bitter, angry...anyone?

[CatchMeIfYouCan]

Recently I have noticed that I have turned very bitter on the world, with hardly a good thing to say about anyone/anything, I seriously have had to do a double take several times recently at myself when I noticed some poisoness things coming out of my mouth, I think it is mainly when I see happy people just 'getting on' happily with their lives, without having to of been or be bogged down/ housebound with depression, anxiety, alcohol dependency, etc, like is so much the case with us people on this site.
I find I am bitter about everything when I think about it, anything from the fact that so many people fit into the 'ignorance is bliss' catergory, the fact that they have jobs, (money) to anything petty like that they have nice clothes, etc. Where as at the moment and for a long time I have had nothing like this.
All of this, I think, is because I am at a lashing out, angry stage at this point in my life, I have reached a point where I am beyond caring the s.a. way anyway, ie A life led full of fear and restriction, also I have no choice as I am about to be made homeless if I don't find somewhere, luckily have just got first job in a longtime (phew, about the only good luck I have had in a long time)
I feel very resentful, because I feel why have I lived this way for so long? without anything, except pain and misery, what makes anyone else any different from me? (or of course any of us here on this site)
God just read that back, yep, I do sound angry. just venting. I am hoping that this is part of the master plan in helping me to me to climb back on the path to recovery, kind of like the stages people go through whilst dealing with death/a life threatening illness, what does anyone here think?
Does anyone identify with this?

[Kevin Hodge]

i'm not over thirty, not sure if i ought to post here ( ), but yeah, sure, i have plenty of anger and bitterness in me.

i wouldn't like to be specific about exactly what, but some things that i need in my life seem so far beyond my reach that it enrages me. it's humiliating seeing other people get what i want, and i think my automatic way of coping with this pain is to come up with reasons for why they are able to have these things when it is seemingly impossible for me.

these reasons can sometimes take the form of things like thinking the other people must be thick and they just blunder through life, randomly managing to get what they want and what they need through their sheer obliviousness of all the "complications" which i experience. in other words, lashing out. i have described what goes on in my head rather politely there.

the real answer, that i am fcuked up and they aren't, is just a bit painful. it's hard to bear that, carry that knowledge of my crapness around with me all the time.

i suppose the bitterness is ok as long as you don't let it define you. try to keep it in perspective, that it is something you experience because you are frustrated, upset, and worn down by years of having a shitty life. keep working on improving things. i suppose bitterness can be a form of refuge, because eventually you would convince yourself that you don't care about anything and then your "needs" would be easier to meet, although i doubt you'd be very happy, just kind of numb.

just keep on trying. don't let the bitterness win.

hope you get your housing situation sorted out, too. good luck with the job.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Yes, I feel the same way... whether it's justified bitterness or not I don't care anymore. I just hate the way society is, obsessed with money, materialism, image, and greed yet I conform to it in certain ways.

[Kevin Hodge]

^ i feel a bit funny about putting it that way myself, but that's nothing against you nadia, just me being emotionally stunted praps

yep, hate and bitterness do not lead to happiness, not for me anyway. don't let that stuff take hold

[Punxsutawney Phil]

Emotions come and go. Anger and bitterness come and go just like love and kindness. It is judgment of these feelings that tends to escalate our pain. It's almost like we can't believe that we can have these terrible feelings because of a conditioned (and incorrect) idea of what it should mean to be human. This false view seems to cause us great suffering and disappointment. But we are human because we have such feelings!

Here's a good little film. Ram Dass I have always found a bit wierd but Thicht Nhat Hanh is a cool dude.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZKrl...elated&search=

[CatchMeIfYouCan]

Hey Thankyou for the replies it helped me to get things into perspective, and realise that I am not alone and actually this can be a fairly justified reaction, just as long as I can keep perspective.
Thankyou Sullenskink for the good luck with housing an my new job.. will, (full-time work anyway) be the first proper job in years)

[Winnie57]

If I spent all my time feeling angry and bitter about the way my life has gone and the fact that I have very little compared to the average person, I'd be so consumed by bitterness I'd be a very unpleasant person.

I find it easier to stay cocooned in my limited world and not look too hard at what others are doing although there are times when I think if only I'd not done this when I was 20 my life might have been so much better but it's best to try and look to the future and think of ways your life might improve from hereon.

Good luck with your new job Poda and take care

[Peyre]

I'm 19 and bitter.... about people, society, politics, most things. I just feel as if I've been abused so much by people who ignorantly follow a set path and mentality in life, and yet they are the ones that reap the benefits, whilst I stick steadfast to my believes. The thing is, high levels of bitterness merely hinder SA.

I gradually think I'm becoming an unpleasant person. So why socialise if people are going to discover a dark side in me? Now we see the problem eh?

You guys are slightly older, I wonder what I'll be like at 30!

