Convinced no one likes you?

[a guy]

That you're no fun to be around, that they all think you're 'weird' and/or basically just a plain old assh*le, and that everyone whispers about you behind your back saying "why does he always hang around here? He's annoying."

I feel like that whenever i try to socialize regularly.

[hardy]

classic SA delusions

[crimson~raven]

All the time (but with she instead)

Yes me too very much so. I imagine i irritate the hell out of everyone with very little effort just by being me. I have the plague i am unclean i stink like a baboons botty regions etc.
On a clear day i realise you get what you give and when i do reach out a bit of friendliness people tend to think i'm okay *she says hopefully*

[hardy]

quote "That you're no fun to be around, that they all think you're 'weird' and/or basically just a plain old assh*le, and that everyone whispers about you behind your back saying "why does he always hang around here? He's annoying."

Try to realise that the above is a THEORY like a scientist makes a guess about whats going on in an experiment . The scientist does not accept a theory is true until its proved . An SAer often does; as tho they could read minds!

[paulthequiet]

I do worry about people thinking I'm weird when they talk to me,not sure about the rest of it though. I don't think I'm that noticeable to have anyone talk about me behind my back.

[wobbly]

This is the great paradox for me, that I'm prepared to base my whole being, emotions, feelings, life etc., on what I think other people may think about me!!!!! These people could be complete strangers, people on the phone who couldn't possibly 'know' me to make an objective judgement - yet I rely on it as valid evidence when it's really a pile of cr*p. How mad is that?

[yamyam]

I don't think people find me irritating, but I get the impression that people are embarassed or amused by me, because I'm weird, awkward and ugly. Once I started obsessing over the fact that some girl said I 'seemed sweet'. It was almost certainly just the first compliment that came to her mind, but it could have been condescending. It made me feel like I stood out like a sore thumb. I was at my friend's party and all the other girls were sexy and pretty and chatty and funny, while I was... 'sweet'.

I'm usually more sensitive to the way people look at me than what they say. I tend to think something in people's eyes says 'Well, at least I'm not her'.

People's conversations with me always seem to trail off embarassingly, too. I just can't seem to talk about normal things. But I sort of don't mind if people think 'What the hell is this girl on about?' because being a strange conversationalist probably counts as a funny quirk, and it means I can pick up the thread in people's insane drunken ramblings easily.

[Gael]

Yeah all the time...... I want to reach out but I'm scared of being rejected. I read things into peoples tone of voice, the words they say and so on. Yes I understand how you feel.

[ozy123]

Yeah they're generally not true. When your isolated and not by choice, especially if you have been for some time you just feel crap about yourself. Its understandable, try and take some small steps to moving out of that place. If its too difficult alone, seek help. Theres a lot of options. You do need to be patient and try hard though.

[Raks]

Originally Posted by a guy

That you're no fun to be around, that they all think you're 'weird' and/or basically just a plain old assh*le, and that everyone whispers about you behind your back saying "why does he always hang around here? He's annoying."

How many people have said that to your face?

[shadoclast]

I know what you mean.Plenty were abusive to me at work and it was far from delusional although our paranoia often makes it worse.I have heard people call more a variety of names and others told me what they had said.(because I was too quiet and weird.No other reason whatsoever).It normal behavior for groups of people to gang up and dislike others for any difference.It happens at school and workplaces every day and the bullying sometimes leads to suicide.The only way to stop this is to behave in an acceptable manner to those you work with by changing your personality and SA is a huge barrier to that.

[hardy]

Its not crazy thinking ! The brains feelings of self worth is like a pair of scales . insults and bad experiences weight the scales one way; compliments and good experiences weight it the other . If youve not yet had enough good experiences in your life your mood scales might remain tipped to the bad side.
EVEN THOUGH those bad experiences may not have been very much they still weigh the scale the wrong way and colour your whole outlook.

[shadoclast]

Originally Posted by hardy

EVEN THOUGH those bad experiences may not have been very much they still weigh the scale the wrong way and colour your whole outlook.

It depends what you mean by not much.If they happen every day at work for months or even years with no good comments then yes they do weigh the scale firmly one way so they totally rule every thought in your head and of course that fuels the paranoia even more.

[hardy]

I agree. but bear in mind that experince shouldnt count as much as it seems it should because its the same group doing it.

[annashy]

this is an odd one for me aswell..im haunted by the idea that everyone secretly hates me...i base this on the fact that im not as talkative as some...however the other week it was my b/day and i was given a card which had been signed with lovely messages ...only thing is im now obsessing about who didnt write anything and thinking they hate me

[Freespirit]

Originally Posted by a guy

That you're no fun to be around, that they all think you're 'weird' and/or basically just a plain old assh*le, and that everyone whispers about you behind your back saying "why does he always hang around here? He's annoying."

I feel like that whenever i try to socialize regularly.

Yeah i think these things often. I feel like i am a burden on most people. It always feels like i spoil the mood and that if i wasnt there everybody would be having a good laugh. I just feel like i create an atmosphere and then all these paranoias follow.

I know that this is the anxiety and i know i need to work on it. The reality is though, these people may actually be thinking this about you. They may think you have nothing to say or this or that but these opinion are based on what they see. They dont see the you that you are to afriad to show so they dont get to like you for wo you are. Unfortunatly these thoughts are part of what is cuasing you to clam up. So its a case of telling yourself diffierent until you believe it and start to relax and then others will follow and warm to the real you.

[derv]

i used to feel like this, i have a good set of mates that i have known for nearly 15 years, and for the first 6 of those i was convinced they only called round 'out of politeness' and didn;t really want me there, but i know now that they do like me and that my worries were unneccesary.

[hardy]

I think its a "normal" feeling for SA. I did manage to eventually persuade my self that people didnt take an automatic dislike to me. It was wierd I got to a point of thinking they thought nothing good or bad about me .Like i was invisible.Now I realise that some people like me.

[GoldFish]

Originally Posted by Freespirit

Yeah i think these things often. I feel like i am a burden on most people. It always feels like i spoil the mood and that if i wasnt there everybody would be having a good laugh. I just feel like i create an atmosphere and then all these paranoias follow.

I know that this is the anxiety and i know i need to work on it. The reality is though, these people may actually be thinking this about you. They may think you have nothing to say or this or that but these opinion are based on what they see. They dont see the you that you are to afriad to show so they dont get to like you for wo you are. Unfortunatly these thoughts are part of what is cuasing you to clam up. So its a case of telling yourself diffierent until you believe it and start to relax and then others will follow and warm to the real you.

its interesting you say that because i know that i do bring the mood down at work by being there, because im not loud and always cracking jokes ...i notice other people (work friends) dont chat to each other until ive left the room ......

so its not all in my head, its very real ...if because im there they shut up ...and sometimes when im put on the spot i can say the most awkward comments, juts because i have to think on my feet, i suppose my job is extremely social ....im working around ten chefs, waiting staff, managers walking around everywhere, its an office(aka kitchen) with nearly twenty people standing around at one time, thats not easy for someone who has SA symptoms

its never easy

[hardy]

The problem is that other people do indeed have SOME difficulty with communicating with an SAer . so the SAer seeing this tends to think "that proves I am unlikeable". but this is false reasoning!
They will automatically warm to you if you can overcome your shyness.