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View Poll Results: Would you like to see a new dating section ?
Yes 21 30.00%
No 37 52.86%
Unsure 12 17.14%
Voters: 70. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 15th June 2008, 09:37
ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly is offline
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Default Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Yes its that old favourite back again, how about a new date section in absence of all that other stuff that was there before. I know this debate comes about, probably too often but now there is a whole batch of new members with new opinions, I reckon its worth opening this up to the voters again to gauge opinion.
  #2  
Old 15th June 2008, 10:00
MooseOfDoom MooseOfDoom is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Speaking as a new(ish) member... It's seems to only be a month since this last came up. afx's post pretty much sums up how I feel about it too - http://www.social-anxiety-community....23&postcount=3

Maybe after discussion with mods etc it would be possible to start a thread in the Penpals section similar to the Myspace/Facebook thread but for members who do wish to show their PlentyOfFish etc profiles but personally I don't think it's needed. Still banned by the FAQ as it stands though...

Certainly don't think a whole section is needed for it - you don't cleanup to make more mess, you cleanup because things have got too messy
  #3  
Old 15th June 2008, 11:59
pAuL1974 pAuL1974 is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Whilst a dating section here seems highly unlikely to happen, I think if people are looking for possible relationships, they should be allowed to state this in posts made in the Penpals forum. Over the years, some members have been allowed to do this, whilst other members have not. There has been little consistency in my opinion.

All correspondence should then be carried out off the forum, i.e. private messages / e-mail / instant messaging. This then takes the onus off the moderators being responsible for running a dating section, and they can simply delete any forum responses and/or lock the posts - effectively making them read only.
  #4  
Old 15th June 2008, 12:56
ExSAguy ExSAguy is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

After thinking about it I think it's a bad idea. Say I put all my details up and got not one reply. It'd enhance the belief that i'm not attractive and i'm sure the same principle applies to all here
  #5  
Old 15th June 2008, 13:51
Ziggy Ziggy is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

I don't think it's a good idea, it could end up very messy and spread to the rest of the board.
  #6  
Old 15th June 2008, 14:13
I.G.
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Sorry but it's not going to happen. The owner of the site simply doesn't want a dating section, as has been explained many times.
  #7  
Old 15th June 2008, 23:51
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

No offence meant at any individual but I'm sick and tired off people asking for a dating section on the SA UK forums when there have been countless threads on it through out the years.

Maybe the moderators could post a sticky as a permanent reminder?
  #8  
Old 16th June 2008, 16:33
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

I don't see the point.

100 male members and 1 female member.
  #9  
Old 16th June 2008, 17:18
IRIS IRIS is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

dating section would be cool
  #10  
Old 16th June 2008, 17:20
Diluted Diluted is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Arn't there some SA dating sites?
  #11  
Old 16th June 2008, 17:33
Occultus Occultus is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by moose
And just to shock the moderators and a few members, i voted "no"
  #12  
Old 16th June 2008, 18:25
miŠo miŠo is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there threads for pen pals, MSN, Facebook, Myspace etc. etc...so why do people feel the need for a dating section as well? Plenty of people have met their partners on this without a dating board, so surely that says something.
Couldn't agree more. Considering that most SAers (judging by the opinions on all the dating site threads) are more comfortable beginning as friends anyway, this is the perfect place to meet other SAers as it is.
  #13  
Old 16th June 2008, 18:32
T T is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

As stated it will be prob mostly males that will post and a handful of ladies... and Cynic posts sums it up for me.....
  #14  
Old 16th June 2008, 19:10
pAuL1974 pAuL1974 is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ExSAguy
After thinking about it I think it's a bad idea. Say I put all my details up and got not one reply. It'd enhance the belief that i'm not attractive and i'm sure the same principle applies to all here
It's possible some posters could interpret things that way. However, the same can be said for the Penpal section as it stands, indeed the whole forum. In this case, only you would know who did/didn't reply, as replies can also be made off the forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diluted
Arn't there some SA dating sites?
There is at least one - socialanxietymatch.com. It is shit, and US-centric.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moose
And just to shock the moderators and a few members, i voted "no"
That's because "they" have beaten you into submission. We're all vulnerable, the "strong, forceful men pestering weak, vulnerable women" nonsense is just a convenient cop out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there threads for pen pals, MSN, Facebook, Myspace etc. etc...so why do people feel the need for a dating section as well? Plenty of people have met their partners on this without a dating board, so surely that says something.
The sub forums you mention do exist. I am under the impression that people seeking relationships are not allowed to mention the fact. Despite this, some have. I think my suggestion in post #4 sounds reasonable. Can we have some clarification on the what is/is not allowed in the Penpal and other 'contact' forums, please?
  #15  
Old 16th June 2008, 19:27
IRIS IRIS is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by manks
Has anyone esle noticed the phallic symbol of the poll?
LOL see what you mean :D it's a sign!!
  #16  
Old 16th June 2008, 19:56
Ben Ben is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by moose
I have heard stories on the SA grapevine about the very small minority of men pestering women and I don't like it. Look at some of the more quieter women on meets Paul and ask yourself if they need a stalking bloke on their case
I have never heard those rumours (apart from once about myself, reported to me by a kind person who knew the stuff they were spreading was bs). I would imagine anyone doing that would be reported, and booted off the site quick sharp. Case(s) of chinese whispers maybe?

