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#1
12th April 2016, 00:58
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How well-met are your emotional needs?
If you're suffering from any mental health problem, whether it be difficulty sticking to safe limits for alcohol, use of substances to fill gaps or becoming depressed and losing the desire to carry on, feeling trapped, waking-up tired for no reason, developing a problematic relationship with food, I think it's fair to assume that a couple of your emotional needs are not met to a degree that it's causing unhappiness. Seems fairly common-sense, but something many people probably either lose sight of or don't give much thought to.
I've been looking at the 'needs audit' in the Human Givens series of self books and have come up with my own variation. It's very losely based on Maslow's hierarchy of needs so I think this needs some attention. I've listed the needs that are likely to be missing in the order of importance and likelihood and included some questions which I really want you to think about. Please answer the questions (and add new ones). Emotional intimacy Are there people who you feel that accept you for who you are, who you can be open with, who you feel understand you? How well met are your needs for friendship and romantic relationships? If you answered no to most or all, what gives you grounds to believe that it's not possible for you to find other people who'll accept you for who you are? What might be stopping you or giving you grounds to be worried about it never being met? Are you becoming depressed because something is giving you grounds to believe that you are not capable of meeting this need or are losing hope? Have you started to question your ability to make friends of get into romantic relationships? Are you turning to alcohol or other escapes because this need is not being met? Within social situations, do you often feel that there aren't people who know who you are? If so, what's missing? What can be done to better meet your needs to become closer to people? What would help give you the grounds to feel you're capable of that (everyone has that capability, as much as past experience may have convinced you otherwise)? Attention and social contact Do you get enough social contact and conversation? Are you socially-isolated? Do you sometimes feel dwarfed by people who are very outgoing and get the feeling of falling into the background? Does your shyness make you feel invisible? Do you feel depressed because you feel overlooked? In social situations, do you find knocking the pints (or the vodka and coke) makes this feeling of being invisible go away? Do you use that as a way to cope with the void if you are socially-isolated and craving the feeling of being engaged with another human being? *If people are out of work, this is one of the worst parts to cope with; deprivation of this need Wider connections to the community Do you belong to anything or feel that you're part of the wider community in any way, beyond friends and family? Do you feel like you fit in or belong to anything, or are part of a group? Do you feel alienated in any way, or like an outsider? *Since a lot of people meet this need through their work, this is one that's likely to be missing among the unemployed Status, acknowledgement and recognition Do you feel acknowledged, admired or recognised in any way for what you do or what you've achieved? Do you feel that you are respected by others in any way? Do you feel you are put down or what you do or have achieved is belittled by other people's malice? Likewise, are there any ways that you put down or belittled yourself? For example, do you write-off other people's compliments of your own achievements or contributions? Do you put your own successes down to luck or other factors? Do you compare yourself to others or feel inferior? Do you sometimes feel like a nobody or like a failure? Is this causing or contributing to depression? If you identify with any of the above, do you ever question whether you have what it takes? Have you started to feel that you're a waste of space or that you don't matter? Do you feel like giving-up? If so ,do you feel stuck where you are because you've lost motivation? Have you started to question whether it'll be the same forever? Is this causing or contributing to any addiction? If you find it hard not to drink too much, or indulge in any other activity too much, does it play a role in drowning out any of the above? Does it make negative thoughts about yourself go away? Does it bring visions of times when this need was better-met? Does it bring back dreams you may have had in the past? *This is one need that unemployment starves people of Competencies, skills and learning Are you doing any work, hobbies or activities that give you a sense of satisfaction and mastery, or that stretch you? Do you feel that there are things you're good at? Do you get that feeling that you've learned something on an occasional or regular basis? If not, do you feel bored and restless a lot of the time? Do you have negative thoughts about yourself being useless or not being capable of doing anything? Do you feel embarrassed about talking what you do, what your hobbies are? *This is a need that a lot of people meet through their employment and education The need for purpose How well do you feel that you are needed by others or that what you do is valued by others? Do you feel needed by other; whether it be a team at work, your children or anythint that you're involved in? If not, are you starting to worry that you've got nothing to offer? *This is another need that people are starved of if they're unemployed, and one that volunteering can help fulfil Need to feel safe and secure Under this need comes your need for trust, safety and stability. Do you not feel safe from being judged in social situations where you don't know people that well? Are you currently being bullied and reluctant to be around those people? Have you had bad experiences in the past that make you feel in danger a lot of the time? Are any of these fears of danger limiting your life in any way? Are you worried that there aren't any people you can trust out there? Do you have grounds to believe that the world is dangerous and mean? Does this make you feel despondent or de-motivated from engaging in life in any way? Do you feel trapped in any way? If so, are you worried about your life being the same forever? Does this cause difficulty sleeping, do you wake-up tired every day even if you do get good sleep? To round off Please do take time to think about the questions. If these needs are not met adequately, we can easily turn to alcohol, substances, eating too much or worse. We can easily find grounds to believe that we are trapped in the same situation forever, which can make us feel hopeless and despondent, leading to depression. I don't believe there's such a thing as 'clinical depression', but a cycle where the distress causes symptoms such as tiredness and lack of motivation, that further prevent the needs from being met, which causes a self-perpetuating cycle. About empoyment and unemployment; It happens that our society is rigged that so many needs are in one basket. We depend on employers (well, indirectly on the market foreces that dictate whether they'll empoy us, which is the part that bugs me bugs me) to meet so many needs. That seems rather precarious. I don't think it has to be that precarious. I don't think that happiness has to be as dependent on things so outside of one's control. If you fall on the foul end of circumstances, I'm sure there's ways to meet each need in a way that's right for you even if you're unemployed. If you're out of work, the best thing you can do to prevent mental health problems setting-in is to try and meet each need as best you can by whatever means you can.. 
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#2
12th April 2016, 01:10
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Re: How well-met are your emotional needs?
Quote:
I also find social interaction can be quite psychologically stressful as the natural ebb and flow of social engagement doesn't come readily to me.
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