Social anxiety and coping with work.

[The Quiet One]

Hello. I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but for those of you that work, how do you cope with it?

The reason I ask is that I'm a student at the moment. I'm currently going to college. However, I may be moving out soon, and there's a possibility that I may have to work. Unfortunately, I don't think I could quite cope with work at this moment, especially since the only jobs available are retail jobs. Alternatively, they'll require "excellent communication skills", or "the ability to work well in a team". To be perfectly honest, I have no confidence in my ability to work with customers or even co-workers, and I'm really worried about having an anxiety attack infront of my boss, or manager or whatever.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

[WeiJingsheng]

What kinda situations trigger it off?
I struggled, a lot, when I first started. Didn't speak to co-workers for the first 6 months, it was that bad. I still don't really talk to them now...

That said, I was a complete wreck when I first started but I can deal with working now, I don't have any major problems. The actual job is very routine and simple in retail, to the point of being demoralising tbh.

[The Quiet One]

My anxiety is usually triggered by talking to someone in authority, or talking infront of a group, or talking to someone I'm not familiar with. It's also triggered by being in a situation where I feel like I'm more noticeable than others. I always wind up feeling like everyone is staring at me if I feel like I stand out in some way.
Another problem is the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. So if I make a mistake, or even just think I've made a mistake, my concentration is completely wrecked and I just wind up thinking about how useless I am, and how everyone must think I'm an idiot, and how they must hate me, and so on.
I also struggle with asking for help, so if I ever needed help with anything, I'm worried that I'd just wind up doing nothing until I finally gather up the courage to say something, at which point I'd feel awful for holding off a task.

[d-s-m]

Originally Posted by The Quiet One

My anxiety is usually triggered by talking to someone in authority, or talking infront of a group, or talking to someone I'm not familiar with. It's also triggered by being in a situation where I feel like I'm more noticeable than others. I always wind up feeling like everyone is staring at me if I feel like I stand out in some way.
Another problem is the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. So if I make a mistake, or even just think I've made a mistake, my concentration is completely wrecked and I just wind up thinking about how useless I am, and how everyone must think I'm an idiot, and how they must hate me, and so on.
I also struggle with asking for help, so if I ever needed help with anything, I'm worried that I'd just wind up doing nothing until I finally gather up the courage to say something, at which point I'd feel awful for holding off a task.

I'm exactly the same...

[MrPSB]

Originally Posted by The Quiet One

My anxiety is usually triggered by talking to someone in authority, or talking infront of a group, or talking to someone I'm not familiar with. It's also triggered by being in a situation where I feel like I'm more noticeable than others. I always wind up feeling like everyone is staring at me if I feel like I stand out in some way.
Another problem is the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. So if I make a mistake, or even just think I've made a mistake, my concentration is completely wrecked and I just wind up thinking about how useless I am, and how everyone must think I'm an idiot, and how they must hate me, and so on.
I also struggle with asking for help, so if I ever needed help with anything, I'm worried that I'd just wind up doing nothing until I finally gather up the courage to say something, at which point I'd feel awful for holding off a task.

Same here, I can deal with co-workers in my team but that's about it, people from other teams or more senior management is a funfest of fear.

[Aelwyn]

There are jobs in retail where you wouldn't have too much contact with the public - shelf stacking for instance. Also there are night shifts which would be quieter. I wonder if you should just say that you are a bit shy and you work better in a 'background' type of job? It might be better than being plunged into a job you just can't do, and having to leave abruptly.

[mils]

I think the best thing to do is pursue something that you think you be good at, and can cope with. TV presenter is probably out, but that doesn't mean you should shy away from jobs that involve presenting and socialising etc. These things are tough, but you don't have to be brilliant at them, you just need to survive them - slowly it gets easier.

[maybellinesmom]

I'm exactly the same too, I've been scorned asking for help in the past so tend to avoid it now. I'm not sure that helps the situations we come into though, I think the thing is to try and trust people and find someone you like to help at work, not easy I know!!

