plentyoffish.com experiences?

[terminal.eight]

I've just joined this dating site recently and am not getting much success...

Anyone use it who can offer some tips??

In my profile I meantioned that I've never had a relationship even though im 25, honest but a good idea???

[CliveL]

I love it, just using the socialising side, meeting up for camping weekends and afternoon walkks

Hi ya,

Although I have never joined and would never ever join, I know two people who have had different experiences.

An ex good friend of mine met a girl on that site who used him to death for money and lifts to places, she used to plan dates, get him over to her house and then she would continue to browse the dating agency whilst he was there!! However, because he was an idiot he just accepted it and tried to form a relationship which was nonexistent, she was blantantly using him.

On the other hand, a work colleague joined up and found a lady who after 3 weeks of meeting each other got engaged and are to be married later this year, they've been together 4 months and looking rosey for them.

So it can happen.

It's not that I want to appear negative, it's just that it's too arbitary in approach, you have to really invest so much time and emotion in which you really have to be so lucky, my work colleague was very lucky, right time right place right person and he knows it, most people are not so lucky and can waste so much energy and emotion.

I don't want it to sound negative, just really telling you what I have seen happen around me.

Take Care
Good Luck
Danny

[talisman]

I kind of prefer Okcupid (another free one) to plentyoffish, though I've had no success on either.

Most the people on those sites wouldn't describe themselves as losers, virgins, shy etc...they seem to be outgoing and confident (and rather generic), so it doesn't entirely surprise me that I or others here would get few or no responses to our profiles.

If you're looking for people who haven't had any previous relationships then its worth mentioning it in your profile, but if you don't really care about their level of experience, then I wouldn't bother...it does put a lot of people off for some reason...inexperienced people are seen as clingy (many are I guess), which perhaps isn't a desirable trait on sites where lots of people are looking for short term/casual relationships.

I do make a point of mentioning I'm a virgin, because that's what I'm looking for in any girls I'd meet from there....wishful thinking. lol

[Deepguy]

Originally Posted by talisman

I do make a point of mentioning I'm a virgin, because that's what I'm looking for in any girls I'd meet from there....wishful thinking. lol

I'm not sure if I would mention it on a profile myself tbh, I don't think it's the sort of thing you need to reveal straight away. I do think no-one should feel ashamed of it though. We've either ended up that way because we chose to or (more likely) because of SA. The past is the past and there's nothing we can do to change it now, all we can do is try and make the future better. If we're ashamed of virginity and treat it like a major issue, then it will make approaching sexual relationships more difficult, and it becomes a cycle that's near impossible to break. I AM ashamed of it on some level still, but I'm trying to confront that.

I also think if we're hopeful people won't reject us because we're virgins, we should do others the same courtesy if they aren't virgins. For myself, I'd prefer someone with more experience in any case.

I personally wouldnt mention it because it makes you seem desperate to loose your virginity or somthing, which I think would put most women off. There is no harm in mentioning it once you get to know someone, but how will you get to know that person if your first impression puts them off to begin with, lol.

[terminal.eight]

Thanks for the replies.

Ive deleted the part in my profile about being 25 and no relationship and put in some mumbo jumbo about being 'quite shy' and looking for someone who can see it as a good thing.

I don't know why I let this stuff stress me out

Originally Posted by terminal.eight

Ive deleted the part in my profile about being 25 and no relationship and put in some mumbo jumbo about being 'quite shy' and looking for someone who can see it as a good thing.

Thats more like it! Expect some responses now

[Wol]

Originally Posted by moose

If anyone has any good sites we could try, I am all ears. I have a love/hate relationship with Plentyoffish.

I have found that Shypassions and Socialanxietymatch (when the site ain't broken down) a waste of time, and don't get me started on the deceitful people who run Shysinglescrowd

Cheers

Could you say more about why they are a waste of time/deceitful. It would be useful to know.

[T]

I've just made a profile on there :embarass:

[catlover]

I agree it will decrease my chances severely, but it will also get rid of the more superficial people who judge me on facts – why would I want to spend my life with them anyway.

Very good point.

I say: reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly right up front, and let the chips fall where they may. Don't waste time with someone who won't like you the way you are.

[hardy]

Its expected that you'll only put your good points . Nobody expects you to be up front though you shouldn't actually lie. As an SAer youre likely to fret far far to much about how your profile looks . Its much better to try to expend your energy on finding somone that YOU like and meet as many as you can until you find the right one RATHER than trying to put on a show .

putting on a show is like imagining that if you do the right "performance" you could get almost anyone . which is nonsense !