[Pangolin]

I don't normally feel angry or bitterness at my situation, I can normally recognise those feelings and use them as a warning that I'm taking things to far. Those feelings don't sit well with my personality at all, and I tend to reflect my frustrations inwards, transforming them into depression. Occasionally, if I'm not being careful then my frustrations can transform into feeling a little angry, not at anyone or anything in particular, just a bit like I want to rant at the world. The thing is, I don't really see the world or most of the people in it as being terrible or grossly unfair or anything like that, I know all my problems are ultimately in my head and that makes them my own responsibility.

[W!llow]

I sometimes feel bitter and disliking of people/situations. I usually am easy going and nice and people I think take me as a "nice" person and a soft touch but occasionally I get so frustrated and upset inside that I really don't like my friends and situations I'm in etc Then of course I feel guilty about that..

[CeeJay]

Originally Posted by W!llow

occasionally I get so frustrated and upset inside that I really don't like my friends and situations I'm in etc Then of course I feel guilty about that..

I can totally relate to this as well. Feels like sometimes I only see the bad in people. I try to look at the good too but it's not easy I think i expect too much from friends and probably people genaerallybut that's probably because I'm perfect and i expect evryone else to be so!!!

[Ziggy]

I'm certainly bitter, I recognize what you say about the poisonousness, it's part of why I don't talk to people these days.
I used to be so angry, but it died away, I sometimes wish I could be like that again.

Yup sound just like me! (add a bit of twisted and your bang on Sid )

[Effervescing Elephant]

I get very angry sometimes when I see people enjoying all the things I want in life and not having suffered all the self-loathing, fear and depression I've been through. I'm not too bothered about fancy cars, foreign holidays etc but I'm needled seeing others finding partners, buying houses, having kids etc. It's plain good old-fashioned envy and I'm not proud of feeling that way.

At social gatherings I start to feel the bitterness rising in me even though I don't want it to. I guess that it's a self defensive device but it makes me into a rather nasty person.

I was invited to a friend's wedding last year and debated for a long time whether to go or not. I went in the end out of respect to my friend and saw everything I'll probably never have laid out before me. I half expected Jim Bowen to step out from behind a curtain and say "Let's have a look at what you could have won".

I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people but, let's be honest, it's pretty damned hard not to.

[png]

I'm less concerned with other people's wealth, special lover, house, holidays, but very bitter about how rude and inconsiderate everyone else seems to be. Clearly i'm over-sensitive compared to normals and effectively a crank (or is that krank?) but that knowledge doesn't help. hey ho

[Ruby1]

I try hard not to but sometimes it's very hard not to let myself get bitter towards the world in general, i know really it's my own fault that i don't get on with people, i should be more welcoming i guess i give off bad vibes which must make me seem an arse, it's like a vicious circle i feel noone likes me so i act cold and then feel bitter that noone ever wants to talk to me. On a really bad day i'll almost want to say "**** off" out loud to everyone up the school, cause i always seem to be the only one standing on me tod. It's like i'm rejecting them before they get a chance to reject me.
I sound like such an arse

[Pangolin]

I think I've come to terms with my current situation and whatever might happen in the future. Getting angry or bitter about things isn't going to change them or make me feel significantly better. I do sometimes feel the urge to get angry and bitter, and part of me feels that it might be easier if I could make myself do that, but I know it doesn't really work that way.

I just need to improve whatever I can in my life whilst trying not to feel bad about the things I can't. I still feel bad about the things I still fail at, but I guess if that is the way it's going to be, then I'll just have to live with it.

There is one thing that does succeed in making me feel quite angry though, and that is the glib advice that some people come out with. I don't mind if such statements are genuinely rational, but it really annoys me when people who have never even met me say that they are sure everything is going to be fine, or that there are loads of people out there who would appreciate someone like me. I know they are only trying to help, or make me feel better, it's just that stuff like that is so obviously garbage that I can't help but reject it.

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

I am an incredible bitter person and angry too, Mainly due to the way I was treated growing up by my peers.
I shall not continue as I may say something regretable

[Andrew_uk]

Anger and bitterness is a very negative emotion.

I've had so much in my life in the past but i've made big steps forward in reducing it.

Try venting a little. I find it helps me so much to get it out of my system in controlled bursts as it makes me feel in control myself.

Most of my anger has now become regret but at least a bit of hope is in the mix as well.

[jaye38]

I can so relate to these posts. I've become bitter, flustrated and self loathing over the years. I find it hard to get myself out of my situ of being on my own and I'm currently moving out of Sheffield to Nottingham, even though I know no one there. My so called family don't even bother and never have. I'm very bitter towards my parents for having me and passing me around like an unwnted parcel all my life. I'm bitter that things seem to work out for selfish, shallow people and not me.I'm bitter towards my ex for wasting 7 and half yrs of my life and buying a house with me as I'm now 38, overweight and finacially struggling to cope. I'm bitter I've met users as friends and lovers. I honestly thought I deserved to be happy with the life I've had. I just wanted to be loved, settled, secure and build a life with someone. I've nothin but materialsitic crap and my animals, but I guess thats more than some have. I don't want to be nasty, bitter and so cynical and hard on myself but I just feel like I'm worthless and here to exchange money from one acc to another, never to have enough to get a life.I've ditched 5 so-called mates over the last year as I'm sick of explaining myself and they don't care as they have partners or money and other friends and I'm no fun as skint, down about myself and not at work like them. It's so hard to be understood, thats why I'm here.God knows where I shall end up.

