Advice I was given, stay away from forums like SAUK

[Mr Ploppy]

I was given this advice ages ago, obviously didn't follow it.
Any truth in this ? Are peer support forums good or bad for you ? Do they help or hinder ?

The person who gave me the advice doesn't use forums and is a total f*ck up by the way.

[anxiouslondoner]

I wouldn't be here if I thought it was bad, so selection bias ahoy.
I would say there is a lot of negativity on here, some of it seems like it's trying to bring people down sometimes, but if you can see that for what it is this place can be very helpful.

[diplodocus]

I think you take what you want out of forums like these. There are plenty of positives as well as negatives on here, it's just what you decide to focus on. I think some people forget that they are actually in control of what they read and end feeling like victims of a situation when in fact they are the ones allowing themselves to become victims.

[firemonkey]

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy

I was given this advice ages ago, obviously didn't follow it.
Any truth in this ? Are peer support forums good or bad for you ? Do they help or hinder ?

The person who gave me the advice doesn't use forums and is a total f*ck up by the way.

Peer support forums are not perfect and each have their strengths and weaknesses but for some of us,ie those who are not the kind of service user to get much support from mh services,they can be a means of keeping our heads above water.

[Mr_Bean]

All depends what you get out of it.

[Golz]

Think it depends on what topics you read about off here and how you use it. Casually read when bored, post a lot and addicted, going to meets, etc so many factors that actually come into it. Which at end of day will depend on the person reading too. As there's a mix of positive and negative things, but how reading them said topics depends on the person reading them.

I can read a fair bit of negativity myself and be unaffected unless it sounds too similar to my own situation, however it works in the same way too when it comes to positive reading. But bet there's some that can get affected by more or less than I do.

On the other hand, never done any meets and don't know too many through 1 to 1 chats which can leave an outsider feeling at times too, but something I'm used to.

[wjfox]

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy

Advice I was given, stay away from forums like SAUK

Completely disagree. As a result of this forum, I've made tons of new friends and my social life has greatly improved. There's plenty of support and encouragement here, friendly advice and help from like-minded people.

[anxiouslondoner]

I don't want to point fingers as there are many people with genuine problems here so of course they are going to sound negative, and that's fine, but others who seem to have given up completely yet seem to want to convince other people to do the same. It's very discouraging.
Of course the best advice is to ignore them, but that's tough when a negative voice in your own head is telling you the same thing.
Meh, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, doesn't mean they make any sense.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy

I was given this advice ages ago, obviously didn't follow it.
Any truth in this ? Are peer support forums good or bad for you ? Do they help or hinder ?

The person who gave me the advice doesn't use forums and is a total f*ck up by the way.

I feel they can be unhelpful yes because we tend to reinforce the negativity, anxiety and self loathing about ourselves on here at times, I do it myself.

^^^
I sometimes feel like this site makes it easier for me to accept the way I am/live my life, instead of trying to get better. This place is like reassurance for me that it's ok to live like this. I want to change and have a normal life, but if I stay on this forum for years my social anxiety label will grow.
But thats just me, others will find strength and encouragement to heal.

[sammmy]

There is a some negativity here, but in a way isn't that a good thing? We all have shit we need to get off our chests and it's good to be able to share that with people we know will understand and not judge us harshly, or think we are "weird" because of it. I know seeing people post *sad* things here doesn't bring me down, it's nice to be able to say "I understand, i'm in the same boat" and see people's responses when they take on board all the positive replies they receive and start to feel better about their situation

[firemonkey]

Originally Posted by Cynic

He seemed to be of the belief that anyone with mental issues should rely on your shrink instead.

For many of us,especially those who are middle aged and chronically rather than acutely ill, just relying on the shrink would have us completely f***ed for support.
We'd just be waiting for the scraps from the shrink's table as the more acute/young/with dramatic symptoms/ types get the overwhelming lion's share of shrink/mental health team support.

[Fluppy]

Getting help in real life can be difficult and sometimes go quite badly for the person or for people around them (im not saying that people shouldnt seek help) its just most people that offer their help do it for personal gain like money. They want to control rather than help.
On this forum aswel as others ive seen a few people in a mental health profession offer their advise to someone not just because they are trained to, because they actually want to. And ive seen other people also help and encourage each other aswel because theyve experienced something similar or/and they understand. When i see people do this it warms my heart and makes me smile.