I should imagine that it's virtually impossible to meet someone from a site like this or any other with the thousands of profiles floating about. I have never used an online dating agency and never would, I think I would just get frustrated and dissapointed with it if I had tried it and got nowhere.

I just hear too many negative stories from people that have tried it, only a couple have been successful but not after a few heartaches along the way in which (if it were me) I could really do without.

A friend of mine who briefly met someone through that dating agency still carried on using it after they got together (because it's free??), so I am guessing it can be quite addictive.

If it were me trying to meet someone, I'd bit the bullet now and try to meet someone some other way on a more social basis and be done with it, however much it would cause me loads of Anx, but hey, who am I to talk !!

[ExSAguy]

They seem to consist of three things only. The least prominent seems to be people already in a relationship looking for friends. Nothing wrong with that but it's a dating site afterall. Second highest are people who just want sex, as expected the men outnumber the women by several accounts on this matter. Lastly are people who are quite obviously desperate for any attention and thus get no replies. From my experience that is anyway.

[maro111]

Im lucky that when have been on dating websites i do get a few messages (wouldnt ever contemplate sending one myself for fear of rejection), but when i get into a conversation and questions start being asked about what i do etc i get uncomftable and end up ignoring any further correspondence.

I can do the pleasantries but if it comes to the point they may ask me for my number (which has happened) i cant handle it and 'disappear'. I feel uncomftable if there isnt a safe distance kept.

I think it would be much better if you could be truthful about yourself. i said im shy on profile, but there 'shy' and 'shy'. everyone on them seems to do so much and has been everywhere...although im guessing alot of them make some stuff up

Originally Posted by maro111

I think it would be much better if you could be truthful about yourself. i said im shy on profile, but there 'shy' and 'shy'. everyone on them seems to do so much and has been everywhere...although im guessing alot of them make some stuff up

As I am not speaking from experience (but only from observation and logic), I can't say for sure but whilst I think it's completely admirable to put the truth down about yourself, the majority of people on these sites are looking for the "perfect" person as in someone faultless, minted and pretty much perfect. People who have so many choices on these sites are just going to wade through the many profiles until their "right" one is found without really realising who's feelings are getting hurt along the process by stringing someone alone, say, someone chooses 3 or 4 profiles that they like, chat to those people at the same time and then they would have to make a choice eventually, but by then it's gotten too far and people would get hurt. OK, i may be a little outrageous here, but it's what I can imagine is happening and from what I get told by people who have gone on these sites, I just couldn't take the risk or deal with this, I would rather a one to one so that I know the person was concentrating on you and taking you seriously.

I really don't want to sound negative about this, especially since I've actually not even tried to use one before, but maybe a little food for thought if people are really trying to find someone and put their heart in it just to beware of stuff that could happen behind the scenes.

In saying that, If i really really had to choose something like a online dating agency to meet someone, I would go for the most expensive one that charges a fortune so then I know that the person on that site would be genuine and sincere about meeting someone for a real relationship and not either just for a quick one night stand or whatever.

[Pal]

Originally Posted by Deepest Blue

As I am not speaking from experience (but only from observation and logic), I can't say for sure but whilst I think it's completely admirable to put the truth down about yourself, the majority of people on these sites are looking for the "perfect" person as in someone faultless, minted and pretty much perfect. People who have so many choices on these sites are just going to wade through the many profiles until their "right" one is found without really realising who's feelings are getting hurt along the process by stringing someone alone, say, someone chooses 3 or 4 profiles that they like, chat to those people at the same time and then they would have to make a choice eventually, but by then it's gotten too far and people would get hurt. OK, i may be a little outrageous here, but it's what I can imagine is happening and from what I get told by people who have gone on these sites, I just couldn't take the risk or deal with this, I would rather a one to one so that I know the person was concentrating on you and taking you seriously.

I really don't want to sound negative about this, especially since I've actually not even tried to use one before, but maybe a little food for thought if people are really trying to find someone and put their heart in it just to beware of stuff that could happen behind the scenes.

In saying that, If i really really had to choose something like a online dating agency to meet someone, I would go for the most expensive one that charges a fortune so then I know that the person on that site would be genuine and sincere about meeting someone for a real relationship and not either just for a quick one night stand or whatever.

