How did you meet your current partner?

[SoulSeeker]

*cue* 'some people have BO'

Only joking MG..nothing to fall out for. I just disagree with the way you have desrcibed some things.

[AxelFendersson]

I think whether men find intelligence attractive or not depends on the man. I would expect intelligent men to prefer intelligent women. Less bright men, however, might well find a more intelligent woman confusing and/or intimidating, and prefer a woman closer to their own level.

I would also expect insecure men to be more easily intimidated by a woman's intelligence, while those who are more comfortable with themselves would probably be more open to a partner who outdid them in some way, be it intelligence or whatever.

Personally, I'd very much prefer an intelligent woman to a dim one. A pretty face is all very well, but unless I can have an intelligent conversation with someone then their company is going to get boring quite quickly. But then I don't find clever people intimidating*; the cleverest person I know is a good friend of mine, and I feel cleverer for being able to keep up with him when we discuss highbrow topics.

*With the obvious caveat that I find anyone I don't know somewhat intimidating, clever or not.

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by AxelFendersson

I think whether men find intelligence attractive or not depends on the man. I would expect intelligent men to prefer intelligent women. Less bright men, however, might well find a more intelligent woman confusing and/or intimidating, and prefer a woman closer to their own level.

I would also expect insecure men to be more easily intimidated by a woman's intelligence, while those who are more comfortable with themselves would probably be more open to a partner who outdid them in some way, be it intelligence or whatever.

Personally, I'd very much prefer an intelligent woman to a dim one. A pretty face is all very well, but unless I can have an intelligent conversation with someone then their company is going to get boring quite quickly. But then I don't find clever people intimidating*; the cleverest person I know is a good friend of mine, and I feel cleverer for being able to keep up with him when we discuss highbrow topics.

*With the obvious caveat that I find anyone I don't know somewhat intimidating, clever or not.

Everyone to there own.

But for me personally. Intelligence would never ever play a factor in who i may or may not fall for. I dont know how this could actually even prevent two people falling in love, imo?

We arent all born clever..and i stress imo..i think it's ridiculous to see this as an important characteristic in a partner. Would be WELL down my list.

I cant ever imagine falling for someone...suddenly finding out they dont know what the capital of France is or what 7x7 is...then suddenly going cold on them and losing all feeling and attraction

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

You shouldn't tar all members yet you wrote quite a dismissive and patronising post about some women whose claims hold some validity.
Who said such women considered themselves intelligent? The various studies decided to base intelligence on academic performance and success on monetary terms . If such successful women are perceived as being intelligent and other successful intelligent men go for trophy wives then how is that the woman's fault?
It's up to men like Clive Sinclair who they date but I doubt they marry former Miss England's based on intelligence. There's a lot of wishful thinking on SAUK and ignoring how the real world works sometimes.

As for single attributes being attractive I guess i'm strange as certain traits DO turn me on on their own - height , intelligence , calmness , good sense of humour , kindness and obeying me*.
Now the topic is off topic so i'm gonna shut up from now on


*sarcasm before people explode on me:rolleyes:

Who says such women consider themselves intelligent? Well the ones who constantly whinge that men are ''intimidated by their intelligence'. They are the ones who are tarring men with the same brush. Maybe some of them would be better served looking inside themselves to see if other things are also putting men off them. I find few things more of a turn-OFF than a person, male or female, banging on about how intelligent they think they are. I find a little humility far more appealing.

I'm sorry, but if intelligence is only based on academic performance, and success on monetary terms, then a study is very much flawed. Well narrow at least. I personally know people and have come into contact with people, male and female, who are academically and monetary gifted, yet who lack other aspects of intelligence and whose lives are in a terrible mess because of it. Intelligence covers lots of bases, not just academia and money.

You sort of lost me with the trophy wives bit. Probably because I'm tired and need my bed. To me, people often go for trophy people. For every man going for a 'trophy wife', there is a woman going for a 'trophy man'. You know, the ones who chase footballers, pop stars, actors, bankers, executives, company directors, successful business men etc...

In the interest of balance, I know plenty of males who have done well academically and monetary (like in those studies) yet who lack many aspects of what we would consider to be real intelligence. Personally, I don't consider academia and a few bob in the bank to be any reliable yardstick for genuine intelligence.

Single attributes? Well no, you're not strange at all if you find single attributes a turn-on.

The bit where you mention ignoring the real world and there being a lot of wishful thinking here on SA-UK may or may not be true, but in my case I know it's not. I'm living in the 'real world'. I interact with it daily. I get on with what is, and have no need for wishful thinking. All we have here is a difference of perspective and opinion based on differing life experiences. Both our views are valid. It's just that they differ.

Just wanted to add that I'm not on your case or anything. Not being critical of you. I like replying to a lot of your stuff as I find it interesting, even if I don't agree with it all, just as you don't agree with all of my stuff.

Right, to keep this on topic. I met my partner in college.

[AxelFendersson]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

I can't ever imagine falling for someone...suddenly finding out they don't know what the capital of France is or what 7x7 is...then suddenly going cold on them and losing all feeling and attraction

Well, no, I can't see it ever going like that, either.

Rather, I think it would be something that would become apparent when first talking to and getting to know someone. You don't need to give someone a general knowledge quiz or have them sit a maths exam to know whether someone you're talking to is operating on a comparable intellectual level to yourself. It becomes apparent when you make jokes that they don't get, or describe something and they don't understand. Or from what they choose to talk about to you.

I wouldn't normally expect myself to 'click' with someone in the first place unless she was reasonably bright. Which isn't to say I'd be inclined to dislike someone particularly. Just that I wouldn't be that interested in getting romantically involved.

[Defiance]

speaking of intelligance would anybody here sleep/date a chav girl if she were really hot?

be honest :p

Originally Posted by ***1103;emus

Awww how sweet, when are you and Thorn getting married?

thanks but we're not together anymore

[karl-32]

Originally Posted by mousey

thanks but we're not together anymore

[Sea]

Originally Posted by Benfica

I'm sorry, but if intelligence is only based on academic performance, and success on monetary terms, then a study is very much flawed. Well narrow at least. I personally know people and have come into contact with people, male and female, who are academically and monetary gifted, yet who lack other aspects of intelligence and whose lives are in a terrible mess because of it. Intelligence covers lots of bases, not just academia and money.

Originally Posted by AxelFendersson

Rather, I think it would be something that would become apparent when first talking to and getting to know someone. You don't need to give someone a general knowledge quiz or have them sit a maths exam to know whether someone you're talking to is operating on a comparable intellectual level to yourself. It becomes apparent when you make jokes that they don't get, or describe something and they don't understand. Or from what they choose to talk about to you.

Those are both great posts

For what its worth I think that intelligence is an important factor for me in choosing a partner because I want to be able to converse with him in a particular way and about particular things. But judging someone's intelligence is not as straightforward as looking at their academic qualifications or what job they are doing. Everyone knows that academia means very little in terms of someone's intelligence...you have total numpties doing PhDs and other very smart people who leave school at 16.

I am of average intelligence but am currently wading my way through a third degree, while my partner (I hope he won't mind me saying this) has zero academic qualifications and sometimes says so in a self-derogatory way to imply he must be thick. When quite the opposite is true. He speaks fluently in another language, and has high practical intelligence - he is able to fix/mend absolutely anything and is always planning new projects and solutions for things. It amazes me when my own 'intelligence' is all academic and essentially useless in the day to day world. And we talk for hours and hours about a whole multitude of subjects.

I don't agree with the generalisations that intelligent women intimidate men, or that intelligent men aren't bothered about the intelligence of the woman they date and just seek trophy wives. Everyone is attracted to different qualities in their partners. If that wasn't true then everyone would be the same and the world would be a very boring place.

[hgraham]

^ agree. Looks may be enough to start an initial attraction, but I have heard countless stories in the past year and a half that illustrate that it is rarely enough to carry a serious relationship through the long term.

One fella I know had a girlfriend he was very serious about. She was not particularly pretty (his own words), of average intelligence, not particularly funny. But what she gave him was understanding. That happened to be what was important to him. As far as I can tell, these types of things take precedence over looks more than we think.

[яemus]

Originally Posted by mousey

thanks but we're not together anymore

Awww sorry to here that hun

sorry for you both, watch out though, there's always worms crawling out of the woodwork for the freshly single and good-looking! Damn those shoulder to cry on types grrr! Happened to me :/

[яemus]

Originally Posted by hgraham

^ agree. Looks may be enough to start an initial attraction, but I have heard countless stories in the past year and a half that illustrate that it is rarely enough to carry a serious relationship through the long term.

One fella I know had a girlfriend he was very serious about. She was not particularly pretty (his own words), of average intelligence, not particularly funny. But what she gave him was understanding. That happened to be what was important to him. As far as I can tell, these types of things take precedence over looks more than we think.

Yup I pretty much agree, I've never been one for looks, peoples characters attract me far more

[Alex76]

Originally Posted by Defiance

speaking of intelligance would anybody here sleep/date a chav girl if she were really hot?

be honest :p

Yes

[Alex76]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

A lot of men feel emasculated when faced with a woman who is more successful than they are but it is changing if the increase of house husbands is anything to go by.

This is quite possibly true (though not in my case), but it also seems to be the norm for successful career women to not want to date guys who aren't high earners or 'Professionals' like themselves.
This seems to be even more true in London where many high earning females seem to not even want to socialize with people (male and female) who aren't from their world, prefering to pay silly money to go to exclusive clubs like Chinawhite's and other such ghastly places, where they don't have to mix with your regular everyday plebs.

[Kal]

Originally Posted by Alex76

This is quite possibly true (though not in my case), but it also seems to be the norm for successful career women to not want to date guys who aren't high earners or 'Professionals' like themselves.
This seems to be even more true in London where many high earning females seem to not even want to socialize with people (male and female) who aren't from their world, prefering to pay silly money to go to exclusive clubs like Chinawhite's and other such ghastly places, where they don't have to mix with your regular everyday plebs.

I don't see why income should make any effect on a relationship unless they're a lazy person that's been on job seekers for years - then they might just come over as lazy.

I don't care if my partner earns more or less than me, although if it was less I think I'd be more inclined to spend my money on them and spoil them

[Everleigh]

Originally Posted by Cynic

That way you never know whether or not you're chatting up someone else's woman.

yeah it just makes me more paranoid....even on sauk I seem more weird than others

we almost are like the most socially phobic of the socially phobic....I seem to imagine a lot of people on here going 'oh im so lonely, no one gets me' then they switch off the laptop and go to bed with their partner and are all coupley coupley

[Blumoon]

Originally Posted by Everleigh

I seem to imagine a lot of people on here going 'oh im so lonely, no one gets me' then they switch off the laptop and go to bed with their partner and are all coupley coupley

yep a lot of them do.
just makes me and others feel a lot worse, ugh. fuk that.

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by Cynic

I must be the wierdest c**t on this!

do you really think so?


just off the top of my head, we've had people post their own ass with a cucumber up it on here, and people who go out and shadow box for hours in a shopping centre and end up in the local papers because of it

all you do is moan a lot


edit - you've also never posted yourself giving your dog a tongue sandwich, thought that was worth pointing out

[Everleigh]

Originally Posted by Cynic

That's because you're a bloke and men are meant to spoil their women.


I must be the wierdest c**t on this!

hey dont call yourself the c word .....
no one on here deserves that ..........esp from themselves!

Originally Posted by Shawty

yep a lot of them do.
just makes me and others feel a lot worse, ugh. fuk that.

yep exactly I try not to compare myself with ppl, even ppl on here, but ive been on many a mental health board and yeah i seem to be the odd one out, maybe i dont kno i look for it too much but yeah its not all in my head

[diplodocus]

All this talk about intelligent women intimidating men I think is a bit simplistic. I think some types of intelligent women can put men off but most probably it's the bossy difficult ones. Exactly the type that complain about how men find them intimidating :rolleyes:
The type of people who bang on about how intelligent and successful they are, are normally up their own arse. If you're clever and successful you don't need to tell anyone, it speaks for itself.

I wouldn't want to date a bossy difficult woman regardless of her intelligence because I'm too argumentative myself and wouldn't put up with that shit. If she was very intelligent it would just make it even more difficult!

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by Everleigh

hey dont call yourself the c word .....
no one on here deserves that ..........esp from themselves!

in some social circles in scotland, that word is used the same way "bloke" would be used elsewhere

i don't know why cynic is so fond of using it tho

[Everleigh]

Originally Posted by Unknowing

Aren't people who have a partner allowed to find comfort in a community dedicated to an anxiety they suffer from?

I have a girlfriend, but it doesn't change the fact that I have no friends. It doesn't change the fact that I had a large group of amazing friends since childhood who I drifted away and lost contact with due to sa. It doesn't stop me from feeling sick at the thought of a job interview, or go through sleepless nights at the thought of a small social gathering.

There are no rules with social anxiety. Having a partner changes nothing for me. It makes me happier and gives me somebody to love and a sense of feeling loved, sure, but it's not changed the way I feel about social situations or led to a change in confidence or self worth.

I do sometimes feel like there's a false tiered system over here, and people who have a lover are deemed to be a lesser class of sa-suffer.

In a community for people who find themselves on the outskirts of society, it's a little frustrating to be made like you feel you don't belong.

i thought afterwards, hmmmm maybe people who are in a relationship will take offense with what I said. I don't think my SA out ranks yours, not trying to make u or anyone else feel left out at all, and not saying just cos ur in a relationship u suffer less and yeah if anything i guess i feel the odd one out reading how many ppl on here do have someone. i have divorced parents and am surrounded by dysfuctional couples so am all to aware that being in a couple is not a magic cure for eternal happiness. i guess i was more talking about feeling lonely and isolated and being in a loving relationship, finding a kindred spirit etc

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I feel left out on sites like SAUK when I see people talk about working in offices , going to concerts ,attending meets , going to clubs , having a friend etc so i'm probabaly the most weird one here

Apart from the friends bit, I feel the same at the moment.

