Do you still feel there's time to be successful?

[blubs]

Hi,
I don't know if anyone will reply to this, it's kind of general & vague I suppose. I'm in my late 30s & spent my childhood afraid, my teenage years hiding, being bullied & full of self hatred, drinking & taking drugs that screwed with my head. My twenties I spent pushing myself to try things that I always failed at as my anxiety was so high, I had no life skills & had become very unstable.
At 25 I met my husband. At 27 I went back to Uni & completed a design degree. At 32 I had my first child, at 33 my second. Last year I did a childcare course and completed a placement at a nursery. I've been employed there for 5 months & am doing a higher level childcare qualification. I feel like my ability to get on with things & cope with life has finally improved, but that it's taken so long I've run out of time to try to succeed in something I really want. I like working with little children, but went into it as being a mum was my only skill, but I loved doing my design degree & miss the whole design process.

Has anyone else got any dreams that they haven't fulfilled yet? & do you feel like you've still got time? Or do you feel like accepting what you have?

[zork]

Hi, after reading your post I would say you are pretty successful so far - completing a course then going to work in that field is a great, positive achievement! So I would say you can pretty much go on and build on that because you have taken the first, most difficult steps.
Im late thirties and have been in same job since leaving school but started training in a different field a few years ago however the thought of having to get
to know new people in a new working environment scares me to death so even if i was to achieve a decent qualification I would never take the plunge if the opportunity arose - hell Im still a bag of nerves turning up to work in my current role!
So in my case I would say that whilst there is TIME to be successful Im just a loser that will never use that time to be successfull.
However, from reading your post I would say congratulations on your achievements so far and Im sure you can go on and be even more successfull - well done !

[socialanxietyjohn]

Compared to me and a lot of others on here, you're both successful. Really well done

[Sleepless]

Nope.

[firemonkey]

Any faint hope of my being successful went a long time ago. Not that i ever had the ability,ambition,and drive to stand much chance of success.

[Mr Ploppy]

No.

[humourlessness]

Blubs you've done well so don't worry and don't give up on the design dream either. Good luck.

I'm 53, without going into detail, you could analyse my resume and say "Gee this guy has real stability issues..can't stay in a job too long...OK yeah he taught elementary school for 10 years in his twenties but what's he done since then?"

I'm struggling to create credibility in my new career..(support worker Mental health) and have to work for less money taking orders from people who are often less educated than me. But maybe my ego was too big anyway.

One way you could say I'm a "failed teacher" but in another perspective you could say I was forced to broaden my work experience. If I look at it like that I don't feel like such a loser after all!

[blubs]

Thankyou for the replies, I wasn't expecting any so that was nice

I suppose it depends on how you define success doesn't it? I've always wanted to design/make things and I sometimes read about people who work from home as jewellery designers or textile designers & feel a bit flat, because it feels like I'm missing out...I loved the whole process of design & the excitement of having ideas come together, I particularly loved my degree show. But the reality is that the people I read about probably didn't have a hard life to begin with, maybe they're well off & well supported by family.

Maybe I'm buying in to a notion of success as something to do with competetiveness?

Humourless...you might not teach anymore, but your intellegence & understanding of mental health problems might give you more of an insight to enable you to help others & likewise my crappy upbringing has helped me to want to learn about child development & to equip myself with the skills to be a better parent, which helps me be a good childcare worker.

Don't give up anyone, up until being a mum my biggest success was being a foster-mum to dogs, maybe being really successful is about losing the ego & doing something decent xx

[Progress]

Competitiveness and ambition can be driven by all kinds of things, many of which I think could be seen as 'unhealthy'. I've recently realised that my ambition when I was younger was driven by my personal problems, partly SA but mainly low self esteem. Since I felt I was a bit of a nobody I wanted to do something special to prove myself to others, but mainly to myself. I genuinely feel now that without the problems I've had that I probably wouldn't have achieved what I have career wise.

I now don't have the same issues driving me since my self esteem is much better (but could be improved). I am a little older than you and still have ambitions within me, and maybe one day I'll find some other reason to re-ignite that fire, but it's quite dormant at the moment. It also made me think of my father - he worked on all kinds of things, some successful, some not; work things, hobbies, clubs, charity. He always had something he was working on right up to when he died at 80, so never too late I guess.

[jase85]

Marina Lewycka (A Short History of Tractors in Ukranian) had her first novel published at 58 and now she has 3 bestsellers under her belt. It is NEVER too late as long you have drive and desire. Blubs, to do what you have done is amazing. I have so much respect for you. well done.

[anxiouslondoner]

How do you define success? To me success is being happy with your life. I've had success with work but it feels hollow now. I need to feel that someone cares about me. For me now success would be to be loved and to love someone in return.

[humourlessness]

Originally Posted by anxiouslondoner

How do you define success? To me success is being happy with your life. I've had success with work but it feels hollow now. I need to feel that someone cares about me. For me now success would be to be loved and to love someone in return.