[The Quiet One]

Originally Posted by Aelwyn

There are jobs in retail where you wouldn't have too much contact with the public - shelf stacking for instance. Also there are night shifts which would be quieter. I wonder if you should just say that you are a bit shy and you work better in a 'background' type of job? It might be better than being plunged into a job you just can't do, and having to leave abruptly.

That actually sounds like a really, really good idea. To be perfectly honest, I was kinda panicking a little because all of the jobs I had looked at specified that I'd need good communication skills, and the ability to work in a team, etc. I'm wondering now, should I mention that I have social anxiety disorder, or should I just say that I'd prefer a background job?

[Named User]

Originally Posted by The Quiet One

That actually sounds like a really, really good idea. To be perfectly honest, I was kinda panicking a little because all of the jobs I had looked at specified that I'd need good communication skills, and the ability to work in a team, etc. I'm wondering now, should I mention that I have social anxiety disorder, or should I just say that I'd prefer a background job?

It's up to you whether you mention SA or not, but an alternative could be to emphasize your "attention to detail" and "logical thinking" etc. Anything you can think of that would be relevant to tasks that involve a set structure, which is what I assume background jobs involve.

[Aelwyn]

Personally I wouldn't mention SA, though of course it's entirely up to you. 'Shyness' somehow seems more acceptable and understandable to people. Named User makes a good point, try to emphasize the qualities you can bring to the sort of work you want - after all being a 'team player' isn't the be all and end all.

[Crabbywitch]

I think there's a lot more jobs than just retail. Factory work, delivery driving, labouring, kitchen porter, for example. Perhaps you could go to a careers service or the job centre and ask them to give you more ideas of the kinds of jobs that might suit a shy person? I do a physically demanding back stage job and I wouldn't swap it for admin or retail if it was offered. Quite happy.

[The Quiet One]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. To be honest, I only need a job that can support me and my cousin once we both move out, and that's only if our current finances combined can't support us. Still, I know I'll need this advice sooner or later, so again, thank you all very much.

[humourlessness]

Originally Posted by The Quiet One

My anxiety is usually triggered by talking to someone in authority, or talking infront of a group, or talking to someone I'm not familiar with. It's also triggered by being in a situation where I feel like I'm more noticeable than others. I always wind up feeling like everyone is staring at me if I feel like I stand out in some way.
Another problem is the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. So if I make a mistake, or even just think I've made a mistake, my concentration is completely wrecked and I just wind up thinking about how useless I am, and how everyone must think I'm an idiot, and how they must hate me, and so on.
I also struggle with asking for help, so if I ever needed help with anything, I'm worried that I'd just wind up doing nothing until I finally gather up the courage to say something, at which point I'd feel awful for holding off a task.

My diagnosis is...........social anxiety. You tick all the boxes pretty much. Doesn't sound like a severe case ie. agoraphobic

[humourlessness]

Originally Posted by Crabbywitch

I think there's a lot more jobs than just retail. Factory work, delivery driving, labouring, kitchen porter, for example. Perhaps you could go to a careers service or the job centre and ask them to give you more ideas of the kinds of jobs that might suit a shy person? I do a physically demanding back stage job and I wouldn't swap it for admin or retail if it was offered. Quite happy.

^
This.
Plenty of jobs you can do where social anxiety can be hidden or minimised at least.

[lig]

Im not sure how i was "brave" enough to phone up for interveiw at job im at now,but i guess 8n years ago i had semi got control of my anxiety,if i was to get laid off here im not sure id be able to get another job.

I remember being very anxious the first day i started this job,but over time it got easier,just seeing the same ppl everyday and talking to them,everyone was nice besides 1 person(always one lol)who was just very loud and not a very nice person,but i just learnt to avoid/ignore him...now i work nights with just 1 other person which i find very easy,we get on well and with just 1 person my anxiety doesnt really happen,and if i do start feeling a little anxious if talking to him alot i can just say i have to catch up and walk off lol.

So all i can suggest is once you gte a job over the first few days/weeks or even months it should gradually become a more comfortable envirement,atleast thats how my SA works,if i do something on a regular basis it becomes easier.But over the last few years i have made up excuses not to goto the Christmas party...pretty much i just book that week off work,where as previous years it wasnt to bad when i actually went,just i felt very anxious about 3 Christmases ago when we were lal just standing around waiting to go,so avoided it since(not a great option)but just something i felt i couldnt handle the last few times.

[misska]

the interviews in retail are usually group ones, I had some group interviews and found them awful, made me feel rubbish about my self and iv got 0 personality so no good for me. I think there the worst thing someone with SA can put them selves through

[desi99]

I am curious what should a SA person do ? Should we go for job requiring social interaction , which will help us maybe recover from SA and desensitize just like CBT does or Should we go for a job with minimum interaction which will be good for us but will not improve social skills. What do the panel think.

[lig]

I would say your second option is better to start with,no matter what job you get you will probably have to have some interaction,so build yourself up slowly rather than going for a job where you know there will be alot of interaction straight away...but if your further along in your recovery then getting a buisier job may be the final thing you need.

[The Quiet One]

Originally Posted by lig

I would say your second option is better to start with,no matter what job you get you will probably have to have some interaction,so build yourself up slowly rather than going for a job where you know there will be alot of interaction straight away...but if your further along in your recovery then getting a buisier job may be the final thing you need.

I'd have to agree. I'm still waiting to start therapy and all that, which is part of the reason why I made this thread. However, since there are much "quieter" jobs (hopefully) available, I'm rather comforted by the fact that I won't be rushing into something I'm not prepared to handle.

Also, I'm wondering, is it possible to request an interview with only one person instead of a group interview?

[Toxic]

Originally Posted by desi99

I am curious what should a SA person do ? Should we go for job requiring social interaction , which will help us maybe recover from SA and desensitize just like CBT does or Should we go for a job with minimum interaction which will be good for us but will not improve social skills. What do the panel think.

personally i much prefer the 2nd option, who knows how long it will take for your SA to improve if your "forced" into more social demanding situations..everyones different..and it may not be the right option for certain people...which means it wouldnt even help and you could just have numerous years being incredibly unhappy/depressed in a shitty environment for yourself

I mean i cant even stomach trying to apply for jobs which is why im trying to start my own business..the job i had last year crippled me mentally...even simple tasks that shouldnt even be worth mentioning to "normal" people..answering the phone, talking to visitors..talking to other members of staff...i was IT support and i could barely have a conversation with people to simply get a "whats wrong with it?" was a bloody uphill battle! and it didnt improve at all through the 8 months i was there...

meh to it all!

[lig]

Originally Posted by The Quiet One

I'd have to agree. I'm still waiting to start therapy and all that, which is part of the reason why I made this thread. However, since there are much "quieter" jobs (hopefully) available, I'm rather comforted by the fact that I won't be rushing into something I'm not prepared to handle.

Also, I'm wondering, is it possible to request an interview with only one person instead of a group interview?

I personally wouldnt ask that,just because for me id then probably feel more uncomfortable as they would probably ask why and id just get more anxious from that,but what i found in my last 2 job interveiws,was first one just the owner chatted to me,then the foreman took me around the steal cutting workshop on his own(didnt get that job),then job im at now again it was just the owner took me into his office then showed me around the shop floor,i was a bit more comfortable in myself at that time anyway,so just said hi to the ppl working there as i walked past and that was that,i got the job and been here 8 years now.

I think if you go to join just small companies like the 2 i went for are just family run,then its unlikely it will be more than just the boss(or if factory work,maybe the foreman aswell)that you would speak to for the interveiw.

