Not Handling Workplace Rejection Very Well

[BorrowedMum]

Today my partner and I got rejected for something we really wanted - a child to come and live with us long term (we are foster carers)

This has been a long process to get to this point and we have gone through many hoops to please the 'powers that be', but let me tell you social workers are a breed of people unlike any I have ever encountered in life, and the relationship you have with them is often like walking on egg-shells!

I dont want to go into the nitty-gritty of why we were rejected for this particular child but lets just say the reasons were absurd and very hurtful.

My anxiety levels have been at maximum level all day and I am considering throwing in the towel.
I just keep going over and over things in my mind, I am not handling this latest judgement very well at all
How do others handle rejection? I just feel like a failure.

[aj44]

Hi,

You have my deepest sympathies and understanding. My wife and I tried for two years to adopt and I completely get what you are saying about social workers. It's a complete nightmare isn't it? We were rejected by the adoption panel for my anxiety. I nearly had a breakdown during the assessment due to the stress of it all, not surprisingly they then said no. But four years on things are better for me, so the old cliche is true that time does heal.

If I understand you correctly and if you think you have been unfairly treated and their conclusions are wrong then definitely appeal, these people are very helpful:

http://www.independentreviewmechanism.org.uk/

and it is your right to use them. Don't choose to appeal internally as they will never admit any failings, ever.

Good luck and try to stay positive.

[BorrowedMum]

Originally Posted by aj44

Hi,

You have my deepest sympathies and understanding. My wife and I tried for two years to adopt and I completely get what you are saying about social workers. It's a complete nightmare isn't it? We were rejected by the adoption panel for my anxiety. I nearly had a breakdown during the assessment due to the stress of it all, not surprisingly they then said no. But four years on things are better for me, so the old cliche is true that time does heal.

If I understand you correctly and if you think you have been unfairly treated and their conclusions are wrong then definitely appeal, these people are very helpful:

http://www.independentreviewmechanism.org.uk/

and it is your right to use them. Don't choose to appeal internally as they will never admit any failings, ever.

Good luck and try to stay positive.

Thank you for your reply aj44, its much appreciated
Sorry to read that you had an awful adoption journey, did you withdraw in the end or did you still persue it

I think some social workers have a lot to answer for, in terms of rejecting good kind and loving potential parents because perhaps they do not fit the 'ideal' criteria, what ever happened to taking people on their individuality and capabilities rather than looking for negatives. Sadly too many of them are box tickers!

I am feeling much better now after a few days of ranting; raving; tears; mild depression and general despondency. I have had to pull myself together really because of the time of year and having to face family and friends, though I would rather not have to.

We are not adopters, though it is something that we wouldnt rule out eventually. We are foster carers and after 4 years of short term placements we felt we had what it took to be long term carers, that is take on a child that needed to stay with us until they were an adult. We were on the way to this happening after being matched to a child but it all fell apart suddenly when the childs sw said she didnt think we were the right people. Her reasons were pathetic, I feel it was down to a personality clash and that she disapproved of our lifestyle. She was a snobbish conservative type, we are down-to-earth, laid back and maybe a bit quirky (in a positive way of course), let me put it this way, no child has ever come to us and not had, love, support and bloody good old fashioned fun!

I dont think theres any point in fighting this as annoying and as hurtful as it is, there will be another child needing our time and attention and I would rather consentrate on that.

I am glad you are in a much better place now and found peace. I feel that if our fostering journey doesnt improve this new year we may well have to give it up. It has contributed to much needless stress and put strain on our relationship. The only thing that keeps us going is knowing that there are so many needy children out there that we could help, if only bloody social workers would get out of the damn way!!!

Wising you a lovely Christmas

[BorrowedMum]

Originally Posted by jinny

so sorry to hear that

It won't be you that's the failure though, it's the system, Failing you and the child that needs a home xx

Thank you jinny - you are not wrong - the system sucks!