I have found there is a little hypocrisy here, as any bloke who has had more than one gf here, seems to be viewed as an opportunistic predator. However the sizeable number of women who have had more than one partner from the site, dont seem to attract the same criticism.

Anyway if a 'couple' here wouldnt work out, I could pretty much guarentee the "fallout" would descend into a maelstrom of whispers and innuendo amongst the regulars, and that would be a head zap for all concerned.

I think a dating section here is a terrible idea, and a virtual certainty to make the board implode.
  #17  
Old 16th June 2008, 19:57
Ben1981 Ben1981 is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

I dont think there ever will be a dating section cos of the concerns mentioned. I dont see any harm in someone putting their own thread up asking for relationships long as they do it on their own back and accept the risks.
  #18  
Old 16th June 2008, 20:43
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Even sticking up requests for relationships is a risky thing since it can create an air of suspition, there's also the fact that it almost certainetly wouldn't work and would leave the thread starter feeling worse then when he/she first put the thread up.
  #19  
Old 16th June 2008, 20:46
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

No one has yet to say anything positive and beneficial about implementing a dating section on SAUK yet apart from the small minority who say something along the lines of "Yeah, it's a good idea"! :rolleyes:

A dating section is such a terrible idea I agree, the worst idea in the history of SAUK and I can't be bothered to reiterate why anymore.
  #20  
Old 16th June 2008, 21:14
Ben Ben is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by moose
...preying on vulnerable or anxious women. there are many others but feel free to add your own
Are SA blokes capable of 'preying', and for that matter are women capable of the same? There are many reasons not to implement a dating section, but I think that one doesnt hold much credence tbh.
  #21  
Old 16th June 2008, 21:20
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
Are SA blokes capable of 'preying', and for that matter are women capable of the same? There are many reasons not to implement a dating section, but I think that one doesnt hold much credence tbh.
Accusations have been insinuated in the past about the intentions of SAUK men on this forum, not saying they hold any weight but it could contribute to peoples reluctance.
  #22  
Old 16th June 2008, 21:30
Ben Ben is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pal
Accusations have been insinuated in the past about the intentions of SAUK men on this forum, not saying they hold any weight but it could contribute to peoples reluctance.
I been on here donkeys Pal. I think most of these accusations stem from sour grapes, rather than accusations with any substance. I think its those (in the) background unsubstantiated, and vindictive comments, that actually ruin the principle of a dating section, more so for the people making them, than the people they are actually accusing.
  #23  
Old 16th June 2008, 22:25
miŠo miŠo is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by moose
The positives for a dating section are that some people are not very good at initiating PMs or friendships that could lead to relationships. therefore, if a few people threw their hat into the ring and placed themselves into the dating section then, everyone would be aware why they were there and it would remove a potential barrier.
I can understand your point here, but I don't agree with it.

I know that many people are very shy about posting on the boards, but they don't even have to get involved in conversation. You can post your picture up in the photo section, same as you would in a dating section, you don't even have to write anything but unless you're John Merrick II a few people are going to take notice.

And of course, correctly pointed out by Cynic, you have the Pen Pals section. You can effectively write out a full profile if you wish, just so long as it's not specifically requesting a romantic relationship as far as I'm aware. And to be honest, I think most people on here would benefit from looking for friendship with the potential of finding a relationship rather than jumping straight into desperate ideas.

