Any good books on newbies to dating, and coupleship and stuff?

Mr_Bean · #1 13th September 2011, 07:42

As title, like recommended books for newbies to dating, and relationships and stuff?

AxelFendersson · #2 13th September 2011, 16:01

^ That book may well be great if shyness or SA haven't prevented you from dating in the past but have just made it more difficult or meant that you were less successful than you might otherwise have been. But as someone with no dating experience whatsoever, I didn't find it even remotely helpful.

I'd be surprised if such books exist; the number of people who would have any real use for them would be too small to be worth publishing them.

Nuff · #3 14th September 2011, 18:49

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dating-Dummi...6022514&sr=1-1

Don't really read books, but that might work?

Mr_Bean · #4 15th September 2011, 20:00

ah will have a look at these, thanks.

Defiance · #5 16th September 2011, 18:52

why do people want to rely so much on books? that is the impression I am getting here. If you really think you've missed out then why can't you learn by trial and error like everyone else did.

AxelFendersson · #6 16th September 2011, 19:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Defiance

If you really think you've missed out then why can't you learn by trial and error like everyone else did.

Because mistakes that are, if not socially acceptable, at least forgiveable when you're sixteen are much less so when you're over 25 and everyone else has grown out of them. Learning something as one of a group of beginners all of whom are making mistakes and figuring things out together is, for most people, less scary than trying to join in with a bunch of people who, although not necessarily masters of the activity in question, have at least some grasp of the basics. Especially in an activity where irritating other participants disqualifies you from continuing that activity.

Most people figure out the basics of dating in their teens or, occasionally, early twenties by experimenting with other people who are just as inexperienced. But once you're outside that bracket, then the opportunity to learn with other beginners has been lost.

For most activities, it's wouldn't be considered odd to want some sort of guidance before trying to join in with people who've been doing it for a while.

Defiance · #7 16th September 2011, 19:52

how are you getting along with your dancing classes? i get the impression you are a regular there? seen any women you like?

i wouldn't say im an expert or anything

but if you do see a woman you like, perhaps initiate some flirting to test the waters, gradually getting more and more obvious until you are sure she likes you back ..then ask her out somewhere.

personally i think that is the best way, as if you do it right and can get the hint when someone IS NOT interested then you avoid rejections as you'll only be asking the person out when you are fairly sure they like you back.

anxiouslondoner · #8 16th September 2011, 20:52

I wouldn't even know how to initiate flirting, or how to tell if someone was interested. As far as I can tell nobody ever is. You see it's things like this that people just take for granted whereas if you aren't accustomed to it are complete mysteries.

AxelFendersson · #9 17th September 2011, 01:43

Taking this off-topic a bit here, but:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Defiance

how are you getting along with your dancing classes?

Without wishing to boast, I am doing very, very well indeed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Defiance

I get the impression you are a regular there?

Pretty much. At this stage, I can go to pretty much any modern jive venue in Oxfordshire and will recognise and be recognised by at least some of the people there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Defiance

seen any women you like?

Some. There was one that I kind of fancied for a while but as I got to know her I learned that religion is quite a big part of her life and consequently I don't think we'd work as more than friends. Also I don't think she was ever really interested in me other than as a friend (and dance partner).

Another woman I found very attractive, got on quite well with, have some things common with (and find lovely to dance with) ... but she's not single. So again, just friends.

Then there's another who I'm quite keen on. I'm not actually sure whether I'm in with a chance there or not. I suspect not, but I'll see, I guess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Defiance

But if you do see a woman you like, perhaps initiate some flirting to test the waters, gradually getting more and more obvious until you are sure she likes you back ..then ask her out somewhere.

personally i think that is the best way, as if you do it right and can get the hint when someone IS NOT interested then you avoid rejections as you'll only be asking the person out when you are fairly sure they like you back.

Honestly, I suspect you're right. Of course, I have only the vaguest idea of how to flirt with someone, but otherwise it's a sound enough plan.