#931
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
That doesn't sound very er helpful or professional Kooky Monster. It's not a chat you're having. Sheesh. As for the massive house to herself thing -ARGH! That would be annoying if you WERE having a chat.
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#932
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
I'm over thinking at stupid o'clock after looking at your current living situations thread.
I think I've missed the boat when it comes to buying my own place . Now I'm hoping a small lottery win is on the cards, or any sauk member might need a lodger when I'm homeless and poor, how your brain works at stupid o'clock. ** don't quote please. |
#933
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
We're a similar age newbs and I'm probably about 20 years away from being able to buy anywhere. Being a home owner isn't the be all and end all of everything
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#935
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
I feel old today
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#936
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
^
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#937
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
Utterly depressed. I did miss my anti depressant yesterday so maybe that's had a bit of an impact. I think the change in counsellor isn't helping either, perhaps its early days and I haven't got to know her enough (and vice versa) but *sigh* I don't have the same level of mutual understanding going on with her. This week she asked me if i'd ever read 'feel the fear and do it anyway' I could feel myself inwardly rolling my eyes. I was polite but thought Christ this is why I go private to get away from this get a self help book mentality/shite. We talked about employment etc.. I was trying to tell her how trapped I feel in terms of opportunity and she just spun everything into a positive. Same with my housing situation I was telling her about all the lads hanging about in the eve or at weekends - her reply? some people would view that as a friendly neighbourhood (fmfl) Err yeah right.
I'm also lonely and bored. I am at animal sanctuary tomorrow as there short which will hopefully lift my spirits. Might go for a drive afterwards. |
#938
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
Thanks Kooky
Yeah I suppose I could find another counsellor. My previous counsellor died and this is who she handed me over too. So I was hoping that they'd be quite similar, they are in some ways but dunno...I suppose I'd built up a long term history and relationship with my old one. Maybe it's just me adjusting. If I don't feel it's working I probably will change. |
#940
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
****ed off. Hate my job. Hate where I live. Why did no one tell me life was gonna be like this when I was riding around on my trike and watching He-Man?
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#942
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
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#943
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
^ God you did well to stay in the hairdressers that long! It's one of my hates. All the trendy sorts and the never ending chit chat. SA galore.
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Yeah some counsellors are not great, I'm still finding my feet with my new one. That sounds awful though and totally unnecessary |
#945
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
Trigger post
I just started another job ( I have two now) and feel like I don't have time to take a breath. I can't do the 2nd job ( the one I just took on) and talk to people as that would take up more time. I just started and wanting to say it is not for me. I feel distressed actually verbalising I can't do this as I am working. Also people go for a coffee in the canteen before work and I am too introverted - I tried it and it made me unbelievably fed up. Yesterday in my morning job just crying and crying and crying ( nobody is there so it's okay), and in my head saying take an overdose, take an overdose. The only way I could calm down was to tell myself just tell them it is not for you. I am living with my mum but I am so introverted it's hard. I need to just hold this job down so I can get into a bedsit. My family are like you should go for a better bedsit than the ones I already went for; more expensive. But I have to go for something cheap; I cannot survive otherwise. I kinda listened to them and took on board what they said. But yesterday was like yeah this is why I go for crappy places because there's nothing else I can do. Just took another 5mg of my meds so I don't feel what I feel. I am an introvert with other things and I just feel like the world wasn't mean for me. |
#946
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
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#947
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
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#949
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
Meh. Although I had a nice morning at the sanctuary I keep having moments of over the last few days.
Just the realisation of having wasted the last 20 years and there lost forever. It's kind of brought home to me by other ppl's life's over xmas. Seeing my friend in Bognor, who although has a struggle with 4 kids, has a family, a house and a partner. Today I heard one of the volunteers who used to come on a Friday is 20 weeks pregnant (she's also just bought a house with her partner). Another girl at the other place I volunteer at has just bought a house with her partner. And so on and on. I feel I'm just getting on my feet sa wise and all the shit that went along side those years. But of course it's all too late. It's sort of profoundly depressing. My current counsellor who I sometimes mention these things to, harps on about 'focus on the things that you can change', which is truthful advice I suppose but doesn't change how I feel in the slightest. Or alter my future. I just feel the future is fairly hopeless and a waste of time. Not good thoughts for the New Year. |
#950
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
^ I know it's sometimes annoying for people to say, but it's never too late to meet a partner if you want to, it would definitely be possible for you. I've also thought that you would make a really great foster or adoptive parent, I hope you don't mind me saying that.
