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  #1  
Old 9th December 2006, 22:59
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
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Default Being a Puppet to Others

i have extremely controlling parents ...especially my dad, what he does is, he'll go outside and start a job around the house, he doesnt tell anyone about it then if i dont go and help him or offer help he'll come back inside and go into a huge rage and try to make me feel guilty for not helping him, how can i if he never asked me? ..he just expects me to give my entire day to him, and if i say no i have plans then he'll lecture me about how "he was there for me all through growing up, paid for my schooling"

essentially its my family that i feel like a puppet with, i dont know how to cut the strings without offending them ...they seem to have very strict and old fashioned ideals.

this also affects my SA.
  #2  
Old 10th December 2006, 20:41
blubs blubs is offline
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Default Re: Being a Puppet to Others

Your dad makes you feel as though you are doing something wrong...when you are not...so however you try to cut ties..the likelihood is that he would probably find a way to make you feel bad about it.
Try not to worry about offending them...it's your life. If you can get away from the negative influence of your parents...you may grow stronger...& then you'll have a better starting point to have a relationship with them...that is more equal & on your terms.
So what I mean is...try to get some space away from them...but don't cut them off completely as it would hurt them...just have them in your life as much as you're able too without them bringing you down.
  #3  
Old 10th December 2006, 21:40
jontyboyoh jontyboyoh is offline
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Default Re: Being a Puppet to Others

I can relate 100%.....Guilt is such a major part of my family also, amd such a destructive emotion.

My therapist believed that's how my parents operated, as opposed to genuine discipline and mutual respect.

I know wot ya mean bout it bein difficult to snap the strings.

Don't know bout u, but my folks are quite old, so my 'breakin free' of them, as Blubs puts it, is associated with their death (and the fear there of) in my mind....... By this, I mean, once I make that break- and I'm hopin it'll come sooner rather than later, there'll be no going back to see wot exists between us......But is there ever any going back anyway?

Seems a bit dark this, but hope u manage to reconcile this sh1t!
  #4  
Old 10th December 2006, 21:47
Concept Concept is offline
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Default Re: Being a Puppet to Others

Other family members do backstab and play each other off one another. I try to stay out of it.
  #5  
Old 10th December 2006, 23:38
joy1112 joy1112 is offline
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Default Re: Being a Puppet to Others

I really feel you on this one, Goldfish. I too was in the same position as you were at your age, I also allowed myself to be bullied into doing things I didnt want to do out of guilt. My mother behaved just the way you described your father behaving, but then she would also give you the silent treatment just in case you didnt feel guilty enough. If I were you I would definately try to look for a place to live, maybe you could join a flat share or put your name on the council list or something, you dont have to move far away and you can invite them around once you get settled and keep in contact with them. There is nothing to stop you visiting every now and again, but you have to make it clear that its important you do this for yourself, otherwise you will always be living to please others and will be so guilt ridden you wont be able to see the wood for the trees. Believe me I know, Ive lived it, and am STILL living it. Im 42 and live 10mins drive from my parents , im still having to rely on them financially and for childminding. Sometimes I feel as if I never really left.
  #6  
Old 17th December 2006, 11:09
Raks Raks is offline
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Default Re: Being a Puppet to Others

Can relate to what you've written Goldfish. My dad would do the same, and also mock me infront of others "my sons never help me etc" - when that wasnt true at all. He never asked for any help.

He's basically a 'loner', all of which is own fault. He never wanted to socialise with people. The funny thing is he is quite content to live his life like that. It doesn't occur to him that he is missing out on life.

When i was younger i wasn't allowed out to socialise etc, even things like going to birthday parties or the cinema. This was mostly my dads fault, mum could never do anything about it. This has probaly been one of the main causes of my SA today. How can you develop social skills if you never had the opportunity to learn them.

I got into a row with him about his religious views and got kicked out because of it. My family have been vegan's for the past year and a half because of some religious thing 'he' started believing in, and we had no choice but to go along with it or otherwise he'd get violent.

Best thing to do is move out Goldfish, people like that affect your self-esteem greatly.
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