Im not one to get annoyed over debate over a topic because of the type of topic. But ive seen a bit of negativity towards others sometimes. One example is gender-hate. Genders hating each other for things they both do. People taking their anger out on a set of people that had nothing to do with it rather than the one that did. Ive seen very severe cases of it happen in real life where men and women hurt each other physically and emotionally (i wont go into detail here). I see negative comments in the media. I want to escape from it when i come on a forum. But i know that its also something i should adapt to. I dont mean any offence to anyone by this and im sorry for posting it here, i wanted people to notice it feel free to remove this comment if need be or tell me to

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Originally Posted by Cynic

And negativity is everywhere throughout life, not especially confined to forums.

Don't take this personally and I'm not having a go at you but don't you feel sometimes you tend to reiterate and reinforce your own negative perceptions about yourself on here a bit too much? I find myself doing the same at times, it's like ground-hog day or something!

I've been here for far too long, maybe I need to move on and stop reinforcing negative views about myself.

[AxelFendersson]

Using this forum has been very helpful to me, and has the potential to be very helpful to a lot of people. There are dangers and pitfalls to be avoided though.

It is, as people have said, easy to get into a cycle of only listening to the negative posts and letting other people's woes reinforce our own negativity. We believe our situation to be hopeless and take the fact that other people are finding it difficult as evidence to support that assertion.

It's also easy to fool ourselves that we can getting the social interaction we need through online forums alone. While they can be a great stepping-stone, web-forums are not an adequate substitute for real, face-to-face human interaction. They are undoubtedly better than nothing, but we need to deal with the real world, too.

Having said that, though, they are better than nothing and they can be excellent as a supplement to real socialising. They can also provide an opportunity to make friends whom we may then go on to met in person.

Talking over problems with other sufferers is a useful way to improve our understanding of those problems and of how to overcome them. This is a good thing. However, it won't cure them by itself, and peer-support forums like this one do have to be used in the right way and with the right attitude to be helpful.

[Caribou]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

I think you take what you want out of forums like these.

Was gonna say the exact same thing.

[Rane]

I think with support forums, in very simple terms, you only get out what you put in.

I've seen new users over the years quit the forum after a month or so, complaining that the forum hadn't helped / cured their SA. I would suggest keeping in mind that its a forum for and used by fellow sufferers and that it is in no way a cure for SA or that it proclaims to be such.

The users that go to meets and/or use the PM system, seem to gain the most from the forum and appear to make the most progress with their recovery. To me that proves the value of forums like these.

However not everyone feels able to go meets or PM people, depending on where they are in their recovery, which can make them feel a bit of an outsider and bit alienated on a SA forum, which of course isn't good.

There is always going to a mix of positive and negative posting going on because of the very nature of the forum. Users need to be a little realistic and think about what topics may effect them badly and avoid reading / opening those kind of threads or even avoid some members post if they again affect them badly. Ultimately you are in charge of what you do and do not read on the forum.

Personally I still remember vividly finding the term Social Anxiety and then finding this forum. Realising I wasn't alone was pretty profound and made a great deal of difference at the time.

Over all I feel theses forums are good thing and that they are helpful on the whole. For some people its the only support and contact with others that they have. As I said, you only get out what you put in.

[Toxic]

thing is im quite the geek anyway so i spend all my free time around a computer or tv or games consoles etc etc

even when i had a job my spare time still involved surfing the interwebs and currently unemployed i have obviously..a hell of a lot more free time and its boring so why not come here?

its somewhat a comfort (in a way, i dont exactly take pleasure from knowing other people are in the same boat) but its nice to realise im not alone!

ive been here just over a year now, is my life any different? no not really..its not exactly better nor worse, this forum certainly isnt to blame for anything, i dont see why i would stay away, it fills in one of the many voids in my life

[Fluppy]

Originally Posted by joinmartin

That perception of therapists and mental health professionals is out there in the world and, from the prices private therapists charge, it's not hard to see why. There is also a trap that many therapists fall into where we don't seek to control others but it can look like we do.

