Thought I would give this a go

[orr_niall]

Hello, I thought I would join the forum and post my situation in the hope of getting some advice and help if possible.

I have had differing amounts of anxiety over the last 10 or so years. It seems to hit me in waves and I panic, but then get on with things and generally it goes away. More recently I have been feeling very anxious / stressed / possibly depressed for a good 6 weeks now and it doesn’t seem to be lifting. Previously I just ploughed on and in a way have learned to live with it adapting how I do things depending on how I know I will feel. Been to the dr a few times over the years but then tend to not go back until the next time I feel a bit off. Since we came home from Holiday in August I have not felt the same so I want to seek some help and guidance.

I have a fear of loosing control (seems ridiculous to say it out loud) and this occurring in public. I also have a fear of vomiting or urgently needing the toilet in social scenarios and thus embarrassing myself. Also, for work I travel by plane to meeting once every 6 weeks or so and recently this has started to fill me with dread.

For the past two years I have been doing the same role and have been to 10meetings or so where I have had to fly away for it. I cannot say that I have ever wanted to go, but I have been able to go and with some general uneasyness I have got through them and home again.

More recently I was on holiday in Mexico and on the 10hr flight home became quite anxious on the plane through the flight. Feeling of wanting to get out of there etc. I didn’t mention this to my family and just sat on the plane counting the minutes until we landed. Never was I so grateful to get home after that. At this stage I want to say that I smoke ( wish I didn’t but do) and I am torn as to whether this was anxiety due to the situation or if it was something about needing a smoke after so long onboard. This is something that still plays on my mind but I find when I smoke and anxiety at its peak it gets worse and quitting is something I would love to do but think that may make me worse.

Following that I have had a few short haul flights of an hour which generally have been fine over the last few years I have needed to take them for work. However on the last one i was anxious and panicked before we boarded, had been dreading the trip weeks before and on the flight became quite agitated and just wanted to land. I then had an over night stay, meeting the following day and flight home that night. In the morning I felt terrible, just wanted to go home, went for breakfast that I felt I’ll eating and sat with my manager , who had stayed in hotel also doing my best to show that I’m fine. Through the meeting I felt I’ll, felt I had to focus on not being sick (of course I never was) and then again on the flight home, the build up etc I was panicked again. (All for no reason that I can explain). If someone asked me I would honestly say I don’t fear flying it’s more the fact of possible public embarrassment through having a panic attack on the plane etc that is the fear. I also know this will never happen, or at least tell myself it won’t. The most annoying thing with this is that I genuinely do not know what’s causing this, there is nothing I can pinpoint and say if I change this I will be better.

I now have a new meeting in a few weeks and I am dreading it. Trying to think of every excuse in the book not to go. I wake up every morning thinking about it and throughout the day find me constantly thinking about it. This worry then gets me in the cycle of thinking how I feel and becoming stressed and panicky again all day long. This week I was largely ok on Monday and then for no reason I have been on edge the rest of the week.

I am now in a circle of waking, feeling panicked, sort of ill feeling in my stomach, not really wanting breakfast, focusing on events to come such as this meeting that I desperately want to avoid due to what I have talked about above. I then focus on how I feel all day and make myself worse and worse. I also feel tired, heavy eyes and cannot concentrate on other things.

I have continued working throughout, however I predominantly work at home and have done for 2 years. I only see the family in mornings to take kids to school when I’m not feeling my best as noted, and in the evening. I do speak to colleagues and clients on the phones during the day so am not completely without social interaction during the day (only mentioning as my family have suggested this as a possible cause in all this) I don’t really agree as up to 6 or so weeks ago I was fine I actually enjoyed the work.

I have noticed in the last 6 weeks or so I have also become more anxious in any social situation. I went to help a friend move house with others and felt generally uneasy the whole time (again ridiculous to me) as I have known these guys all my life. We also had a birthday party for one of their kids at their house soon after and again it was the same dreading it before, panicky and self obsessing about how I feel and why I feel like I do when there rather than enjoying the day like everyone else. Again a situation I have been in many times and used to enjoy.

It now seems that anything that involves going out causes me this trepidation and all that comes with it.

Other scenarios recently where this happens is even taking kids to school in morning, something I’ve done for years and now I get stressed and anxious before this.

Picking my daughter up from school, done this for years now I feel on edge and panicked when stood waiting for her in the playground.

All of this seems crazy to me and indeed makes me think I may be going a little crazy, am I dying? Why do I feel like this? why is stuff if did 3months ago without a thought now causing me to be like this?

Interestingly I have come to realise that later in the day and at night I’m fine. Thoughts normal, still general and normal stresses and anxieties but I feel ‘fine’ and as I should. It seems to be in the morning I get panicked about all sorts and obsess over certain things that are to come, feel like I need to get out of here etc and I just cannot explain it.

Any help or words of wisdom to help would be great.

P.S I have been taking 80mg propranolol for 3 years as I go to the dr each time this flares up but have never done anything more and just have fallen into the routine of the propranolol but I don’t think it really does anything.




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[Sisyphus]

Hi orr_niall,

Welcome to the forum.

I am no expert and this is just what I think from my perspective.

It sounds like your brain is winding itself up and entering a vicious circle.

My immediate thought is that you should seek professional help and look for some CBT so you can get a handle on this and not be a passenger on some dark journey.

Did your doctor suggest this? I would be disappointed if not.

You could try some DIY stuff although the guidance of a therapist will be much more efficient.

My experience with CBT has been positive although very frustrating. Mileages vary so take some other opinions into account.

If it sounds like I have just asked you to eat a bucket of cold vomit then you have probably read me right.

Good luck.

[orr_niall]

Yeah the dr advised it. I looked into it and NHS have quite the wait and they initially offer group sessions. The dr thought I would be best with 1 on 1 and advised I look privately into this, however it’s £50 a session which initially put me off and thought I would keep going myself.

Also bought Mind over Mood book which I have read and it seemed to help a few weeks back but then I have now seemably gone backwards.

I will see how this week goes, try and be more positive and if I am still the same will look a bit further into a private CBT course.

Dr also prescribed Sertraline 50mg, however I did the usual and read all the online side effect stories and this put me off trying it. Does anyone recomend this?


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[Hackpen]

Hi, i used to have a few drinks before I'd get on a plane, similar to Mr T - I ain't gettin on no plane sucka!! Since I stopped drinking I've done a few short haul flights sober. I find ear buds and my own music help detach me from the situation a little. I find a window seat helps, wierdly ! I didn't have much success with sertraline but I know others have. Most meds have a withdrawal syndrome which can be quite protracted. When I smoked I remember looking forward to a smoke but the actual buzz didn't last that long, it was more the anticipation. If u cant quit have u tried patches or gum to help during a long flight ? Meditation helps me zone out or a hypnotherapy mp3. Good luck

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