Do some people just think that they can't do this anymore?

[candyapples]

I'm not suicidal or anything.. but I've just kinda given up trying to make friends. I've found that I can make friends but I can't keep friends! I do have a few friends now, but cancel on meet-ups with them because I'm scared of the initial conversation once you meet up with them. Perhaps soon they'll just go away like everyone else did and the cycle will continue.

I just want to get over this social anxiety. I really do. I want it to be a success, more than anything else in my life. I've defeated a lot the past 3 years, but mentally.. it's impossible to defeat SA because it's fixed in my mind.. even if it disappears for a short time, it always reappears. And people just think you can just "snap" out of it and they don't fully understand the mind of somebody with SA. We're not crazy at all! We are just lost in trying to be accepted by people. I guess I'm just having a flare up this week, with going back to uni after being away from it over christmas.

Does exercise really help people with anxiety? Who vouches for this?

[ryanharris]

Sorry you're feeling so down candyapples I'm your friend and you can always talk to me I know exactly how you feel though, for me there is an itch online friends just cant scratch, i need to physically see people or i start to get REALLY lonely. The only advice i can really give is that you just have to ignore that fear, its the only way unfortunately. You will get better at the initial conversation thing with practice. I've got a webcam and you have my number, maybe talking in a safe environment would help you get over it?

Exercise helps me quite a lot, even if its just a distraction. It really does take my mind of everything else

[Dandelion10]

I know what you mean, the intial conversations are so hard that you have to physically draw up alot of energy to actually get through it. Obviously in an SA meet, that fear is mutual but with non-SA people it isn't, they don't appreciate the energy it takes.

Eventually you will reach a stage where you want to socialise, because the risk has amazing pay-offs that make socialising worth it. Even if you meet someone insensitive, you can text a friend and get it off your chest, they might ask about it or change the subject. Either way it's progress than brooding alone.

Exercise is a classic mood lifter but it's better to have it as part of a wider recovery plan. Instead of ringing people for a get together you might want to try an interest group or volunteering where you can just make light conversation throughout the day, it'll be less pressure than meeting someone at a specific time & place.

[Olly.]

Been thinking like this almost constantly the last few days, so you're not alone, uni is just ****ing unbearable at the moment and I've only been back for a few days, isolated myself from literally every friend I ever had and have the prospect of nearly 2 months of having no one to talk to bar the odd counselling or supervisor appointment if I'm lucky, before I finally get to go home to my family, **** SA, its ruined my life

[pavlovsdog]

I often feel like this Candyapples, and understand what you mean by being able to make but not keep friends. I used to agonise over this years ago but now I don't let it bother me. In some respects I have given up trying but this is not a positive move for me, I have just become more reclusive.