Notting fitting in among your own age group.

hikky · #1 8th March 2009, 06:35

Am I the only person here who has always felt alienated among people my age? Even though I'm a teen, I've developed a really problematic fear of being around other teens, more so than my fear of being around people in general. I feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with most of them, and like they're judging me on superficial criteria constantly. It goes as far as not even being attracted to girls my age, and instead older women who are more likely to be caring and understanding. I've even had friends of my sister (The only people my age I actually know) comment such as "You sound like you're 40 or something" in response to the things I do and how I talk.

How can I bridge this gap? It would be weird to befriend random adults, so if I want to have any friends, the only way is to look to people my age I think.. but I don't know what to do about it. I feel so incompatible with any type of person my age that I meet..

(Edit: Title should be not fitting in.. don't know what caused me to write notting

)

Peyre · #2 8th March 2009, 10:20

I get this too, although as you get a bit older you will find that 20 somethings are just that bit more accomadating/interesting than teenagers.

Teenagers are trouble, superficial, material, often rather boring anyway.

gingercat · #3 8th March 2009, 11:25

I definitely have this too... it started when I was a teenager (probably due to bullying at school) but even now at 29 I find people within about 5 years of my own age much harder to fit in with than either older or younger ones.

I don't think it's all that weird to make friends outside your own age group. I have quite a few friends who are about 10 years younger than me. I didn't particularly try to make friends with them (because I was worried that would be weird!), but it just sort of happened naturally and the age gap turned out to be far less of an issue than I thought it would. For most people at least, I think age is much less important than meeting someone you like and can relax around.

If you do want to try and make friends with other teenagers, I'd suggest finding some groups where you have a common interest with the others. University societies are good for this but there will be others if you're not at uni. I've met lots of teenagers that way who seemed easier to talk to as people and less like intimidating party animals... they are out there. Good luck

Kevin Hodge · #4 8th March 2009, 12:14

i definitely find that i feel weird around people who are supposed to be my "contemporaries"...i think i know why.

i feel alienated from pretty much everyone. if i am with people of a similair age to me, it is kind of expected that there will be some common ground - but there isn't, i constantly feel at a distance from them, their interests and what they do...if i am talking to people much older than me, it is expected that there will be differences, so alienation is not such a big deal.

i don't think that it would be too weird if you were to seek friendships based on your interests rather than age...if you have particular interests, maybe you could join some forums along those lines, and have people to talk with about that stuff, and who knows? maybe you'll get some friendship/social type stuff out of that.

i do think that it is important for people to have some folks that they have things in common with, just for kinda moral support and to help with one's sense of identity and all that.

maybe if you had some people who you felt more comfortable around, whether they are older or not, you would also find it easier to interact with young and pesky kids

people can sense if you are uncomfortable and don't accept yourself...it gets awkward.

hope you can find some sort of helpful direction to move in

TheOneWhoKnocks · #5 8th March 2009, 12:40

Quote:

Am I the only person here who has always felt alienated among people my age? Even though I'm a teen, I've developed a really problematic fear of being around other teens, more so than my fear of being around people in general. I feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with most of them, and like they're judging me on superficial criteria constantly. It goes as far as not even being attracted to girls my age, and instead older women who are more likely to be caring and understanding. I've even had friends of my sister (The only people my age I actually know) comment such as "You sound like you're 40 or something" in response to the things I do and how I talk.

How can I bridge this gap? It would be weird to befriend random adults, so if I want to have any friends, the only way is to look to people my age I think.. but I don't know what to do about it. I feel so incompatible with any type of person my age that I meet..

I can apply most of that to myself. Ive not really got any advice. Just wanting to let you know that your not the only one

PurpleCloud · #6 8th March 2009, 13:00

I havent really got anything much to add that other people havent already said but i know exactly what you mean. I feel that i dont fit in to my age group at all and other people i've met in my age bracket just have entirely different agendas and interests than i do. Tbh because i'm so socially anxious i dont feel i fit in with any age group particulary well! but when im faced with having to talk to people my own age its especially difficult and i dont know why

Like they'd be more likely to judge me or something, because the majority of teens dont have the time of day for you if your not happy go lucky and confident.