What can often happen is therapists do their training, end up with a bunch of techniques and things that have helped them in their lives and they end up giving those techniques and tips to clients who come to see them. Nothing necessarily wrong with that but the therapist has no idea whether the techniques will work for the client, what their circumstances are etc.


There's been a huge growth in online therapy forums and mental health related forums but it's hard to get people to become okay with seeking professional help for those issues.

When going to seek help in real life there are things that go through the persons mind like how will this affect me, my friends and my family, will seeking help make things things worse for someone. and then theres the endless amount of gossip to put some people off.

Most people in a profession arent really much more help than a book. they have the knowledge but dont seem to care enough or dont understand every angle of it to use it to help their client. it would be a bit like telling a machine to have a heart. they are human like me and u, i know, but the way they are trained/they follow their training and society's perception of conditions and peoples situations and indifferences influences a professionals situational awareness and how they respond to what they know of their client, they are quick to judge.

on a forum the only thing a person can see at first is my personality. there are people that relate to shared experiences and are usually less judgemental.
a forum like this is a small number of people from a large variety of places looking for help, reasurance and self-improvement.
we can learn from people that have been where we are in life or are currently coping with it.
when someone posts a positive, contructive, cheerful, kind comment to someone in distress i rarely see any motivations in that persons comment other than they want to lend their time and experience to try to make the poster feel more comfortable with themself and their current situation.

I know that online interaction is not as involving or benifitial as real life interaction but although there are people in life that care, they are rare and difficult to find

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Rane

There is always going to a mix of positive and negative posting going on because of the very nature of the forum. Users need to be a little realistic and think about what topics may effect them badly and avoid reading / opening those kind of threads or even avoid some members post if they again affect them badly. Ultimately you are in charge of what you do and do not read on the forum.

I think every member can find some good and bad from a forum. Its about self discipline i feel as i will steer clear of certain topics cos they either bore or annoy me. Other members however may suffer more serious consequences by reading certain threads that may act as a trigger or make them angry. Don't think enough members on here self moderate themselves as they seem to complain about certain content yet i wonder why they read it in the first place.

Originally Posted by anxiouslondoner

I don't want to point fingers as there are many people with genuine problems here so of course they are going to sound negative, and that's fine, but others who seem to have given up completely yet seem to want to convince other people to do the same. It's very discouraging.
Of course the best advice is to ignore them, but that's tough when a negative voice in your own head is telling you the same thing.
Meh, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, doesn't mean they make any sense.

Theres not many negatives with this site overall but this is the main one i believe and it happens on other mental health sites also. I think we need to be responsible for what we post and respect how others may interpret it. The usual offensive content falls under this and gets dealt rightly so by the mod team. However other content can be just as dangeruous i feel when its obvious someone is having a bad time or feeling anxious about something and then for someone to further feed that anxiety and negativity they already have in their head rather than receive some supportive helpful advice.
We will tend to take notice more of the negative comments rather than the more positive advice as they feed the anxiety and support its distorted view thus we feel its more true compared to the more rational positive advice.
So when times are hard and you are feeling bad sites like this can be a bad idea to come on.
I don't think however they want to 'convince' other members to seemingly give up, more like they dont know how it effects other people.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Fluppy

when someone posts a positive, contructive, cheerful, kind comment to someone in distress i rarely see any motivations in that persons comment other than they want to lend their time and experience to try to make the poster feel more comfortable with themself and their current situation.

Really? You haven't noticed attractive female posters with pictures up get more than their fair share of white knights attention? Maybe I'm just far too cynical....

Originally Posted by Johnni

I don't think however they want to 'convince' other members to seemingly give up, more like they dont know how it effects other people.

Very true. I think in many cases they don't even realise the detrimental effect they are having on themselves let alone anyone else.

[Salusa87]

I think the biggest danger for myself is starting to feel various behaviours are perhaps more normal due to hearing other people admit to them, like avoidance for example. If you start to feel they are normal you might not be so alarmed when you experience yourself doing them, so that would be a pretty unhealthy shift in perception and maybe one that is fairly easy to fall into.

I don't think a support forum can really be harmful for you, like others said it depends how you use the forum and if you let it influence you. I think most people have enough awareness and independance of thought that mean they can combat any of that whole normality issue and continue to do whats best for them. Then theres all the benefits which I dont really need to mention specifically.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by silver-lining

Yup, and there are/were certain men on here who I'm fairly sure PM every girl that joins anyway...

(Equality - maybe there are some women who do the same. I obviously haven't come across them though!)

Sometimes its obvious on the forum itself either through threads or seemingly exclusively posting on female members profile walls. Quite embarassing how obvious it is sometimes.

[Fluppy]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Really? You haven't noticed attractive female posters with pictures up get more than their fair share of white knights attention? Maybe I'm just far too cynical....
.

Yepper some people do use lust as a motivation to help/talk to people
Thats what i was implying when i said "rarely" but i made a comment in this thread earlier about finding gender-hate and generalisation distasteful and unhealthy and gender debates are usually one sided either way and i diddnt want to tempt myself to talk about it in this thread more coz im not sure what details im allowed to go into here before it becomes inappropriate for the thread location. And i can be a bit of a dork when it comes to the standards people are used to umm -stops myself from typing in this topic anymore- -shares some cake with everyone-

[Fluppy]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Anyway, why should mentally ill folk be isolated and denied peer relationships? Normals on the whole don't want us, and to ban mental health support groups would just lead to further isolation.

FS tell a normal you've got mental health issues, they'll just give a dismissive "well go and see your shrink". At least with this (and other mental health forums over the past decade) I've managed to get a wee bit more of a social life than I would have otherwise had.

I agree kinda but with my comments my intention was not to put someone off seeking help in a crisis if they need it but to explain that any hesitation they have when getting that help is a completely valid response.
A persons profession does not determine wether they are good or bad but how they approach helping their client can be problamatic and how the health system works altogether is a bit of a mess.
Ive spoke to people with mental health problems that felt like they were being lectured by the person "helping" them and they were made to feel inferier. This person was of no danger to those around them it was more to do with how people had treated this person. We had some intelligent conversations together. Yet the term "mentally ill" is used to hint that someone has a lack of intelligence or importance. Yes, it can be considered a sickness but their opinion is no less valuable than anyone elses. Telling someone to go get help or forcing them to go will not make progress at all as its much more complicated than people asume. Learning from people is the best way to help them and by learning from people i can help myself and so can someone in a health profession. It gives me hope knowing that there are still a few people in this profession that want to help, even if its mostly on forums.

[softlyspoken2]

I don't think there are hard and fast rules here. I know that I found SA UK very useful when I first joined it because it was a relief (even at my advanced age) to find out that there were other people in the world who felt like me.

I have also had quite a lot of therapy, joined self help groups and I think because I am older and had been miserable and felt trapped for years and years and years...a whole combination of things helped me to really change. Learning to meditate has also helped me to accept myself and be much much kinder to myself.

So I would say if it feels helpful then you are in the right place and it is completely up to you.

I can see that a forum could be an unhelpful place if the people contributing to it are stuck and pulling other people down but here I have generally found people are supportive and want to help.

I have also felt at times almost addicted to this forum and I have to say that I have recently been posting on here more than I have in a long time and this is due I am sure to the fact that I am supposed to making a speech at a family party at the weekend and I am feeling quite anxious about it!

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Fluppy

Yepper some people do use lust as a motivation to help/talk to people
Thats what i was implying when i said "rarely" but i made a comment in this thread earlier about finding gender-hate and generalisation distasteful and unhealthy and gender debates are usually one sided either way and i diddnt want to tempt myself to talk about it in this thread more coz im not sure what details im allowed to go into here before it becomes inappropriate for the thread location. And i can be a bit of a dork when it comes to the standards people are used to umm -stops myself from typing in this topic anymore- -shares some cake with everyone-

Yeah I know what you mean and it's best avoided! But just to explain I didn't mean lustful exactly, just in the way some guys are suckers for pretty faces

[Fluppy]

Originally Posted by softlyspoken2

I don't think there are hard and fast rules here. I know that I found SA UK very useful when I first joined it because it was a relief (even at my advanced age) to find out that there were other people in the world who felt like me.