[GoldFish]

I keep leaving or losing my job after 6 months - 1 year due to possibly being the weakest link in the group of staff because of things like anxiety and shyness. Partially due to circumstances out of my control as well. Like the company had to cull staff at the time. But still.

Everyone else my age that i know hold down their jobs easily and have the ego to become managers within a short space of time, this just blows my mind. I do not know anyone who simply struggles at work. It is a very lonely feeling.

Now i am working on improving.

You read people saying they were at their job for 6-8-10 years. I find that amazing and it must show that you are at least normal and probably have alot of strengths in many other areas to have such longevity.

[Sadie]

I've had my current job for 5 years now, it really hasn't been easy, took me about 3 years before I felt anything near comfortable with my own team. It's office work, looking after records and doing research but does involve answering the phone a few times a day and sometimes speaking to managers. To be honest most days the thought of going in scares the s*it out of me but the satisfaction of saying I can do it is a real boost to my confidence. People probably still think I'm weird and quiet, but I work so hard at what I do that it had at least earnt me a level of respect, and recently I got asked to temporarily become team leader. My boss confessed a month in to this that she had doubts I could do it bur wad impressed with how I was handling it! I guess my point is you just don't know what you might be capable of unless you give it a go and you might find it isn't as bad ad what you first thought. Plus it could end up helping you to feel a but more confident.

[GoldFish]

Originally Posted by Sadie

I've had my current job for 5 years now, it really hasn't been easy, took me about 3 years before I felt anything near comfortable with my own team. It's office work, looking after records and doing research but does involve answering the phone a few times a day and sometimes speaking to managers. To be honest most days the thought of going in scares the s*it out of me but the satisfaction of saying I can do it is a real boost to my confidence. People probably still think I'm weird and quiet, but I work so hard at what I do that it had at least earnt me a level of respect, and recently I got asked to temporarily become team leader. My boss confessed a month in to this that she had doubts I could do it bur wad impressed with how I was handling it! I guess my point is you just don't know what you might be capable of unless you give it a go and you might find it isn't as bad ad what you first thought. Plus it could end up helping you to feel a but more confident.

See now that is something i can only dream of. Perhaps in the next life i'll have the skills and inherited genes to help me be better with the area of progression at work. Because i have found that the ones who have lots of ego, aren't overly self consiousness means they can concentrate alot better and have confidence to do well in the office environment. I remember literally collapsing under the pressure at my last role. I would often walk outside and vomit just to escape for 5 minutes. Anyway it was the really overly confident people that seemed to either have the skill or the personality to do well at their job. I was somewhere below that or maybe inbetween in some instances. But had to leave in the end which was sad

I don't know. I just do not cope well under pressure at work, when lots of responsibilities stack up I find myself working hard but ultimately panicing and stressing out so much that it effects the quality of the work.

Also i am always quiet in an office environment. Because i am aware that alot of people are sitting around me, i don't joke around or say much. I sometimes laugh if a person tells me a joke.

[desi99]

I also have never held a job for more than 1-2 years at the most. The idea of progressing in career is unthinkable for me as to become a manager you need people skills ,which are non existent in me. The manager in my IT work has to attend meetings all day and make decisions on direction of the projects and allocate work. I am simply not cutout for that kind of work.

[GoldFish]

Originally Posted by desi99

I also have never held a job for more than 1-2 years at the most. The idea of progressing in career is unthinkable for me as to become a manager you need people skills ,which are non existent in me. The manager in my IT work has to attend meetings all day and make decisions on direction of the projects and allocate work. I am simply not cutout for that kind of work.

In my opinion it takes a huge amount of confidence/ego to be that way in the first place, which is why generally those sorts of people are usually managers, my sister and cousins have that extreme tunnel vision confidence which is why they progress in their roles. They are also usually always put under immense pressure from higher ups so they are usually in a bad mood, depending on the job though i suppose.