I'm sorry i havent really got any good advice to give you. But maybe you just havent met the right type of people your own age yet? Some people just gel better than others i suppose. But finding a common interest is always a good start

hikky · #7 8th March 2009, 15:21

Nice to see I'm not the only one..

Yeah, I know what you guys mean about not fitting in amongst anyone (Wait, I guess we fit in amongst each other! Well, that's the internet for you).. it just feels weird because the people I'm supposed to mix with are the ones who I have the most problems dealing with. I especially can't handle those really extroverted types that hang out with at least a couple friends at all times and are always laughing about something. I just end up avoiding them at all costs...

I'm sure those similar people are out there, maybe even geographically close.. but the problem is how you go about finding them. I personally have practically no social connections or involvements, which makes it harder. But even if you went to school or something, do you think you could find them?

PurpleCloud · #8 8th March 2009, 15:59

Yeah i personally cant help but feel intimidated by the really extroverted type of people, i cant really be 'myself' as i feel too overwhelmed by their personality and i just retreat in to my shell even more.

I too dont really have hardly any social involvements or connections so i feel utterly hopeless about even trying to fit in and finding people my own age that i could gel with and feel accepted. I'm sure theres people out there, but its just knowing where to look, finding them and getting to know people! Just have to put yaself out there. Which is easier said then done when you feel like nobody likes you and you fear the rejection

mwake · #9 8th March 2009, 18:25

I have felt like this...ever since I left school ive alwas surronded myself and hung around older people because I'm less likely to get in social situations (However, fortunately/unfortunately my best friend is nearly 50 but can act like a 20 year old!).

I find younger people intimidating but I think this is because of my SA.

I know its not really right, because if i didn't have SA I'm not sure I would always hang around older people. I think its a symptom of the SA for me as I said my best friend doesn't act like a boring 50 year old. But that's just me.

TheOneWhoKnocks · #10 8th March 2009, 20:19

Quote:

Just have to put yaself out there. Which is easier said then done when you feel like nobody likes you and you fear the rejection

aye, unfortunatly it seems to be the only way to go

Fructis · #11 8th March 2009, 21:59

I hate being around people my age, hearing them go on about parties and relationships just makes me feel like I'm from another planet. There just doesn't seem to be any common ground at all.

Glas Eo An Oabl · #12 8th March 2009, 22:52

I don't fit in with people my own age, generally. I feel so out of place, like I think they're expecting me to be like them. So I feel a lot more comfortable with younger and older people.

mmru02 · #13 9th March 2009, 00:00

I'm not sure if this is going to be of help but here goes.

Here is the Quote "it's not the age its the mileage" and to tell you the truth it kind of fits. most teenagers don't have any real life experience; you have. the most important thing to most teenagers is (god this is going to make sound old) trying to laid and not cum in 3 seconds or which off licence will sell them beer and fags on friday if they are under age (use to get 2 litres of cider, 10 fags and have buses fare home for a fiver, yes I had a mispent youth). Its only natural that you find older people more comfortable to be around as they are more mature. And from what I have read you are very mature.

Peyre · #14 9th March 2009, 20:40

Well yes, alot of them still can be, which makes it even better when you do find special people in that age range, but knobishness defo decreases with age IMO.

Blumoon · #15 9th March 2009, 21:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynic

TBH I found 20 somethings not much different to teenagers.

Yii don't say

They are. Just as bad.x

SoftlySpoken1 · #16 9th March 2009, 21:17

Well - it has taken me to the age of 47 to feel like I fit in to my age group!!! I think it's probably almost a symptom of SA! You are supposed to fit in with your own age group - so if you are socially anxious you almost definitely won't!!!! No matter what your age!!! It does get easier as you get older tho' because older people are more tolerant and more accepting - that is something that comes to most people with age - but not all!!!!! Good Luck