Yeah but some people have failed in ALL areas of their life. At least you succeeded in career.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

I have this on my wall.

"Success is the not the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful".

I like to stress, don't allow society or others dictate to you what success is, subjectivity comes into it along with being in different situations and environments that offer more or less opportunities.

I can honestly say I have no desires or needs to be (superficially and socially) successful, I just want to be happy in myself.

[piesJoy]

l don't feel i belong, so any dreams I have don't either........

[desi99]

Originally Posted by Lone Dog

Success? Been there, done that. Had hobbies and good jobs, but also had SA and couldn't have friends or a relationship, couldn't turn the hobbies social and meet people who were into the same things I was. Eventually stopped caring about the hobbies and abandoned them, and lost interest in the work, turned down a couple of promotions and got made part-time by the boss when he realised I didn't care any more. Late 40s now, depressed and SA, and don't really care. Probably don't want to be here now. I just had the SA for too long (since I was 15), and couldn't beat it.

Are you me? I have the same story. I am in early 40s. I had SA since i was 14 or 15. Had a few friends when i was younger. But now unable to make friends or socialize. Never progressed in career because of SA. I am severely depressed now and don't care any more.

[lonewollfy2]

I blubs I wanted to go into medical research and I'm still planing to do it but I'm 44 now, I
agree with what other people have said, you sound as tho you've been very successful up to now, for some with SA, where theres a will theres a way, what kind of design course did you do, was it clothes design, make infants clothes, at home ?, study from home to eventually get a job in design, why are you to old ?

[blubs]

I studied ceramics and textiles, lonewollfy. I don't really know what I'd like to do, as I talk myself out of trying anything. Reading everyones replies though makes me wonder why I think about it so much without even trying. I wonder what I'm scared of? wasting my time? or trying and failing? I don't even really know. It's funny you should have mentioned making childrens clothes, as that's something I'd been thinking of recently, but then I talk myself out of it by telling myself who would want something I've made when there is so much stuff out there already. I guess I'm just not competetive enough to try.
Love your quote AlienBuddha, it's something to try & remember when I get stressed at feeling unsuccessful

[Sid]

Originally Posted by blubs

Hi,
Has anyone else got any dreams that they haven't fulfilled yet? & do you feel like you've still got time? Or do you feel like accepting what you have?

Oh god yes loads n loads!!
Ill never accept what I have (in a non selfish way) always want something new to plan for!! The day I truly accept is the day I truly give up.

Has anyone got time They don't teach you at school that you could be dead tomorrow so don't bother trying, so why think it as you get older?!

Personally I am trying to accept the bad days, and do what I can on the good days in the hope I can make more good days and less bad eventually

You go for it Blubs

[Sid]

NB, that is a big turn around for me actually, as I remember making a thread here few years go about feeling too old to try any more.... Reesult

[Phool]

I think it depends on how you define success. I feel I have had a successful career in the civil service for over a decade. I took redundancy last year because I wanted a break and wanted more work life balance. So for me success means achieving that rather than moving further up the career ladder.

There is underlying feeling that I haven't achieved as much as I could have but it might have driven me totally insane and now my expectations of myself and of life have changed.

In terms of dreams, ideally i would like to work in a library or museum, somewhere quieter basically.

In terms of personal life, i no longer want a close relationship, just a companion maybe. Not marriage or even living together.

I travelled a lot in my 20s and after taking redundancy i went to India and got back end of jan. It was tough going, but rebuilt my confidence a bit and i would like to travel some more.

Oh and pass my driving test!

[Phool]

Originally Posted by blubs

I studied ceramics and textiles, lonewollfy. I don't really know what I'd like to do, as I talk myself out of trying anything. Reading everyones replies though makes me wonder why I think about it so much without even trying. I wonder what I'm scared of? wasting my time? or trying and failing? I don't even really know. It's funny you should have mentioned making childrens clothes, as that's something I'd been thinking of recently, but then I talk myself out of it by telling myself who would want something I've made when there is so much stuff out there already. I guess I'm just not competetive enough to try.
Love your quote AlienBuddha, it's something to try & remember when I get stressed at feeling unsuccessful

I think you have done amazingly well, you've packed a lot in. Maybe you need to give yourself a break and pace it. There is 30 years till retirement! and you've got great creative interests for post retirement. I like art and crafts and am honing skills now so I can really enjoy these activities when I am older.

[Phool]

Originally Posted by Sid

NB, that is a big turn around for me actually, as I remember making a thread here few years go about feeling too old to try any more.... Reesult

[dave81uk]

Dreams I haven't fulfilled I haven't fulfilled anything I set out to in life.

Messed up school, have never left the country, can't drive, no home the list could go on, I mean I never wanted to be an astronaut or anything I just wanted normality.

[TommyGun]

Yes!!!