Hen Party - Oh hell!

[yamyam]

I've been invited to the hen party of my future sister-in-law. I do like her, and I feel obligated to go because otherwise there will be no girls from my brother's side at her do. But... oh God! It's at least going to be at her house, but it's going to be a pyjama party (oh God) with children's party games (oh God) and a visit from somebody from Ann Summers (oh God) and I will barely know anybody there (oh God) and my sister-nearly-in-law is quite bossy and pushes people to join in a lot (oh God). I can see myself going, being the only one in scruffy pjs, coming across as cynical (which I am) and sulky (which I'd like to think I'm not) and not talking to anybody much. And I'll feel like a total prick, in a small, tight, embarassing little world of my own, being expected to Join In and Have Fun. Fun... that fake, tacky and frankly just dull kind of fun you get at special parties, where people shriek and gabble and go 'You're DRUNK, you, aren't you? Ha ha ha, you're so drunk! Admit it!' when they're red-faced and glossy and you're minding your own business in some level of hell on the wrong side of sobriety still.

I'm going off on one now, but I'm just seeking advice. Is there ever an effective way to feign fun in a situation you find just horrible? Is there a way to make it known that you hate fake fun without coming across as a miserable git? There are one or two ways I can get out of this party and I don't think I'll be sorely missed, but I know deep down that wouldn't be right and, partly thanks to this forum, I've started to approach social anxiety as if I've got to prove something and as if every challenge that comes up is a game I have to win. But if I find it awful... if I end up in a drunken crying puddle of nerves on the floor... it might put me off doing anything like joining in for months. I know what I'm like.

I can relate. My sister got married last year and I was expected to attend the hen night. I hadn't been on a night out in a city centre in years and I had only ever been to a nightclub once. I can't handle crowds so I'm sure you can imagine how I felt in the run up. Completely terrified. Anyway, I went along feeling like the weird sister who couldn't have fun and ended up enjoying myself on a small level. Part of that enjoyment was seeing how happy and excited my sister was and knowing how pleased she was that I put myself through it for her sake. Another part was knowing that I will not have to do that (clubbing with a big bunch of loud, drunk ladies) again possibly ever or at least for a very long time. I felt like I was in a meat market. We were also in fancy dress which added to the arg! factor. Worst of all, I received unwelcome attention from men, one in particular seemed to think I was just playing hard to get and would not leave me alone. I don't know how people do that, going out to these places. The whole night was the opposite of my idea of fun. If you think you can grin and bear it, though perhaps you should show face. I had a back out plan for leaving early and never needed to use it. It's only one night of your life, well that's the way I came to see it. So what if I didn't have fun, the bride-to-be did and that's what it was all about.

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide.