I will always be like this...

[CurbYourAnxiety]

Therapy, counselling, drugs, psychiatry and I'm no better than i was 10 years ago, worse in fact, worst ive ever been.

I don't know if this is how you all feel aswell, i want to meet new people and have people that i am close to and can talk to BUT i hate meeting people it causes so much stress and severe anxiety that it isn't an enjoyable experience at all.

I want to talk share be close to people at the same time i hate people.

What is the point in even trying anymore...we are social creatures and i cant socialize... If you want something you don't like doing or can't mentally or physically do. Might aswell just be Game over.

[Dougella]

Are you able to talk to people or get to know people online? (I know online contact isn't a substitute for real life contact, but it's the only way I've been able to make the first steps of getting to know people.)

[Mr. Nobody]

i hate meeting people it causes so much stress and severe anxiety that it isn't an enjoyable experience at all.

you need to break it down into small steps, go slowly and watch yourself in action,
ask yourself sincerely why meeting people causes you so much stress,
that's all a counsellor or therapist does, they break it down into small steps,
look into your thinking, maybe there's something in your outlook that is causing anxiety,

maybe other people are just a mirror for what's going on inside you,
maybe you're hiding something from yourself and other people bring it out in you
maybe there's something from your past coming through and affecting things,
maybe there's trust issues that are stopping you from being open with people,
- for almost everyone with SA there will be some set of reasons for it happening,

everyone is different and you will need to see your own reasons why you're suffering from anxiety
trouble is, it's often the case that things are automatic and can happen quickly so it's not easy to work it out,
but if you're alert to your mind's thinking patterns and emotional responses then that can give you some clues,
once you become aware of why anxiety is arising it can give you clues on how to tackle it

that's all that counselling and therapy really done for me, but it is an ongoing process,
as it's always possible to slip back into old behaviour patterns

[Hayman]

It's a difficult one to answer as it's so hard to be positive when all you face are the same old negative answers for the efforts you make. Believe me, I understand this as I've been through all this before and currently going through another 'downer' at the moment.

I first sought professional advice when I was about 20. I was diagnosed with depression, given medication and sent on my way. I got to about 24 where I looked into further options with my doctor. Mainly CBT. Sadly, it didn't work out for me. This additional help went on for about two, maybe three years and I can say, hand on heart, that it didn't improve me whatsoever. If anything, my frustrations actually grew because my concerns were simply being ignored or undermined. Being criticised by people who are supposed to help really doesn't do anything for your already rock bottom confidence and self-esteem – I can tell you… I needed someone to help to lift me and start grinding out the problems that blight me – rather than pointing 'the finger of blame' at me and telling me to do things I couldn't, which is why I went to seek help for on the first place… I grew increasingly annoyed until I felt I had no choice but to stop all the professional so-called 'help' and go back alone. I know what my problems are. I know what the answers to them are, also. Sadly, no one was willing to accept either what my problems were or the solutions to resolve them – so there wasn't actually any point in being there if they weren't willing to accept and understand me.

So, I went back to trying to improve alone without the old criticisms of the above which, in effect, are also causes of my Social Anxiety and depression in the first place. I can truthfully say I've done more over the last two years or so in order to help improve my confidence than I have than at least the previous five, maybe ten years. I have literally forced myself to socialise and go out more often – despite alarm bells ringing in my head. On most occasions, those alarm bells were proven correct and further fuel was just added to the fire that regular people can't (or won't) see. However, there has been some positives from those occasions and I've done my best to focus on those. I now know what more I can do and what I know are basically dead-ends for me. I'm more confident in myself to go into places such as pubs and similar venues but in turn - it hasn't provided the same perks which come for everyone else (i.e - meeting people, developing relationships e.t.c...). So, it's a bit of a 'hollow victory' really - knowing I'm doing similar things to others, but still being completely ignored when it comes to getting a 'slice of the cake'.

I've accepted I'm never going to be the world's greatest socialiser. It's just not who I am. I've accepted myself to be on the quieter scale when it comes to going out. My point, which few want to accept, is that others just won't accept this of me and will in turn stigmatise and joke about me. This is what prevents me from wanting to socialise in the first place…and I'm long since tired of taking the blame for other people's negative actions towards me. The only way people will get me out more is that if they're going to put in some of the same legwork I've had to and be willing to meet me half-way. I have social anxiety. I cannot possibly be expected to put in all the effort, all of the time. It's about 'give and take'. I have the least social skills to give, but I'm expected to go above and beyond the efforts of those who have the skills just in order to be merely acknowledged. Sorry, but I'm not playing that game any more. All it's given me are further sarcastic comments and jokes from regular people. It's all very well giving me 'the stick' all the time, but when there's never a carrot at the end of it (regular people get carrots), then where's the motivation going to come from?

I really don't want to sound overly negative. I'm only being realistic that I know I'm not being given the same basic chances or respect others achieve by making literally no effort at all. I do live in hope that things might, one day, start picking up for me and I can start picking up some basic lifetime progressions that come very easily for others. Sometimes I still daydream about better days which I suppose could be considered positive - so there's still come crumbs of hope left in me. However, I've got to accept that at the age of 32 – I've been left well over a decade behind everyone else of my age and I've pretty much accepted a lifetime of stigmatism by people because I'll never be able to catch up. This isn't what I think they feel about me. I know they feel this way as I've been on the receiving end of plenty of condescending comments designed to make me feel three inches tall. I do wonder why I should bother continuing trying when I know people's negative mindsets about me are already firmly embedded in their minds.

I won't deny that I distrust many people and in general, my opinion of society is very low. I really do hope that one day that I can deliver some desperately needed karma back to these people. I just want to give them a small flavour of what I've had to endure my entire adult lifetime. I really know I shouldn't say this but there are plenty of days that go by where this is literally the only thing that's keeping me going.

[Clementine]

^ What do you mean by karma? That sounds a bit scary! I am sorry that you're struggling with it all so much though, Hayman

[Hayman]

Originally Posted by Clementine

^ What do you mean by karma? That sounds a bit scary! I am sorry that you're struggling with it all so much though, Hayman

Please don't worry about the business of Karma… I don't mean anything sinister by that . There's a variety of things I have planned if I was to ever make some basic lifetime progressions. A way of just delivering back the same treatment I've had to put up with over the years by being left behind. I know I'd be seen as the 'bad guy' and just being petty. However, what they won't do is consider that these are exactly the sorts of negative things I've had to deal with throughout my adult lifetime (without any comment) – and it’s time this was acknowledged to have given me the problems with Social Anxiety and depression I've faced for years.

I have literally more than a dozen scenarios in my head that I would love to happen. To give you just one example – if I was to ever get married, there would literally be no one invited barring the usual immediate family. I've been snubbed out of all of my cousins wedding’s (barring one) – so barring that one exception, none would have a part to play in mine. I wouldn’t hide the wedding away from them. That would be too easy. The karma would be delivered as I'd openly advertise it to all, just as they did - but no invite would be heading in their direction.

Other little bits (I don't want to go into too much detail) would be things such as keeping any possible relationship a secret for as long as possible as that’s what people have been proven to do to me. I'd tell certain people but not say a word to others. If the people kept in the dark asked any questions if they suspected anything, I would just repeat the same lies they said to me or in some cases, say that I do have a secret but I’m keeping them in suspense (yes – I've been on the receiving end of something as pathetic as this). On The other hand, I've had people rub salt into the wound by discussing all the perks of their relationship whilst knowing full well I'm single, depressed and struggling. If they were going through a rough patch or found themselves single again, I would make sure I discussed all the benefits of my relationship for several days in a row, at random intervals – just as they did to me (eight days back to back is the current record – so every day for eight days would be my target). Another one would be to arrange a party/gathering of some description but purposefully snubbing out those who are seen at everything – so they, for once, can miss out, watch from a distance and let others have five minutes of the limelight. Only those I trust or I know aren't as extroverted would be in attendance.

I know many people would say why bother doing all of this - but I could turn that around and ask "Why have they done this to me? All the time? Year in, year out?".

I know all of this is just a dream though...as I'm unlikely to get anywhere in life because the negative stigmas held against me due not being allowed the same chances to make basic progressions, are in turn keeping me pinned firmly to the bottom of that social ladder.

[Omar Little]

^The ironic thing is that none of those situations could be possible unless you let go of your extremely bitter attitude. Sorry to break it to you, but you will never be in a position to do any of those things, because no one will want to be with you while you have this real ugly attitude, and if you were to change your attitude, well you wouldn't want to do those things then. So they're never gonna happen.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

^^
That's an exhausting level of game-playing there, and a massive victory for those you believe have done you wrong. Such levels of bitterness can only be counter productive to your own life and wellbeing. So, another win for your perceived detractors. Rise above it and simply live as good a life as you can. That's by far the easiest and most healthy way of pissing off even your most hurtful of detractors.

[Dougella]

^^^ What you're forgetting about karma is that it happens by itself, you don't have to do anything. I would warn you ultimately that taking pleasure in other people's pain or unhappiness won't make you feel any better.

[CurbYourAnxiety]

Appreciate ALL of the responses immensely!
Apologise for not replying sooner haven't been on the site.
Anyway I've relapsed once again since posting this, hooked again on about 6 diff types of benzodiazepines/opiates. Back into social life again though, friends around n seeing someone special.
This has been my crutch for nearly a decade beats crawling though, but its self destructive n can never last indefinitely ill have to detox again eventually n be worse off than i was. My GABA receptors are completely and utterly ****ed.
It's been a while since i ****ed up like this again.
This life can only lead one direction n thats sweet death.