Question about anxiety

[Bluebear]

Do you often feel anxiety about posting here? In particular about starting new threads? Or perhaps being the first responder? Or maybe about sending private messages? If so, does this improve over time and more regular participation? Do you feel this community is mostly friendly and welcoming? Please humour me and post a response. Thoughts are welcome... I don't bite.

[Gosties]

I don't have any concerns or trouble posting on the SA UK discussion boards.
I feel the forum is a friendly and welcoming place without any trolling which happens on other internet forums.
But I can fully understand that some other users might feel anxious when replying to or creating topics.
Social Anxiety affects each and everyone with subtle differences in how it affects our every day life.

[slrrrrp]

Originally Posted by Bluebear

Do you often feel anxiety about posting here?

Yes, the anxiety often makes me write, rewrite, and abandon posts. (I think this post took 13 minutes)

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by slrrrrp

Yes, the anxiety often makes me write, rewrite, and abandon posts. (I think this post took 13 minutes)

I do this too! I just wrote quite a long post somewhere and deleted the whole thing. (why do we do this to ourselves?)

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Gosties

I don't have any concerns or trouble posting on the SA UK discussion boards.
I feel the forum is a friendly and welcoming place without any trolling which happens on other internet forums.
But I can fully understand that some other users might feel anxious when replying to or creating topics.
Social Anxiety affects each and everyone with subtle differences in how it affects our every day life.

Thanks for replying, yeah I think people are friendly here too

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by biscuits

Yeah, PMs are something I struggle with. Most of the time I think and think about what to say and forget to reply, or say the vaguest minimum, or I just freak out and don't reply :/. It's usually the last one :/



I'm ridiculously weird about not letting people get to know me. Not really sure how to explain it. Walls and walls. I do feel bad for being like this because everyone is always so nice.

I can relate to not letting people get to know me. I let some of them know some things, but I definitely have walls and walls. (I've had the ''avoidant'' label) But sometimes I do say ''too much'' and then regret it (including when I delete posts)

Sometimes I do freak out and don't reply to a pm too :/

I often say the barest minimum in posts I think (and I sometimes feel bad as people seem so open and good with words)

[Ian]

I get anxious not knowing what to write and not enough.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Ian

I get anxious not knowing what to write and not enough.

Thanks for replying Ian (sometimes I worry about those things too)

[Gosties]

I'm generally quite relaxed about posting but do occasionally create a reply and then delete it.
With the process at the time that I'm possibly allowing too much of an insight into my thoughts and over-sharing.

Ironically it's taken about 10 mins to compose that reply due to trying to articulate my thoughts.
It's sometimes difficult to find the right words.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Gosties

I'm generally quite relaxed about posting but do occasionally create a reply and then delete it.
With the process at the time that I'm possibly allowing too much of an insight into my thoughts and over-sharing.

Ironically it's taken about 10 mins to compose that reply due to trying to articulate my thoughts.
It's sometimes difficult to find the right words.

I just now typed out a reply to another thread but deleted it before pressing ''send''
for that exact reason, feeling that I'm over sharing and maybe allowing too much of an insight into my thoughts
I agree, its sometimes hard to find the right words.

[Ian]

Thats exactly it Gosties it creates anxiety trying to find the right words.

Yes Bluebear i sometimes dont want to say to much, perhaps its a fear people will think badly of me, im not sure.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Ian

Thats exactly it Gosties it creates anxiety trying to find the right words.

Yes Bluebear i sometimes dont want to say to much, perhaps its a fear people will think badly of me, im not sure.

That makes me think of when I was a cub, I remember as young as 5 I was very ''quiet'' at school and that was always commented on, I think even then I was afraid of being judged. And there was a lot of secrecy...

[Ian]

Same here i was described as a timid child by teachers. My old school reports say it.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Ian

Same here i was described as a timid child by teachers. My old school reports say it.

[endo_endo]

I often don't post even if I have something to say or an opinion to share. I end up deleting it, deciding that it isn't something important enough to say.

I've been using this place for a while now after leaving a few years ago. While I tend to post self reflective junk or video game stuff. I do read the odd post about people's lives and would like to encourage them.

I used to p.m people on here a fair amount but don't really do so now. I send the odd visitor message if I notice something similar in common with someone.
A lot like everyone here I was extremely shy as a kid and spent many hours alone in school because I just didn't know how to make friends or talk to people. I used to dread being asked to stand and read in classes.

Anxiety isn't so bad now. I can push myself to talk to people but find it much easier if I'm doing it for work rather than for personal reasons. What I find really hard is being aware of others prejudgements or that people tend to do what is easier for them than what is honest or right.

[Jen.]

