Scared of being alone forever...

Dan_Ryan · #1 2nd January 2019, 22:10

Happy new Year all,

I'm new to this site, but turning 35 next week has made me worry more than never about going through life alone. I've only ever had one sexual encounter too, which happened when I travelled the world when I was 22. Last time i kissed anybody was on a stag-do 7 years ago.

I'm fed up with being alone, but feel it's just too late and that I'll be like this forever. Is anybody else in the same boat. Most importantly, how do you suggest I deal with this fear and do something about it? New year means a new start- that's what I keep telling myself.

Thanks

Dan

Schmosby · #2 2nd January 2019, 22:23

Welcome aboard Dan.

I'm 38 but don't feel it's too late, I think somebody will settle for me eventually, I'm not looking though, if it happens it happens.

Gomen · #3 3rd January 2019, 00:34

Well you're not alone I feel the same way.

Schmosby · #4 3rd January 2019, 00:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by HermannHesse

I doubt anything will come out of it and I'm probably just being "used" as a free therapist until they find something better to do.

Funny you should say that, as this is my assumption when I first get talking to someone. They are usually married, on the rebound, going through a bad patch or whatever else and invariably once things are sorted, they fade away. Still it's something to kill time right

Moksha · #5 3rd January 2019, 17:48

I've just turned 42, so you won't get much sympathy from me!!

I wish I was 34! Like you my romantic life has been nothing to write home about – a bad relationship in my mid 30s that lasted around a year, plus a few one night stands and brief relationships lasting a month or two. Once I turned 40 I couldn't be bothered any more.

I wouldn't get too depressed. Being in a relationship does NOT mean an end to loneliness!! In fact, a bad relationship is MORE lonely than being alone. And even good relationships demand a lot of work and usually involve jealousy and fear. Ultimately, it's 50/50 that you'll die alone anyway, since one of you must go first. You could be happily married for 50 years and then he/she dies and you spend the final decade of your life totally isolated.

Toxic · #6 3rd January 2019, 19:43

I feel a bit of a baby in this thread (only just)..I'm 33 in a couple of months

Part of me really couldn't care less, I had some questionable...manipulative encounters/dodgy relationships in my early 20's (like...2)

Part of me thinks I really need to get used to my own company coz this is about all there is

I don't know, I'm not scared..I kind of expect it, sometimes I think it would be nice if someone gave a damn about me, other times I feel I don't really want the stress, I'm a bit selfish and disliked having to take someone elses thoughts/opinions into account before I did/bought something..went somewhere, whatever.

I think I'm not really cut out for relationships, It bugged me a lot more in my 20's..as I hurtle through my 30's I'm at an all time low/disinterest in the idea....although the new cleaner at work today was kinda my type on paper and I did have a few stray thoughts..

Dan_Ryan · #7 3rd January 2019, 22:18

Thanks for the comments everyone.

I think it's all down to me that I'm still single. I've been in so many good positions to meet a partner, especially in my career as a primary school teacher, where men are in the minority.I have no problem in chatting to women, but just feel I'm missing something, which enables me to develop friendships into something more.

We've got to remain optimistic I suppose, but I'm really realising now that if i don't get out and make it happen, it never will. Are there any meet ups with people on here? Surely with so many people single, that would be worth a shout, especially with people actually understanding other people's anxieties.

Dougella · #8 4th January 2019, 15:22

^ Different things work for different people. My partner also has anxiety but we are able to understand and support eachother because of that. Luckily we don't seem to make eachother worse or encourage eachother to be negative about things, which I have heard people say they'd be worried about if they had a relationship with someone who had the same problems as them. Also we have slightly different things that we find most difficult so I might be able to deal with one type of situation whereas at another time he can take more of a leading role.

Toxic · #9 4th January 2019, 19:53

I had a relationship with someone with SA (probably worse than mine)

It made going into shops & getting on public transport and such an absolute nightmare as I had to lead/do the talking

gregarious_introvert · #10 4th January 2019, 20:56

The fear of being alone forever is relevant no matter how many relationships you have; the longest I have ever been single was five years (from the age of 30 to 35), but every time a relationship doesn't work out, I can't help wondering if it was my last chance.

I've had relationships with anxiety sufferers and non-sufferers; my experience with anxiety sufferers has been similar to Dougella's, in that we had difficulty in different areas so where able to complement and support each other. Only once has being with someone who doesn't have anxiety been an issue and that was because she refused to acknowledge that I had a problem and kept pushing to do things I couldn't (at that time).