Sometimes we do just have to concentrate on the improvements we can make and keep working towards more. It's a difficult time of year this, for reflecting on things. |
#951
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
^ I guess your right, though I feel it's more difficult as you get older (I'm not an internet dater, nor would be) and to be honest I'm hardly a catch with my present circumstances. I'm afraid I couldn't be doing with a laddish, down the pub, type of bloke and that's probably what I would end up with, lol.
I dunno. Perhaps I'm more into the idea of being apart of a family than actually being in a relationship. Who knows. Yeah this time of year isn't great for reflecting too much. I'm going away for 3 nights over New Year. Hoping that'll take my mind off things. |
#953
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
Frustrated. It annoys me to no end that I seem to have been fighting hard on all fronts for 30 yrs yet getting nowhere. Also why is it that lifes disagreeable people are the ones who do well and are surrounded by a loving support network of people yet I genuinely care about people and try to support them but get ditched the second I ask that they care about me in return?
I don't get it at all...I feel like i've paid my dues for being born to well meaning yet ****ed up loser parents. It wasn't their fault, and it isn't mine. Why should it have set me on a path on inevitability? It makes me hate humanity and that's so....unavoidable yet counter productive to where I want to go. |
#955
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
I want to reset my brain.
I used to like things but now I don't really like anything. |
#957
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
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I understand that feeling only too well Just.Fin, infact I spent many years genuinely caring about people but often feeling like I got so very little in return - and I wasn't exactly asking for the Earth, just that they would show that they genuinely cared a little about me too. I was forever being disappointed by people and came to the conclusion that there must be something intrinsically wrong with me for people to care so little in return. It was really only when I met my husband several years ago that I started to believe that perhaps I wasn't completely repugnant and unloveable. Yeah, that's a strange one isn't it!! Why are some of the seemingly most selfish uncaring people surrounded by a big support network of family and friends It's unfair that some of the most arrogant folk appear to strut around without a care in the world and yet other folk (such as many of the lovely members on this site) live such lonely isolated lives and often struggle to get through each day. Ahhh but when was Life ever fair! I certainly don't think you should feel that you will forever be walking a long the path of inevitably that you set out on. Changes will occur whether you want them to or not. There's many times when I came so close to not being here but it's only in my middle aged years that I can now say that I'm glad, on those occasions at least, that I messed up and lived to tell the tale. Positive changes are there for the taking Just.Fin and a big fat to the rest of humanity |
#958
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
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I know that feeling of no longer really liking the things that you used to like. Depression totally destroys every bit of motivation and enthusiasm to the point where it's a struggle to get out of bed each morning. I enjoyed painting for a while (not that I was any good at it) but I nevertheless found it therapeutic but I haven't picked up a paintbrush for months. I loved spending time pottering about in the garden but can't find the same enthusiasm for it as I used to even though Spring has finally sprung. Once you get stuck in that cycle of Depression it's so hard to get out of it isn't it AL If you start doing the things again that you used to enjoy even though at first you hate every minute of it, do you think that could reset the brain?? If you promise to give it a go, then I will too Take care |
#959
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
^. No I'm not on any medication. I just don't get any real excitement or enthusiasm for anything. Thanks for the kind words.
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#960
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Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread
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So many people say to just ask if you need anything or want to talk but when you do they make excuse after excuse to avoid you. I'm glad that I have always tried to help others though, I was devastated when my neighbours went into a home but I know the help I gave them meant they had a few more years in their own house. I'm also glad I did so much for my grandsons and spent so much time with them before being cut off from them. It hurts to see my ex who never did anything for his own kids playing doting grandad when I can't see them but I think I'm learning to deal with it a bit better these days. Like you there were days I almost didn't get through and didn't want to get through but things can improve. Apart from missing the boys so much the last 2 years have been the best I've had and I feel like I'm living not just existing. I still have bad days but have promised someone I won't ever do some of the things I've done in the past to cope and that helps too. |