I've always found myself overthinking replies to texts and emails and would take far too long to reply or end up not bothering at all, but this year I've been making good progress with trying to respond quickly and with no more thought than is necessary. I probably have the opposite problem on forums, where I often say things without thinking at all. I seem to treat forums like "real life", where you can't take something back once you've said it. If I see something I want to respond to or want to say something just to get it off my mind, I'll write quickly while trying not to think too much, and I don't generally edit unless I see a typo or whatever. This probably means I might often come across as cold or I sometimes upset people without meaning to, and I probably overshare a lot of the time.

I guess a lot of people here don't like posting for various reasons - I've noticed there are always people on the "currently active" list who have either never posted or haven't done for years. I often wonder what there is to enjoy about just reading a forum instead of participating, but I suppose there must be something they get out of it. It's a shame though, I think putting the effort in to post more and trying to post more naturally (as in not overthinking or editing/deleting) would help people with social anxiety. It's a relatively anonymous place so it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks.

[limey123]

No, I have no problems publicly posting here or PMing.

[Squirrelmonkey]

Originally Posted by Jen.

I guess a lot of people here don't like posting for various reasons - I've noticed there are always people on the "currently active" list who have either never posted or haven't done for years. I often wonder what there is to enjoy about just reading a forum instead of participating, but I suppose there must be something they get out of it. It's a shame though.

Just thought you might like a bit of insight into this as I come on here every day to read the forum but don't post anything. I'm looking after a very ill relative so I don't feel I have the time or energy to confront my rather extreme sa or to try to make new friends. I just find it comforting reading about other people who I have a bit in common with particularly if they are kind and insightful like Consolida or Nanuq and several others. I don't feel up to talking to anyone but I just like to know you all exist!

[AnxiousExtrovert]

I have had quite a lot of posts I have written and re edited and then not bothered at all with.

I would say the primary reason for this is because I find myself going off on tangents or finding it hard to be articulate what I am really trying to get across.

There is some embarrassment if I think I have overshared or let the filter go too much.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by jigglypuff

I get concerned my avoidance might come across as ignorance.

I have confident days where i will post something honest as it feels liberating to be living authentically and have that outlet for frustrations.
Then days where i'm a little less confident and get a bit self conscious about it thinking its too personal, debating on taking it off. Then the cycle repeats itself...have a confident day etc..

I'm a bit like that I think...

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

I do sometimes. Quite often I feel like I have written too much or shared too much and might delete a few posts.

Also I feel stupid sometimes and worry about that, because I think there seem to be a lot of very intelligent people here and I probably oversimplify things a lot.

I'm pretty sure I posted to you in another thread saying you seem smart to me (but I also think it was one of the many posts I deleted, not because there was anything wrong with my post though)

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by Squirrelmonkey

Just thought you might like a bit of insight into this as I come on here every day to read the forum but don't post anything. I'm looking after a very ill relative so I don't feel I have the time or energy to confront my rather extreme sa or to try to make new friends. I just find it comforting reading about other people who I have a bit in common with particularly if they are kind and insightful like Consolida or Nanuq and several others. I don't feel up to talking to anyone but I just like to know you all exist!

Thanks for the explanation I'm glad it's of some help to you.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by endo_endo

I often don't post even if I have something to say or an opinion to share. I end up deleting it, deciding that it isn't something important enough to say.

I've been using this place for a while now after leaving a few years ago. While I tend to post self reflective junk or video game stuff. I do read the odd post about people's lives and would like to encourage them.

I used to p.m people on here a fair amount but don't really do so now. I send the odd visitor message if I notice something similar in common with someone.
A lot like everyone here I was extremely shy as a kid and spent many hours alone in school because I just didn't know how to make friends or talk to people. I used to dread being asked to stand and read in classes.

Anxiety isn't so bad now. I can push myself to talk to people but find it much easier if I'm doing it for work rather than for personal reasons. What I find really hard is being aware of others prejudgements or that people tend to do what is easier for them than what is honest or right.

Reading in class.. a nightmare for me

[Ian]

I hated reading in class and presentations, i avoided it, not go in that day.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Ian

I hated reading in class and presentations, i avoided it, not go in that day.

I didn’t avoid it, but the panic/anxiety didn’t improve

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by Bluebear

Do you often feel anxiety about posting here? In particular about starting new threads? Or perhaps being the first responder? Or maybe about sending private messages? If so, does this improve over time and more regular participation? Do you feel this community is mostly friendly and welcoming? Please humour me and post a response. Thoughts are welcome... I don't bite.

Yes I still feel anxious about posting here despite being an SAUK regular, off and on, for more years than I'd care to remember.

