The 30+ how are you feeling thread

[Mo34]

Old

Plus my frigging odd bod tooth appears to have cracked and split. Appointment isn't till the 13th. Me thinks it's going to be a long fortnight.

[anxiouslondoner]

Worried.

[michelle06]

Confused, betrayed, stressed.

[Toxic]

Shit

Don't know how to get rid of these thoughts that are practically making me ill /sick.. Absolutely ridiculous

I don't even feel comfortable posting the same stuff here I did in the other thread.. I just need some.. Sort of outlet for my sanity

[newbs16]

^ I had a look at it, you seem very approachable.

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[Rocket Spud]

^^ I didn't see it originally, i would've posted something otherwise cos it's nearby me and sounds a pleasant way to spend time.

[newbs16]

^ They will probably miss you being around but they will be pleased that you are happy and living your own life. Where are you thinking of moving to?

[newbs16]

^ You will still live close by so I'm sure it will work out.

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[Oddity]

I didn't even realise you had posted a meetup Unfortunately Winchester is too difficult and expensive to get to for me Trains in this country are so crap It's a three friggin' hour journey to go 60 miles

[Oddity]

^ You fit in here just fine. And you make good threads dammit, stop deleting them

[Mo34]

A lot better than yesterday, where I seemed to be in deep depression. At vol job yesterday, the newish volunteer there unfortunately does do my head in. You can tell she wants the role (the catteries) just for her self and would rather I wasn't there.
Started my period aswell so was feeling like shit (exhaustion, cramps etc) which probably didn't help but came back home and spent the afternoon fairly depressed, semi asleep on the sofa. Found a oldish film to watch in the evening, Arlington Road, which at least got my attention for a bit but then just had a long night of discontent sleep.

I'm hoping it's just hormones and being a bit run down. I feel better today. Was a bit shaky and sa at today's volunteering but I guess being out in the countryside doing something physical helps.

[Rocket Spud]

^ It's good that you're more positive today.

Has the warmer weather changed any of the roles at all? I mean does it change what you do?

[Mo34]

Thanks Spud

Errm not a great deal it just makes it easier I guess. There's less mud to wade through with a barrow and less discarded hay mulched to death into it all, which is a nightmare to get up if left (which it often is ). The pigs are also a 1000 times easier to do . You can't imagine how bad it can get in the enclosures in a wet winter.
The role changes more because of ppl missing rather than the weather. Nearly everything has to be done all year round pretty much.

[Rocket Spud]

Yeah, i didn't imagine it to be a clean sort of job, definitely wellies appropriate, maybe even waders .. ? Sexy waders, mm

How long do you see yourself doing it for, the volunteering? Are you yet in a position to consider employment?

[Mo34]

I don't really know tbh. I've been discussing doing 'permitted work' with my counsellor. She thinks this is the next logical step. Does depend on the DWP I guess and if I can find something. I am moving closer to employment I suppose. I went up to MIND in mid Sussex to get some advice as well. I'm not too interested in the stuff they run but the recovery workers can be a good source of info (and support), at least in Sussex they seem to be, plus I may need an organisation behind me to keep the DWP in line as the NHS quite frankly are ****ing useless.

I think I'd still do vol work for the animal sanctuary I was at today, not so much the one on a Thursday. Just cause i'm fond of the animals and there's a couple of ppl there that I like/get on with. There are a fare few ppl there that have jobs but still volunteer.

[Rocket Spud]

I don't know much with regard to your situation and changing status to employable, i'm guessing finanacial support is withdrawn the moment you even hint at it? If so, it's a big leap to make and seeking advice/backing is a good idea.

I'm sort of in a similar place, i can handle what i'm currently doing with ease most the time but i'm petrified to make the next move, a full-time job would have to be very well suited to me otherwise there would be no point considering.

[Mo34]

Yeah that is the trouble . The DWP don't do shades of grey alas. You in theory can do 'permitted work' I think it's 15/16 hours up to £100/£120. The catch 22 is they could turn around and say well if you can do that then your fit for work full stop (which i'm not quite yet, not for full time anyways). So I have to weigh it up really.