I'll just add to that by saying that as several lads on here have pointed out to me in relationship threads i've started one of the biggest mistakes shy or inexperienced lads make is that try to gain sympathy by appearing insecure, going for the sympathy vote. I'm not saying it's gospel truth but in my experience many women are put off by that sort of thing.

Originally Posted by Pal

I'll just add to that by saying that as several lads on here have pointed out to me in relationship threads i've started one of the biggest mistakes shy or inexperienced lads make is that try to gain sympathy by appearing insecure, going for the sympathy vote. I'm not saying it's gospel truth but in my experience many women are put off by that sort of thing.

Yes, I agree with that, as I said, it's admirable to place as much truth in your profile as possible but are people really going to choose someone with depression over someone who's outgoing - regardless of if they are telling the truth or not? Shyness isn't so bad as I think it's a cute trait and I am attracted to the shyness trait myself as I think it's endearing, however, try submitting a CV to an employer with a mention of depression and they won't ever touch you as they would think you're going to be a liability rather than an asset. It's just a fact of life and the way of the world, people are materlialistic (at first) until they get to know the person for who they are but to get past that initial phase is so so hard, and to do it by deceiving isn't the right way because that person will be found out. I honestly think that most people here are lovely, caring and genuine people and I really hate to see anybody get hurt when going to try and meet someone on these types of sites, so isn't there like a site that hosts dating for those with, say shyness or any type of mental health? I'm sure there's bound to be some out there, at least them people (i would have thought) would be more honest to the cause.

[Pal]

Originally Posted by Deepest Blue

Yes, I agree with that, as I said, it's admirable to place as much truth in your profile as possible but are people really going to choose someone with depression over someone who's outgoing - regardless of if they are telling the truth or not? Shyness isn's so bad as I think it's a cute trait and I am very attracted to shy people myself, however, try submitting a CV to an employer with a mention of depression and they won't ever touch you as they would think you're going to be a liability rather than an asset. It's just a fact of life and the way of the world, people are materlialistic (at first) until they get to know the person for who they are but to get past that initial phase is so so hard, and to do it by deceiving isn't the right way because that person will be found out. I honestly think that most people here are lovely, caring and genuine people and I really hate to see anybody get hurt when going to try and meet someone on these types of sites, so isn't there like a site that hosts dating for those with, say shyness or any type of mental health? I'm sure there's bound to be some out there, at least them people (i would have thought) would be more honest to the cause.

Admittedly the thought of joining dating sites has crossed my mind in the past but for the most part i don't really agree with them. Mainly because i think some depressed lonely people use them as way to meet people without taking into account that with just a bit of work they probably wouldn't really need to use them in the first place.

[IRIS]

Pal - above you make dating sites sound like a bad thing ''with just a bit of work they probably wouldn't really need to use them in the first place'' like, people who use htem are not prepared to ''work'' hard to be social and fins a partner in the old fashioned way. I think these sites are a great way to meet people, there have been many sucess stories at my place of work, sucessful and confident (well appear to be) people have used these sites with excellent results. I have used them and met some very nice people. You have got to have a thick skin sometimes with these sites I think, not get too caught up in who has replied and who hasn't.

[maro111]

I used to make a point of saying that i was a shy, genuine bloke who was not just after sex (which was the truth) and i used to get dozens of messages from women saying how refreshing it was and that they were after someone genuine, and so many blokes on the site were just after sex. so i think it is important to be yourself, but i dont think some things need to be mentioned, things like being a virgin or not experienced or whatever, because it really dosent matter. if they like you then thats all thats important.

i do genuinely think alot of women would like a partner who is quiet and reserved and not loud and cocky!! sa does tend to make us kind, caring people!

From my point of view i would find a woman much more attractive if she wasnt greatly experienced.

[Pal]

Originally Posted by IRIS

Pal - above you make dating sites sound like a bad thing ''with just a bit of work they probably wouldn't really need to use them in the first place'' like, people who use htem are not prepared to ''work'' hard to be social and fins a partner in the old fashioned way. I think these sites are a great way to meet people, there have been many sucess stories at my place of work, sucessful and confident (well appear to be) people have used these sites with excellent results. I have used them and met some very nice people. You have got to have a thick skin sometimes with these sites I think, not get too caught up in who has replied and who hasn't.

