work colleague birthday acknowledgement scenario protocol predicament conundrum query

[-Simon-]

A colleague at work with whom I get on quite well is celebrating a milestone birthday tomorrow and it occurred to me that I ought to acknowledge it with some gesture so have bought a bunch of flowers (not a massive bouquet, under £10 from the supermarket) and a card to give to her tomorrow but am now wondering if this is the right thing to have done. I guess it's hard to tell without knowing the dynamics of the office but the thing is I don't really know (in an autistic kind of way) and am as likely to get it wrong by not giving anything as by giving the flowers. I wish I just knew what is the right thing to do in social situations then life wouldn't be such a major ordeal - your thinks?

[newbs16]

I'm confused why is this bothering you?

[-Simon-]

Because I don't know if it's the right thing to do or how it will be interpreted.

[newbs16]

Originally Posted by -Simon-

Because I don't know if it's the right thing to do or how it will be interpreted.

It's a lovely thing to do, shows you're a thoughtful person and care/like your colleague.

[-Simon-]

Originally Posted by Abigail Hobbs

It's a lovely gesture and not too extravagant. Seems like a standard fond acquaintance gift. I don't see how it could be misinterpreted as being anything other than what it is, but I understand your anxiety over it. I'd be the same.

thanks, I am hoping it comes across as something fairly casual which didn't require much thought. I also have to spend hours coming up with an off the cuff lighthearted comment to write in the card. I really need to become a hermit.

[-Simon-]

Originally Posted by newbie2013

It's a lovely thing to do, shows you're a thoughtful person and care/like your colleague.

But I don't think I am thoughtful and I would much prefer to not have to do this, I just want to appear normal by doing what a normal person would do in this situation.

[newbs16]

Normal, thoughtful people do stuff like this.

[-Simon-]

thanks, I think it will make me look more normal than if I didn't get her anything, which very nearly happened.

[David K]

I think you've managed the perfect fake-normal gesture. Like Abigail says, a hilarious diss on the card is good if you have that sort of relationship, otherwise max out on the banality.

[-Simon-]

'Best wishes' is my go to contribution to any work card doing the rounds, I try to hide it discretely amongst the lengthier, wittier comments but this one is just in our little staff room of three (I've posted about my struggles with these colleagues before) so is just from me. I've got one with a blank inside so I can at least write 'happy birthday' which is probably what it will be unless inspiration strikes before 8:30 tomorrow.

[Mr. Nobody]

personally, I'd have said choccy cake says it better,. as flowers are quite personal,
but if you knew them pretty well and have worked with them for ages, it might just do the trick,

this is a dilemma I often have, in most social circles I encounter,
I have no clue what's appropriate and usually have a horrible pang of "wtf have I just done" when I've just posted a card or something,

I suppose it shows we do genuinely care in some way when we have so many trials and tribulations over giving cards and gifts.?

[-Simon-]

Originally Posted by runaway

I suppose it shows we do genuinely care in some way when we have so many trials and tribulations over giving cards and gifts.?

Yes but in my case I think it's more about caring what people will think of me, i.e. am i weird, am I doing the accepted thing?

Anyhoo, I think flowers went alright and definitely better than if I hadn't done anything. Cake was another option deployed by other colleague/friends but I'm happy I didn't do that as there was quite a surplus. Whatever, it's done - on to the next social dilemma.