I seldom, if ever, start new threads through a fear of nobody responding although I know that just because few people respond it doesn't necessarily mean that they haven't read a post or been able to relate to it. I think people who start threads (such as yourself) are very brave and I admire them having the courage to do so because it's new threads that keep the forum going.

I have occasionally sent Visitor messages and PM's to people sometimes only to say hi or to thank them for their support on the forum. However, I'm ashamed to say that I've not always been too good at replying to PM's promptly, especially when I'm struggling with my own mental health issues. If too long passes I'm embarrassed to get back in touch. This makes me feel incredibly guilty as I know how much I will fret myself about having offended someone if they don't reply to me

Strangely, I seem to struggle with PM's more than posting on the forum. Maybe on here I feel that people feel less obligated to respond and only do so if they want to. One to one can be more scary. Not sure if that makes sense!

I'll go through periods where I'll post madly but then worry that I'm becoming irritating especially as my posts are always soooo long. I also have a tendency to over share and sometimes worry that someone in the 'real' world may come across my posts and be hurt by something I've said. Extreme Paranoia inevitably sets in and I will start going through my posts and deleting some of them or even hide behind a different username. Unfortunately, even then, I don't seem to remain anonymous for very long, thanks to my constant oversharing

Yes, I do find this place generally friendly and welcoming although there have been times where I've felt very uncomfortable and felt that people hated me. I don't know how much of that is real or in my head. Probably a bit of both. I might add that this tends to be more of a Basement thing when I've felt that I've expressed a strong perhaps unpopular opinion. Online communication can be fraught with misunderstandings and words that were never intended to hurt or cause offence can sadly do exactly that. I then usually withdraw from all human interaction and hide in a dark cave until I feel ready to venture out again

[Ian]

What I meant was presentations I didnt go in but I used to hate teachers that picked you out to read in class it was horrible I use to hate the sound of my voice shaky in the quiet of the classroom.

[Consolida]

^ I can relate Ian.
At Secondary school I was called out to the front of the class to give a presentation. My eyes blurred over, my mouth went dry, I went beetroot red, and then burst into tears. I still remember the feeling of utter humiliation as everyone watched me walk back to my desk

[Bluebear]

Thanks for responding Consolida
Thanks, it does feel quite uncomfortable sometimes starting a new thread especially as its so quiet here sometimes. I avoid most people so much in real life i push myself to post sometimes even when i dont feel like it. And often the replies are helpful I sort of know what you mean about PMs, they can be tricky sometimes. lol I did notice you quite a while back under the other name even though I wasn't here much I also have sometimes worried someone from irl might ''find'' me but I could growl them away

Originally Posted by Consolida

Yes I still feel anxious about posting here despite being an SAUK regular, off and on, for more years than I'd care to remember.

I seldom, if ever, start new threads through a fear of nobody responding although I know that just because few people respond it doesn't necessarily mean that they haven't read a post or been able to relate to it. I think people who start threads (such as yourself) are very brave and I admire them having the courage to do so because it's new threads that keep the forum going.

I have occasionally sent Visitor messages and PM's to people sometimes only to say hi or to thank them for their support on the forum. However, I'm ashamed to say that I've not always been too good at replying to PM's promptly, especially when I'm struggling with my own mental health issues. If too long passes I'm embarrassed to get back in touch. This makes me feel incredibly guilty as I know how much I will fret myself about having offended someone if they don't reply to me

Strangely, I seem to struggle with PM's more than posting on the forum. Maybe on here I feel that people feel less obligated to respond and only do so if they want to. One to one can be more scary. Not sure if that makes sense!

I'll go through periods where I'll post madly but then worry that I'm becoming irritating especially as my posts are always soooo long. I also have a tendency to over share and sometimes worry that someone in the 'real' world may come across my posts and be hurt by something I've said. Extreme Paranoia inevitably sets in and I will start going through my posts and deleting some of them or even hide behind a different username. Unfortunately, even then, I don't seem to remain anonymous for very long, thanks to my constant oversharing

Yes, I do find this place generally friendly and welcoming although there have been times where I've felt very uncomfortable and felt that people hated me. I don't know how much of that is real or in my head. Probably a bit of both. I might add that this tends to be more of a Basement thing when I've felt that I've expressed a strong perhaps unpopular opinion. Online communication can be fraught with misunderstandings and words that were never intended to hurt or cause offence can sadly do exactly that. I then usually withdraw from all human interaction and hide in a dark cave until I feel ready to venture out again

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Ian

What I meant was presentations I didnt go in but I used to hate teachers that picked you out to read in class it was horrible I use to hate the sound of my voice shaky in the quiet of the classroom.

Oh yes, I can relate I absolutely hated that too and hated the sound of my shaky voice in the classroom (happy days, not )
(sorry I misunderstood before)