[Fluorescent Grey]

I hate myself more than everybody else probably hates me. I win.

[newbs16]

^ Has something happened then as they was outside your door?

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[Calvados]

^^ Sorry to hear you're having a bad night. Not sure I can do anything to help apart from offering a bit of sympathy and solidarity from afar. I've lived in dodgy areas before so I know how disruptive and disturbing things can be. Hope you're going to be OK xx

[Merritt]

That sounds awful, MissKitty Do you know why they're there? Have they got a problem with one of your neighbours? You'd be perfectly within your rights to notify the police, you shouldn't have to deal with that. It might be worth at least making the police aware of what's happening, so they're up to speed if you have any trouble in future.

What business is it of anyone's if they don't see you? Nosy pricks.

[ExSAguy]

miss Kitty, get a shotgun license. they wont bother you again haha

[Merritt]

It's good to see you posting, Clementine

I know the feeling, wanting to isolate yourself like that when things get too much. It can be really difficult to resist doing, and you deserve credit for recognising the dangers of it, trying to keep going even when you feel you shouldn't or can't. I know it might not feel like it, but you're doing really well.

[newbs16]

^ I'm happy to see you back posting, I was worried about you when the forum migrated.

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[Silent Ninja]

I feel rather disconnected from normal society, I'm wondering what it is that keeps me going through all the same unrewarding routines over and over again with no hope of ever having anything in my life that makes any of it worthwhile.

[David K]

^You haven't spouted any rubbish.

Snooker is rubbish though.

[Hayman]

I'm not feeling particularly good today, it must be said… I just want to curl up and cry.

Over the weekend, I witnessed my football team get relegated for the fifth time in my living memory. My father is close to walking out of his job (due to retire in August anyway) because of two months worth of unpaid overtime, my brother who lives 240 miles away is feeling under the weather again (he had borderline pneumonia in January), I've got to live virtually on fresh air this month because of a few unsuspected bills in April and to cap it all off, a fault light on the car popped up on the dashboard on my way to work this morning…

"Why aren't you a positive, confident person?" I'm often asked…

Originally Posted by Silent Ninja

I feel rather disconnected from normal society, I'm wondering what it is that keeps me going through all the same unrewarding routines over and over again with no hope of ever having anything in my life that makes any of it worthwhile.

That's beautifully put. I will admit this pretty much describes my daily life to a tee and has done for all of my adult life... It’s sickening to see how much further and further behind I'm getting in life by the month, never mind the year. With so few people experiencing having 'nothing' in their lives, the only ones who can understand are those few who are also going through it. Only they can comprehend how lonely and sickening it really is… They're the only ones who won't call you a moaner, an attention seeker (for just wanting a crumb from the cake – never mind a fair slice) or anything else incorrect or demeaning.

[ExSAguy]

my left eye. I'm sure the lens strength isnt right.

[Hayman]

Originally Posted by Clementine

^ So sorry you're feeling so bad and that things are getting on top of you right now I hope you at least get some better luck and through this extra stress soon, Hayman.

Thanks... I do appreciate it. I just think it's going to be one of those weeks unfortunately. If the first day (in this case, after the bank holiday) goes bad, it pretty much sets the tone for the remainder of the week. I don't have bad 'days' as such. They tend to last for weeks.

I suspect I'll be sleeping for a lot of this weekend...

If this bad luck/mood continues on into next week, I'll be seriously considering seeing my GP for treatment (i.e - another course of Fluoxetine). Something I've not felt the need to do for several years, now...

[Fluorescent Grey]

Between the meds kicking in and my habitual 'get drunk as a ****ing Irish stereotype' sessions (yeah Leprechauns and bombs and cirrhosis), I've probably been a dickhead. Probably still being a dickhead. I'll probably always be alone because when I've met someone that I liked I always thought they deserved someone better than me. Yeah boo ****in hoo. Oh the ****ing ping pong - I want to be alone, but I feel so lonely. I don't want to be alone but being around other people makes me want to be alone.