It does take some initiative. I've been here a long time, I'm quite talkative on here and yet the people that have took to PMing on a semi-regular basis I could count on one hand. People added to my MSN list is, I think, a grand total of one. Actually no, it's two, but the other one I've never spoken to on there so I'm not sure that counts. But then I've never been here looking for a relationship or anything else. You do have to take the initiate though if you want to interact with people, there's no way around it. Whether that be typing up a dating profile, or asking for email / facebook / msn buddies, or just PMing someone you get on with or admire on the boards and saying 'hello'. It's all the same thing.

And the thing is with this place, it's structured almost like a real community. It's a fairly safe environment and it works very well. I don't see any reason to change it. It's quite healthy as it is. If you want a dating, join a dating site. Make some friends, and if you're lucky, they'll bring you fruit.
  #24  
Old 16th June 2008, 22:42
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
I been on here donkeys Pal. I think most of these accusations stem from sour grapes, rather than accusations with any substance. I think its those (in the) background unsubstantiated, and vindictive comments, that actually ruin the principle of a dating section, more so for the people making them, than the people they are actually accusing.
That's basically what i was trying to say, it's those accusations that might be adding to the irrational paranoia of some people.
  #25  
Old 16th June 2008, 22:42
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by moose
I just want to say that i never said whether such things existed on this forum, within PM's or on meets. I won't divulge what i have heard but what you have to understand is that there are some mixed up people on here (myself included at times), and sometimes mixed up people do mixed up things.
I didn't think you were Moose.
  #26  
Old 16th June 2008, 22:56
LexSless LexSless is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pal
...there's also the fact that it almost certainetly wouldn't work and would leave the thread starter feeling worse then when he/she first put the thread up.
for once (!) i'm inclined to agree with you Pal. there are more pressing reasons from my POV (most of which have been done) for there not being a dating site (not that our debate matters a jot anyway since its obviously not gonna happen anyway regardless of any clamour for one!)... but that comes into it as well.

Youre best off 'phishing' (indirectly!) by starting off chats with people who appeal to you. if they want to talk to you then cool, if not then no big whoop. But thats how relationships start.. somebody initiates dialogue, people get on and things kick on from there.

put a big profile public up though which says "THIS IS ME!!!" and youre liable to get shot down big time... the guys/girls ratio on those things leave you REALLY bad odds... but even knowing that might not be enough to offset the (very likely) total lack of joy and the consequences for many of you who probably suffer from weak self esteem and confidence as it is.
  #27  
Old 17th June 2008, 00:10
ExSAguy ExSAguy is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

I don't think the males here outnumber the females 100-1 although the majority are male. It more seems to be that the females on here are already dating whilst the men aren't. Kinda obvious really because women don't ask men out despite the 'new age equality' so whilst it's seen as acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out, it never happens. Because of this SA ladies still get asked out and SA guys don't.
  #28  
Old 18th June 2008, 21:37
pAuL1974 pAuL1974 is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pAuL1974
The sub forums you mention do exist. I am under the impression that people seeking relationships are not allowed to mention the fact. Despite this, some have. I think my suggestion in post #4 sounds reasonable. Can we have some clarification on the what is/is not allowed in the Penpal and other 'contact' forums, please?
Forgive me for quoting myself (with added emphasis), but BUMP
  #29  
Old 18th June 2008, 22:20
Ben1981 Ben1981 is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ExSAguy
I don't think the males here outnumber the females 100-1 although the majority are male. It more seems to be that the females on here are already dating whilst the men aren't. Kinda obvious really because women don't ask men out despite the 'new age equality' so whilst it's seen as acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out, it never happens. Because of this SA ladies still get asked out and SA guys don't.
Thats also been discussed (somewhat heatedly ) in previous threads on this board and is still a true point. Although there are certain women out there that will ask men out so maybe in the near future this will cease to be a problem.
  #30  
Old 18th June 2008, 22:36
diplodocus diplodocus is offline
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Default Re: Dating Section - plug the gap after the site tidy up ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ExSAguy
I don't think the males here outnumber the females 100-1 although the majority are male. It more seems to be that the females on here are already dating whilst the men aren't. Kinda obvious really because women don't ask men out despite the 'new age equality' so whilst it's seen as acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out, it never happens. Because of this SA ladies still get asked out and SA guys don't.
I'd agree with that sentiment. It's pretty rare still for women to ask men out and that's just in regard to the non-SA population! So factor in SA and I think you'd be waiting a while.
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