to live in my parent's garage and though they never let me hear them talking like that I assume they did.
Moving out is a big step, but a positive one, it makes you feel so much more grown up, and more like an individual. You can decorate as you like, watch TV that you like, and never have to watch Coronation Street!

[pinkwafer]

hey Mister! what's wrong with coronation street?

[Dandelion10]

I've gotten into Corrie as well, mainly as it's comforting but they watch all the soaps religiously and my dad is obsessed with Master Chef.

My mum likes X Factor, I said I could tell they had auto tune microphones cos of the neat metallic edge to their singing voices and it was confirmed in the next days papers, ha!

Anyway, what I'd love is to have a boyfriend or partner and our* own place. Do you think I'm too scary to have a partner based on the things I've said across these boards? I'm not sure whether I should try get a boyfriend or just accept I should live alone.

Do you live alone or with people? I don't know how I'd cover my ass if I lived alone, I'd have to work full time I suppose.

[tituscrow]

I live alone myself, I work for my Dad. Well I do watch strange stuff... Masterchef is not bad! You aren't scary Dandelion10 but people may not understand some of the things you have said, like your relationship with the police. Soaps are female things I think, I always say the WWE is a soap for males!

[Mr. Nobody]

I'm sure loads of people on here live alone,..and manage fine.
why don't you at least put your name down for a council house,..it's a start.
I've had my own place for a good while now, but it took years of saving up to get it,...but I'm glad I did, you really need the freedom,..well I did anyway,.I come from a family of 11 ,..no more queueing for the bathroom,..
I was wondering if you felt that your route to getting a place of your own was to get a boyfriend,...the two don't necessarilly need to go together.
I don't think anyone would find you scary Nicola,..just really interesting, and quite a deep sensitive person going by your posts.

[Mr. Spaceman]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

, like my brother has this new habit of just staring at me perplexed, literally just looking at me baffled but i believe in family loyalty, if it was the other way around I'd say 'Matthew, how are you kid?'.

.

I used to get this from various family members and family friends - not saying anything, just staring at me in this bemused way and thus making me feel even more of a freak. Not once did anyone show any sympathy or understanding. But then unfortunately my family was always of the 'pull yourself together, don't be stupid blah blah' mindset

[LJ1]

I guess if your dad had to carry you downstairs because your leg's were broken he'd not suggest you 'sort yourself out?'well, I hope not...

The sad thing is that people often judge others simply because they cannot 'see' nor understand the feelings of others. This is very common with people who have various types of challenges including social phobia.

I don't know if a boyfriend is the immediate answer. Maybe a supportive group of friends is a good idea? I have not been on these boards for zonks and don't know if there are any support groups in your area which are run by other people who can relate to how you feel.

One of my sons has just moved into a place with one of his mates and is finding it pretty tough financially. Maybe, don't know if this is possible? If you have any finances to rent, instead, get creative with your room if you have one. Make yourself your own personal tranquility room. Print off some pretty and positive quotes to focus on.

LJ