Making their own problems

[BritishPeace]

I'm not trying to be controversial, or maybe I am being. Do you think that many cases of social anxiety cause their own problems?

[Progress]

Yes, but I'm not sure I'd phrase it that way exactly. I'm sure there are a whole variety of behaviour patterns we have that end up contributing to SA. To say we cause it is a bit too general for me, but to say a certain behaviour might contribute to it, is how I'd prefer to see it.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Originally Posted by BritishPeace

I'm not trying to be controversial, or maybe I am being. Do you think that many cases of social anxiety cause their own problems?

No, anyways one should never beat themselves up for an emotion.

But I do think sometimes people, including me, can put more work into overcoming anxiety.

[Alena Lunae]

.

[Alena Lunae]

.

[Freespirit6]

I think our brains have become conditioned to produce extreme fear in response to certain situations through life experience or even partly biological factors ,this fear can make people think irrationally at times, it can cause us to behave in an anxious manner , we become very self conscious, people then sometimes respond to us in an unhelpful way which causes a vicious circle of lack of confidence, depression, frustration inward thinking, but we are not consciously or deliberately making the problem, it is not easy to break out of conditioned habits that have more or less become part of ourselves. There should be no blame just a softer kinder approach to ourselves, and others, blame maybe part of the problem. That is the way I see my own experience of SA .

[Progress]

Originally Posted by Alena Lunae

Depends how mentally stable the person is but yeah most of the time they make up excuses to not do things to move forward because they seriously have deluded themselves that much that they 'can't'.

Originally Posted by stoopkid

i think its unfair to say people delude themselves. the irrationality of the mechanisms they have created in order to deal with their own realities do that, often unbidden.

Originally Posted by Alena Lunae

As I said, depends on how mentally stable they are and their own personal problems, I wasn't accusing anyone of something just speaking honestly how I see it. Some people do delude themselves into thinking they cannot do something out of excuses they make up, it's quite common honestly even regular people do it either through having no willpower to do something simple. And I don't think it's unfair I think it's honest because it's a fact that people delude themselves even in every day circumstances, the media for example so it would only be common for people with SA to trick themselves into thinking they can't do something when you can you just made something up in your head and started believing it. That's how I see it anyway, if I'm wrong please do correct me.

I think stoopkid did already attempt to correct you but you didn't seem to listen.

To suggest that people who don't move forward due to mental health issues are 'making up excuses', I think is very wrong and also pretty insensitive.

In a sense I can see some truth in what you say, but the way you phrase it I think is very unhelpful and doesn't reflect the true emotions that are going on.

[redcard]

SAers are allowed to say and do what they like with impunity, but a normal person.... if they so much as look at an SAer funny or use the wrong turn of phrase then they're pretty much as bad as Hitler.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

SAers are normal people behind the SA.

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Nat36

My personal belief is that we have unintentionally socially conditioned ourselves (unconsciously)through life experiences to think certain thoughts and then feel certain feelings in particular situations. This then spills over into new situations sometimes.

This is a great explanation

Originally Posted by Alena Lunae

Depends how mentally stable the person is but yeah most of the time they make up excuses to not do things to move forward because they seriously have deluded themselves that much that they 'can't'.

And this is me And I think the worst part is, is that I know I'm doing it. I know I'm making up a truckload of excuses and it is stopping me from moving forwards. I'm starting to move on from saying I 'can't' do something to 'I don't want to' do something. I'm not sure if I even believe myself anymore.

[indiegirl1980]

I understand what Alena Lunae was trying to say, maybe she didn't express it perfectly or in the 'right' way but, crikey, isn't a major part of this condition being unable to express ourselves or state our opinions? I hope she's not discouraged from using the forum.

I think that it is part of the human condition to delude yourself and make up excuses as to why you can't to do something, whereas sometimes it's more that you won't do something.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

This video reminds me of this thread.

[BritishPeace]

Yes it does of course, which is why they should not take the 'helpless' stance but take action to disconfirm it

[The Jerk]

.......... social anxiety............#firstworldproblems...........

[iTz0kt0Bu]

^ That doesn't make it any less of a problem.

Lets pretend that their is no such thing as problems just because we live in a developed country.

[timmyb]

I blame myself entirely. I'm lazy and cowardly. Not qualities that any society values.

[Progress]

Originally Posted by Alena Lunae

I don't understand stoopkid I was just like watwatwatwat y u no comprende?

I wasn't talking about the entirety of SA is due to excuses because of course it isn't.. the hell? It is a mental health condition, what I am saying is that deluding yourself definitely plays a part in not helping with it to progress and move forward because even when I had SA I would talk myself out of things because I thought I'm not able to do something, hence, can't, believing the wrong thing because I've just put that in my head and believed it for example when it wasn't true and I could of done whatever it was say if I was in a slightly better mood another day or something so deluding myself thinking I can't do this but I could've if the situation was different. But of course it all comes down to what you actually feel you can do at the time because people are on different stages of SA, but, deluding yourself definitely has -some- factor to not helping with SA and believing otherwise hence making some problems for yourself because you just opted out of doing something when you thought you couldn't. Personally I think everyone and their mother deludes themselves some way or other so it's no surprise if they do it with SA too.

Anyway this wasn't some personal attack on people with SA or whatever chill your beans. I am just saying my opinion, nothing more nothing less.

Anyway, this bores me don't expect more replies from me.

As I said, I saw some truth in what you put, and having re-read it, I can't really disagree with it.

I probably reacted because it seemed insensitive, plus you did initially say 'most of the time'.

I think someone in the thick of extreme SA could be very upset to be told they were making up excuses. I can recognise in myself how I might make excuses to avoid things I'm scared of. Personally I try to be careful of my wording on a forum like this - everyone's experience is different.

Just from my personal point of view - maybe during a recovery process I don't particularly like the phrases 'deluding yourself' and 'making excuses', because of the negative connotations. I prefer more positive phrasing. Once I've recovered from a particular thing I wouldn't give a damn about the phrasing though.

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by stoopkid

many of these irrational 'i cant' thought patterns are not so easily caged at will, only through, often, years of hard effort can it be completely banished and even then there are still scars to which there is no cure.

Very true. Makes me feel a little better about myself anyway.

now, all be still, and have a free kiss

[Blumoon]

I think because its a mental health issue, I mean if I could see how I used to be now (worse) i'd think wtf get off your ass and make some effort etc, but it is and was a mental health issue and it wasn't that easy. You do end up making excuses but when you start to be able to push yourself a bit more, even just a little bit, into 'normal' social situations it gets better. If you were like me and had outcasted yourself from society basically, then it can be bloomin difficult.

[Silent Ninja]

Originally Posted by timmyb

I blame myself entirely. I'm lazy and cowardly. Not qualities that any society values.

This is how I feel, I just view myself as a huge coward who avoids anything that I find difficult (which turns out to be life in general).

Except sometimes with the people I work with I try not to avoid stuff, but this has never worked out well for me.

[misska]

When I was younger I couldn't do anything to beat shyness now im older I know o give up too easily and always expext things to go bad so dont even try anymore. So yes and no