tell lies

[Silent Ninja]

I'm a really happy and positive person and I enrich the lives of all those I meet.

[Gog]

I often pull down my pants and crap on the floor in WH Smith if they dont have the latest issue of great british locomotives magazine.

[Focused]

I don't tell lies.

[Gog]

I like to hide in church doorways dressed as a monk then jump out and scare vicars.

[You Have 0 New Messages]

I'd like to give David Cameron a hug.

[Z.]

The two women in the bakery today who were complaining about those on job seekers, and who said they were voting Conservative in the next election, were very intelligent and well informed.

[You Have 0 New Messages]

Originally Posted by stoopkid

oh me too...he looks so ' huggable', right?

i am a well balanced, clear thinking, over achiever who should really slow down a little to give others time to catch up.

Did I say hug? I meant cudgel.. I mean, cudgel.. erm (strains) cuddle.

[Clayman]

I like to lick the salt and vinegar off chips and put them back in the packet.

[Rocket Spud]

^

[Merritt]

Dust is ceiling dandruff.

[Gog]

Ellen DeGeneres started off as a part time bingo caller in Cleethorpes.

[CyprusPluto]

Great British Bake Off is the best thing on TV

[umm]

I always lie.

[CyprusPluto]

I never lie, because I'm Superman

[Gog]

Cleo Laine used to be the stunt double for Adam West in Batman.

[CyprusPluto]

I'm 6ft 5, built like The Rock and look like Brad Pitt

[You Have 0 New Messages]

Zip.. Thud...

[Gog]

People with hairy arses are 57 times more immune to the ebola virus than a banana.

[Kevin Hodge]

My mate was just asking me why i started posting on here again and i had no idea what he was talking about. So I've logged on, changed my password, and I'm now going through the stuff that's been posted in my name over the past few days

[anxiouslondoner]

I'm only here to avenge the death of my brother, Neville, who was killed by a socially anxious ninja death cult who I heard lurk these forums.

[Kevin Hodge]

i just met you
and this is crazy

[Merritt]

The song Express Yourself by N.W.A. is about the joy of breastfeeding.

[Kevin Hodge]

stephen hawking has nothing wrong with his body, he just thought that being a kind of wheelchair cyborg person would increase his book sales. during the 70s he peddled a story that he had been unable to communicate with the outside world at all until computers were developed enough to translate his thought waves into sound waves, and that in his completely internalised world he had been busy rewriting the laws of physics. since that time people have become progressively less gullible and he has had to change his story.

if you ever see a thin man jogging in cambridge wearing a surgical mask it is likely to be professor hawking in disguise. i like to provoke him by shouting out things like "e equals mc cubed" and watch him twitch as he longs to correct me, but he daren't because he knows that regular lay people cannot comprehend such complex maths, and his ability to recite the correct equation would definitely give his identity away

[anxiouslondoner]

Sharks actually have arms and hands. It's true. They just keep them well hidden at all times. Would you get close enough to a shark to check? Especially as they might whip out their arms at any time and punch you with their sharky fists. They never wear wristwatches though.

[Kevin Hodge]

you stole the sun from my heart

[slrrrrp]

I have 10 wives
9 lives
8 husbands
7 elbows
6 squid
5 testicles
4 he's a jolly good fellow
3 in 1 coconut oil
2 you 2 me
And a parting on a my knee

-----------
Daniel
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[Arpeggio]

I've eaten a hippo tonight.

[Kevin Hodge]

I shagged your ma

[anxiouslondoner]

I live inside your nostril.

[kirbycrackle]

James Cameron is a Consistently good filmmaker :/