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by Cynic

I remember David M, but I don't remember the cucumber fetishist.

he still uses the site, can you believe that this place rules

That's all I do is it? I don't think so.

hence my wee winking guy

[Everleigh]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I feel left out on sites like SAUK when I see people talk about working in offices , going to concerts ,attending meets , going to clubs , having a friend etc so i'm probabaly the most weird one here
Even my therapist said i'm too isolated and not like others as my life is so closed off

yeah therapists need to keep those negative comments to themselves as I find being sensitive the words tend to stick. one psychiatrist told me years ago Id probably never be well enough to work or go to uni or live a functional life and id have to be on anti psychotic meds. even tho ive proved her wrong on all three of those counts, and other psychiatrists have told me more positive things, her words sting and always come back to haunt me when im depressed.

[Sea]

Originally Posted by Unknowing

Aren't people who have a partner allowed to find comfort in a community dedicated to an anxiety they suffer from?

I have a girlfriend, but it doesn't change the fact that I have no friends. It doesn't change the fact that I had a large group of amazing friends since childhood who I drifted away and lost contact with due to sa. It doesn't stop me from feeling sick at the thought of a job interview, or go through sleepless nights at the thought of a small social gathering.

There are no rules with social anxiety. Having a partner changes nothing for me. It makes me happier and gives me somebody to love and a sense of feeling loved, sure, but it's not changed the way I feel about social situations or led to a change in confidence or self worth.

I do sometimes feel like there's a false tiered system over here, and people who have a lover are deemed to be a lesser class of sa-suffer.

In a community for people who find themselves on the outskirts of society, it's a little frustrating to be made to feel like you don't belong.

Try not to feel undermined or trivialised by the small minority of people on the SAUK forums that behave like that. Some people must compete endlessly in negativity...they must have the worst SA, the worst life, be the most useless person, the most unattractive person, be hated by everyone...:rolleyes: And of course, if you are fortunate enough to have a partner...well, there must be absolutely nothing wrong with you and your life must be an absolute barrel of laughs compared to their's (even though they know absolutely nothing about your life or circumstances :rolleyes. Unfortunately these few people are very vocal...but I don't by any means think they represent the viewpoint of most people on these forums.

[Alex76]

Originally Posted by seth brundle

in some social circles in scotland, that word is used the same way "bloke" would be used elsewhere

Dosen't exactly paint a very good picture of Scotland!

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by Alex76

Dosen't exactly paint a very good picture of Scotland!

oh i'm quite certain there is plenty of swearing going on down in england too, and everywhere else in the world

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

If you are an adult and have a crap love life then it's up to you to see where you are going wrong and make changes but it is depressing hearing some men talk about not wanting to be challenged or to date a woman who is more intelligent then he is. I don't think you are having a go at all , you disagree and have explained why which I appreciate but I just don't think successful women go for trophy husbands as much as the other way around.
As for the study- I don't base intelligence on whether or not a person has been to college and think the word intelligence should be replaced with "educated" . I think intelligence comes in many forms and I enjoy talking to people who I find intelligent and did like having a partner who was academically intelligent and good at original thought. It doesn't mean i'd reject a person who was like me - uneducated and brassic. We all have examples of people with master's or doctorates who lack common sense and can't do the simplest of things. I'm reminded of a story about a PHD student who was sick and didn't know what to do with the result...horrible story but it illustrates how dense people can be whether academically gifted or not.

Hi CG,

Before I bow out of this thread I just wanted to say thanks for the reply, and add a few points.

As you suggest, replacing the word 'intelligent' with 'educated' puts a different slant on it. I would certainly accept that there are men who are intimidated by an educated woman. Mind you, I think many people are intimidated by other educated people. I understand your frustration that some men may not wish to take on the challenge of an educated and/or successful woman, but of course, this is probably highlighting how insecure the man feels in himself as much as anything else.

Ah, I understand now what you were saying regarding trophy wives now. I actually do agree with you on that. In that it's probably true that successful females do not tend to go for 'trophy husbands' but many successful men often do go for 'trophy wives'.

[Nikkos]

My Gf chased me and chased me i could not get rid of her so i ended up giving in! lol nah that's really the truth so thankful she was so presistant i didn't think i was ready for a relationship might of me been just hiding as i didn't want anyone to get close in case they didn't like the real me.

I met her threw a friend.