Something like that

[Nuff]

Once upon a time. I was born, stuff happened and here I am typing these very words.

I don't understand... Well part of me does but I don't want to think about it. I'm just a dreamer not a doer. What if, what if, what if... Not I should, I should I should...

Always throughout my life since about 13, if something has upset me I just avoid it completly and for me has seem to become a natural thing without even thinking about it until it's too late?

I use to have loads of friends, I'd say I was like one of the most popular in the whole school, I think it was because I was really cheeky and I didn't care what anyone thought at all. But my anixety made me leave school (I just wouldn't go.)

Anyways I cba, to write my life story... I went college after..

Looking back, now at my friends. I miss them(more of a regret for not carrying on the friendship). I miss having friends. But I know they've moved on and are completly different people.

I never knew how lucky I was. Everyone, everyone pretty much has friends I have none at all. It's hard.

It is hard to make friends if you don't have any. It gets harder as you get older too.

I thought I'd try and be more sociable. So I thought I'd get a roommate after living by myself for a year >.> It started off pretty good for awhile... But now it's been like 2months and I think I only spoke to her once, I'm just avoiding her Bet she thinks I'm a right weirdo, I don't really care about that but it just upsets me I know she is a nice girl and I kind of want to tell her why I kinda stay outta the way but I know that could make things more weird.

I just have like a shield up when deep down all I want to be is liked and maybe cared for...

I feel semi-depressed not depressed/emo where I'm going to kill myself. Just sad and empty, I don't enjoy anything much it just seem below ok... and it's just gonna be this way all my life.

I had a job for over a year so what? It's come to an end as the business was sold and I'm starting my own business... The thing is I know it'll be ok and maybe bring in more money then my last job from this.. But I really don't care.

I don't care if this sounds desperate, because I am. I just feel that I need one person to content me be my other half of the cheesecake or whatever... I know people say you need to be happy by yourself, but I'm not I don't think I ever will be I am needy I need friendship. Someone who wants to spend time with me and cares and will let me care about them too.

I'm 20 and again, yes I am a dreamer.

Edit: sorry for the rant, i just felt I needed to get it off my chest.

[Libbyjay]

Why do you think your a dreamer? Because you would like friends?

I see photo's on Facebook of my old school friends and it upsets me a bit when i see they are all still in contact, they go out and go to each others weddings. At school there were two groups in my class and they are all now one big happy group :-(

4 years ago I had no one. But now I have people that I can text and go out with. It did take for me to hit rock bottom before i took the plunge and did something about it.

They do all live about 30/45 mins away so it's not really possible to go out during the week but I don't mind travelling to them. Also, since I've met all of them though different SA groups (from here and meetup), there's no pressure to go out with them or even talk when I do.

Are you able to get to any of the meets that are organised on here? Nottingham/Leicester/Birmingham?

[Thorn]

Its upsetting to read such anxiousness from someone so young but I can relate with a lot that you said, as I'm sure many here can. It's a shame you can't connect with your room mate - she probably thinks you're aloof and that you want to keep a distance between the two of you. If you sat down with her and told her about yourself and how you feel maybe she would understand and you could form a friendship?

I used to have a lot of friends too and now I don't have any and you are right, when you don't have any friends it is very difficult to make more.

You seem like a very level headed person with a lot to offer. I hope you find your way through this.