I have also had quite a lot of therapy, joined self help groups and I think because I am older and had been miserable and felt trapped for years and years and years...a whole combination of things helped me to really change. Learning to meditate has also helped me to accept myself and be much much kinder to myself.

So I would say if it feels helpful then you are in the right place and it is completely up to you.

I can see that a forum could be an unhelpful place if the people contributing to it are stuck and pulling other people down but here I have generally found people are supportive and want to help.

I have also felt at times almost addicted to this forum and I have to say that I have recently been posting on here more than I have in a long time and this is due I am sure to the fact that I am supposed to making a speech at a family party at the weekend and I am feeling quite anxious about it!

Good luck with the speech

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Yeah I know what you mean and it's best avoided! But just to explain I didn't mean lustful exactly, just in the way some people are suckers for pretty faces

Corrected!
Just messing i know watcha mean

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy

I was given this advice ages ago, obviously didn't follow it.
Any truth in this ? Are peer support forums good or bad for you ? Do they help or hinder ?

The person who gave me the advice doesn't use forums and is a total f*ck up by the way.

I've heard this said a number of times over the years.
I don't think a forum like this is good or bad in itself. It's how you use it that matters. You can take what you want from it.

I know it's sometimes said that places like this can suck you in to your problems further. It can be ''a place to wallow and blame the world''. A place to get further entrenched in the SA/depressive mind set. I can sort of see that point, but it doesn't have to be like that at all.

Mind you, even if it was like that I don't necessarily see that as a totally bad thing. I feel that we all go through many stages in life and many stages of dealing with our issues. At some point we may well need to wallow. We may well need to just experience and verbalise our depression and the darkness we feel. If a forum gives us a platform to air our darker feelings then this can be helpful in itself. Many people have no other outlet and no one to listen to them. So being able to express thoughts and feelings on a forum, however bleak those feelings may be, can be very useful.

I'm quite a positive poster, but if I'd have had the internet and forums like this in my teens, twenties and thirties my posts would have been very dark indeed. They could be seen as wallowing, but to me they would have been an outlet, a safety valve. Just having that voice would have been a help, because it wasn't until later on when I had counselling that I really felt like someone really listened to me. Now, on the forum, although I don't come on here for help or support, I know it is there if I need it. I know I can get things off my chest if I want to. Just knowing that is valuable to me. I have a wider support and supervision network now, so don't really need to air my issues here, but I feel that I could if I needed to.

To me, a lot of people who feel ignored in life do get listened to on here. They have a voice. And this can feel like a lot more than they have out in the day to day world they/we live in.

I think we learn things from everything we do. I've seen so many people come and go through these forums. People improve, grow, change and move on. People make friends. People pick up hints and tips. Read the experiences of others. They see they are not alone. They see that people can actually work through their issues and make a life for themselves.

Before I came here I felt like I had no real voice in life. I knew I had opinions, but I could never voice them for fear of ridicule and rejection. I didn't know what could be done about SA. I didn't know there were medications that could assist me. I really was in the dark. In time I stopped lurking and actually posted, even though I was terrified to do so. To cut a long story short, I was amazed that there were people out there who actually understood me, could see where I was coming from and were interested in some small way in what I had to say, whether they agreed with it or not. I gained information on treatments, therapies, hints, tips and experiences and used all of that to plot my own way forward. The confidence I gained through posting here was instrumental in me finally plucking up the courage to train in counselling myself. Although I was absolutely terrified I managed to get through the four years training, and the support from people on this site was a major help along the way.

To this day I still find the forum helpful to me. I learn things from the people here. Answering other people's posts often helps me answer my own questions too. We're sort of all in this together, and we all help each other out in one way or another. A link here, a thought there. Little bits of wisdom and experience. A supportive post or PM. A huggie smilie when you are feeling down. It all helps.

All that and more is what I take from the site. It hasn't got the answers, but like a good counsellor, the site sort of helps you to locate your own answers. Also like in counselling, what you do with the experience tends to determine what you get from it.

[We_Hate_You]

It's good if you ask for advice and actually apply the advice otherwise it is hindering. If you post just for the sake of posting with no intention of proactively getting out of the house and improving then it's pointless and counterproductive. It helps a lot to know that you're not alone in your struggles though, but use that as motivation not just comfort.