Can you make me laugh?

[Dub16]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

[Cantrip]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs...

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday....'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.'

[hardy]

mild giggle from last nights telly->

"I've just invented cooker magnets. Why should fridges get all the fun?"

[black_mamba]

[Kitri]

^ I don't know why but this made me snort and almost spill my tea over notebook.

[artist23]

man says to his wife.. the milkman says hes slept with every woman in this road except one, the wife says its probaly that snobby one at number 33!!

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

Originally Posted by Kitri

or giggle or even just smile? I so need something to cheer me up. So c'mon peeps, anything funny. Pleeeease!!! Pretty please?

I highly doubt it...BUT if you play your cards right (or wrong - depends how you look at it!) I'll strip for ya!!!!

Now how could you turn up an offer like that!!!

[Kitri]

Originally Posted by Wheelie Bin Bird

I highly doubt it...BUT if you play your cards right (or wrong - depends how you look at it!) I'll strip for ya!!!!

Now how could you turn up an offer like that!!!

LOL, that thread is a few months old, but something fun never hurt anybody. So you think you stripping would make me LMAO ?

Prove me wrong then .

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

Originally Posted by Kitri

LOL, that thread is a few months old, but something fun never hurt anybody. So you think you stripping would make me LMAO ?

Prove me wrong then .

Right get yer goggles on girl, an strap yourself to that chair, The kits a'comin' off!!!!

Dada da daaa - dada da daaa....


Oh god DON'T encourage me...It will only lead to BAD things!!!

[IRIS]

^ K !! ? How are you gorgeous bird?

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

Originally Posted by IRIS

^ K !! ? How are you gorgeous bird?

I'm spanktastic thankee me lully sexy nurse lady ...Hows you lully one??!! xx

[IRIS]

Badapple neither of which funny luv

[IRIS]

Originally Posted by Wheelie Bin Bird

I'm spanktastic thankee me lully sexy nurse lady ...Hows you lully one??!! xx

I fel like shit on the end of a stick that has been poking shit

[wd40mk17.4]

Originally Posted by IRIS

Badapple neither of which funny luv

wow.

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

Originally Posted by IRIS

I fel like shit on the end of a stick that has been poking shit

Ahh ya ole "Shit on the wrong end of a shitty stick" feeling...I know it well, Anything you wanna talk about hun??

[IRIS]

Originally Posted by Bad Apple

wow.

how wow?

[Kitri]

Sshhh IRIS, Kate is stripping!

She's so crap at it I'm laughing my head of . Come sit next to me. Will cheer you up, I promise .




EDIT: And no bickering with Bad Apple . This is a FUN thread

[wd40mk17.4]

Originally Posted by IRIS

how wow?

didnt realise I was being critiqued on posting amusing youtube videos.

[IRIS]

Originally Posted by Wheelie Bin Bird

Ahh ya ole "Shit on the wrong end of a shitty stick" feeling...I know it well, Anything you wanna talk about hun??

night shifts. up for 24 hours plus.. full of a snotting cold.. nothing that won't pass!!

[IRIS]

Originally Posted by Bad Apple

didnt realise I was being critiqued on posting amusing youtube videos.

you were being critiqued in the sense that they were not funny :D

[Kitri]

C'mon, play nice guys!

[wd40mk17.4]

Originally Posted by IRIS

you were being critiqued in the sense that they were not funny :D

lol SAUK strikes again.

[IRIS]

Originally Posted by Bad Apple

lol SAUK strikes again.

sorry sweet apple! I did not mean to offend !

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

Originally Posted by Kitri

Sshhh IRIS, Kate is stripping!

She's so crap at it I'm laughing my head of . Come sit next to me. Will cheer you up, I promise .




EDIT: And no bickering with Bad Apple . This is a FUN thread

Oi I 'eard that! I am NOT crap at gettin' me kit off. I'm NOT, I'm NOT, I'm NOT!!!
Not my fault my thermals got cought on me colostomy bag

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

Originally Posted by IRIS

night shifts. up for 24 hours plus.. full of a snotting cold.. nothing that won't pass!!

Aww how many more nights on your shift left?

Change your job hun!

[Bob Garside]

A blast from the past:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHk-rIgZrlY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mft94...eature=related

[E Dub]

Originally Posted by BFG

There was bad news for God this week as the well-known deity was forced to recall thousands of examples of His popular Human Being after reports that the model could be prone to unexpected attacks of unbelievable stupidity.Initial reports of blithering idiocy emerged from the United States last year but these were thought to be isolated incidents caused by people who are so thick that if a floormat was touching their accelerator pedal would prefer to scream Aaaaaaargh until they drove into a river rather than simply moving the mat backwards with their foot. However, it now seems the monumental stupidity is more widespread and may cause some Human Beings to decide that the best course of action in the event of being in a car with a throttle that wont release is to telephone someone rather than to, for example, put the clearing car into neutral and bring it to a halt using the brakes as normal.
Jesus Christ, a member of the original God family who now runs his Fathers business, is expected to make a full statement shortly. In the meantime, the Archbishop of Canterbury, a senior manager at Gods UK operation, has told reporters that there are almost certainly Human Beings here in Britain that will need to be examined for signs of being so sodding thick that they probably shouldnt have a driving licence in the first place. Its too early to say how this might affect people in the UK, Mr Canterbury is quoted as saying. But we have every reason to believe that there are some Human Beings that may being so brain fartingly stupid that if the throttle in their car became stuck, they would never think simply to depress the clutch and coast to a halt.
However, it is understood that Gods representatives in the UK are keen to manage any recall as quickly and efficiently as possible, thereby minimising the number of mithering suburban twots who ring in to the Jeremy Vine show on Radio 2 and witter on about how theyre too scared to drive their Yaris to such a blindingly crass degree that listeners eventually start to get a sense of what it would be like if the editor of the Daily Mail did a stool into a syringe and then used it to inject vile reactionary sh1t into their ears.
As God seeks to clarify the extent of the stupidity problem and establish how many Human Beings will need to be recalled, theologians have been assessing just what has caused the problem of quite extraordinarily thick behaviour in the first place. I suspect the problem lies in the rather clever engineering God has given the Human Being, noted Dr Peter Peter Cockandballs of St Gobain College, Oxford. The modern Human Being is actually remarkably durable and reliable, capable of lasting well over 80 years, but among its clever systems is something called Cognitive Reasoning. Normally this works very well, but over time Human Beings get used to being spoon fed blindingly obvious information such as those signs on motorways that say fog, and eventually they can just give up trying to have any discernment or ability to think rationally. Basically, the Human Being becomes a stupid moron. Hence the popularly of ITVs Loose Women.

Love it

[Banvard]

[IRIS]

^ aw , poor marshymallows

[Caribou]

Man: "Doctor I'm suffering with these awful pains in my stomach."

Doctor: *examines man* "Hmmm, I'm not really sure what's wrong. I can only put it down to the alcohol."

Man: "It's OK doctor - I'll come back when you're sober."