I was talking about the unconfident people, i didn't make that clear. I can't personally say that i've come across many success storys relating to dating sites but i don't see any reason why it couldn't happen. It just strikes me that some socially unconfident people set themselves up for failer on dating sites when they think it'll be an easier option.

Correct me if you think i'm wrong by all means.

[AbOn3]

Originally Posted by Quiet bloke with talkative cow

I got a reply from a woman on Plenty of Fish and she's asked me to send a photo.
I've just realised apart from a tiny work photo and a terrible travel card pic, I don't have any That's pathetic isn't it ?

I hate getting my pic taken too. I don't have a single digitised image of me.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

I'm currently dating someone off plentyoffish.com, it took me over a year to pluck up the courage and find confidence to meet someone.

My profile was quite descriptive and straight to the point with added humour, I received alot of positive feedback about it over the months but I was just scared to take things further with a woman who showed interested in me, so I would just read and delete most messages I received plus I rarely sent any out first. :rolleyes:

I find it's just best to go with the flow, do not not rush into things what so ever, get to know them before meeting up etc plus try not be offended if you don't get any replies back to your messages.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by afx777

I'm currently dating someone off plentyoffish.com, it took me over a year to pluck up the courage and find confidence to meet someone.

My profile was quite descriptive and straight to the point with added humour, I received alot of positive feedback about it over the months but I was just scared to take things further with a woman who showed interested in me, so I would just read and delete most messages I received plus I rarely sent any out first. :rolleyes:

I find it's just best to go with the flow, do not not rush into things what so ever, get to know them before meeting up etc plus try not be offended if you don't get any replies back to your messages.

I sometimes read the forums at plentyoffish (never set up a profile though) and from what I read only the super good looking guys tend to get mails from females ...and the rest of them don't tend to get any and have to send off hundreds of messages in the hope one will actually reply to him ....so if you are getting women messaging you i think you probably must be quite good looking cause alot of guys on that site have been complaining about lack of mail

[AbOn3]

Originally Posted by Defiance

I sometimes read the forums at plentyoffish (never set up a profile though) and from what I read only the super good looking guys tend to get mails from females ...and the rest of them don't tend to get any and have to send off hundreds of messages in the hope one will actually reply to him

This probably couldn't be more different than my situation. I'm not good-looking IMO, but I've found that the honest approach has worked well for me. I set out with the ambition not to tell a single lie about myself, although I was quite selective about what I added to my profile. I guess it worked for me - can't speak for everyone though.

[MooseOfDoom]

Originally Posted by Quiet bloke with talkative cow

Unimaginative lot :rolleyes: Seriously is this the sort of mind numbing plop that attracts people ? Don't these people have anything else to say ?

I was browsing the forums there a while back and came across a funny thread about this - "Phrases that put you off someone's profile". I can laugh at myself, so I found it funny, but if you're paranoid about what you write on sites like that I wouldn't recommend reading it, it's a bit of a bitchfest.

Edit - I got paranoid about whether I was allowed to link to their forums and removed the url but if you google "Phrases that put you off someone's profile" plentyoffish (including the quotes around the phrase) it's the only result. If any mods read this feel free to put the link back if it was ok..

Maybe some things worth picking up from it though

Originally Posted by moose

something that concerns me is that some women put on their profile that the guy must not be looking for an intimate encounter. Rather strange that my mate has ben able to have sex with 2 of those women on the first date

Maybe they weren't looking to be hassled by sleazy blokes only after one thing? There's nothing in saying that that implies that they can't make the choice about an intimate encounter themselves if they like the guy they meet - but ups their chances of meeting a guy who's not just after that. Unless your mate falls into the first category?

[MooseOfDoom]

Classy. Not committing yourself to either category then?

I had an account on there for less than 24 hours, was full of guys asking for something naughty

Originally Posted by Quiet bloke with talkative cow

Sorry to rant (well not that sorry) but won't someone start a genuine (ie, not a con) dating site for shy people, where people are actually honest without all the bullshit ?

Never happen will it, people are f*cking sheep, their life has to be exactly the same as everyone else. F*ck it.

Grrr that annoys me too, not many people seem unique anymore

[Rick Sanchez]

I don't think SA/shy dating websites are all that necessary. You can subtly mention SA/shyness in your profile, without it being too off-putting, on normal dating sites. It may not be off-putting at all, depending on your personality, or, at least, how you've portrayed your personality on your profile. And for those that do find shyness off-putting, then would you really be interested in said people?