[stef]

I am also very angry and bitter. I have had SA most of my life and it has stopped me doing virtually ANYTHING. I have missed out on things that other people take for granted.
It started at 13. I was never a teenager, didn't do anything that teenagers do: parties, boyfriends, infact friends at all. How I LONGED for friends when I was a teenager.
No job, no car , no house, no holidays, no husband, no children, no grand children.

In fact I have spent most of my life hiding from the world.

Yes I am bitter, but you have to put that behind you now and look forwards. If you can think of something that you can do to make a difference to the world, however small, before you die, then you have achieved something.

I am 45 now, and feeling 60, but I haven't given up yet.

[sonofbartleby]

I've generally managed to subdue bitter feelings unless I've been going through depression; then I tend to let them loose verbally, in order to keep people at a distance.

Normally(!) I'm told I have a gift for supporting other people's self-esteem. Synonyms of kind and gentle get used about me.

But this agreeable side is under strain as I get older. At work I'm surrounded by young people whose "humour" seems to consist mostly of cruel, snide mockery. Then a gnomelike presence inside me argues that the only proper reaction is to grow an impenetrable carapace. Why reach out to these jackals and invite them to sink their teeth into you?

[hardy]

This may sound totally simplistic but maybe you've been taught that "somone ought to be to blame".

so youre saying "maybe society is ****ed up or maybe its me whose ****ed up . therefore one or both of these deserves a good beating"

not nessarilly so

All you can really say is that youve met some real bastards in life-so far full stop .

you can't say anything more than that !

You have not proved that in general the world is unkind and hasn't given you what you deserve OR that you your self are worthless.

We ( us SAers) have just proved that being angry or distrustful (fearful) of people doesn't make us popular!!

[szucsne]

Originally Posted by afx777

Yes, I feel the same way... whether it's justified bitterness or not I don't care anymore. I just hate the way society is, obsessed with money, materialism, image, and greed yet I conform to it in certain ways.

I too hate the way our society is. I often get angry at the world. People are quite happy to trample on others to better themselves. Money comes before people, ego's come before feelings. I am also bitter towards my mother as I believe she is responsible for my mental health problems. She has always put me down since as early as I can remember and never shown me any real love unless there are others around to put a show on for. She is a control-freak who likes to put people close to her down with nasty comments to make herself feel more powerful. I won't wait to meet people on the street because she told me I looked like a prostitute when I was a teenager, going out to a youth club disco. She used to call me a 'council house kid' and 'a waste of space'. These throw away comments of hers have stayed with me all these years. She refuses to acknowledge this and says I'm making these things up even though other family members will back me up. My sister and I are the only members of our family that suffer with anxiety and depression and she brought us up alone. When I was hospitalised with depression she tried to get custody of my son as she said I was a threat to him! Not once was I a threat to my son and this was backed up by my medical team.
So theres my little rant.

[hardy]

But basically being angry or bitter is saying THEY ought not to be like that .

I think the best we can do is work towards making the world a better place .

Its easy to fall into the trap of saying its " their fault " and so i can't do much to improve my life.


If a group of people threw you into a pit you wouldn't say " they threw me in I''l wait till they pull me out" you would try to climb your own way out. ( and look for nicer people)

[threadbare]

Originally Posted by hardy

If a group of people threw you into a pit you wouldn't say " they threw me in I''l wait till they pull me out" you would try to climb your own way out. ( and look for nicer people)

this is a useful analogy. very much agree with what you've said in this thread, hardy.

[FallenAngel]

Just to add my voice: I often get very angry at the world, thinking it's not fair. I see people born without this condition leading happy and successful lives and i often wonder what i must have done to deserve being like this.

I don't speak to a lot of people that i used to be friends with since they have become popular and successful. Many are travelling the world (my dream ) and lots own their own businesses, which just makes me more bitter that i'm stuck in a dull job on low pay.

[THE LONER]

I feel very bitter, resentful, cynical, sceptical, frustrated...the list is endless. The more I have these feelings, the more I hate myself for having these feelings. I feel so guilty. Then I get even more depressed. This then leads to even more bitterness etc. It`s just like a vicious circle and things are just spiralling out of control. I wish I could just break the circle. But I don`t know how to.

[szucsne]

Originally Posted by Rufus

Look at the big cat diary on BBC1 now. Its death,death, death. Babies die, the old dies, the weak or injured dies.

I had to turn it off, I was getting too stressed by it.